Mom to the Screaming Masses

Riley's new therapy

Riley started Therapeutic Listening last week.  She wasn't too thrilled to do it.  In fact, within five minutes it was off and she wanted out of there.  TL involves a special set of headphones that are openended, meaning she can listen to the program and still hear what is going on around her.  The cd's are put into a fanny pack, in order to provide a grounding weight.  She is so teeny that we strapped the cd pack around her chest. The cd's are different types of music that have been altered to stimulate different sections of the brain.  Lifted from the website Vital Links: 

Therapeutic Listening® is a highly individualized method of auditory intervention utilizing electronically altered compact discs in protocols specifically tailored by sensory integrative professionals to match client need. Listening is a function of the entire brain; when we listen, we listen with the whole body.

And from the Kaufma Children's Center for Speech, Language and Sensory Disorders:

A major part of the sensory energy received by the brain comes through the ears. They control balance, body movements and coordination; they permit language; they make us speak eloquently and sing in tune; they even control our eyes when we read and our arm, hand and finger movements when we write. They protect us against what we do not want to hear, starting with the sounds of our own body. Interconnected with several different levels of the brain, the ears act as a double antenna receiving messages from both the body and the environment. They are a link between the world with and the world without. Listening is the ability and the desire to use our ears to bring about the harmony both within us and in our relationship with others.

When listening does not develop well, the harmony is broken. Problems as diverse as speech and language impairments, hyperactivity, depression, autism, feeling overwhelmed or lacking a direction in life may be some of the results. Reading problems such as dyslexia and other learning disabilities have seldom been looked at and treated as listening problems. Perhaps this is why remedial approaches used to help children with such problems are often so frustratingly ineffective.

Like other skills, listening can be maximized. Dr. Alfred Tomatis, a French Ear, Nose and Throat specialist, developed the first listening training device, using progressively filtered sound, specifically those rich in high frequencies (i.e. classical music) to effect change. He spoke of high frequency sound as charging the brain. The Tomatis method of auditory training is a clinic-based program requiring the use of specialized equipment and the expertise of a practitioner trained in the Tomatis approach.

So, that's one of the parts of her therapy.  It's an expensive program - the headphones alone are over $1000. I am soooooo lucky in that a neighbor of mine has a daughter who goes to therapy with Riley and she had bought the program.  She loaned it TO!ME!!  She wears it two to three times a day for fifteen minutes.

And here she is:  (click to enlarge)

                                     Notice the huge bruise on her head - I have NO idea where that came from.  Perils of being the sixth child, I guess.  Here is one more shot that I took, just because she was in such a good mood and I have so few pictures of her smiling.......

Life changes

When I went to the funeral of one of our priests this past Monday, I was struck by the fact that he was 90.  Ninety.  9!0!.

It seems impossible to believe that some could live to be that old.  Yet, I've been alive 35 years, and it doesn't seem that long. 

He was born before air conditioning.  Before cars, supermarkets, airplanes, microwaves, imported foods.  Around the time of the Titanic. Before color photos, computers, recorded music.  He was born at a time when a trip to Europe took weeks, not hours.

Thinking about the world when he was alive amazes me.  He lived through the end of WW1 - he was born in 1915 - WW2, Vietnam, Korea, and the current fracas. The changes in war alone are staggering.  WW1 was fought on foot, with hand to hand combat.  Now it's all computers, planes, bombs.  It's a very different scenario.

Now you can go to the store and get just about any product you wish.  Some stores offer entire sections of International foods.  You can buy frozen foods and never have to cook - just reheat.  You can toss a bag in the microwave, and three minutes later pull out popcorn.  Ice cream is easy to purchase, no more chipping ice and hand cranking it - unless you want to work for it.  Fruit is shipped in and available pretty much year round.  You can eat out every meal if you wish, and never have the same food twice.  You can drive up and three minutes later have a full meal in your car, without ever moving from your seat.  You can drive and talk on the phone at the same time. There are a million different soaps and lotions, perfumes and powders out there.

At the time of his youth, no one knew much about vitamins, minerals, polyphenols, anti inflammatories, cancer, dental health.  There was no cloning, no IVF, no heart surgery, chemotherapy, space travel.  Can you imagine living without your current luxuries?  Your current necessities? 

I wonder what the differences will be between when I was born and when I die.  I hope that I will be at least 100.   I already remember a time without computers, IPods, walkmans, microwaves, cordless phones, cell phones.  I wonder what the changes will be that my kids will chronicle?

Appliances, both large and small

So, I'm interested in how many small appliances you all have in your kitchen.  And if you use them.  And if you like them.

I've got:

a waffle iron, coffee maker, KitchenAid mixer, long countertop griddle, Zojirushi bread machine, milkshake maker, food shredder, blender, George Foreman and a toaster oven.  I love all of them and use them often.  Except the milkshake maker.  That's The Hubster's.  I'm just wondering if I have more than the average family.

Large appliances, I've got those covered. :) We just have the basics. Washer, dryer, stove, dishwasher, 2 refrigerators.

Nothing pithy or funny here today

I belong to an email group for mothers with large families.  Recently the topic of leaving your family  and going off by yourself came up.  Many, many of the mommys said that they didn't think it was a good idea.  Some of the words used were "not allowed", "selfish" and some other things I can't remember.  Some women felt that leaving their families was unacceptable - that if their husbands ever wanted to get away from the family, they would be really offended.

I'm of conflicted thoughts on this.  I know myself that I need time away.  A-W-A-Y.  Alone.  By myself.  Every day that The Hubster is off, I go somewhere by myself.  I need to.  I have to. I crave time to just be me.  Not to wipe butts, cut food, referee fights, listen to tattles.  I dream every day of what I will do with my free time, on that day.  Sometimes I go to lunch by myself.  Other times I go shopping.  I might go sit in the bookstore and read with a coffee.  I've even sat in a parking lot, when it was cooler, and talked on the phone.  Once a year I go away.  I usually take the smallest baby, since I'm nursing, and go spend time with friends for a long weekend.  Last year I took three kids. 

I was really hurt by the moms who said that it would be insulting to ask for time away from the family.  That they would be offended if their husbands asked to have a break. That no one should need a break.  The implication being that one was less of a parent if you needed to get away from those you love most.  Maybe - probably - it was my own insecurity that led me to feel judged.

I was heartened, though, by the commenters who said that they too needed to get away.  That they needed a break, and that there wasn't anything wrong with that desire. 

In my mind, being home with my family is a blessing.  It's wonderful for me.  The Hubster enjoys his job.  But he leaves his job daily.  He has a 20 minute drive home, and he leaves all of the stress of work behind.  He comes home to his family.  He doesn't spend a lot of time here.  He does what he wants.

I don't get away from my work.  Ever.  I'm on call all the time.  When I walk in the door, I go straight into some form of work.  Any time I walk around, I see work in my face.  Wash to be done, rooms to clean, socks to match (!!!!), dusting and cooking, yadda yadda.  I'm the default parent.  Don't say a word about "just let your husband do it, and he will rise to the occasion".  Not here.  I've tried that.

So, I'm still going to go away. Still going to plan for it and look forward to it.  Not without guilt, though.  I always feel guilty that I spend time looking forward to it.  But I'll still do it.

One thing I don't get, though, is the school of thought that "My husband won't let me go".  Um, why?  Is he afraid that he can't handle it?  Is he afraid that she will have so much fun she won't come back?  Doesn't everyone deserve a good time once in a while, free from responsibility? 

I know when I go away I come back with a renewed spirit.  I have more patience and understanding.  How can that be a bad thing?

Make like a duck and SWIM

Since it's been, oh, about a million degrees here, with a jillion degree heat index, we've been pretty miserable campers.  Too hot to go outside to play, and every afternoon it clouds up and storms.  Today, though, it wasn't but 98 degrees, and so we went over to my father in law's house to swim.  He had a great pool, and feeds us when we are over.  He doesn't swim at all, so he loves for us to come over and enjoy the pool.

We packed up the kids, some neighbor friends, a dozen floaties, three swim vests, a beach ball and the sunblock, and we were off.  Then we came right back - we had forgotten the (very important) swim diapers. On our way again - wait, nope, not yet.  Forgot Emma's water shoes.  Ever since she got a splinter in her foot (while I was in Chicago), she is insistent that she must have her shoes.

At last, we got there.  Everyone jumped in, except Riley and me.  She was exceptionally irritable, and so I decided to do her therapy.  I hoped that this would calm her enough and then she could enjoy the pool.  Alas, it was not to be.  We got in the pool and she shrieked.  I put her in her floatie and she cried. I sat her on the steps and she bawled.  We got out of the pool, and she gestured to get back in.  She walked away from me and fell in the pool before I could get there.  Luckily, The Hubster was right there and grabbed her before she went fully under. 

Emma loves "Ring around the rosie", and so I thought we could play this with Riley to help her adjust.  I couldn't help but think of the song my brother in law made up the last time he was at the pool and misunderstood The Hubster's word "rosie" for "rosary":

Ring aroud the rosary, I'm wearing my mother's hosiery, Panties, garters, they all fall DOWN!

Sacreligious, but really funny. 

I looked at The Hubster, who I knew was remembering the same song and pretty soon we were both convulsed in laughter. He laughed so hard he fell off the raft.  That cracked Emma up, and Riley even smiled.  To be funny, The Hubster tried to get back on the raft and fell off, three or four times.  The last time, he miscalculated and smacked his head on the bottom of the pool.

Oops.  Our fun time at the pool was over. 

Get to it, worker bees!

Jamie passed this one on to me:

What we're supposed to do in this exercise is act like journaling bees pollinating the literary flowers of the Internet.  So remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump every one up one place. Then add your blogs name in the #5 spot and link to each of the other blogs for the desired cross-pollination effect.

Cecily http://zia.blogs.com/
MOT http://motheroftwins.blogspot.com/
Indigo Girl http://indigogirl.typepad.com/linda/
Jamie http://selkie.typepad.com/selkie      

Carmen www.momtothescreamingmasses.typepad.com                                           

I read Cecily, and MOT and Jamie, and they are all good.  I guess that means I need to check out Indigo Girl.

And, in a surprise move, every single one of you that has a blog is tagged!                                       

Tidbits from a Wednesday

- When adding spaghetti to the boiling water, and it wouldn't go down, I made the incredibly stupid mistake of using my fingers to push it into the water.

- Favorite snap shot from today - Emma and Gabe playing "shipwreck" and "abandon ship", by jumping off the weight bench.  Emma's attire of choice?  A winter hat, white gloves, and her sister's flip flops.  Not one thing else.  After all, one wouldn't want to get their panties wet in a shipwreck, now would one?

- After five weeks of progress in therapy, Riley was NOT a happy camper today.  We began the therapeutic listening program.  She balked big time. 

- I've lost my second therapy brush.

- Someone who I admire greatly paid me a big compliment today, in a marathon - for us, anyway - conversation.  I got off the phone with a big grin on my face, and much to think about.

- 39 days until school starts. 

- I'm about to start a new project, and I'm terrified.  I don't think I can do it, and I'm so scared that I'll fall flat on my face and embarrass myself.

- I noticed that Allegra is developing a shape, and the thought scares me.

- One of my favorite priests, 90 years old, died while concelebrating Mass on Monday.  It was the perfect way for him to go, and he was doing poorly healthwise.  I used to ask him to pray for me, and he always said he would if I'd pray for him.  He really liked my husband. 

- Why is it when I'm friends with someone, and they don't email or call for a while, I can't help but feel as if I've done something wrong?  Must it always be about me?

- When dropping Nikolas off for his summer class, to brush up on English skills, I was called in to the Vice Principal's office. My son said, "Ooh, Mom, you're in trouble!" I brushed him off, but I was still nervous.  It turned out to be nothing, but my stomach took a while to settle anyway.

- Riley has backtracked a bit on sleep, but brought up a new word.  Insurance has still not paid, the appeal should come through by the end of the month.  They have requested the therapy reports, to ascertain if the therapy is helping or not.  Keep all your bendy parts crossed for us, 'kay??

- WHY does the laundry never end??

Over anxious, much?

Today, we went to Office Max.  For $135, I bought myself some peace.  Some comfort in the fact that the current situation, while no fun, has an end in sight.  A spotlight of sanity in a chaotic tornado of life lately.

We bought back to school supplies.

The Hubster laughed at me.  He asked, "Are you really that ready to get rid of them?"

Yes.  And no.  We happened to have the money this month, and I knew that I would need a substantial chunk of change for the big kids supplies.  I had already plunked down $100 for two shirts, 2 PE shirts and a back pack at the uniform store. I had the time today, and the need to shop for notebooks and pencils was a splinter under my nail. It was bugging me, and I could NOT lose it.  I've learned that if something is that active in my radar, I should just get it done already.

I AM ready for them to go back to school, though.  I'm tired of the arguing.  My kids are physical fighters.  They punch, hit, kick and scream.  By 9 a.m., I'm exhausted and ready to pull out my hair. Emma and Riley constantly scream if Nikolas comes near them - and I think with good reason.  He can't seem to leave them alone; he picks them up, rubs on their heads, grabs them for hugs.  It's too much.

The whining - with God as my witness, my ears will bleed if it doesn't stop.  "He's looking, he's touching!  That's my puppy dog!  I don't liiikkkeee ketchup/broccoli/ice in my drink/my shoes/wearing underpants/this movie/going to the store!"

$135, and that doesn't include the packets that each of them need from school that cost between $15 and $20. 

The countdown HAS.BEGUN.

Favorites

I want to hear your favorites.  Favorite anything, doesn't really matter what topic.  Just tell me what you like.

I'm kind of a lip balm fanatic - shut up, those of you who know exactly how much of it I go through - but I only like certain brands.  Burt's Bees, blistex, and my newest favorite Javabalm, Body coffee in coffee mint flavor.  Yum-o.  Lipstick would be Clinique.  Makeup?  MAC. 

Favorite shoes?  Land's End mocs, and any sandals that have non plastic soles. 

Favorite scents?  Lavendar, mango, clean.  Pears glace perfume.

Oil for fun adult time?  Neutrogena sesame oil.

Grocery stores?  Whole Foods and Trader Joe's, NEITHER of which are local.

Things to do if free time is available?  Read, tiedye stuff, blog.  Check Ebay for JJill, Hanna Andersson, or Ann Taylor Loft.  S-l-e-e-p.

Cookies?  Gingerbread, soft chewy chocolate chip, peanut butter, 7 layer bars.

Camping?  No way, not on your ever lovin' life.

Towels?  Land's End bath sheets.

Look for little kids? Jeans overalls with shirts and sneakers.  I think it's too cute.

Sport?  Football to watch, soccer if I feel like playing.  Gymnastics and ice skating, if'n it's the Olympics.

What are the things that you like in your life?

Womens clothing choices

I have posted before that I was, at one point in time, a size 10.  After six babies, I'm pretty firmly in the size 16 camp.  I'm not thrilled with it - I'd like to be a bit smaller.  That, however, would require a bunch of exercise and I'm in a lazy phase right now.  I'm hoping that once the vast majority of my kids go back to school, and it cools off here, that I can get some movement going.  For right now, here I sit.

Every time I open a magazine, or turn on the TV, I am bombarded by two things:

1) The average American woman wears a size 14

2) Americans are getting heavier all the time

Now that I'm not nursing Riley, I have been in the market for some new clothes.  Who am I kidding, I am always in the market for new clothes!  But, I really was looking for some dresses that I could wear, as well as a few new things I could wear on my trip.

Yeah, I know it was a weekend trip.  Shut up.

My clothing taste runs more toward the eclectic.  Not the styles in the shops that teens frequent.  I like prints, colors and lively clothing.  My tastes run more towards Ann Taylor Loft and JJill.  It's hard to find my size in those brands.  Less to LLBean and Lands End.  I do have shorts and tees from LE, and I love their slip on shoes.  I have three pairs of them, in fact.  I also really like LE jeans, especially the custom fit.  The majority of their clothing, though, is too classic for me.

I went shopping.  I was looking especially for a white blouse to wear with a striped skirt.  I also wanted to find some cute capris and tops, and I REALLY wanted to find a dress.  Something that didn't have stomach access for Riley to stick her hands up my shirt and rub.  The rubbing is about to make me run screaming into the nearest alley.

I went to White House Black Market, where most of the clothing was too juvenile for me, but I did find a faboo white shirt. The Hubster claims it makes me look as if I'm serving my boobs on a platter, especially with my all new bras, but whatevah.  I like the shirt. I then went to a few different places, looking for what, I don't know.  Just looking.  I ended up at a department store, and took the escalator up to the Women's section.  Wow.  I felt like I had been left in the Twilight Zone.  WHAT was up with all the paisley, the bows at the collar, the plaid polyester pants and such?  I'm not my grandmother, or my mother.  Just because I am a bit bigger doesn't mean I've lost all my fashion sense. 

Another department store - the same thing.  What a bummer.  I went home pretty depressed.

This week, I became aware that a new store had opened in my area, one that specializes in plus sizes and up to date fashions.  I was sooo stoked!  At last, maybe I'd be able to get some great clothing!  Yesterday I took a trip there, and left without buying anything.  It was geared towards your high school plus size, not your incredibly attractive  highly fashionable  average stay at home mom who wants to wear clothing that is cute and fashionable, not frumpy.  I don't want to wear a shirt that says "Italian girls do it better in the bedroom", or one with the snap crackle pop guys, or a shirt with rhinestones all over the bosom.  I don't want Hello kitty on my shirts, or tube tops or camisoles.  No three level peasant skirts or flashy sequins.  NO ponchos or fringe.

It seems that I'm stuck between the young fashionable plus size, and the polyester pants with the bow tie shirts of older women.  Isn't there a happy medium?