A trip to the dentist begins at Hardee's

Or so it's often said. 

Right?

Being that the appointment that I was given was at 11:15, and my travel time to get to the dentist was about 30 minutes, and I'd spent time with The Hubster doing some house chores that he needed to get done - pinky swear, all we did was chores! - I didn't have time to eat before I left for the dentist.  I usually have an iced coffee for breakfast, and eat lunch around 12.  While I was driving down the interstate, I realized that a) I was probably going to need novacaine, which lead to b) I wouldn't be able to eat for quite a while.  I've tried to eat while numb before, but it's tough for me to tell where the food ends and lips begin, and, well, blood doesn't season food with the same fervor as salt, know what I mean?

I checked out the change compartment in The Hubster's Jeep, and was thrilled to find $6.  I also realized that I was passing a Hardee's.  Now, before you get all up in my grill, I don't eat fast food.  At least, I haven't for a good long while.  No cheeseburgers, no fries, no hotdogs, no apple pies - but, man, a woman was eating one in the parking lot at Wal-mart the other day, making those "Oh, this is so yummy!" moaning noises, and I almost jumped her through her open window. 

I don't eat it.  But it was the only place between the road and the dentist, and I knew that I'd need to have something pretty substantial to stick with me until the novacaine wore off.  I also knew that they sell my arch nemesis, the Mushroom Swiss ThickBurger.

Duh, duh, DA!

I walked into the almost deserted store, and gave my order.  There were two men standing to my left - one who had clearly come in from the incredibly long drive thru line, tapping his fingers on the counter, and one who was employed there, as evidenced by his t-shirt.  The clerk at the counter apologized to the drive thru man.  "I'm sorry that your burger was incorrect, sir; we're in the process of making you another one."  "You'd better be - how hard is it to get a simple burger right?  Does it take a genius?'"  he growled, and I flinched for the cashier.  She nodded politely, and reached behind herself as his order was placed on the rack.  She handed it to him, he opened the burger and threw it back at her.  "A PLAIN cheeseburger!  That's what I want!  Can't you idiots get anything right around here?"

The employee who was obviously on his break said nothing, but made a beeline for the grill section.  He told the cook to make another burger, the way the customer wanted it.  A plain cheeseburger, with nothing on it.  She cried out, "That's what I did!  Bread, meat and cheese!"  To which the customer snarled, "Who said anything about cheese?  A PLAIN cheeseburger!!!!  Are you STUPID?"

Um, no, that would have been him.  What he wanted, after questioning, was a plain HAMBURGER.  Biiigggg difference. They granted him his wish and he stormed out, got into his waiting vehicle and peeled away.  The tension inside the store deflated, and I looked down at the counter in relief.  To see the employees paycheck sitting on the counter, in plain sight and endorsed.  Whoops.  I handed it back to the clerk with a laugh, and a joke, and I took my burger and left. 

Hatred hurts.

After wolfing down the best damned burger that I've had in years, I entered the dental office.  I waited and waited, and was escorted back.  My dentist loves talk radio - no, make that LOVES TALK RADIO.  Whenever we go there, he's got it on, and his political views are 180 degrees from mine.  But, he's usually good about not pushing them in my face, and so I respect him. Maybe not agree with him, but respect him. 

That is, until I was trapped in the chair, with the suction tube in and about a dozen wads of cotton batting, being forced to listen to a program talking with abortionists.  The upshot of the conversation was that abortion was glorious, all women should have them, and no one should have more than 1 child. There was no loud suction going on; I heard these things as clear as a bell.   In fact, the MSNBC article was mentioned, MY article, the one linked below, with scoffing at the women portrayed in it.  How stupid those women with children are, the interviewer proclaimed.  Shackled, in bondage; unable to live meaningful lives.

Now, you don't have to agree with me on the topic of children. In fact, I'd venture to say that most of you don't.   I know I've got a wide range of readers here - childless by choice, infertile, one child, a dozen.  My family reads here, so does The Hubster's family, so do lots of people at my kids schools. As well as my older kids, and, I think, one of my stepkids.  Really, though, I've been amazed and gratifed by the kindness that's been shown to me on this blog.  No one - well, hardly anyone - is ugly, and for that I am truly grateful.  I've been heartened by some really nice email in the past few days, concerning the article.  I've also gotten some really, truly, vile and ugly mail. ( all deleted, by the way, so don't look for it - that's the perks of owning this blog!)  I suppose I should have expected it, but it's still painful to read things that call you a "baby making machine", "a selfish, self centered idiot", "Sad, racist notions of genetic superiority", "Spawning trophies for a contest as to who can have more kids"; all of those things have been said to those of us in the article, and over on Larger Families.com.  Like I said, I suppose I should have expected it.

I just didn't expect it at the dentist.  Where it was discovered that I had a cavity, and it weakened the tooth, and caused it to crack. So I got a temporary filling, with no novacaine, and get to go back on Friday for the permament.  That way, I get to pay for two visits. 

Since I had no drugs, I ate a big cheeseburger all for nothing.  And, now, I get to dread Friday, and wonder if I'll have the courage to say something to the dentist about his choice of programs.  Or even if I should.

Hatred hurts, people.  When a hurtful comment is said, there is a person on the receiving end of the comment.  A real, live, breathing person with feelings. Today was a lesson to me to try to be more aware of that, all the time.

Comments

[Mary Poppins (NOT)]

I would just bring your iPod and tell him you are drowning out the insulting radio program you were subjected to last visit. If he protests, remind him your large family are customers, and you could take your breeder clan to a different dentist. Yikes that ****es me off!

[Elizabeth]

Wow, I'm almost speechless here. "Unable to live meaningful lives"??? I know that's not your dentist's opinion specifically, but if that's the kind of radio he listens to, I'd be switching dentists.

As for the guy at Hardee's , I believe that what goes around comes around, and some day he will get what's coming to him. How unbelievably rude he was!

[rachel]

(((huggs))) what a wretched, wretched day.

Hope today is better.

And while I am pro-choice, my mind is boggled by the POV of the woman on that talk show. yikes.

IMO the dentist should have soothing music for the patients, not talk radio. I hope you can find a polite way of bringing that up.

[Erin]

I agree with the others - you are the dentist's customer and you have every right to request (politely) that he change the station if you find his choice objectionable.

Or, if you have one, bring your iPod and listen to your hearts content.

Good luck on Friday!

[Jennifer Cimino]

While he may not share the same opinions on that particular subject - it is a place of business and not entirely appropriate if he wishes to build his clientele. Most business play Muzak for that reason.

[Paige]

Wow. I'm so sorry. I mean going to the dentist is an awful experience even if you don't have any cavities and don't have to listen to obnoxios abusive talk radio.

I vote for the ipod.

[Christina]

Wow, that dentist surprises me, that he would make his patients listen to what he wants. My dentist has a tv in every room and the patient gets the remote control. And I must say that I feel like I encounter people everyday who seem to be completely unaware of how rude and hurtful they are. It's like they have no clue that the person they are wiping their feet on has feelings and is to be respected.

Oh, and how can raising the future be a waste of a life?

[Hayes]

Wow Carmen. Just wow. I love you.

[Megan]

Loved your article. Loved it!

And am amazed at the audacity of your dentist.

And ignoring all those who think I and you and all other big families are selfish baby making factories....

It is the most unselfish job I've ever had, besides working for mentally challenged folks in a sort of "halfway house" program. (not that the two are related....well, maybe somedays, huh?) Talk about getting totally involved in your work!

God bless you!

[Katie]

I worked at Hardees during high school, there sure are some rude idiots out there. (Mushroom Swiss Melts are good but my favorite was the Frisco Chicken, not on the menu anymore I think). I bet after the initial embarrassment of being treated horribly the employees were laughing their asses off at that man for the rest of the day.

I HATE talk radio. Can't stand it. Seriously bring your iPod on Friday. (One dentist I went to provided everyone with a walkman radio and headphones.)

Sorry to hear about all the hate mail concerning Larger Families. I've yet to receive any (lucky me!) but sheesh, I guess it's another example of all the rude idiots out there.

[Guinevere Meadow]

I'm apalled that anyone can call a woman who raises children "selfish." Raising children is the least selfish thing a person can do-- I wonder, have the people who think we mothers are "selfish" ever gone through 9 months of discomfort, sleepless nights, and constant peeing? On more than one occasion?? Nothing selfish about that!

It just makes me mad. People have no idea.

[Tammy]

My dentist also has a radio station "piped" in at her office. However, whenever I am there as a patient I am given a set of headphones and can choose my own radio station or peruse her selection of cd's. Thankfully the radio station she listens to doesn't offend me in the least. I'm not sure how I'd handle your situation.

As for the rude customer at Hardee's...I agree with Elizabeth from above...someday he'll get his. Encounters like that are never pleasant and tend to leave a bad taste in your mouth.

[Tara Livesay]

I am newer to your blog. I have not read long enough to know a ton about you ... but I can tell you love your kids and they are not being neglected, abused or otherwise damaged ---- it kills me when people choose to pick on GOOD MOMS ... who cares how many kids you have, YOU are raising them ... so kiss off opinionated jerks.

If they want something to get in a tither about they ought to go sit in a mall or any number of public places and watch the eight billion nasty moms who say the F word and every other thing to their one or TWO kids. People are such jerks. People who have large families usually do so because they are decent, loving people who WANT to parent children.

We just decided to adopt our third child, number six --- you cannot believe the snide things people say --- well, actually, I bet you can.

[FishyGirl]

Wow, Carmen, so sorry about the rude guy AND the talk radio - I would ask the dentist to change it, or bring your iPod for yourself. I don't get hate mail yet (I only have 20 page views per day on a good day, and virtually no regular commenters - though I saw yours about the snake - thanks!) but I have gotten rude comments in person, and I only have 3.8 kids (just one more month to go....). Those comments hurt. I don't judge anyone else's choices about their families, I wish others wouldn't judge mine - or yours.

[Emily]

*hugs* Sounds like you need it today.

[Carrie]

i have 2 kids, and 2 stepkids, which is a relatively big family, i suppose. and we'll probably have more. when i was pregnant with my 2nd, (and they thought all of them were mine) people would teasingly say, "you know what causes that, don't you?" i would always say, "i sure do, and we're really good at it!"

here is how i look at it - Some are called to be parents, others aren't. for those who are, as Christian parents, the most important job that God gave us is to populate heaven with saints, and raise more Christians who will spend their lives praising Him. He deserves as many voice praising him as we can muster. and the more good, loving, productive peope we can produce to outnumber the not-so-good ones, the better!

so go you!

[Carrie]

and let's all continue to pray for an end to the crime of abortion in this country, and around the world!

if that offends anyone, i'm sorry - but i'm rather sure it won't offend the host of this blog!

[Eva]

Hi there- have just started reading and wanted to introduced myself. As I said, hi! Never know the ettiquette of these things, but anyway....
Just another thing to add to the 'Dentists are evil' file, as far as I'm concerned!

[elfgirl]

Hugs, Carmen. Having four kids, and having worked at Wendy's for years when I was young, I can relate to your whole story.

[theotherbear]

(Somewhat tongue in cheeck, and with apologies to any dentists out there.)

Any person who wants to look in stinky diseased mouths and pull out teeth and stick drills into people all day must be evil. On my last trip to the dentist he had a tv on the ceiling, playing an episode of Mr Bean - the one where he goes to the dentist. (This comment is only funny if you know the show.)

The story about the cheeseburger guy was funny. I wouldn't even be able to be outraged at that, it's too funny that someone could be that dumb. Ha.

[Fiona]

I'm pro-choice as well, but I'm appalled by the content of that program and the bad judgment of the dentist who had it on in his office.

{{{{{{{{{Carmen}}}}}}}}}

[kalisah]

We both know that you & I have differing opinions on the subject of a woman's right to chose, but even I don't listen to that shit. That's no way to run a business.

[sw1ssm1ss]

I'm so sorry about your experience at the dentist! I would say something about it to him. I don't think it's so great that he listens to talk radio while he's with a patient, but when the topic became something that was attacking your way of life (even if he didn't know it was about you personally), he should have apologized and turned it off.

[Jenny]

My dentist likes to talk about politics and religion while I'm helpless in the chair. He's all about disasters and taxes.

Hate him.

Much love to you, sweetie. There is nothing like a good article to bring out the creeps.

[Karnak]

Hi Carmen

The talk back host read idiot sounds like he has completelty fried his brain. What really amuses me is that the morons who are anti large families and are so keen on abortion are the ones breeding themselves of of existence.
Whoever penned the line that demographics is destiny is right. Two examples of this are the Palestinians who have very large families and the Isralies who only have the standard two or less children per family or in your own country's case, the Hispanic families which tend to be large and the WASPs who have the standard two kids per family. Whose gentic strain will inherit the earth in those cases.

I only have the 3 and often wish that I had been able to have a fourth. So be proud that you have 6 and are doing a good job of it