So there I was....

In the sporting goods store, looking for some workout clothes for myself and sneakers for Allegra.  Hey, tax refund money came, so it was time to shop!  Allegra didn't see any shoes she liked - well, she did, but I draw the line at $55 shoes for an eleven year old - and so we went over to the women's section.  I had just located the under armor stuff - I wanted to get a pair of black leggings to run with outside - when Emma began to shriek.  I whipped my head around, and noticed that she was grabbing her bottom.  "Pee! Pee! I've got to peeeeeeeeeeee!" 

Ok, fine, whatever.  Except for the fact that she had already peed ON herself three times that day, and had wet the bed the night before.  And she's been both day and night dry for a year.  She's been saying that her bottom hurts, so I'm thinking it's time for a trip to the ped. I was fairly near the restroom, so I comissioned Allegra to run with her, fast like a bunny, to the toilet.  She's done it a million times, she knows the drill. I continued to search for the supremely extra large hootchie mama spandex leggings.  (Just shut up already.  Yes, black spandex.)  I looked over to the bathroom and saw Allegra walking out, with no Emma.  A quick question told me that Emma had soaked herself and she was sitting on the potty waiting for me.  Oh, so NOT ok in my book.  I dropped the clothes and hustled everyone over to the bathroom.  Thank you GOD that it was 10 a.m. and we were the only people in the store.  I propped open the door with the stroller, and took one step forward.  I caught my foot in the wheel, as it wasn't heavy enough to hold the door and it was sliding closed, causing me to trip and dump my coffee - warm but not hot - all over Riley.  She began to howl. 

A quick glance around told me that there were no paper towels in this room, just air dryers.  I checked on Emma, who kept saying "My bottom hurts", and then puzzled for a minute.  Where do I even begin?  I grabbed some toilet paper - the really cheap one ply stuff - and tried to mop up Riley, but I suceeded in merely coating her in tp fuzz.  I comissioned Mackenzie to grab some more tp and wipe the floor.  I picked Emma up and carried her to the sink.  I gave Allegra the van keys and sent her up one floor to the van, to get a pullup.  I've used all the spare clothes in the car, since she's had a rash of accidents this week.  I pulled Gabe out of the way of an overly friendly woman trying to enter the restroom, and stood Emma on the counter.  I began to try to wash her legs with my wet hands and the soap, and tried as best I could to wipe her down.  The IDIOT who agreed not the purchase paper towels should be shot.  I left her standing there to drip for a minute and stuck my head out of the door.  Where was Allegra?  As I was closing the door, I heard the elevator bing and I checked again. Yup, there she was.  I picked Emma up and held her bottom up to the air dryer.  It began to blow cool, but her shrieks of "hot!" clued me in that it didn't STAY cool.  I put the pull up on her, told everyone to stay put, and ran out into the store.  I could hear her crying all the way down the hall, which went well with Riley's annoyance at her coffee covered dress.

Clearance racks, clearance racks, oh, here they are.  Except.  The smallest size sold here is a girls small - 7-14.  Emma wears a 4.  And all the stuff on clearance was either shorts or shirts.  So I grabbed a pair of soccer pants - knowing that Mackenzie could wear them later - and marched up to the counter.  "Look."  I told the wide eyed, barely shaving kid at the register.  "My daughter wet herself, and I've got more shopping to do.  Can you just take this tag off and I'll come back and pay in a minute?"  He nodded his head, probably hoping that he'd NEVER become like me.  I raced back to the bathroom, and dressed Emma in blue pants with soccer balls, coordinated perfectly with her red and white striped turtleneck and her pink shoes and red socks. 

And I marched out of the restroom, with my uncoordinated kid, her wet clothes, and her coffee covered sister.

And I'm having a drink tonight.

Comments

[Elaine]

Yep. Sounds about right!

Totally a supermom moment! I would have lost it at the coffee dump. ;)

[Denise]

Oh, Baby. You are good. Not to bash our dear hubbies, but what the heck would they do in a situation like that? I hope we never find out.
God bless you, and Emma who has had so many accidents, and Riley who got soaked in coffee, and Mackenzie who cleaned a bathroom floor with toilet paper, and Allegra who rushed her sibling to the potty and obtained a clean pull-up from the van, and the dumbfounded boy at the checkout, and once again God Bless YOU, MTTSM!

[justmaeve]

Ya making me feel better. Let's see my day: child breaks bowl on floor, pees on floor, paints self in fingernail polish (the good news is it's beige), draws on self with eyeliner... uhhmmm yeah, that was it. And I thought I had a bad day, thank goodness there was no public involved...

[chris]

Have more than one drink. You totally deserve it.

You think she has a UTI?

[HolyMama!]

And THAT, is why you are totally qualified to write those amazing Wednesday posts. Because I would have just packed it in and gone home and never dreamed once of continuing to shop. THat's the part that gets me - you just kept going!
(Thanks for stopping by my site!)

[Kismet]

girl! you so totally have it togethter....even when you don't!

~K!

[Chris]

Just got a mental picture of the dryer moment. Yup. I am laughing pretty hard now!

[HolyMama!]

(This will only make sense to M2SM)
NO ONE knows all the words to Trashy Women - that's the coolest thing ever!

[kalisah]

you amaze me. I wouldn't begin to know what to do in a situation like that.

[Stephanie C.]

I would've like to see Emma in her outfit; she could totally pull it off with all her cuteness!
And I have to agree--you are such an amazing quick thinker and do-er!! Impressed once again.

[Owlhaven]

Somehow its therapuetic to hear others have days like I do. Thanks for the free therapy.
Mary
Pss- and thanks for reminding me I need to restock the van with extra clothes!

[paige]

Wow! What a day, and all by 10 am! ''YOu rock!

Note to self. Keep extra clothes in the van and always have a pull up in my purse.

[Dollymama]

Oh! That's just terrible. Poor you and poor kids!

[Theresa]

Uck. Hate days like that, and I second the UTI. Might be the reason...

[Jessica]

You deserve a drink as big as your head. What a day for all of you. You pulled it off with class too boot.

[supermom]

OOooohhh, I've had many days like that. They suck don' they? The craziest part is when I retell the story and the kids act as if they never had accidents and I was hallucinating it ALL!!

WHATEVER, WAIT TIL THEY HAVE THEIR OWN KIDS!!!!!!

*WUAHHHAHAHA*
{{{{Echoig evil laugh}}}}