Sometimes, when I put my kids in the car, I will reach through and put the keys into the ignition.
I will turn on the car, crank up the a/c, and buckle all the kids. Then, I close the doors. And I walk around the van the long way. (Remember that I drive a 15 passenger van, the size of an airport shuttle.) I walk all the way around as slowly as possible. I'll stop in the back, and just listen to the silence.
Sometimes it takes me as long as 2 minutes to get to the driver's door.
It's a shame I'm such a slow walker................
My newly two year old daughter has learned those words. The ones that cause the entire house to shut down. The words that make me stop what I'm doing, drop everything, and grant her 10-20 minutes of undivided attention. Pretty powerful words. She could shut down the entire government, by saying this one two word phrase.
"I pee".
She uses those words allllll the time. Today, in Wal-Mart, I drew the line. I will NOT take a brand-new-to-peepee little child into a WM restroom. Even at 9 in the morning, when it's newly cleaned. She wasn't happy with me either. Picture me, waiting patiently outside the bathroom for three of my kids. Emma decides that she has to go now, and starts the plantive "Pee? Pee?" I'm ignoring her, looking all around, praying for the bigger kids to come ON! She grabs her bottom. "PEE!" "No, we are not doing that today." She begins to cry, and I start looking for a distraction. A mint, my phone, anything. People are starting to look. Where ARE those kids?? Finally, they come out, and helpful daughter that she is, Allegra says "Emma, do you have to pee?" Auuugggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At home, she will follow me around the house, holding my legs whining until I take her to the potty. And, then we have a routine. She has to move the step stool by herself. She has to put the potty seat on the toilet, by herself.And, she must climb up, by herself. Then I have to hover around, and never ever think about leaving. If I do, she hops off, comes to find me, grabs my hand, and patiently brings me back. Even if I'm cooking. Dinner, laundry, computer, telephone, all must wait for the draw of the commode.
Once she has completed the task, which could be quick or forever, depending upon the phase of the moon, there is another carefully scripted ritual. I have to applaud and give her a high five, help her down and let her wash her hands. And wash her hands. And wash them. I can see an OCD in her future.
I was hoping to complete potty learning by winter, but with this much power in her hands, it may be another year.
Just another day here in the looney bin. In the past few days, I have:
- Personally called the dairy, to tell them to sell all the chocolate milk before we get there, forcing them to sell us only white and strawberry, thereby ensuring my 9 year old will gag repeatedly and I'll ruin her consumption of calcium.
- Taken my oldest son's school folder out of the car when he wasn't looking, so that he'd have to go to school without his work. And then I lied about it.
- Made the door hanging for the girls door too wide, so it can't be hung
- Eaten the last two, out of three dozen chocolate chip cookies, so that no one else could have the dessert that they wanted.
- Given the good food to everyone else, so that my oldest would have to take plain peanut butter for lunch.
I'm such a terrible person. Actually, I think it's the weather. I hope that's what it is. My kids are horrible this week. They don't speak nicely to each other. They push, hit, or kick each other at least five times a day. It starts off for no reason, too - then, of course, one can't let the other one get away with it, so then the pushing and hitting starts in earnest. Mackenzie has decided that, at almost seven, she's old enough to go upstairs and use the computer or gamecube by herself. The big kids save their games, and she erases them. Allegra tried to give all the girls french manicures and pedicures, resulting in nails that look like they were hit with whiteout. I had to stop blogging, because I got a phone call from a neighbor that my 6 and 4 year olds were outside, across the street. Apparently, they unlocked the screen door and went out, being careful not to let it slam so that I wouldn't know they were gone. They were upset that I wasn't letting them play outside.
And, if one more person tattles to me, I'm going to go postal.
Sigh. Is it too early to wish for school to start again? I'm certainly not looking forward to all the driving and the homework hassles, but the break will be nice. Maybe I'll get the backpacks down and the supply lists out. It can't hurt to daydream!
We are watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off - a really funny movie, but I had forgotten how much bad language there is in it! There is a scene where Ferris is in the Museum of Modern Art, and my 6 year old says "Hey, I've seen that picture!" It's a Mary Cassatt, Mother holding a child. I'm feeling pretty proud of myself - after all, she must have seen it when I took her to a museum, or in a book. "No, Mom! It was on Freaky Friday!"
Ironing
Man, do I hate ironing. I've got a boatload of it staring me in the face, too - all of the Hubster's work pants and shirts, as well as a few of my own all cotton things that I hang to dry. I've done a great job procrastinating too - so far today, I've made molasses cookies(yum!), washed diapers, cleaned off my bureau, caught up on OHM, MDC and all my bloglist, arranged haircuts, and wiped down the counters. I'm running out of stuff to do, so I guess I've gotta get to the ironing. Maybe the baby will wake up???
Adminstrative note: my laptop is really acting up. I keep losing the screen - it goes to these funky pictures, at first like the screen has been shifted, and then to a black screen with vertical colored lines. If I jostle the computer at all, I lose everything. Plus, my web pages are loading really slowly sometimes, and they freeze about 1/3 of the time. I've got cable access, so it shouldn't be this way. I think I'll have to bite the bullet and take the laptop into the service place. I'll try to access my site from my kids computer upstairs; that is, if I can remember my password! I think I need to pray to the saint of the Internet - St. Isidore.
Three years ago, the Hubster and I were on the way to his father's house for a Father's day celebration. While in the car, the hubster asked me to fill out the card and enclose a check for $50. I did so. Then, the Hubster decided that a check for $100 would be better, a thought that I didn't agree with, and I told him so. We argued back and forth, and he decreed "Just give me the card, and let me do it myself." Fine. Whatever. He made out another check, stuck it in the envelope and we went in. "Here, Pop. Happy Father's Day." We kissed him and sat to watch him open our card - one of us happy, and one of us not. "Oh, you shouldn't have! This is too much!" he exclaimed. "Yeah, bud, you're right about that!" I thought bitterly. He held up TWO checks. Yup, in his excitement to be correct, the hubster had left the original $50 check in when he put his own $100 check in the card.
between gossip and fact sharing. And, sometimes, far too often, I find myself on the wrong side of that line. I hate it. I hate how it makes me feel. I hate how it makes me look. I also hate hearing it. Sometimes, there are things that I need to know, or impart to other people, and yet, listening to the conversation, I can hear that it has become gossipy.
WANTED, Carmen, mom to the Masses, for dangerous undertakings inside and outside the home. Last seen with her partner The Hubster, and six accomplices (Nikolas, 15, Allegra, 13, Mackenzie 10, Gabriel 8, Emma 5 and Riley, 4). This fugitive is considered armed (with epi pens and inhalers) and dangerous, especially when she hasn't had her morning coffee. She is particularly difficult to recognize due to a recent 80 pound weight loss (size 18-20 down to 2-4!), and has been known to hide beneath large piles of laundry. She's a fan of running races and can be found reading, lifting weights, practicing capoeira or running to the store for milk. ( Read more here.)
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