Mom to the Screaming Masses

Nightmare on my street

Last night I had probably the worst dream I've had in quite a while.

Did you see the news story about the girl who died from her peanut allergy?  If not, go here to read about it.  Go on, I'll wait.

Everyone caught up?  Good.  I dreamt last night that someone tied me up, gagged me, and then force fed Gabriel nuts.  He was screaming and crying, absolutely hysterical.  He knew that he would die.  The fear on his face is not something I will ever be able to erase from my mind's eye.  I bolted straight up, heart racing and breathing hard, crying.

If he eats nuts, or coconut, he will die.   He reacts to the nut stand in the mall, the one that cooks the gourmet nuts.  He's had a very bad reaction from a sugar cookie, baked on a baking sheet that previously held nut cookies.  The Epi Pen can help save his life.  But what about if it's not available, or if he doesn't bring it, or if it misfires?  What about when he becomes a teenager, and it's not cool to carry an Epi?  What about if friends joke him, tease him, and dare him just to eat one nut? 

This is something that I worry about every day.  My big kids are good at checking labels, and Gabe is good about asking.  He's only 6.  What about when he's older?  I can't keep him safe forever.  It's really scary to know that just one bite of food could, in fact, kill your son.

Memories

When I was a kid, I remember my parents taking pictures.  The cameras at the time had no built in flash - rather, the flash was a lightbulb that you plugged in at the top.  When you took the picture, the bulb was finished and it popped out.  Not too much longer after that, they graduated to a camera that used a larger row of bulbs, so it was changed out less frequently.  After ten or so pictures.  When I was a bit older, I had a disc camera.

I remember playing with a Rubik's cube that had nine squares on each side.  I tried for a while to get it back to the way it was at the beginning, but I finally gave up and changed the stickers around.  I saw a Rubik's cube today that had, I think, 16 squares on each side.

I was watching a tv show last week, and the phone rang.  It wasn't the digital sound that we hear now, but it was the old fashioned ring.  My daughter didn't believe me that it was a phone.  Ring, ring, ring.  Remember that sound?

What, exactly, do you remember from when you were a kid, that either doesn't exist or is hard to replicate?

Family = fun or dysfunctional?

So, here's my latest thought.  There is no such thing as a Norman Rockwell family.  I know, that's a lightbulb moment. 

When I was preparing the meal for Turkey day, The Hubster had charge of the kids.  Nikolas was being a teenager, and The Hubster was being a parent.  The two didn't mix well, and there was much arguing and yelling.  I tried, for a little while, to be the peacemaker, the sail that would set the ship free, so to speak.  I grew weary of that, though, and tossed on my headphones and IPod.  It was comforting to me not to listen to the same arguments and problems.  I had already had my share of arguments with The Hubster that morning, and lost my enthusiasm for happy, hunky dory family time.  I was pretty hard on myself - after all, it was the holiday - family time personified.  The day that was supposed to represent the love that families feel as they glance at each other, veins pounding with love.  Instead, here I was, dancing around the kitchen, with a multitude of different songs pounding my brain.

I took a break from cooking and ran to Starbucks for an upside down caramel macchiato.  While there, I vented to my friends who work there.  Before I knew it, there was quite a crowd, all eagerly trying to top my story of husbandly irritation with their own.  Tales of drunks, fights, mothers in law, burned turkeys, young love, gossip - you name it, we dished it.   Everyone had a story, everyone had a problem.

And then it hit me.  Family can, in no way, be perfect.  It's a conglomeration of people. People are, by their very nature, messy and confusing.  No person can be pigeonholed into a neat, square package.  So, one person has strong thoughts that life should go one way.  One person has equally strong thoughts that it should go another direction.  When those differing points of view collide, there are bound to be sparks.  And that's ok.  That's what make family, family. 

Family's not fun, sometimes.  It's messy, loud, obnoxious and annoying.  That's family.  Like it or not, I have a big one, and it's going to be more loud and obnoxious than others. 

Good thing I've got my Ipod.

This year's letter and photo

Without further ado, and many many thanks to Chris for the photo idea and to Anne for the letter idea.  I couldn't have done it without you guys!

I am happy to report that 2005 has been a wonderful year for the Masses.  We have no plans for further expansion of the Company, as we are presently operating at peak capacity.  However, should Someone from Above decide differently, we will of course change our minds.  Our Productivity this year was above expectations; we now average 5 gallons of milk, 5 loaves of bread, 200 miles on the big white van, and 20 loads of laundry per week.  Our Chief Financial Officer, The Hubster, continues to practice finance at exceptional workplace, and this year was once again awarded a trip for the Top 50 Finance Managers.  This year’s location was

Cancun

.  Riley and I had enormous fun accompanying him on this trip, although the same enjoyment level was not found among the other attendees.  He has recently added house painting to his list of accomplishments.  In my role as Chief Operating Officer, I oversaw all domestic operations, which included mothering, carpooling, cooking, chaperoning, maid service, cleaning, first aid, and practicing law.  I especially excelled at the art of law, due to the multiple exposures that Nikolas and Allegra afforded me.  Many days find me searching for the Cone of Silence that Maxwell Smart made popular in his television series.  We added a two story addition to our house and screened in our porch, transforming our house into the neighborhood hang out spot.  Since we comprise 20% of the neighborhood’s population of children, it’s only fair.  But not quiet.

Members of the Board excelled as well.  Nikolas started 8^th grade and enjoys correcting his mother and riding his bike.  He heads up our Defense and Entertainment divisions.  He began a car detailing business with two of his friends this summer and was able to earn quite a tidy sum of money.  He cannot, however, be motivated to pick up his socks.  He turned 13 this year and promises to be a strong member of our team in the future. Allegra will be 11 when you read this, and she is in 5^th grade.  She continues with soccer and has discontinued ballet, wanting to start up field hockey.  She is the Head of the Debate team here in our house, and the number one reason that we are certain someone in this house will become an attorney.  Mackenzie celebrated her 8^th birthday and is in 2^nd grade.  She will be making her First Communion this spring.  She excels at soccer and ballet, and will begin Field Hockey in the spring as well.  As always, she presented with a cheerful sunny outlook most of the year.  Gabriel began kindergarten this year and he turned 6.  He loves school and we’ve now lost our super secret spelling of words in our arsenal of tricks, as he has learned to read.  He still has multiple food allergies and was the recipient of one of our first experiences with the Epi-Pen. Emma turned 3 in July.  She can be credited with our drastic decrease in Gross Output this year, as she is now completely potty trained.  As a result, we were able to launder a smaller number of diapers.  She knows her colors and alphabet, including the all important letters of “J-K-EMMA-N-O-P”. Riley continues to succeed in weekly therapy for her autistic spectrum disorder, and has made remarkable strides.  Medical Expenses were up, as we suffered with four asthma attacks which were resolved in the ER, weekly therapy for Riley not covered by insurance, one broken thumb, one accident between The Hubster’s finger and the electric hedge clippers, $500 per month asthma medications, and something else that I can’t remember. I took a trip to

Chicago

to meet with an online friend, and left all the kids except for Riley with The Hubster.  I am certain that I had more fun than he did.
Shareholders were outraged by my commitment to avoid the purchase of a dog.  I will continue to hold firm in that regard. 

Have a wonderful 2006!  Best wishes from the Masses!

Riley the prizefighter

Yesterday, not all was Norman Rockwell-ish.  There were multiple arguments, much yelling and screaming, many amounts of not kind comments, and amazing amounts of silent treatment given.  When the fam came over, though, all was well again.  In other words, just like every other family function. 

My lovely niece was able to get off a few great zingers.  It was especially funny since they were mostly directed at The Hubster.  At one point, we were joking him for eating his third dessert.  He indicated that he had been merely nursing the piece of pie all night, to which my niece responded, "I think you've been nursing the whole pie along!"  I was completely caught off guard, and coffee came out my nose. 

Good times, indeed.

Except for Riley.  What, did you think it would be any different?  Friends of ours were watching her outside, and all of a sudden, she began shrieking.  Knowing how she is, I didn't rush out.  After all, she screams at unseen provocation, so I figured it wasn't much.

Except it was.  Somehow, without being with anyone, and playing inside a plastic play house, she did this to herself:

I think we made a slight mistake in not checking to see if she needed stitches - it looks a little bit deep to me, which doesn't really reflect in the pictures.  It's too late now, though.  The poor kid just seems to constantly bruise and get injured. 

I won't be posting the holiday pic and letter until the weekend, because I am waiting for a few people to get their cards - yes, I've mailed most of my cards already, what's it to you?? - before I post it here. 

So, who's shopping on Black Friday?  Did you get any great deals?

Gobble, gobble, GOBBLE!!!!

So, I'm writing this ahead of time and setting it to post on Thursday.  Happy Turkey Day to my readers, almost all of which I am extremely thankful for.  You, over there in the corner, I'm not so sure about.  Oh, and then that one guy, the one who gave me such a hard time?  Yeah, I'm not too thankful for him.  BUT!  The rest of you!  I puffy heart love all of you!

Ahem.  Too much Starbucks today, apparently.

So, Turkey day morning will find us all running around like turkeys with our heads cut off, trying to get ready for 9 a.m. Mass.  Since I went to Wal-hell tonight last night - remember, I'm writing this ahead of time, and I can't remember which time I'm supposed to be in  - and bought all the groceries, we will be eating breakfast at the great big table, in a space about the size of a postage stamp.  Said table is covered with green beans, cranberries, sugar, flour, oil, paper plates - the good ones, not the cheap stuff I usually buy - and about 22 pounds of chocolate.  The items I am cooking:

• cranberry-orange sauce
• green beans - just heating them up, but it counts as cooking, right?  Right?  Shut UP!
• homemade yeast rolls
• corn pudding
• carrot souffle
• pumpkin pie
• amazing and incredible brownies
• sausage-pecan stuffing
• pumpkin beignets

Well, except for the fact that I spaced on the stuffing when I made my list, I bought all of the ingredients for all of the above at Wal-hell.  And trust me, it was hell.  Everyone was grumpy, everyone was bitter and in a hurry.  Then add in the two drag queens in line behind me, loudly joking every item that shoppers around us had in their carts, and you can see how pleasant it was.  I took Nikolas with me, though, and it was nice to spend some time with him one on one.  We had some very interesting discussions.

My father in law is making the turkey and his own stuffing.  We will have about 50 people here.  My house is trashed, but I'm eating peanut butter cups as I type, so it can't all be bad.  And I bought a copy of The Polar Express  to watch as a group. 

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!  Tomorrow  Friday, whenever that is, I'll post my Christmas picture and family letter. 

Could someone PLEASE get the phone?

I puffy heart my cell phone.  When Gabriel was about 4, he ran away from me in the parking lot.  While I was trying to grab him, I dropped my (new at that time) phone, the one I got free for signing up.  It shattered into a million pieces.  I went in to the store and asked for the most durable phone that they sell, and was sold a panasonic that is apparently made for construction workers.  Whatever.  I know I can drop this phone and it's great - never falls apart, never dings. 

I'm having trouble with it, though.  The battery won't hold a charge - I think it needs to be replaced. BUT.  Panasonic doesn't make this battery any more - claims that phone is out dated.  I'm sure it is.  But I like it!  The house charger doesn't work, since one of the kids dropped the male part into a bowl of cereal and milk.  Charging it in the car only gives me about 20 minutes of talk time. 

The Hubster has a program at his job, where they get points based on sales, and we can use the points to buy just about anything.  There aren't any phones on their site, but I've been told that I can pick one I like and they will send it.

Now, I guess I need to see if my cell carrier will give me flack about not purchasing one of their phone - which they will graciously sell me for $300, unless I want to rework my contract.  In an amazing act of grace, my mother carries my contract on hers, and I don't pay for it.  So I can't change that. 

I was looking at a BlackBerry or a Treo, but was told that since I'm just a housewife, I don't need one of those.  Whatever, beeyotch.  I need what I want.  I'm not certain I want one, though.  I don't know if I want a camera phone - I pretty much love my camera that I have now, and I have it figured out.  Do I really want a phone that I'd have to figure out?  Would the learning curve be worth it?

What phone do you have?  Do you like it?  Why?

When I sing, I really put my whole heart into it

And it still sounds like crap.

I was getting my groove on, jamming out to "Come Sail Away" by Styx, as I placed the phone call to one of The Hubsters partner locations.  I'm used to calling The Hubster's work, and having to go through numerous levels of phone tree hell before actually being connected to a breathing individual. 

I took a deep breath, and prepared to really let loose with the vocals while I waited.  "And they said, Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me-ee-eee.....Bom!  Bomm, bomm ba- bomm!!"  Shifting to the left, I did a quick two-step and spun around.  Hip thrust, shake my butt and...

"I SAID, welcome to Hubster's partner's work place.  How may I connect your call?

Shit.  Straight to the operator??  Busted again.  I just KNOW that she was laughing at me when she hung up.

Slap me, I need it

Warning to the people - I am irritable.

I know, so hard to believe.

This weekend was Allegra's soccer tournament.  Starting at 7:15 in the morning, on the first day ever that we woke to a hard freeze.  Wind chill of 28 - not too bad, it promised to really warm up later, and it did - but that early morning was tough.  The Hubster agreed to take Allegra to her meet, since I had to take Mackenzie to her First Penance retreat.  I was supposed to stay for that, but talked my way out of it.  Hello, I could probably teach it by now, and I wasn't comfortable leaving Allegra at the tournament by herself.  She plays defender, and in the past three games has been hit with a ball to the eye, resulting in a large black eye, been shoved to the ground qute hard, and then taken a ball to the gut.  Plus, with her being an asthmatic, I really feel like I should be there, in case she has a problem, ya know?

So, The Hubster was supposed to ask if he could come in late to hell his job, but he forgot.  He took her on time, but had to leave before the first game started.  I got there right at the beginning of the second. 

But I was too late.

My best friend's husband met me at the sidewalk.  "She's ok, you should know that first."

I stopped cold.  "What do you mean? What happened?"

Apparently, she was shoved by a girl who outweighed her by about 40 pounds, and was, oh, a foot taller.  Said girl then lost her balance and fell on my much smaller daughter, effectively pancaking her into the ground.  My daughter had to be carried off the field, and was so upset that she started wheezing. 

She recovered, and played in the next three games.  She felt well enough to have a sleepover with two girlfriends, and we made mini pumpkin pies and chili, and ended the night with a showing of Herbie Fully Loaded - very cute - and ice cream sundaes.  She fell asleep watching the movie.

Sunday, she got up and went to church, but complained of pain in her side.  To compound it, she had been coughing off and on and said her chest was hurting, and I thought her asthma must be getting ready to flare.  I gave her some albuterol.  She came home and went to bed, sleeping for three hours.  She slept restlessly, moaning a few times.  When she woke, she started crying because her side hurt so badly. 

And so I packed her up and we headed to urgent care.  Upon check in, I was astounded to learn that she had a fever of 102.9.  I had never thought to check her for a temperature, I just assumed that she was in pain from her side.  She didn't feel hot at all.  We went back to the room, where the doctor ordered a set of x rays, and we did a clean catch urine, to see if she had ruptured her spleen.  Fever, plus side pain, in a child currently on her second set of antibiotics in a month.  Not a good combination, to be sure. 

No rupture, no cracked ribs, but one very bad case of....

Pneumonia.

dinner ettiquette

So, say, if you were, hypothetically speaking, to go to dinner with girlfriends, and you were brought your check, which was for one drink, one appetizer and one salad, totalling $17 - and you added on a take out dinner, bringing your total bill to $31.......

and you paid with $40, would you expect change?

If said waitress was a poor waitress, and you weren't planning on leaving a tip at all, since your girlfriends had it covered.......

would you be upset that the waitress kept $8 + on a meal that was $18?

And if you asked for your receipt, and she told you that she had already crumpled it, and tossed it, and when......

you asked for a reprinted receipt, she stated that the computer was closed for the night.....

and so you called the next day to talk to the manager, who let you recite the entire evening before telling you that she wasn't the person you should speak to......

would you be upset?