What would the Internets do?

This will (mercifully) be brief.  Three days of late to bed, early to rise, and poor diet choices, combined with less exercise than I'm accustomed to, have left me with a migraine.  So, it's 8:15 and I'm in my pj's, with my face washed and the Tylenol PM at my elbow. 

But I've got a dilemma.

One of my daughters was invited to a party next week, and in the invitation was tucked this piece of paper: 

At the bottom, which I don't think you can see, it says "Or, just cash!  Whatever is fine!"

Needless to say, I was less than thrilled.  My first action was to explain to her why this type of greed was wrong.  My daughter understood that aspect, but she still wants to go to the party.  I don't want to even think about sending her.  I feel like I'd be playing into this girl's hands.  My son thinks we should definitely send my daughter, but have her give a different gift, like, say, a gift certificate to the pet store or the grocery store.

What say the Internets?  How would you handle this?

Comments

[Ally]

Jeeze, why not just ask for cash and be done with it? I think it's in pretty bad taste and probably speaks volumes about the families values.

[rachel]

I cannot believe this. I cannot believe this was sanctioned by the parents. yikes. This truly boggles my mind.

I like your son's idea, but IF I sent my daughter, I'd send her with a regular present - maybe even some things from Claire's. But no gc. gah.

just my opinion, though! maybe this is OK etiquette somewhere in the world.

[And Baby Makes Four]

I would either: a) bite my tongue and don one of the listed gifts or b) make a donation to a child in more need in her honor (make a wish foundation? local charity?)

[Jodi@OC]

I would send her but not with a gift on the list. If she didn't want to go with something other than what is on the list, she wouldn't go.

I would be embarrassed if I was the parent to the child sending the invite. Sheesh!

[Karen]

How about some sort of art kit or a gift card to Michaels? The girl is very artistic. Don't know how many girls she invited, but this "wish list" took some time!

[Elizabeth]

The main question I would have is this: is your daughter friends with this girl already? If so, go to the party and give a regular gift, nothing that rubs her face in her own bad manners, and lead by example. If she's not friends, does she want to be? Why? The answer to that question will give you direction.

If she's not friends and doesn't want to be, then don't go at all. "Thank you so much for the invitation, but I won't be able to make it."

[Elizabeth]

"or just Cash would be fine"-wow. Just, WOW. I would buy one of the gift certificates, just because at least it shows that you put some effort into it.

Wow.

[Sadie]

What would I do? Correct the note's spelling and grammer in a red pen, and tuck it in the "gifts" section of a Miss Manner's type book on etiquette.

[Caren Story]

I think it depends on if your daughter is friends with this girl, etc. I also like Sadie's suggestion with the Miss Manner's Etiquette book as a present. If it was someone I didnt know, I'm not sure I'd send my daughter at all. Just depends on who it is...I cant wait to find out what you decide :)

[Annika]

I would tell her about the girl who made me buy her friendship when I was six, and exactly how long it's been since I've heard from her (Twenty-two years; I'm 28).

[theotherbear]

I don't have any kids other than my husband, so I have no idea what I'd really do as I've never dealt with that situation. But, YIKES!!! How incredibly rude. I'd buy a normal gift or not send her at all. The normal gift could be from one of the stores listed on her gift wish list if you were feeling kind. I'd have trouble feeling kind about this though.

[jennP]

oh wow... i can't even imagine receiving something like this. As much as it is rude, I would probably just have a talk with my daughter and ask her what she would like to do. I would give her all of the options, including not going. If you choose to send her a manners book or something really other than what she wrote, the only problem with that is that your daughter may end up being bullied.
Maybe even call the mom and ask her if there is something specific her daughter would like from those stores. Then you may be able to communicate your feelings about this to the mom. i can't even imagine letting your child put a wish list in an invitation! wow! maybe the mom doesn't even know that that list is in the invitation?

maybe just go out with your daughter that day and do something fun :)

[SighsofmyLife]

I'd give her the cash - a whole one dollar bill.

Yeah, I'd probably not do that in real life, but I would sure want to!

[Christina]

I would be very tempted to not let her go at all, but if she is friends with this girl then I would probably send her with a gift from one of those places she lists that your daughter helps pick out, at least try to convey the right manners for a birthday party and ignore the cash comment. If I had met the mom I would also say something about the cash request (how old is this girl, anyway??)

[Kelli]

I would never allow my daughter to be that blatant. That is just rude. I

[mdvelazquez]

I'm here through Daily Dose.

Do you think the parents know she did this? I really hope not. This kind of thing is on my last nerve. R-U-D-E!!

I would probably let my daughter go to the party because why should she be punished for the girl's misbehavior. The gift definitely wouldn't be cash or a certificate though.

Someone else already suggested it, so I will second it. Perhaps, give your daughter the option to do something else, just the two of you.

Maria

[Sandra]

It's tacky w/ capital "T". The mom should've looked at invites and not let the daughter send this out. But honestly I'd take the easy way out and give cash. I personally hate having to go get a gift for any kid I don't know well! ;)

[Nicole]

Also here via the Daily Dose...

My approach to this kind of blatant breech of civility is to Be The Bigger Person. Comments to the girl or the parent are not likely to change their attitudes and may get you, or more likely, your daughter, into social hot water.

It's a teaching moment. Tell your daughter why you think this is rude. Ask her if she agrees. Then ask her if she wants to go and what she'd like to bring. (I never give cash because I think it's tacky, but to each her own.)

(And I'm a hypocrite, because I'd readily accept cash as a gift with much enthusiasm.)

[Megan]

I like the $1 bill thought....

But seriously, I would give the mom the benefit of the doubt...maybe she didn't know what the little darling was up to. And then I would give her whatever the heck your daughter wants to....no GC's NO WAY.

(However, if the daughter does get a whole bunch of GC's and her mom starts to look a little confused, someone can calmly show her the invite.....and watch her boil over at her daughter.....poor woman, I'd be mortified!)

Please let us know what you decided and how the party went!

[Maureen]

I agree with many of the commenters but would like to emphasize that your daughter shouldn't be punished or made to be the teacher...also while I certainly don't condone the girl's behavior, we live in a world of wish lists and registries for every conceivable occassion. Her behavior would have been abhorent when I was growing up but unfortunately, I'm not sure its all that unusual today. I'd use it as an opportunity to teach as kindly as I could.

[Mrs. Fun]

hmmm, not really sure how to handle it. I do think if my daughter was friends with this girl i would buy a regular gift and let my daughter go. I would not do a GC, I don't think they are thouhtful and when I give a gift thoughts go into it. I hope to pass that onto my kids.

[Jess]

My that was awfully bold. If your daughter still wants to attend I would let her go. Even though you were offended by the invite, you can't punish your daughter for her friend's rude behavior. Maybe your daughter can lead by example and teach this other little girl a thing or two.

[moe]

I want to believe that the parents did not tell her to include a wish list. Maybe you could ask the parents if you call to RSVP. I know if my daughter added a wish list to her invitations I would appreciate being told. If they didn't know you can laugh it off as a kids do the darndest things moment and they can talk to their daughter.

If they did know, you can (pretend) to sympathise. 'Kids these days get so many darn toys they never use...' Then give a donation to a local charity in her name.

Oooh but, I love the Miss Manners book idea. If only eh?

[Anna]

that child deserves nothing. nada, nichts, rien. NOTHING.

the etiquette book would be the only choice for gift. if you give the monster anything.

[Trei]

My son who is 8 received an invitation to a birthday party that was very similar to this. It said PRESENTS: Gift cards or cash.

I didn't let him go. I felt, like you, that it was greedy and we shouldn't be told what to bring as a gift.