Take me out to the ballgame

I loaded up the van.  Five kids of my own, two friends, and my father in law.  Who has a bad leg and trouble hearing.  We backed out of the driveway and immediately drove back in.  We'd forgotten diapers, and by WE I mean ME, since I'm the only one who should remember them.  We left again, and drove to The Hubster's work to pick up Allegra.  When he works on Sunday, one of the bigger kids is allowed to go with him and spend time.  Since we had this picnic, and he was working, I thought it would be more fun for her to be picked up and go to the game with us. 

Oh stupid, stupid me. 

What it was, was TORTURE for all of us.  She was grumpy and annoyed, and picked on each and every other person in the car.  I sat in the front and made small talk with my father in law, who was unable to hear 70% of what I was saying.  Between the escalating noise in the back, which I was trying to avoid, and the conversation up front, I was losing my mind.  We arrived at the ballpark, and I gave my speech.  "We are here to represent your father with his job.  You are to be polite, and answer all questions asked of you in a grown up manner, especially you and you (pointing to two extremely guilty parties.)  You don't have to eat everything offered, but what you take, you eat.  There is to be no fighting, no pushing, no hitting, no biting.  Everyone clear?"  Nine heads nodded, including my father in law. Perhaps I had been too hasty in my orders.  I counted to nine to make certain everyone was with me, and we hiked across the parking lot. 

The bigger boys, Nik and his friend, jumped around from car to car, dodging around each other and tossing the baseball mitts back and forth.  When they started to climb onto the roof of a car, I collared them and we went in to the park.  It was a teeny bit chaotic, what with each kid having their own ticket to turn in, the need for each ticket to be checked and returned, the need to go thorough a turnstile, and then the walk over to the picnic area.  Which necessitated our overwhelming the ticket taker, because we all had to have our hands stamped and it was, as she told me, "So MANY people!"

I seated everyone and made my way to the food table.  I asked for five plates stacked up, and five hot dogs on top on the stack.  "No way, ma'am.  You can't carry that," said the incredibly helpful food server.  I reassured him that I could, and he helpfully informed me that he thought I'd drop it all.  I smiled, and gritted my teeth, and oh so politely said that I was used to it, he'd sure make my job easier, and could I PLEASE have the hot dogs?  "Your orders, lady," said he, and handed them over.  I was determined not to drop them, and succeeded in returning to the table with all dogs intact.  Another trip yielded potato chips and watermelon, and a third trip netted drinks.  When everyone was ketchuped and napkined, I left them in the picnic area and went looking for my own food.  I dislike hot dogs and hamburgers, and was specifically looking for a mixed drink and a veggie burger.  Passing a drink stand, I grabbed a Mike's hard Lemonade and noticed a tempting aroma wafting from across the hall.  The next thing I knew, I had a philly cheese steak.  So much for the veggie burger. 

I went back, sat with the kids and ate my dinner.  I could feel myself relaxing with the drink, and sat back to watch the game.  I looked around, found my kids watching the players over the fence-sorry, camera phone quality-

and motioned them over to me.  Mackenzie let out a shriek that could have been heard around the world. "Mom!  Is that alcohol?  Are you DRINKING?  HOW are we going to get home?  You can't drive us!  Don't you see that police officer over there?"  Thank you, yes, I DID see the officer, it'd be nice for him not to see me and peg me, since I was planning to have another drink.  My rationale was that we'd be there for at least four hours, I had eight kids and my father in law with me, and I was dealing at a loss without The Hubster to smooth out my rough edges. 

Luckily, I was sidetracked, and so was she, by the costumed mascot who was roaming the picnic area.  Riley made a beeline for my lap and buried her head, since she hates those things.  He came up to me and wrapped his arms around me from the back, in a hug, and before I could warn him of the stupidity of his actions, Riley looked up and saw him.  She started shrieking the noise of holy terror that only a 2 1/2 year old can manage.  She screamed, took a breath, and screamed again. Lather, rinse, repeat, probably for a minute.  Which caused the mascot to jump back from us and trip over the table directly behind us.  Sigh. Did you honestly think I would regret having that drink?

Finally getting her calmed, I stood to clear the tables so that we could make our way to our seats.  I came back to the table to grab my drink.  NO drink.  Where was it?  I looked around frantically, and saw my father in law holding the cup.  The empty cup.  He had dumped out my drink, which was over half full.  My drink that cost me $6.00. 

Lucky for me, a co worker of The Hubster's offered to buy me a drink, and I gladly took him up on his offer.  I made certain not to let my kids see me with the drink.  The rest of the game was fun, although we left after the beginning of the seventh inning. 

Since The Hubster had shown up in the fifth inning, I decided that the best way to go home would be for me to drive his Jeep home, and let him drive the kids in the van. He agreed.  Yay, me! Except that the Jeep had no gas, and I decided to stop at the closest gas station, smack dab in the middle of the inner city.  It was well lit, I reasoned, and since the gauge hadn't moved when I turned on the Jeep, I was certain I wouldn't make it much further.  I parked, put my credit card in the slot, and turned to look back into the Jeep, where Nik and his friend were sitting.  A noise to the left caught my attention, and I whirled around.

To see a large and very unclean homeless man directly in my face, literally breathing the same air as me.  I jumped back, completely unnerved and shocked, my heart racing.  He said nothing, just backed away and began to rifle through the garbage can, keeping his focus on me the entire time.  I stopped filling the gas tank immediately, noticing that I had given the car 1 gallon.  It would have to do, I decided, and jumped in the car to drive home. 

Maybe nothing would have come of it. Who knows?  I was definitely spooked, though. The incident kept my attention all the way home, even when I stopped at another gas station closer to my house.  The gas was 25 cents a gallon cheaper, so I guess (?) I'm glad I had to make a second stop. I decided that the only way to fix this, now that I was home and the scare had worn off, was to have another Mike's.  Three in one night.  Better not tell Mackenzie.

***The winner of the Mission Monday gift was Margalit, for her incredibly descriptive tale of the mushy honeydew, and the yogurt from Passover.  Which was, am I correct, in APRIL???  Contact me at momtothe screamingmassesATgmailDOTcom, Margalit, and I'll send your prize along.  Just to make it fun, I'll have a gift again soon.  Maybe even next week.....**

Comments

[Lassa]

HA! Your life is as crazy as mine, Carmen!

I am always giving the you-better-behave-yourselves-so-help-me-god lecture, EVERY time we go somewhere. Now the kids mock me by finishing my sentence before I can, "We know, we know, no fighting, no bad attitudes, be respectful, yada yada yada"

Little shits...

[Christina]

I think your fil is very lucky to have lived after the pouring out of your drink episode!

[Jess]

Oh, you make me want to pack up the kids and go to a baseball game--Not! Glad you survived.

[the womom]

I keep reading about this Mike's Lemonade. I need to get me some.

[Kate O'Brien]

You sound just like me - giving the expectations before going in somewhere. Don't you find that it works, most of the time anyway. If I forget to lay out my behaviour expectations before we go out in public, I find the kids act up a whole lot more than when we have "the talk" beforehand. When you have a large brood, it's almost a necessity.

[Belinda]

Oh, my GOSH, this is funny. Now, I am normally so jealous of you for your multiple children when I can only have one, but...WOW.

This is one of those that I made Alex mute the TV for so I could read it aloud to him.

He loves that. Really.

[Wendy]

I do the same thing, give expectations before we go somewhere, but somedays their ears were turned off.

[mothergoosemouse]

Oy. You are a brave woman. I really do admire your ability to handle so much all at once.