In which I am exposed as a wino

Today was a domestic diva day.  I woke up full of energy  ready to work  - well, I woke up.  I had lots to do, so I got busy.  I took the big kids to school, got some essential life nectar (coffee), and then returned home to change diapers, grab another lunch, and take Gabe to school.  Emma was begging, "O juzz, Mommy?  Peess?"  Kind of breaks the heart when your kid cries for orange juice and you dont have any, so I decided to make a quick stop into Wal-Mart after I dropped off the latest set of prescriptions. One quick trip later, with two stops to see Santa - in NOVEMBER, but whatevah - and I found myself $74 lighter.  I'm supposed to be on fiscal probation, so that's not good.

Wait, did I forget to tell you that?  It happened during the drama of the snarky family posting, so I guess it's possible. It seems that last month, when I paid the bills online as I always do, I neglected to write in two checks that I deducted.  One for the mortgage, (!!!!) and the other the school tuition.  So, it was an error close to $2500.   Never let it be said that I do things in a small way, that's for certain.

I came home, cooked up some beef and put it into the crockpot for beef stew.  I made pumpkin gooey bars, and decided we'd need fresh bread with the stew.  We had a box of beer bread mix, but no beer.  Well, the recipe says you can use any carbonated beverage, so I scoped out what we had.  Mike's Hard Lemonade - no, that would taste weird.  Fruit punch - yuck, red bread.  Mountain Dew, Coke - not the right flavor.  I decided that when I went to pick Gabe up from preschool, I'd pop into 7-11 and buy a single beer.  No problem!

I got Gabe and his buddy, who was going to spend the afternoon with us.  I stopped at 7-11, and as I was walking in I remembered that I wanted some chips with lunch, since The Hubster ATE ALL MY LIME CHIPS LAST NIGHT.  sorry, I didn't mean to shout at you, it's just the second time I haven't had my chips!  I located the beer, and stared for a minute.  There were so many different choices in the single beer selections!  I had no idea! 

I brought my single, lone Budweiser beer up to the register.  I didn't know what to pick, so I stuck with the familiar - my dad drank Bud when I was a kid.  This was a 22 ounce bottle, so I looked like I was having a bad day.  There were no fritos to be found, so I asked the clerk where they were. 

"Um, excuse me, do you have any Fritos?"

"Oh, yeah, those go GREAT with beer!"

"Beer?  Oh, no - it's not for me!  It's for a recipe - I'm not one of those mid day winos, dropping in to get a beer!  HA HA HA!"

Except, she's not smiling.  Evidently, she must be one of those mid day beer drinkers, and I've just insulted her. 

Fritos were found, beer was purchased - without even an ID check, I feel so old - and I found I had no money.  Grreeeat. I've insulted the clerk and now I cna't even pay for the beer that she obviously thinks I need.  I had to charge a single beer.  Shame, my name is thine.

When I got back in the van, the boys thought it was hysterical. 

"You bought beer?  My dad drinks that!"

That reminds me, I need to call the other boys mom.  I hope she understands that I wasn't drinking when her son was here!

Comments

[redsaid]

Oh, Carmen! This is sooo funny! I especially giggled at the fact that you thought about calling the one boy's mom after the beer buying incident in order to explain that you don't do beer for lunch! Because you know that he was probably going to forget about it until a really inappropriate moment, like when forced into having dinner with his family and someone important, like his dad's boss. So picture your son's friend at the dinner table at his house, looking every inch as uncomfortable as he is feeling inside. In an attempt to draw him out of his shell, the boss's wife will prod him for information. You know, the old adult-trying-to-be-chatty-with-teen standards like: "So, how is school?"
"Good."
"Do you have many friends?"
"Yeah."
"What are they like?"
"Fine," and then, a flicker will come into his eyes and he will temporarily forget the presence of the boss and his wife and say: "Hey, Mom, Dad, I like TOTALLY forgot to tell you that the other day, when I was at Ms. Carmen's house? She picked us up from school and like, in the middle of the DAY, stopped at the 7-11 and bought like BEER! Yeah, like IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY! And then she had the can in her hand and like DROVE US HOME!"

Can you imagine the people choking on their food?

I should REALLY stop hogging your comments!