Mom to the Screaming Masses

Things I Have Done This Week That Were Good

Instead of always harping on the negative (I know, I know - I'll get back to it soon, I promise!) I thought I'd try to see how many things I did this week that were right and correct and good.  It's gonna be a short list, I promise - I can't seem to do that much good lately - but feel free to chime in with your own good deeds and let's see if we can make it past twenty between all of us, yes?

• Took my kids to the pool three times. 
• Did not scream hysterically at the third, "Watch this!  No, wait, that was a mess up - watch this instead!  No, THAT was a mess up, let me try again!" exchange. Are you as sick of that as I am?
• Ate salad three days.  Only ate brownies one day. (One entire day, but still...)
• Cleaned out a book shelf
• Made both chicken marsala and lemon chicken because my husband likes them - without being asked
• Didn't scream in the face of someone who was clearly looking for me to gossip about another person - this was HUGE for me
• Also did not kill the person who gave me unsolicited advice on how to deal with a troubling situation with a teenage child - advice from a young, unmarried, childless GUY
• Went to the grocery three times and used reusuable bags each time
• Used a grocery trip with my kids to teach my 11 year old about unit pricing and how to get the best deal, as well as how to round prices and keep track of how much you are spending - instead of just telling her to stop talking and leave me alone
• Also did not yell at all during said grocery trip with four kids - even taking them for free cookies
• Took five martial arts classes
• walked/ran twice
• did not kill my husband when I came home from two back to back martial arts classes, exhausted and smelly, to find a house full of unannounced company, when all I wanted was a shower and my bed and some food already
• completely cleaned my house - a rarity any more
• Does anyone else find that most of their meals lately involve you telling the kids, "Look in the fridge and the pantry and pick something?"  I count it as a good thing that every night, my kids have had both veggie and fruit, since carrots, apples, grapes and berries are washed and ready to go and it's much easier to hand them those with a ham sandwich than make a full meal...

What can you add to this (admittedly short) list?  What did you do this week that was good and right?  Who did you let live when it would have been so much easier to just hide the body and go for drinks?

Questions on the Housing Market

How about an update on the housing market?
We're also thinking of moving (HELP), and I wonder how you get it "realtor ready"?

The housing market is the pits. Is it any better for you? We ended up taking our house off the market - it was on for six months and we had exactly two calls.  One of which was a fake call, we later found out - a trick. So one person who wanted to come look at our house, and after seeing the listing with all the details - number of square feet, number of bedrooms, etc - pronounced it too big. Well, yeah - we know.

So the house is off the market until conditions improve - which I very sincerely hope will be soon.  I love my house, love everything about it - but I do not love the mortgage. I'd also dearly love to have a pool eventually.

As far as getting it "realtor ready"? That's very simple.  Take everything off your walls, your floor, your counters and cabinets. Get rid of about half of your furniture and take the leaf out of your table. You think I'm kidding, but that's exactly what we had to do.  You have to make your house look as if no one lives it in, so that, at any given minute, a prospective client could envision themselves moving right in.  Put away your shampoo bottles, soap on the counter, toothbrushes and hairbrushes. Take out any area rugs or pillows, and every day, open all of your blinds. Empty all your garbage cans daily and never, EVER fall behind on the laundry.

The blind thing is expecially funny to me, as I prefer to keep the blinds down and the windows closed.  My husabnd says it's like living in a cave.  We have a large window on the second story that is very difficult to open or close and our realtor suggested that we just leave the blinds open all the time instead of struggling with getting them open in time for a showing.  Well, we did so, but, invariably, one of us would forget that the blinds were open and dash out of the bedroom in the night to run downstairs for something. I'm SURE my older neighbors LOVED that.

We had success in the other two homes that we sold, with making brownies or cookies right before a showing and leaving them on the counter with a fresh pot of coffee and a "help yourself" note. It made the house smell warm and inviting. 

Other than that, I have zero advice on "how to sell a home" - do you have anything to add?

Opening Up A Can of Worms

Jennifer asks a question that I've avoided before:  I recently got into an internet blogument with a blogger who stated that sending your children to public school was akin to making them targets for Satan. I know that you are a practicing Catholic (like myself) and I know that you have sent your children to Catholic school. What are your thoughts on homeschooling, and do you think that there is this underlying pressure to amongst certain circles to homeschool your children if parochial/private school is not an option?

Oh, hai. I REALLY don't want to get into a whole public school/private school/homeschool debate. Just like my attitude on how many children one should have, I think FIRMLY that everyone should do whatever schooling option works for them.  SO, please do not take anything that I'm saying here as the gospel truth. I'm doing what works for my family. And this is a topic that has been on my mind a tremendous amount since, say, the middle of May.

What happened in the middle of May, you may well ask?

Questions about The Kids

Again with another exciting episode of Ask The Reader! 

Emily asks:  If you knew you'd never see your kids again, what advice would you give them for when they become parents?  Teach their boys to pee sitting down AND aiming down.  ;) To not sweat the small stuff - and most of it - including said peeing mystery - is indeed SMALL stuff.  To talk to their own kids, to laugh with their kids and to always, ALWAYS make time for themselves.

Jodie wants to know:  Which addition to your family was hardest to adjust to? Going from 1 to 2 kids was hard for me but not terrible. I am still trying to adjust to #3, who is 20 months. We are considering a fourth, but I don't want to lose what little mind I have left! Each one was tough in it's own way.  #2 child was allergic to milk, and I was nursing her and ingesting TONS of it, so she literally cried around the clock for six solid months. When I figured it out, she was a different kid.  When #3 was born, the pediatrician told me that my husband and I were moving from man to man defense to zone defense.  That was pretty true.  #4 blended in beautifully, but I wonder if that had more to do with is personality.  He was a very happy, sunny baby who rarely cried and was content for hours on end. #5 and #6 just joined the crowd. SO, overall, to sum up - ha!  I get long winded, don't I? - I'm gonna say either 2 or 3. It's a toss up. :)

What about all of you guys?

The Economy and The Price of Foods

Sylvia wanted to know:  I was wondering if you had changed your grocery shopping habits in light of the...ummm...economy. (If you can even call it that anymore.) I'm pretty sure it's not my imagination and that the price of food has gone through the roof. My husband has been umemployed for a month now and I'm finding it impossible to properly feed my boys. Do you have any special meals that you make that cost almost nothing? I say almost because I have 6 dollars.

Oh, Sylvia, ouch.  I do know of what you mean.  Economy = suck and no money. If you ask my hubby, I'm none so good at the saving money in the grocery store.  I do know that there are many, many people who save a ton of money with coupons, and by playing The Grocery Game, they are able to combine sales and coupons to get many things for free. I'm no that diligent or creative, and see also: am easily bored. I do find that grocery costs have gone through the roof on many things, but, interestingly enough, one of the most expensive stores in our area sells milk for only $2.80 a gallon. 

One thing that I know works is to only buy the things at one store that are the cheapest - if it's milk and bread and sliced turkey, buy only those things and go to another store that sells creamer and toilet paper for less.  I don't do this.  i barely have time to keep us in the necessities. I KNOW I could do better.  I know it. 

If we are tight on money, we eat some of the following:

• pancakes
• cereal - although a few of my kids can eat an entire box in one sitting, so that's not so cost efficient
• bean and cheese tortillas
• spaghetti
• homemade pizza

Can you chip in some advice and meal choices to help Sylvia?

The Pros and Cons of a Big Family

First off, if you haven't yet registered to trade on Zwaggle - why not?  If you use this here handy dandy link, I'm giving each of you extra points from my very own stash - that's how strongly I feel about this company. It's a win-win situation - no money changes hands, and you can get your kids some great new-to-you stuff with speed and ease. Sign up, sign up!  Plus, if you enter using this link, I'm going to give one lucky person a Starbucks gift card.  Couldn't you use a cup of coffee?

WHOA.  Michael Jackson AND Farrah Fawcett?  On the same day?  I know, you guys talked all about this yesterday, so I'm late - I was busy rockin' out all night long to the Greatness Of MJ.  Seriously - I LOVED his music.  The later Michael was just too weird for color tv, but his music was awesome.  The first music video I ever watched was Thriller.  And who among us never had the Farrah Fawcett Stylin' Head?  That was the most awesome thing ever.

Jennifer I asks: Hi Carmen, I'd like to know why you are an advocate of big families -- I'm not judging at all! My question is not intended at all as a commentary or asking you to justify your choices -- I'm just curious. As the soon to be Mama of just one child, I'm wondering about the health and benefits of a large family versus a very small ( one child) family. Although, I'm a single mama, adopting a baby -- I don't know that I'll be able to do more -- but wondering if I "should" -- even though I hate "shoulding" myself!

Huh.  I don't know if I ever said that I was an advocate of big families. I AM an advocate for doing what works for you.  If it's one, none, six or eighteen.  You do what works for you and let me do what works for me. That being said - I do like big families. I can't help it. I grew up in a family with two sisters - who don't speak to me but do read here, so hello to you too - and my mom did day care for anywhere from one to five kids on any given day.  So we had lots of kids around, and I like that.  I didn't set out to have a big family.  When I married my hubby, he had three kids already - some of whom also read here, so hello to you too! - and I thought we'd have one or two more.  He's fifteen years older than me, so we had to factor that in as well.

And then it took an awful long time to get pregnant at first.  We finally figured it out and had one very cute little red haired boy, and then decided to give him a sibling.  The third came by accident, the fourth was planned, and then it just kind of snowballed.

Any Question at All?

There are two FANTASTIC giveaways going on over at DietsInReview.  If you were following my twitter stream - and if you aren't, why not? - you'd have seen this:  Two HOT giveaways! Biggest Loser Prize Pack http://bit.ly/vTh9p or the EA Sports Active for Wii http://bit.ly/18IIqO 

And now, on to the questions.  All of these were asked by the Marvelous, ever faithful Mm:

Any question at all? Wow. The mind boggles. Do you answer all your kids questions truthfully. For instance, when they ask you questions about your youth?

You are killing me.  You expect me to answer THIS truthfully, knowing that many of my kids read here?  OF COURSE I always tell the truth.  (Except when I'm not.  But it's kind of hard to figure out when that is...) Seriously, it depends upon the topic, the kid inquiring, the situation, and the lesson I'd like to impart.

Questions with Answers

Des asks:  How are you and yours doing, Carmen? Is everybody feeling pretty healthy? How is your leg?  which goes along with Young Wife's question:  How are you feeling these days? Are you doing okay after the miscarriage?

Shhhh.  (turning around to make sure the evil eye isn't listening...)

I know better than to say that everyone is healthy.  As soon as I say that, the entire world caves in.  Let's put it this way - I have no NEW medical bills to pay.  I'm still paying off the dermatologist for the melanomas that I've had removed and the physical therapy bill is way up there, but the other medical bills as coming in line.  Asthma usually rears it's nasty head spring and fall, and as long as my runners pretreat before practice, it stays in line in the summer.  My leg feels good.  I started running this week. :)  I did break my toe two weeks ago and that hurts like nobody's business while running, but I'm SO happy to be able to run and take class that I'm just ignoring it.  I've done 4 and 5 miles, running intervals with walking and my leg held up like there was never an injury.  I'm really, really hoping that we have put any and all medical issues behind us.  I finally got a period after the miscarriage, so physically that's hunky dory.  Mentally, I'm still weird about the entire thing, but clarity can't be far around the corner, can it?

Lisa inquires:  How do you tune in to the positive power of small things in your life when you feel that your life is one continuous process of fixing, coping, planning, or cleaning? 

Wait a minute - you mean my life isn't a continuous process of fixing, planning or cleaning?  Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously,  I try to keep myself in balance with computer time, reading every night before I go to bed - I began my re read of the Outlander series, to culminate in the release of the newest book coming out in SEPTEMBER! - and my beloved martial arts classes.  I try, no matter what, to do something for myself every day. I cook a lot, mostly because I like to - it relaxes me.I try to pray before I get up - usually when I'm in a half awake state, trying to see if I can fall back asleep, or when I'm going to sleep. Once a week, I go out with my husband. Even if it's just to get a drink somewhere or go for a walk - we do something together.  He works CRAZY long hours and I badly need the break. I try to laugh with my kids, do something fun with them - mostly the pool - and help them learn to relax as well.

Susan and Kyoot want to know:  What is your family doing this summer?

Relaxing.  We are going NOWHERE.  I really hate travel with my kids.  I'm not the best parent for it - I feel like travel is just me doing my work in another location, and I don't seem to ever get a break.  So we stay home.  I took the kids to Great Wolf Lodge and Busch Gardens, thanks to this blog and the great PR people I've met - so I told the kids that those were their trips. I really feel like I have had a rough year - hosing my leg, quitting my job, money stress, trying to sell the house, the melanoma, the miscarriage - I just need some time that isn't go, go go - and all school year long it's go, go go. We have some really large and tough decisions to make in the next two months, and I want to be able to make those with fresh perspective and not with a speedy, slip shod rush. I plan to take classes, let the kids take classes, and rest by the pool and at the beach.  MY trip - Blogher - is the highlight of my entire summer and I've got that to look forward to.  Basically, we are going to take it easy and spend time not running from school to soccer to games to yadda yadda. 

More answers tomorrow!

How We Spent Father's Day

Also known as Daddy is FUN

Again, Its All About Me

I had a very interesting conversation with my husband the other day.  Apparently, he's been telling people to read my blog, saying that it's all about being a mother and raising kids. 

Except, you know, it's not. Because that's not all I am.  But he, uh, doesn't see it that way.  Which reminded me of something that happened last week.

I went to the fights.  I cannot TELL you how many people were surprised by that.  One older person - not a relative, so rest your protestations - even told me that, as a mother, I had no business being at that type of entertainment, never mind have a drink or three like I did. This person told me that I should stay at home and be happy to be a mom.  I shouldn't take muay thai or capoeira, NEVER should go out, only go to the pool or beach along with my kids - in short, my family should be enough for my fulfillment all the time.  Every minute of every day.

I used to do that.  I lived for my kids, spent every minute with my kids, and did nothing for myself - not even a trip to the grocery store alone or the book store. I showered with an audience, peed with people on my lap or peeking under the door - slept with multiple little bodies crammed around me in the bed. I never ever ever got a break. And I went through a terrible depression and ended up on large amounts of anti depressants, gained a ton of weight and thought very often about driving on the other side of the road into oncoming traffic.  I was very, extremely unhappy for a good long while, but with the help of medication, large amounts of exercise, some really good "discussions" with quality people, and other interventions, I came through with one very valuable piece of knowledge that ultimately helped me more than anything.