Mom to the Screaming Masses

New Year's, schmoo years

So, every year I try to make some resolutions that won't be impossible.  Like, say, I will give up smoking. (I don't smoke.)  Or that I won't eat more than my body weight in sweets - this is harder to do every year, as I weigh more than the last.

This year, I think I'll make some truly hard to keep resoultions.  For example:

• I vow to work as hard as possible to restrain myself from poking The Hubster in the eye with an ice pick.  I saw this resolution on MommyBloggers and thought it was the best I've heard all year.
• I vow to get a move on.  Or a groove on.  Not sure which would be more fun, but I'm SO SICK of my weight that I've got to do something.  For the love of Pete, we've got a freakin' treadmill in the tv room, and two weight machines in the playroom.  I have no excuse - except that I am a SLOTH.
• I vow to read more.  This one's easy.
• I vow to......

That's it.  I can't come up with anything else.  Oh, wait.  I'm going to try my hardest to blog more, and that's where you come in.  I'm interested to know what I've written before that you enjoyed, and what you hated.  What keeps you coming back, and what you want to see me write about.  I'd also, really, pretty please with sugar and whipped cream and cherries on top, appreciate it if you would leave a  comment letting me know.  I want to know if I should take this blog in a new direction, or continue sailing on without a course.

Good bye, 2005.  I am pretty glad to see you go, and I'm looking forward to next year!

Happy 2006!

Today, I ate

And I ate and I ate some more.  I might pop, I ate so much.  Mostly chocolate and soda.  Dinner tonight was 5 grain wheat thins, boursin cheese, cranberry orange relish and ham slices with honey mustard.  For me.  The kids ate chicken noodle soup and carrot slices. 

Dessert, though, was an amazing thing.

My kids were given $10 each to Kmart.  We don't shop there very much, but Nikolas really wanted to get the Back to Basics egg toaster, and I thought it'd be a good place to look.  I went there, and didn't find the egg toaster.  But I did find this:

So for the amount of their gift certificates, I bought it, along with graham cracker sticks, marshmallows, bananas and chocolate chips.  After dinner, we pulled it out.  My trusty sidekick, Nik, decided that he would put it together and fill it.  He melted two bags of chocolate chips, and it wasn't enough, so I melted two more.  Four bags of chocolate was about right.  I cut the bananas, peeled and sliced apples, pulled out the marshmallows and graham sticks.  And we commenced to eating.  The marshmallows were the first to go, but the fruit went as well. Below are some photos for your pleasure:

 

Grumble, grumble, toil and trouble

Why. Why I let the man get under my skin, I have no idea. 

Here's the scene.  It's two days before Christmas.  The mother in this scenario has shopped and planned since September.  She has carefully counted her pennies, considered who she was purchasing for, and bought thoughtful, well considered gifts for each person on her list.  And her list was looooong.  It contained six children, three step children, five step grandchildren, two sisters, three sisters in law, three brothers in law, one mother, one father and step mother, one half sister, one father in law, numerous friends, nieces, nephews and cousins.  She has baked cookies and fudge, candies and other treats for office staff for her husband's job and her children's school.  She bought gifts for the five school teachers. She went to Godiva and bought $75 worth of chocolates for her husband's boss and delivered them the same day. She has decorated the house - although he did put up the tree and the outside decorations - trimmed the tree, taken the Christmas card photo, written the letter, addressed and sent 50 Christmas cards with thoughtful, handwritten messages.  She planned two separate holiday dinners, bought all of the foods for each one, and began to cook the food three days ahead.

Why, then, was the one gift for her husband's stupid co worker, the one that the mother can't STAND, her responsibility?  Why did The Husband get annoyed with The Wife?  How annoyed did The Wife feel?  How unappreciated did The Wife feel?

And why do I talk about myself in the third person?

_______________________________________________________________________________

I've arranged to have a sitter today.  I'm taking myself to the movies.  Yesterday, my two big kids were so bad that they had their brand new cell phones taken away.  (We are talking cheap trac fones here - nothing with a plan, nothing I have to pay for - it's strictly their responsibility.  They bought the $20 phones, they buy the time. But I can take 'em away if they are naughty.  And, OH! were they naughty!)  This was the day after they lost the computer - I took away the keyboard and mouse due to fighting.  They also were not allowed to play with their friends yesterday, and had to go to bed at 7.  Oy, were they bad.  So today I'm going out without anyone to see "The Family Stone".  And getting lunch.  I'm trying to fill my tank before the next two days tap me out.

Gourmet grocery shopping

While at carol night at school last week, a mom pulled me aside.  "Hey, I thought you might be interested - Trader Joe's opened up in neighboring town 40 minutes away."

Interested?  INTERESTED?????

I puffy heart TJ's.  If I could get a Whole Foods and a TJ's within driving distance, my life would be so full. 

How sad is that?

We have prime grocery real estate locally, and I've written to both places to see if we could qualify for their stores.  I wrote up very elaborate comparisons of current markets in which they are established - is that better, gramatically??? - complete with city income levels and population charts, comparing our city favorably.  I received letters back thanking me for my interest. 

Whenever I go out of town, I check to see if either store is local and I go visit.

Yes, I need a life.

So, today is the first day I have free, and the last one for quite a while.  Christmas break starts tomorrow at 3, and for the next two weeks, everywhere I go I will be accompanied by the entire Screaming Masses.  I'm having the carpets cleaned this morning - they are upstairs as I type - and so, I thought, what better way to be out of the house than to go out?  Today, we road trip to TRADER JOE'S.

When I was getting my coffee this morning, the barista - what a pretentious word there - asked me what my plans were for the day.  I said "Road trip to TJ's", and four people gasped.  "Trader Joe's?  Where?  Around here?  You are kidding, right??"  I was *stunned*.  How many other people had no lives? 

Apparently quite a few in my city.  Two other women are now planning a road trip today.

Like every other mother

In the world, I have been busy.

Plus, typepad was down for me for a few days.

But, hello?  Where did a week go?  I, um, lost it.  Did you know that Christmas is next weekend ????

And the gifts are bought, and stashed in the attic.  Where I have promptly forgotten what I bought, and now am certain that one of my children doesn't have nearly enough.  Which means I have to try to figure out which one it is, while I'm up in the attic, shoving the children back down the stairs that lead into the attic, so that they don't see the gifts and RUIN CHRISTMAS!

Ahem.

Today we have an outdoor ice skating party for Allegra's birthday - which is next Thursday.  Me and a dozen kids, not my own, but actually 18 and no other adults, except for my 19 year old niece and her boyfriend. Tomorrow we have a family birthday party for Allegra and Riley - who's birthday is also next Thursday - which, thankfully, I am ordering pizza for. (I tried THREE times to end that sentence correctly, without the preposition, and couldn't do it.  Damnit)

I've got to brave Wal-hell today for an ice cream cake and a few last minute stocking stuffers for the little kids.  I think I'm certifiable to do this.  WHO goes to Wal-Mart the week before Christmas without valium?  My motto, though, is I BE FESTIVE. (Kalisah, you didn't think I'd put this in my blog, didja?  She asked everyone to use that phrase in their blogs today.)

Let's talk about wrapping.  Presents, not music.  Pre kids, I was a wrapper supreme.  I know how to wrap a present so the tape is invisible, I coordinated bows, I wrote people's names in glue and sprinkled them with glitter.  Packages took hours and were so Martha Stewart that I put her to shame. 

Not now.  No, now I wrap them in the quickest and crappiest way possible.  I have sacrificed quality for quantity.  Are you a neat and tidy present wrapper, or do you just get it done?

I'm going to leave you with a few pics from the trip.

The view from right outside our hotel - we were on Times Square.

Me, in front of some statue. Of George Cohan, apparently.

On the carriage ride.

On the ice rink in Central Park - I had a wicked migraine here and had to go back to the room and take a nap. 

At Serendipity 3, where The Hubster bribed the host with $50 to get us in before the 3 hour wait.  This is an extremely unflattering shot of me, I look like I'm about 300 pounds and my head was throbbing.  I'm all about the reality though - you need to see that I don't look like a super model all the time.  HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!  And The Hubster had the couple next to us take eleventy billion shots because he wasn't happy with them. The pictures, not the people. Which I should be used to, since he does this every single time.  It was still aggravating!

And Nikolas brought home his eight grade graduation picture: 

Day two and three of the trip

Passed very well.  Sorry for the delay in returning, I was attacked and digested by the laundry monster.  When I left for NY, I left 8 loads of clean, but unfolded laundry.  When I returned, I did 6 more loads.  That, combined with a small family "reunion" - although no family thing is EVER small with The Hubster's side - and various other life affirming tasks (like a pedicure) - has left me away from the computer. 

A few funnies from the trip -

My sister in law was giong to drive into the city for dinner on Friday night, and the roads were terrible - black ice everywhere.  So, she didn't meet us, but did pay for our entire dinner, drinks and tip included.  Whoot!  I am loving a dinner like that.  While we were perusing the menu, the waiter approached and asked if we'd like a cocktail.  The Hubster replied, "Yes, a shrimp."  Can't take him anywhere - Shrimp cocktail is the appetizer he orders at EVERY restaurant.

The chef sent over a complimentary appetizer - fresh fig over goat cheese, dressed with cranberry compote.  The Hubster looked at his and commented, "This is a fig?  Figs don't look like that!"  I asked him what he meant, and, God as my witness, he thought they looked like the inside of fig Newtons.

Ba-dah-BUM.

And, for the third funny.  I ordered a maple-apple tart for dessert, topped with maple pecan ice cream and dressed with butterscotch sauce.  Yup, a very fancy place - every dish was "accompanied by" and "dressed with" - no naked dishes here!  The Hubster asked if he could have a bite, and said to me, "Wow.  That's really good.  It's kind of like an apple pie, huh?"

I love the man, but whoa.  We do eat out quite a bit; I don't know what was up with him that night.  His steak was phenomenal, and the pasta dish I had was pretty good as well.

The show we saw Saturday night - SPAMALOT - was hysterical.  Probably  my favorite show ever.  We had a great dinner at a little hole in the wall place recommended by the concierge, and I think that dinner was the best meal of the trip.  We saw the Rockettes and ate at Serendipity, and ate frozen hot chocolate. We went on a carriage ride and went ice skating.  All in all a great time.  We did argue on the way home, but hey, 72 hours without arguing doesn't exist.

I am soooo blogging this trip!

Yesterday was day one of the great NYC adventure – just me and The Hubster.  We left our city and made good time up the coast, and only made two wrong turns.  That in and of itself is amazing for a road trip for us. 

We stopped at the rest area on the NJ turnpike.  For those of you unfamiliar with this area, the turnpike has several rest areas, and they contain chain fast food places.  Burger King, Cinnabon, Carvel ice cream and the like.  We stopped to buy breath mints and water and I was overcome by the scent of Cinnabons and coffee.  Literally, I almost passed out from the smell.  I HAD to have one.  While I was deciding – caramel pecan bun or regular cinnamon – The Hubster went to look at Burger King.  Since all he had to eat that day was an egg and cheese bagel, a package of deep fried chicken strips, a mozzarella cheese stick from my four pack, a large bag of potato chips, a super caffeinated soda and half of my Coke, the man was, understandably, hungry.  He decided that $5 was not too much to pay for a burger and came to the condiment table, where I was busy doctoring my coffee.  “Hey, I’m gonna get a whopper – want one?” “Um, no.  Haven’t you had enough to eat?”  I shook my head and, as he walked away, I looked at the Hispanic woman reloading the sugar and the plastic ware.  I said to her, “All he’s done today is eat junk.  She shook her head at me. “No habla englais.”  “Oh!”  I called The Hubster over to me and told him, “Tell her what I just said.”  He dutifully translated, shook his head at me, and walked away.  She turned to me and asked “He Spanish?”  I pointed at him, held up one finger and said “His #1” – pointed at my wedding ring, and said “Dominican”.  Meaning that his first wife was from the

Dominican Republic

.  She nodded her head, repeated “

Dominica

”, gave me a funny look, and walked away.

When I got to the table, The Hubster asked me what she had said, and I told him what I had said.  He started laughing and said, “Did you notice how quickly she walked away from you?  She probably thought that you meant Dominican, like I was a Dominican PRIEST!  You pointed at the ring, she probably thought you took me away from the priesthood!”  He took me by surprise, so much so that I snorted coffee out my nose.  “Yeah,” I joked. “She was making the horns at me as she walked away.  I was the seductress who took away a good priest!”

It certainly was funny, but I guess you had to be there.

The Green Bench

I'm not certain that I completely understand what the term "The Green Bench" means, but on the message board I frequent, we have come to use it as a place where we go to unload what we've done that makes us feel like bad mothers.

So, here I sit, on the Green Bench.  Why, you may ask.  You can't have been that bad.

HA!

Today, when I went to pick my kids up from school, Gabriel came out crying.  Apparently, he had just remembered that when he comes out tomorrow, I won't be there to pick him up. He cried and cried - he can be a touch dramatic.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.

So, he got into the van and he's still boo-hooing.  The other kids come and get into the car, and I start to ask about their days.  Nikolas has decided that NO ONE must speak until he has said every.single.thought that may or may not reside in his brain.  God forbid anyone else have a thought.  The other kids are just that - kids - and they blurt out whatever they are thinking whenever they think it.  So does Nik, for that matter.  If anyone dares to speak at the same time, he gets really pissy about it and huffs, and then refuses to tell me whatever we were in the process of discussing.  It drives me totally crazy, and he knows it. Don't think he doesn't use that weapon.

Hello, son.  I'm talking about you again.

Everyone was talking, and each one was trying to be louder than the next.  Then came the insults, and the pushing and the shoving, the name calling and the teasing. Nikolas was yelling because someone had the audacity to interrupt him, Riley was singing, Mackenzie and Allegra were arguing about who received more candy canes, and Gabe was still crying. I listened for a minute, and, GOD AS MY WITNESS, this is what came out of my mouth:

"You people kill me!  Just shut up!  You are making me so glad that I am going away tomorrow!  I had children so that they could be friends with each other, not send each other into suicide!  I can't WAIT to be away tomorrow, just so I don't have to listen to one more minute of this!"

Um, yeah.  That would be me, the grown up one. 

Now, of course, I'm all freaked out that I'm going to DIE on this trip, and that's all my kids will remember of me. 

But.  Friday will be peace.  Expensive peace, but quiet.  Only I would think New York City was quiet, eh?

What about you?  What puts you on the Green Bench lately?

A casserole of a week

That's what the week was - nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. 

I spent an hour today all alone, writing, and broke 10K in words.  That was wonderful - considering that I've been told that the average novel has 80K-100K in words, I've got a long way to go.  It still feels great to get to a big number.

I took the kids to have breakfast with Santa.  THAT was fun. 

Gabe wasn't too happy to have his picture taken, so he made what he calls a mean face:

But then he won the raffle, with his very own dollar, so he was much happier:   

Just what we need, another dust magnet.

Nikolas is touring the only Catholic High school in the area tomorrow.  He's really got his heart set on going there, but tuition is 10K a year and scholarships are few and far.  The Hubster's BIG boss, the company owner, donated the entire library and computer lab wing, and I asked The Hubster to see if he had any pull with the scholarship company.  He's not really excited to do this, but he will.  He just explained to me that if it comes through, he could conceivably be stuck at this job for the next 18 years.  I hadn't though of it in quite that way, and it really took me back.

My mother took me to see Trans Siberian Orchestra for my birthday, over my huge and enormous protests.  I did NOT want to go.  I thoroughly enjoyed it, and have already asked her to take me next year.   The highlight of the evening was hearing them do a section of the opera Carmina Burana, my very favorite ever.  It will be out on their new album in the summer.  The show was filled with laser lights, fireworks and amazing guitar work.  I highly recommend it.

I sent my dad - hi, Dad! - his memory book for a Thanksgiving gift.  I wrote pages of memories and put picutres of the two of us together.  It was really neat to do.  If you are thinking of this as a gift for someone, mine went over pretty well.

Nineteen days until Christmas!  Are you ready?  We're going to put the tree up this week.  Then, The Hubster and I are off to NYC for a 3 day weekend.  With no kids. 

Ok, well, I'm stumped

Two weeks ago, I received a bill from Children's Hospital, for my daughter's evaluation, prior to the beginning of the therapy sessions.  The bill was for $1164, and it included the original evalution and the first two therapy sessions.  Sessions that I knew weren't going to be paid, as I knew We Suck Insurance had already denied the claims and we were self pay.  I called Children's Hospital and requested that they rebill for just the evaluation, which was for the paltry sum of $832, as I had already paid the self pay amount of $84 for the sessions. The evaluation was supposed to be covered per my insurance coverage.  I was assured that all would be taken care of.  HA.  Pardon me if I don't have much faith in the matter.

In today's mail, I received the following letter:

Dear MTTSM,

I recieved a phone call this morning regarding your daughter's account with us here at CH.  I was informed by our medical management department that you instructed us to bill this claim with only the evaluation charges.... I decided to call your insurance carrier and I spoke with one of their represenatives and it was brought to our attention that as of 11-18-05, the evaluation as well as the therapy has been approved by the medical director under auth #........OT.  That representative is going to resubmit your claim today for the above date of service for reprocessing.  Allow at least 30 days for this to occur.  In the mean time, I was instructed that you will need to meet your deductible of $500.  Any money that you have currently paid for therapy visits will be applied towards your deductible.

Um.  Whoa.  Wow.  Does this mean what I think it means?

Did they backtrack their original (multiple) denials?  Are they going to now cover the claims?

I called the CH coordinator, who was out of the office - of course, since the mail came at 4:30.  I called my insurance carrier, who told me that it looks like, in her file, that the claims for 6/02/05, up until 9/02/05, need to be rebilled and will be paid at an 80/20 split.  She wouldn't pinky promise swear to that, but encouraged me to call tomorrow.  any claims after that will mean that I need to get another referral from the neuro doctor, and start all over again for those months.

Do I jump up and down, or just quietly sit in the corner and bang my head on the wall?