Sometimes, I can really relate to a house of cards. If you build the base wide, and solid, you can stack cards pretty much forever. If your foundation is weak, one card added and poof! the whole house tumbles down. The best base for me is rest, good food, plenty of water, a bit of time for myself. When I have those things, a new medication, an additional soccer practice, a school project - all go smoothly. It's when I forget to take care of myself, or feel selfish doing so, that we have problems. In order to be the best that I can be, I've got to be AT my best. I need to get more rest. I need to eat less caffeine and sugar, and more fruits and veggies. I need some time just for me. Going to the bathroom doesn't count - I don't even get to do this by myself!!
What is it with men trying to look macho? By this I mean the habit of wearing shorts with sweatshirts, when it is about 39 degrees outside. I was close enough to one guy - he leaned over in front of me to catch a wayward ball - and I could clearly see the goosebumps on his legs. Would it KILL these guys to look human, and wear some pants?
And, the new style of low rise pants is really an attractive one, except when the wearers are mommys crouching down to help kids and their undies hang out the waistband. Whoops!
Gabriel played his first soccer game yesterday. He had no idea of what to do, poor guy, and ended up just kind of hanging out in the middle of the field. To paraphrase the Beatles: "I'm just sitting here watching the ball go round and round, I really love to watch it go." I ended up bribing him with a chocolate bar just to get him on the field. His poor coach had to deal with a few kids like this. There was one kid who made ten goals, and really knew what to do. Mackenzie was like that her first game; sadly, Gabe is not.
Mackenzie has been playing for two years, and she loves it. She got right out there and scored three goals. After the goal, she always brushes her hands together, like she's saying "ok, got that done. Next!"
Don't ever tell my dad I said so, but he was right all along. If you clean the kitchen as you go along, meaning while you cook, it makes the job much easier. (Said by the mom facing a sink full of dishes at almost 10 p.m.)
Organize yourself
Personal organization, for me, is one of the hardest things to wrap my mind around. When I had no children, I really didn’t need to be organized – I could pretty much do what I wanted, when I wanted. Clothes on the floor, no dinner made, papers everywhere? Who cares – I know where the things I need can be found. The more kids I added to the mix, though, and the older those kids got to be, it became more and more clear to me that it wasn’t working this way. It wasn’t fair to my children to make them grow up like this. We ate peanut butter sandwiches one too many nights, lost too many important papers, and had to buy new shoes more than once because the other ones were lost. I missed important meetings with teachers, and my kids were hurt.
So, I started to think about becoming organized. But, really, how do you start? It starts with the Mom. Once you are organized, it’s easy to get your family there. One thing that we struggled with was the school, sports and activity calendars. Where could I put those things so that I wouldn’t forget them? I had the lunch menu, two school monthly schedules, two soccer schedules, my dh’s work schedule, and the scout schedule. Where would I be able to put these and #1 still remember where they were and #2 be able to access them daily? I realized that the one room that I was in all the time was the kitchen; in fact, the entire family was usually to be found in the kitchen. (Why is that? You have a party, and where does everyone end up? In the kitchen!) I taped all the schedules to the inside of the pantry doors, and inside cabinet doors. I also posted the CPR and Heimlich maneuver directions inside a cabinet – if you are going to need them, it will more than likely be in the kitchen. (Having this posted is NOT a reason not to take the courses, however; all of you MUST take CPR classes – you never know when you might need it.) I highlighted all of the information that relates to our family, so I can see at a glance what I need to do. Kids lunch menus? I circled and initialed the day that each child was interested in buying lunch – that way, the children could see for themselves if they were buying or bringing home lunch.
I found that I was making myself crazy repeating over and over “Did you get your piano practice/bed made/room picked up/laundry brought down, etc, etc.” I also made more trips to school than I care to tell you about for forgotten lunches, instruments, glasses, schoolbooks. The office staff began to greet me with “Again?” and “Which child?”
I decided to make each of my older children a morning and evening schedule. I took lined paper and wrote on it each child’s name and either morning or afternoon. Then I wrote down each thing I wanted them to be responsible for. I inserted each paper into a page protector, stuck some magnetic tape on the back of each one, and put them on the side of my refrigerator. I also hung dry-erase pens next to them. When they finish a chore, they have to check it off. At the end of the day, I check to see if both charts are full of checks. At the end of a week of full charts, they get a reward. Now, each child is responsible (I bet you are getting sick of that work already – I know my kids are!) for their own things. It has been tremendously freeing for me. I am no longer the bad guy. All I have to do is ask, “Is your chart completed?”
The morning one looks something like this:
Make bed
Brush teeth
Tidy up bedroom
Pack up for school
Lunchbox
Instrument
Backpack
Water bottle
Glasses
Car snack (they are starving when they get out of school, and it’s about 30
Minutes home.)
The evening one looks something like this:
Homework
Practice piano/trumpet
Bring down laundry
Kitchen chore (one sweeps, one does table, one does counters)
Pack backpack for next day
Get things together if you have sports/dance class the next day
(they are responsible for getting the bags packed and into the car in the
morning)
Refill water bottle and put it in the refrigerator
Pack lunch/lunch ticket for the next day
Lay out uniform for school – if they have P.E. the next day, they are allowed to sleep
in their P.E. clothes – they really like this!
I also have a checklist, although mine is more mental. Every night I check for the next day and lay out what I will need - boxes for post office, coupons, diaper bags, etc. I put it all together and check the diaper bag to make sure it's loaded with stuff I need and not with loaded dipes. I can’t tell you the number of times I have been caught with a bag full of dirty diapers and no wipes.
My best organizing tip is binders. IAfriend of mine does this one better: she has a large, heavy duty one that she has divided into sections with each person's name in my family; then each of those are sub-divided into categories like "school", "sports", "church", etc. Then she hole punches all papers and file them into the appropriate category. (She keeps a 3 hole punch inside the binder.) This includes schedules of sports, field trip notices, phone lists, dates of ANYTHING...you get the idea!
I also have a smaller binder of decorating ideas (furniture, etc.) for dreaming and one for crafts and games and things for kids. Valentine ideas, birthday gift ideas, all of those things that look cool in magazines, but you just can't get to.
CAR
It truly helps to have certain things in your car. (my husband agrees now, too!) Many times, when you are out with your children, you will find these things make your life much easier. I try to always keep these things in the car.
A spare change of clothes for each person in the family not yet potty trained
A small Rubbermaid box with the following inside it :
Juice boxes
Granola bars
Fruit leather
Cracker packages
Tylenol or Motrin for each person
Bandaids and antibacterial cleaner for cuts (such as Bactine)
A box of premoistened clothes (diaper wipes) and tissues
A few plastic baggies, such as grocery store bags (useful if someone gets wet or muddy)
A book for each member of the family who can read
An extra copy of the phone book
A blanket or towel to sit on
These things can fit under the seats or in the trunk of your car. They don’t take up a lot of extra room, but they really come in handy. It sounds silly to keep extra food and drinks, but how many times have you swung through the local drive-thru because the kids are “starving”? How many times has someone needed a bandaid at the park? Or have you needed something to sit on, or wipe up a spill?
Kitchen organization
The kitchen, if it is organized and run well, is the heart and soul of the family. Think about it – when you have a party or gathering, where do people congregate? No matter how many chairs you set up in the family room, or how many times you toss kids out onto the patio, everyone makes their way back to the kitchen. And no wonder. The food is there! The kitchen is also the place where you can and will lose tons of time. Everyone has to eat, and the planning, execution and clean up of all those meals can be pretty overwhelming. You could just throw up your hands, call for take out, and relax in front of the television. As tempting as that can be, let’s see if I can help.
Let’s start with meal planning. This can be an overwhelming thought, yet if you know your dinners are planned, your day will go much smoother. After all, there will be no mad dash to the Wal-Mart for a rotisserie chicken, no McDonald’s drive through. Just you, your family and a planned meal.
First, you need your supplies. Grab a note pad, a set of index cards, a file card box, and a pen. Got those? I want you to jot on the notepad ten meals. List favorites that you would make for your family if you had enough time, things that they ask for frequently, and your last minute, I’m running out to a meeting desperation dinners. Along with the main dish, think about what you would serve with them. Hopefully a fruit and vegetable choice. No, red cherry kool-aid does not count for a fruit!
Now, on the front of each index card, write the main dish and two things you would usually serve with it. Bread, veggie with dip, drink, dessert if you choose, etc. It can be as simple as frozen ravioli (our back up meal), bread and broccoli.
On the back of the card, write down the ingredients that you would need to purchase to make this meal a reality. Don’t put things that you usually would have on hand – such as flour and sugar – unless you wouldn’t usually have them in your pantry. Now, put these cards into your file box. Also, make three other cards – one that says “leftovers”, one that says “free night” and one that says “eat out".
SHOPPING
When you are ready to go shopping, pull out your cards. Decide what you will be making for the next week. (If an entire week is too overwhelming, just plan for three days.) Using the list on the backs of the cards, write your grocery list. Put the cards back in the box in the order you plan to cook. Use the “free”, “leftovers” and “eat out” card as well. Voila! A full weeks worth of dinners already planned, down to the dessert and veggies. Refer back to your card file every evening, to see what you have planned for the following evening.
If you struggle with family members eating things that you have bought for a special meal, take the time when you unload your groceries to put a sticker on the item. It could be a snowflake, or a frown, or whatever you have chosen. Tell your family that those items are hands off. There is nothing more frustrating than to be in the middle of a recipe, and find that you are out of an essential ingredient.
Buy in bulk as much as you can. It may take a bit more time and money in the beginning, but you will soon find you recoup that time when you don’t have to run to the store every time you use the last roll of toilet paper.
When I shop, I try to get two of lots of things that we use - butter, lunch cheese, orange juice, milk - and keep them in my extra fridge. It cuts down on extra trips. I also buy certain things every trip - either infant or children's Tylenol or Motrin, Dimetapp, cough syrup, lip balm, my ds’s asthma steroid medication - one of those things every time. (Just one of the above, not one of each one.) That way, I never run out of stuff.
COOKING:
If you cook with ground beef, have you ever noticed that almost every ground beef recipe starts with the same set of instructions – brown the beef with onion and garlic. Cook a couple of pounds of ground beef at once with onions and garlic. Cool it and separate it into freezer baggies. Approximately 1 ½ cups will equal a pound. Freeze them flat, and stack them up in your freezer, then dinner is 1/2 way done when you are really in a hurry.
Buy a large bag of frozen chicken breasts (any warehouse store will carry individually flash frozen chicken) then separate them into baggies and pour in marinade. Put in the freezer until ready to cook. DO NOT DEFROST AT THIS POINT. When you are ready to cook them, pull the bag out the day before and let it rest overnight in the refrigerator. The chicken defrosts and absorbs the marinade.
When you make a dish that your family likes, but can be labor intensive, try making two of them at once. A dish such as lasagna doesn’t take much more time to double. Pop one of them in the freezer and then you have dinner made for one of those harried, “ I can’t believe that we have soccer tonight and the school called a meeting” nights. I try to keep one to three casseroles in the freezer all the time. Again, this takes planning the day before in order to put the dish into the refrigerator to thaw, but your rushed evening will have one less stress to deal with.
There are many books devoted to a method of cooking known as freezer planning. There are also groups on the internet, devoted solely to freezer cooking. Try doing a web search, or looking on “Yahoo Groups” to locate them. Many women have success with cooking as many as 30 dishes for their family in one long, labor intensive weekend, and freezing it all. Then they don’t have to plan dinner for the month. But, I'm not there yet!
You can also make things like taco meat in large batches – it doesn’t add time to do three pounds instead of one – and freeze the others flat in bags.
If you had told me, five years ago, that I would even attempt to write a thought about organization, I would have wet my pants laughing. You see, my husband had a nickname for me – Miss Piles. And it had nothing to do with irregularity. I absolutely loved to pile things. Every flat surface was covered with stuff. I regularly lost checks, books, schedules, and bills. We had the utilities disconnected more than once, just because I couldn’t find the bill in order to pay it. I was very good at cycling the wash through the machine, but it would linger in the dryer for a day or two, and then leisurely make its way to the floor for a tour there. After a day or two on the floor, enough of it would have been worn so that the task of folding and putting it away wasn’t so stressful. Before we went somewhere special, we had to unearth clean underwear and then find the iron to press an outfit. Even t-shirts needed to be pressed, after a long stay in a pile.
We rarely ate dinner together, due to my husbands work schedule. When he was home though, it was hard to have a nice meal. I never planned anything. I had to run to the store for dinner supplies at least 4 times a week. We ate out a lot, and ordered in pizza even more often. All of this wrecked havoc on our budget, and it made my family nuts – not to mention hungry!
Our first child was in kindergarten, and we had one in preschool and a new baby, when I decided that I HAD to get it together. I was unable to keep track of anything. This was my first experience with formal schooling, and I could see that I was not helping my child at all with my lack of organization. Too many times he went to school late, without the correct supplies, or in the wrong uniform, all due to his mom. It was embarrassing to me to see other moms with larger families on time and with everything that their child needed. The worst was when the teacher told me that my disorganization was affecting my son’s progress in school. That was the worst thing I had ever been told. I prided myself on being a good mom. I may not have been the best housekeeper, but I really wanted to be a great mom.
How to do it, though? THAT was a stumper. There were so many different thoughts out there. Try this method, try that one. I tried them all, and I’d get it together for a little while, but ultimately slide right back into chaos. It always seemed like too much work – and I am l-a-z-y.
Then, one day, I had a conversation with a friend that really started me thinking. She said,” In order to stay on top of the household, I have to accept the fact that I will have to do laundry every day, for example. I think since B was born three years ago, I have been living in a state of denial - thinking these things would just get done and I could still have a family AND have lots of free time to read, shop or do other things I enjoy. Ain't gonna happen, I'm finding.”
This, IMHO, is what is soooo hard for lots of us, myself included. I kept waiting, really, for someone else to do all of this stuff - because, if I did it, it would mean that I was the adult and I'd be responsible for everything. Every once in a while, I looked at my life and saw that I was right now where my mom was when I was a teenager, and I thought she had it all together. I mean, come on! She was a MOM! I still felt like I was blundering through, kind of grasping at straws. One day I just made up my mind that I was going to do IT - BE the mom, instead of feeling like the babysitter waiting for the REAL adults to get home. I thought that it had to help me get my life together.
Flash forward five years…………………………
I now have six kids, the three oldest in school. I also have a toddler and an infant. I volunteer at my kids schools, the girls take ballet, two of the kids are in soccer, three take piano, and my older son is in scouts. Yet, my house is cleaner, my kids are better fed, and I have more time for me and the things that I want to do. How is this possible?
The key is organization. I have become organized, but not to the point where it would make you crazy. I am going to blog some of hints and tips that have helped me throughout my journey into the land of the organized, every couple of days or so.
The idea to share this information came from a girlfriend weekend that I had two years ago. My fifth child, Emma, was to be baptized, and I invited three of my friends from out of town to stay with us, with their kids, for four days. We sat up late every night and talked, but it was the conversations on the third night when we finally let our hair down and really talked. (Of course, that was helped by two pitchers of margaritas, but I digress.) We talked and talked and one of the biggest conversations was about how in the world I did it all. My daughter had been baptized that day, and we had a party after. There were over 100 people at my house, and my girlfriend V was in awe. My girlfriend A and I started to talk, and we came up with the concept of the "Mommy Zone". When you are in the zone, stuff gets done - because you see it's your job, and recognize that you are the parent. You just do it. It takes a long time to get in the zone, though. It’s not something that happens overnight, and it’s a hard concept to wrap your mind around. Once you do, though, everything gets easier and makes more sense. It takes less time to do it all, too.
So, some people might think I'm bragging, and that is certainly not my intent. Just sharing.
Things that you are apt to experience, both parents and kids, living in a large family:
Not learning to drive a sports car
buying bread at the bakery outlet
buying diapers in bulk
being able to say "There are 20 pairs of cleats in the garage. Go try on each pair until you find some that fit."
Learning to grocery shop with kids in one cart and groceries in another.
Being at back to school night for a middle schooler and an elementary, with a newborn and a toddler in tow.
doing laundry every single day, even on Sunday.
having a box of jeans in almost every size - for yourself, after pregnancy.
being asked, at least once a day "are they all yours?"
being told, at least once a day "You must have tons of patience!"
buying three gallons of milk, and needing to make a milk run again a day later.
Always having someone to cuddle with.
Always having someone to play with.
Always having someone to fight with.
filling a pew at church.
training your oldest to baby sit, with your youngest.
SOMEONE being sick at almost all times.
outgrowing your kitchen table, even with a bench.
A backyard that looks like a day care.
Having coats, hats and gloves in every conceivable size and color.
Pasta for dinner at least twice a week.
My children are solo-sleep challenged. Let me start off by saying it's certainly (possibly) all my fault. When my first child was born, almost 12 (!!!) years ago, I was introduced to the idea of co-sleeping. My hubby was opposed to it, but since I was the one doing all the breastfeeding (try as I might, he just wasn't able to lactate) I decreed that the baby would be with us. In the beginning, it was wonderful. We all slept well, nights were peaceful, and everything was groovy. Of course, when things are good like that, there is nowhere to go but down, and down we went. Cuddly little babies quickly turn into sprawling, kicking toddlers. I would try, each and every time, to transition the toddler to their own bed. I'd buy great sheets, cool pillows, and we'd play nice go-to-sleep music. I'd sit by the end of the bed for hours, waiting for the child to give up, and sleep. I'd tip toe away, and sometime in the dead of night we'd be joined by a wandering soul. Despite this, we have continued to cosleep with each new baby. I guess I will never learn.
Things are different now. I am much more likely to put the small ones in their own beds. Turn off the lights, put on some music or a story tape, and leave. The kids are on their own. I am heartless now. Night time is MY time. My kids still aren't up to speed on this theory, though. They aren't impressed by my screaming, stressed out persona. They don't get that things would be much better if they'd would just.lay.down and sleep.
My 11 year old and my 9 year old are pretty good at night. The problem I have with them is not jumping into my bed, but reading until waaaaay late. That is a problem I can handle. No, the current stressor du jour is that of 6 kids, at least three will migrate to my bed on any given night. They're sneaky about it, too. They wait until I am asleep, dreaming of quiet time in a bookstore/coffee shop. Next thing I know, I'm being simultanously kicked in the head and the rump, by two separate sets of feet. They're back....
The other night was one of the worst. Emma is a sideways sleeper. She's truly not comfy unless she is sleeping at a parallel line to the pillows, preferably with her head in my ribs. So she was there, and Riley the baby was on my other side, tucked in the crook of my arm for easy nursing. Gabe had snuck in and was on the side of me, between me and Emma, just below her head. At about midnight, Mackenzie crept in and soon she was on the bottom of the bed, so I was forced to curl my legs into a fetal ball for the next 6 hours. Except that I was so tired that I never woke up, just curled my legs up and dreamt of running in a race and having leg cramps.
Where is my hubby, you may ask, when I am crowded into a Cal King bed with 4 kids? On the sofa. Where he fell asleep watching infomercials, because he "wasn't tired". He never learns either. We make a good pair that way.
None of the kids has ever liked to sleep in the crib, the one that we paid $300 for when I was pregnant 12 years ago. I wonder if I could fit in it. I'd be left alone to sleep then!
My diaper bag weighs about 300 pounds. I try to keep the weight down, and carry only the essentials, but, man, it's hard to not carry the things that I might need. I guess if I'm the mom of 6 kids, my bag is going to reflect it, eh?
One pocket contains books for the kids to read during quiet times, Mass and so forth. 2 Baby Einstein, 1 Maisy drives the firetruck, 1 Mass Explained for kids, 1 what's in the house?, 1 Saints for young children. Also in there are my two prayer books. The next pocket has the allergy supplies: 2 epi pens, 1 epi trainer (for those times that I need to show someone how to inject my child with life saving epinepherine), benadryl, measuring syringe, albuterol, spacer, allergic ingredient restaurant cards. The middle pocket has three diapers for baby Riley, three for toddler Emma, a change of clothes for Riley, toilet seat covers, travel size diaper ointment, a container of wipes, hand sanitizer, small powder, change pad, cloth diaper for spit ups, and disposable washcloths.
Next, we have the "mommy" pocket. Pens, pencils, checkbook, ibuprofen, wallet, rosary, perfume (for those smelly times in life!). The fourth pocket has a few disposable sippy cups and bowls, since it seems that I can't be bothered to remember to bring the regular cups in the house and wash the milk out of them. Safety pins and hair clips fill in the empty corners.
I *know* that there is too much stuff in there. Can't figure out what to leave out, though. I even put a second, smaller bag in the back of the van, with a change of clothes for Emma and spares for Gabe, in order to keep the weight of the bag down. I think I'm just doomed to carry a heavy bag. Better make sure I take extra calcium, or my back will bow under all this weight!
WANTED, Carmen, mom to the Masses, for dangerous undertakings inside and outside the home. Last seen with her partner The Hubster, and six accomplices (Nikolas, 16, Allegra, 13, Mackenzie 11, Gabriel 8, Emma 6 and Riley, 4). This fugitive is considered armed (with epi pens and inhalers) and dangerous, especially when she hasn't had her morning coffee. She is particularly difficult to recognize due to a recent 80 pound weight loss (size 18-20 down to 2-4!), and has been known to hide beneath large piles of laundry. She's a fan of running races and can be found reading, lifting weights, practicing capoeira or running to the store for milk. ( Read more here.)
