In which I am publicly embarrassed by my children

I opened the door to the restroom and walked through with Riley and Emma.  We walked past mostly empty stalls and I opened the door to the largest, on the end.  I walked through the door and they clambered behind me.  Riley turned around and peered inquisitively.   "What's that smell, Mama?" 

Great. 

I tried to ignore her.  And then, as if from far away, I heard it.  (In reality, it was just two short stalls over.)  "Unnhh, unnhhh, grunt grunt."

Their eyes wide, my girls whispered to me, "What is dat?"  And then, louder, "Who's making all dat noise?  I think you should be quiet over there, lady.  Are you the one making this place smell?" I shushed them and tried to distract them, but they were not to be swayed.  The occupant continued with her labor, growing more and more verbal.  She was really struggling in there.  "Man, she's loud.  Why she so loud?"  "And stinky. Can you be quiet?  Let's get out of here!"  "Hey, you, lady, be quiet!"

I hustled them out of the stall, rushed through the handwashing and shooed them out as quickly as I could.  I was petrified that the other lady would appear.  How could I look her in the eyes, when all I wanted to do was collapse into hysterics?

Have you ever been really embarrassed by your kids?  Did you ever humiliate your parents with similar antics?

Comments

[Petra]

This is where speaking two languages at home comes in handy, he he. Yes, I've been embarrassed, but thankfully, they spoke Dutch and the other people at least couldn't understand (though they may have grasped the meaning). Honestly, though, in your situation I wish I was still a child, as I also sometimes get grossed out by people like that.

[Queen B]

Once when I was about 6 years old we were at a restaurant. My mom went into the restroom and I followed shortly after. I didn't have to go I was just waiting, impatiently, at best. Several times I urged her to hurry up and come out of the stall. Finally I did what any desperate 6 year old would do and I crawled under the stall. The WRONG stall. I didn't even know anyone else was in there. Too bad the old lady doing her business was not amused.

[Brandy]

I'm sure I've been embarassed by my kids before, but I can't remember anything off the top of my head. As for embarassing parents? I'm sure I did, but I've blocked it out. *g*

[Beth]

That is the biggest laugh I've had all day.
If you think about it, maybe your children's response really is the most logical one. Stink is stink, you know. It's amazing what those social rules do to us when you really think about it.

[cathy]

oh i'll bet she had no intention of coming out of that stall until after you and the girls left! after years of taking various small godchildren, nieces and nephews out and about and all over i have perfected the art of covertly hanging on to a child as i pretend i have no idea who they are or who is responsible for them. it works really well too, right up until they turn around and say, 'aunt cathy, i tiid, pit me up pleez.' sadly, there's only one little guy left now. the rest range in age from 8 to 24!

[Izzy]

Holy crap! (no pun intended) This brought tears to my eyes. I can just hear your kids (or mine) saying that stuff.

And yes, my daughter was carrying on about a very strong "stinky smell" that was quite obviously emanating from the backside of a senior citizen shopping very near us. It was all I could do to not to explode into fits of laughter.

[theotherbear]

Hahahahaha - that was a real crack up.

I went to dinner with a girlfriend and her 2 kids yesterday. One of her kids was giving me a cuddle, they are really affectionate little things. Then she looked at me and said, pointing to the diamond pendant I was wearing, "You know, that's really really small." Her mum was sooo embarrassed. I laughed.

[Karly]

Serves the lady right! You can poo without the sound effects!

I'll never forget the time I took Elijah, 3, into a dressing room with me to try on a pair of pants. Something in their stunk and he kept insisting that I had pooped my pants. "Mommy are you sure you didn't have an accident? I think you did. Lets check your underwear. It sure smells like poop!"

Yes, I'm sure the other people loved that.

[Celina]

I know that I don't comment on here very often, but I'm coming out of lurking to tell you THANKS! Thanks for this post that made me literally LOL--and share your story with my hubby. And, thanks for all your great posts! You give me some idea of what to be prepared for when I have kids (one day)! :)

[kelli in the mirror]

Oh, I laughed and laughed. You'd think the lady could at least give you a courtesy flush or something. :)

As for embarrassing my parents, I'm told that when I was about three in a large hardware store surrounded by mostly construction workers, I asked my mom why she had fur on her bottom like my kittycat. In a very clear and carrying voice.
I will die if my daughter does something like that to me. But she probably will.

[Kari]

My son said upon seeing an African-American woman: "His face is dirty!"

My son crawled under an occupied dressing room stall.

My son saw a morbidly obese woman and exclaimed, "His belly is very very big like a circle" while he used his arms to illustrate his point.

I peed in the middle of an upscale department store at age 4.

I peed on the starting block of a swim meet at age 6.

[Jenny]

Bwahahahahaha!

[Chris]

Just last week when my four year old shouted in Wal-Mart "Look at that kid! He's gotta freakin beard!"

We were right beside a little person.

I wanted to die. It wasn't until later I realized he used the word freakin, but too late to call him on it. I didn't want to bring up the whole ordeal again.

[OneTiredMomma]

Never commented before, but this was too damn funny. Have a couple of stories to share.

The best or worst! was at Target. We had a cashier ringing up the woman in front of us, when my 6 yr old daughter looked up and said - He's black. I said yes he is and we have different skin color and explained that our friends had different skin color and that is what makes this world so special. Beaming from my proud Mommy moment she turned and asks loudly... Is he a slave? OMG!! I assured her there was no way he was a slave and felt my white ass skin turn from that to purple. Then this brillant child of mine remembered *aloud* that Lincoln freed the slaves right?
OMG!!! I totally feel your pain!

[Lena]

Okay. We've been talking about "healthy" foods lately. Yesterday Savannah and I are at the store and she points to the heavyset woman right in front of us and asks "Is that lady fat because she ate too much McDonalds?". We got the eyes of the DEVIL from the poor lady.

Kill me now.

I so got french fries after that. Healthy eating can be so DANGEROUS.

[rachel]

I have loved reading that over and over.

I've been embarrassed by my kids more times than I could possibly count. But I am easily embarrassed, and my kids are, um, loud/outgoing/easily excitable. I cringe regularly. *sigh*

[samantha]

I had my twin daughters (3 yo at the time) in Walmart one day. We were at the register, about to pay and I hear a loud "PFFFTT" emanate from one of my children. UGH! She busted out laughing and said, LOUDLY, "Mom, I FARTED ON YOU!" I about died! Her sister then proceeded to scream "SHELBY YOU'RE BUTT STINKS!!" I wanted to crawl out the door LOL The elderly man that was our cashier just laughed it off and said "thats okay, more room outside than there is inside" I was like, uhh yah! WTH?!? Girls dont fart! ;) Especially not in public SHEESH!! heheh

[Woman with Kids]

That's priceless. It's the boys' mission in life to embarrass me, or to pretend they don't know me. Boy 2 once announced in the grocery store, that the ...large... man in front of us needed to eat a carrot because he'd eaten too many donuts.

Um? hi? nice large man?

[Denise C.]

When my stepson was five, he asked this teenage boy from our church, "What are all those bumps on your face?"
"Uh, when you are older you'll find out."
To which stepson replied, with some assurance, "Uh, no I will not!"

At Subway, my 6 yo commented to his 7 yo brother, "That lady is FAT!" And she heard. And was pissed!!

And as if my life wasn't crazy enough, there is a girl missing a portion of her arm at the local coffee spot. I *knew* my kids would say something and I tried to warn them beforehand. This only piqued their curiousities. When they saw her they were stifling their giggles and stage-whispering to one another, "Is that her?" "Where did her arm go???"

*sigh*

[Dawn]

My son very nearly caused me to die of shame once. He was about two and very articulate. I had a feminine matter to attend to and o choice butto drag him into the ladies room stall with me. It was the height of the holiday shopping season &the bathroom was packed. This is what the ladies waiting in line heard.
"Mommy what is that string hanging outta your butt?"
"Why be quiet?"
"What's that white thing? Can I have one?"
"WHY be quiet?"
"Mommy what are you doing? Why you put that white thing in your butt?"
"WHY BE QUIET?? WHY??"
"Why you play with that white thing in your butt? You said we no play with butts!!"
"WHY YOU PUT YOUR HAND ON MY MOUTH?! WHY BE QUIET??!!"
Needless to say a hush had fallen over the room when we exited.
Seriously, I wished that the floor would swallow me whole. I have never ducked & ran so fast in my life.

[Donna]

I just found this wonderful web page and plan to visit often for big belly laughs!