Workin' together

I stood at the sink, not so patiently rinsing out tie dye.  I had been asked to create shirts for one soccer team, and then also the shirts for Gabe's team.  The grand total was about 36 shirts, and the rinse out procedure takes for-ever, and my back was cramping up.  The Hubster came into the kitchen, and stood by the bar, watching me rinse out.  I looked up at him and smiled.  He had been working up in the attic, placing insulation in the ceiling of the screen room. 

I'll say one thing for the man; he certainly knows how to stay busy.  He is physically incapable of just sitting on his bottom and doing nothing.  He finds more projects than anyone I've ever seen, and never relaxes.  He's had a week off from work, and the list of accomplishments has grown exponentially.  When his vacation began, he told me that he'd like to insulate the screened porch, as it was too hot out there this summer.  The day before he'd made a trip to the hardware store and purchased ten packages of insulation.  THAT was a funny sight to see.  He'd loaded the insulation into his Jeep, with the roof off, and he'd driven down the road with huge columns waving out the top.  He'd carried them all up the stairs and into the attic access, where he'd discovered that the hole he'd planned to pass the bulk insulation through into the attic of the screened porch was way too small.  So he'd gotten the power saw and cut a hole into the wall into the attic.  He'd spent the past three hours slicing the rolls open and laying out the sections of insulation. 

"Hi.  You know, this batch of shirts didn't come out right.  It's because they are 50/50, and not 100% cotton.  The green didn't come up, and they are turning out teal.  I'm going to have to buy a new set of shirts, and redye them for Gabe's team.  I can't believe this, it's so aggravating and a waste of my time, and, what?  What's wrong with you?"  I asked.  He made a grumpy face at me. "The attic space is so small, I'm feeling claustrophobic."  He was wearing a face mask, a hat, long sleeves and jeans, and the sweat was pouring off of him.  He was covered in insulation fibers and wood shavings, and his hair stuck up in all directions from under his hat.  "You know,"  he continued.  "You COULD be out there helping me.  I'm doing all this work by myself."

I blinked, and he was still there.  "Um, bud.  I'm doing work in here, remember?  Not only that, both of us can't be in the attic, since we've still got the two little girls here, and if I was in the attic with you, no one would be able to supervise them."  Not to mention, there was no was in the entire free WORLD that I was getting in that attic space, the incredibly small and sloping area that was narrower than my chest.  I could just SEE getting stuck up there.  No thank you very much. 

He continued on, unaware of my feelings.  "After all, I weeded the garden.  You didn't help me with that. I cleaned out the garage, and you helped me a little. I washed the garbage cans, which were nasty and disgusting, all by myself.  This is my vacation, and you've not done anything with me.  When I was a kid, we had these old Italian neighbors, and they did everything together.  Any time that Dominic was out doing work, his wife was right there, working alongside him. They were never separated, they always worked together.  That's what I want from you.  To be there, working with me.  Is that too much to ask?"  Before I could help it, the words spewed forth, like nothing I'd ever planned. "Let's see, buddy.  How many diapers have you changed this week?  How many kids have you put to bed?  How many nails did you clip?  How many dishes did you wash?  Meals did you prepare?  How many carpools did you drive, practices did you attend?  Not to mention, if I'm up in the attic with you, exactly WHO will finish this tie dye, go buy new shirts, and keep an eye on the little girls? "

He looked at me, shook his head, and walked away, muttering something about not understanding women.  Neither one of us was really upset with the other, just making our feelings known.  This is an ongoing discussion with us, and we have a frequent admission of Dominic and his wife Every.Single.Time.  I'm beginning to have a lot of pity for the woman - I don't think she ever got a break. 

How much work do you do with your spouse or significant other? 

Comments

[Tammy]

Actually, very little. He has his tasks, I have mine. It just works better this way for us. I've seen couples who work well together, but not many of them. My husband is such a stickler for HOW his tasks are done, and I never quite measure up. I'm the same way with my tasks and how he does them. So...I help when I can and if he's in a good mood about it. If not, then sorry, he's on his own.

[Hayes]

um, let's see. Nathan got up at 5 this morning. I got up at 6:45. When I got up, he was already outside doing yard stuff. He came in for 10 minutes when I spoke to him, then he went to Lowe's. It is no 1.5 hours later, and he is home from the "quick trip." He will continue doing backyard stuff while I take the girls to a Girl Scout meeting. By the time I get home, football will be on which means Daddy is in charge and mommy is BUSY watching the game.

so, time working together, practically nothing. Good for Dominick. I wonder what his wife's name was? And I wonder if she helped dig the hole he jumped in when he was tired of her following him around?

[Nina]

My husband and I rarely work together. I'm sure he'd already be dead and I in prison if we tried to do things like that together.

[kalisah]

None.

[Kimmie]

First....old Italian couples don't have children to take care of....LOL

Second....DH doesn't work well with me. he's too bossy. LMAO

[Sheree]

Well, pre-kids we used to do all sorts of household stuff together. We painted our entire house when we moved in (DH likes to mask off and I like to paint). We made a headboard, fixed up the kitchen, etc.. I am actually pretty handy and we work well together.

But now that we have kiddos, it's hard to do anything together. Most household projects involve dangerous tooles/supplies and with a 21mo. old, someone has to watch the baby at all times. So usually DH goes and does the project (with help from our 4yr old if possible) while I watch the young one.

I actually miss doing house stuff together.

[owlhaven]

Have you read those 'Love Language' books? It sounds like time together may be his 'love language'?

Maybe that is what he is trying to say- not that he feels overworked (sounds like he is not a guy afraid of work!) but that he would love to do things WITH you.

Feel free to discard this little tidbit if it doesn't resonate as true for him-- it's just what came to my mind when reading your post....

Mary (obnoxious advice-giver, shutting up now)

[Philippa]

None. Or at the least, some. But mostly none. And I like it that way. Half the stuff he does I've no desire to dive into. thankyouverymuch.

[Mary]

As little as possible.

[Caren Story]

We dont usually do stuff together either. Except for saturdays when we usually make the quick trip to base (my husband is in the air force and we are stationed at Ramstein AB, Germany) to check the mail. Sometimes we clean together. I cant say we've really done any projects together. Who knows what we'll do when we own our own house. I may have a different story to tell you then. :)

[jennP]

the less, the better... :)

[rachel]

maybe when you are old and retired and without kids in the house, you can do work together?

in our house we value the art of tag-team parenting. this AM I took the oldest to soccer. came home and he took the middle one to soccer, and brought the youngest to watch. then they all came upstairs to play while I made lunch and he had a break. now I have a break and he's got them all downstairs.

We piss eachother off if we try to do work together - we approach everything from a different angle. so it's better if we divvy up the tasks and children.

Hope your weekend gets better!

[jenB]

very little. we also each have our own tasks. i find it hard to imagine doing a lot of house-y work things together unless it is washing dishes. maybe he means more work in the bedroom or something. that is probably what my husband means. :-)

[LeeAnn]

Husband is so not into doing stuff around the house but he does do most of the laundry. He nevers wants me around, when and if, he's busy doing "guy" stuff and that's ok with me. The kids are now old enough to be our slave labors!

[Danielle]

We do very little work together. He is bossy and doesn't do a quality job.

Quick tye-dye trick. I use my washing machine to rinse out the shirts. I cut all of the rubber bands and just load up the washer. I run it through just the rinse cycle two times and then I wash it with detergent the next.

I haven't had any stains in the machine afterward and no problems with the shirts coming out funky. It's so much easier.

[Christina]

I'm with almost everyone else, before kids we did a lot together on the weekends, I even used to trim the yard while he mowed, stuff like that. Now with the kids we are pretty good at tag team parenting while he takes some of them to work on something and I take whoever is left to to something else. Then meet for lunch and switch kids for some more... Maybe when the kids are older and more helpful we can stop going separate ways all the time, but not sure that I want to give up all of my "do it my own way thank you very much" time!

[Amah]

We do to much together. My main irritation in life is that every time I try to start something - I have him right in the middle of it. He has more of a slap-dash attitude (one of the reasons I married him) than I do - so it makes it hard on me to have 1/2 of my project 1/2 done - or I have to go back and redo it myself anyway. But we do spend a LOT of time together whether it's washing windows or taking the kids somewhere. The only alone time I have is it I go to Curves!! It's my "break".

He likes to do things with me, and I him. But we just aren't compatible in the perfectionist relm. But I wouldn't "not let him help" because I don't want him to get in the habit of leaving everything to me. I'm more like your DH in that I am always finding a "project" to do.

Good luck!!

[Jodi@OC]

Well after reading all the other comments I am embarrassed to admit my hubby and I do a lot of work together. Whenever it is possible we work on things as a family. That has always been one of our biggest bonding strengths though.

[Celina]

R and I do some stuff together. Housecleaning is mostly my job, but house renovations are done as a "team." But, if I know that he knows that he could use my help on "his stuff" (i.e. working on his Jeep), I can "bribe" him to help me do "my stuff" (i.e. dishes, litterbox, etc). It works for us (most of the time).

[earthgirl]

Another together couple, whenever we can. Yardwork and housework. Well, we don't actually both scrub the toilet at the same time, but one will scrub the toilet while the other cleans the sink and mirrors. Or one will cut down brush while the other drags it to the burn pile. And we have children that get involved also. Perhaps it helps that we live in the country and a lot of work requires two people.

[Mel]

Close to none. Like a millimeter more than none.

[Karnak]

Hayes's comment applies to me Carmen. When you have little kids how many projects do you do togather. Our last project was painting the kitchen and he is a perfectionist and I want to get it finished so I had to hide the knives.

Your old man is on holidays and he is having fun doing projects whilst your workplace is the home and you are doing the things to care for kids, keep the place going and other exciting stuff. Mine mowed the lawn and hung up two towel rails after I "mentioned" that I had hung out three loads of washing on Saturday, got the grocery shopping whilst taking our eldest autistic daughter with me. did our stint on the coffee roster at mass and so you get my drift.

[the womom]

we're weirdos and do pretty much everything together as a family. We do all grocery shopping, yard work, projects, etc together. I do a lot of the cleaning on the weekdays on my own but on the weekend it's everybody pitching in. We alternate diapers, sleeping in, wiping bottoms on the weekends or when dh is home.
But we only have two kids. I'd imagine if we had more it would be much different.

we also do a lot of competitions to see who does what better for some reason.

[becky]

a few, when i can get him to help. he won't do them by himself. he likes to work as a team. but that wouldn't work with little ones around, that's for sure.

[Therese]

We used to do a lot of work together before I went back to work full time. Now it's all I can do on weekends to keep up with the stuff I have to do (laundry, meals, grocery shopping). Besides I bore him three sons who are bigger and stronger than weak lil' me!