Rubber band brain
You know how, when you try to tighten a rubber band a bit farther than it really wants to go, or you pull a bungee cord just a bit too far, and the end snaps away and you have to chase after it? That's kind of how my mind is lately. I get a thought, grab hold of it, and it promptly slips away. Slides away. Slithers away, and I can *just* see the tail end of the thought, can kind of see how I got there, but not exactly what I wanted to remember. Ever experience that? It's maddening!
I looked at some pictures today of my oldest son on his latest Scout camping trip. I see him every day, of course, but I really don't see the other boys all that often. It took me a minute to realize that these hulking, teenage looking boys, were the same ones that he has been in Scouts with since Kindergarten. My son is one of the only ones who hasn't hit his growth spurt. The others have. Man, they looked huge. And smelly. I never grew up with boys - no brothers, male cousins far away, dad gone alot. This whole "boy" thing is still new to me. As an example, he wanted to get another kid's attention, when the other kid was on the street and my son was in an upstairs room. So, he took the screen out of the window and threw something at the kid. Not surprisingly, the kid won't talk to my son now. While beloved hubster was yelling at our son and punishing him - rightfully so, what WAS the kid thinking? - I felt so unhappy for my son. I hate to see my kids upset, and he was really sad and hurt. I never thought my parents felt any discomfort when they punished me, but they must have.
This parenting thing is hard. The funny thing is, I thought, at the time, that the baby era was so much work; so time-consuming and well, just so much to do. I'm finding that actually, except for the lack of sleep, the baby and toddler part isn't usually overwhelmingly hard. It's the preteen years that are grabbing me by the throat. When I can't make it better with a kiss and a spiderman bandaid, but Ijust have to sit there and listen. Hug and kiss, if they will let me, and just be there.