Dynamics of a big family - take three

To sleep, perchance to dream.

Ahhh, sleep.  The (often lacking) nectar of the Gods.

Can you tell that lately I haven't been getting much?  (Sleep, that is.)

So, how do bedtimes work in a large family with children of different ages?  When I'm home with the kids alone, it's like the military here. When The Hubster is home, all bets are off. He plays and st-ret-ches bedtime waaaaaayyy out.

None of my kids have been good sleepers - except Emma.  All of them have given up their nap by 2 1/2, and NOT one of them slept through the night before age 3.  I've learned to do without much sleep, and that's hard, coming from a woman who could sleep 12 hours without pause.

We typically have dinner between 5 and 6.  Depending upon how much they hate the food offered, dinner is over between 6 and 6:30.  Immediately after, I have the kids clear their places and then I do night time meds.  After meds, I send Emma and Gabe to brush their teeth while I load the dishwasher.  Typically, I end up yelling three or four times for them to get moving, and then I follow up.  I brush Emma's teeth for her, do a quick brush over of Gabe's, and yell for Mackenzie to go upstairs, shower and brush her teeth.  Then I brush Riley's and get her and Emma into pj's.  I finally wised up a few months ago and started storing the two little girls pj's downstairs.  It makes it a good deal easier to have them downstairs, rather than send someone up for them, or have to take a wet diaper back down.

Heading upstairs, I pull Nikolas off the ceiling and send him back downstairs to finish his homework and do his chores - wipe the counters and the table - preferably not onto the floor.  Allegra is also sent down to do her chores - sweep the kitchen and wipe down the chairs.  I send Gabe to his room to dress, and then send him BACK to his room to dress. I scream my head off call ever so sweetly to the older kids to stop the fighting.  I remind Mackenzie to lotion herself - she has the driest skin I've ever seen, and scratches non stop if we forget the lotion.

I've been blessed with one child that loves to sleep - Emma.  Ever since she gave up naps, at about age two, she goes down very early. I tuck her into bed between 6:30 and 7.  Same thing every night - we do prayers, read a book, give her a stack of books to "read", turn on her tape, give her a pacifier - I kNOW, bad habit - and go out.  It typically takes me 5 minutes, and she's down for about 12-13 hours.  I also turn on the noise machine to cover the other kids.

Last night, though, she was up at 9.  At 10.  At 12.  At 2.  AND at 4:43 FOR THE DAY.

Gabe is next.  Same routine.  Pj's, prayers, book, tape and I'm out the door.  I don't mess around.  I'm usually interrupted several times while I'm in his room, though, settling fights and re directing Riley, who may or may not decide to stay with me.  I sometimes call for a big kid to come and get her.  Off to Mackenzie - same routine, with a slight twist.  She's allowed to stay up an hour, albeit in her bed, and read. If she gets up, it spells disaster for her, and she's learned that I mean what I say.  Gabe's usually asleep within ten minutes of being tucked in.

By this time, it's close to 8. I go back down with Riley and sit down to rock her.  Same thing every night - I'm so routine it's boring.  I send Allegra up to shower, with the promise that if she gets it done, she can watch Little House on the Prairie with me.  I rock Riley to sleep, and then put her down.  When LHOP goes off, Allegra goes up, Mackenzie is told to turn off her light, and Nik is sent up to shower.  I usually go up at the same time -9 - and get ready for bed myself.  I tuck Nikolas in and he can read for an hour. Once everyone is in bed, I typically try to stay awake for an hour or so, reading blogs, watching tv, and avoiding the laundry.  I really need that time, and don't like it when the kids are up later.  I need to recharge.

Sleep is really important to me.  If I don't get enough - I NEVER get enough on Sunday nights, due to Grey's Anatomy - I am grumpy and I have a hard time concentrating the next day.  I also feel like kids, especially MY kids, need more sleep than they get.  On nights when everything goes the way it needs, the little kids get 10 or 12 hours of sleep.  The big kids get between 8 and 10. That's what I shoot for.  That's why I run a tight ship with regards to bed - because I feel like it messes with my sanity if I don't.

During the night, I can count on Riley waking at least twice, Gabe making his way into my room at some point, and Emma a bit less frequently. Mackenzie still on occasion.  I'm so slack with the little kids - they come right into my bed.  The bigger ones are sent back, cuz I'm heartless that way.  The only ones who really sleep through are Nikolas, Allegra, and The Hubster.  When I'm woken, I have a hard time going back to sleep, and I can't stand any light in my room.

Comments

[Owlhaven]

I posted on this topic this week, too, Carmen!
Mary

[HolyMama!]

I just don't know how you DO it! And here you are, telling me how you do it, and yet, I just wonder even more after reading it! Um, WOW.

[Stephanie C.]

Wow, that *is* a tight ship. I only have my 6 year old to get into bed by 8:30 or 9; the older girls go when they're ready, which is usually between 10:30 and 11:30--after me.

[noelle]

I like my sleep, too. I do things a lot like you do, but in pairs. Two big boys shower together while oldest gives the 2 little girls a bath and I dip the baby in there. The oldest (dd) then is rewarded with a bath or shower to herself.

In bed by 8...or else!

[Karen]

You sound way more organized about it than I am :)

Thanks for sharing.

Karen

[christina]

I was curious about one of your comments: " If she gets up, it spells disaster for her, and she's learned that I mean what I say." What kind of consequence do you have for your daughter in this situation?

Thanks - Christina

[Lisa C]

Not one of my four often slept through the night before the age of 3. Now that they all do, I usually wake up some time in the night anyway. But at least I can usually go right back to sleep. I read a chapter of a book, (currently working through the Chronicles of Narnia) in the two little guys' room and the next oldest is welcome to join us. By the time the chapter is over the little guys are either asleep or too snug in their beds to want to get up, especially since Daddy won't let them in our bed.

[Elizabeth]

::yawn:: for some reason I am now REALLY tired ;)
Amazing, thank you for sharing.

[Denise]

Thanks Carmen! I enjoyed your rundown of the bedtime routine. I like to have an early bedtime for the five younger kids. We have no routine. I just say "jammie time" at 8:00, then when they've got their pj's on we give hugs & say "good-night." The older two get to stay up till 9:30. After I check the laundry and start the dishwasher, I follow them asap!

[Cindy]

you obviously haven't read the newest mom must read book! Woman First, Family Always by Kathryn Sansone! She will set you straight on how to have your big family, and do it all perfectly! Now, if you don't have a few million, you might not be able to handle life exactly as she recommends, but according to Oprah, this is our new role model. I suck by comparision. So, I am just going to give up and let the inmates run the asylym here! LOL

[Karnak]

HI Carmen

I only have 3 and I am lucky to be blessed with a 5 year old boy who likes to go to bed and go to sleep . He enjoyas the bedtime routine of story and prayers. Getting rid of the 11 year old girl is the hardest and then I get the big guns (husband)in to make sure she goes to bed especially on the nights she has school. the recent holidays here upset her rounte so now it is catching ups with her. I dont think I could go back to the broken sleep of my earlier baby days when I was woken about twice a night or share a bed with someone else, it is my bed not theirs.

Karnak

[Gail Martin]

I am new to your site, which has quickly become one of my favorites. I especially enjoy reading about the dynamics of a large family.

[Shelly]

Hey Carmen, when do you squeeze in baths and showers. I noticed they weren't part of this routine or the morning routine...

[Arielle]

I love your blog! I hope to one day have a large family (most of the families I grew up around had at least six), so one day I may be coming back to your archives for advice!

One question - do you have a ballpark figure on how much your grocery bill is each week/month? I'm curious about how much it costs to feed a family of eight.