Work and work and more work

I completed my first week of work.  Holy crud, was I tired at the end of the week.  3.5 hours a day doesn't seem like much, but it really wiped me out.  Lifting pots and trays, carrying heavy things, and me in what I THOUGHT was fairly good shape.  Ahem.  I have much work to do.  But I made it through and, God willing, that was the worst part, right?  Someone tell me I'm right.

Over at The Amazing Shrinking Mom, Mel reminded me that like it or not, summer's coming.  I'm not a huge fan of summer, although I LOVE not having to put coats on people and running out to an icy van.  Which, surprise, surprise! now has a broken heater switch.  I'm also not a huge fan of summer, especially since I have a hotter than normal thermostat and sweat like a pig from the time the thermometer touches 75 on.  What I love about summer is the ability to wear short sleeves, or sleeveless shirts.  I love being able to hop out the door and jump into the van with no preparation.  And this time of year, I day dream about that.

This year will be the first in a long time that I'm not going to hide from people in my bathing suit.  Not to say that I'll strut my stuff, but I can honestly say that this is the first year in forever that I will go to pool parties and swim.  Not be the mom who is in the kitchen on purpose, hiding out from everyone.

Jenny's got a great post up over at Big Slice talking about body image, talking about how to tell her daughters about growing old.  This part really struck me:   If I don't tell them that gravity and age and pregnancy and partying and lack of exercise will haul their bodies in unflattering directions, will they just assume that I became fat by magic?   

Ouch. And, right on.

How did your mom tell you about weight and exercise and the importance thereof?  Did she even mention it?  Were weight and body image topics of import in your family growing up, or were they discussions undiscussed?  What do you do with your children, or will you do if you had them?  What do you wish had been said to you?  Anything?  Nothing? 

I've tried to spend the past year telling my kids, especially my girls, that I'm exercising to be in shape and to be healthy, but I'm afraid that my oldest daughter has seen through me.  She asks me how much more weight I'm going to lose and what size I want to be, and what size I was.  The answers to those questions are very important to me, and yet I don't want them to be important at all to her.  I don't want her to turn out like me.  I tell her that I want to be strong and muscled and healthy.  All true answers, and yet I'm lying through my teeth not to say that I'd love to be smaller all over.

As hard as I try not to, I'm concerned about how I'll look on the cruise next month.  Totally vain, that's me.  How have you been able to work past it?

Comments

[HolyMama!]

haven't been able to work past it at all!

but. i like to say that it isn't about a certain size or a certain number on a scale, but about a level of feeling strong and fit and healthy. (it just so HAPPENS to coincide with a very specific size pants and weight range, but i don't say that.)

[Chrissie]

How did your mom tell you about weight and exercise and the importance thereof? Did she even mention it? Were weight and body image topics of import in your family growing up, or were they discussions undiscussed? What do you do with your children, or will you do if you had them? What do you wish had been said to you? Anything? Nothing?

I've started 12 comments on this so far because it SO strikes a chord with me. My mom is a small person. 115lb at 5'2" I'd guess. She's the same size she was when she got married in 1969. But she's allowed to be 'fat' because she's had two babies.

As I gained my way up to 240+ lb (during my pregnancy, but STILL) I really didn't want to talk to her. I didn't want to talk to her when I was 150. I didn't want to talk to her when I was 180.

Any time she tried I got defensive and cried. And vowed to change but never did.

I have no idea what I will tell my currently 4yo daughter, but I don't want her to have to fight her weight the way I have.

[Jessie]

Oddly enough, I wrote in my blog today about something similar, only its more like an "Im ok with me" sort of thing. Its true, the world needs to know the truth.

[Bss]

I have always had a problem with my weight. My mother did, also. But, when I was a child, she was fairly active and told me to never allow my weight to stop me from doing anything I wanted to do. After I had my 4th child, I was morbidly obese. I thought I was able to do all of the things I wanted to do, but really I wasn't. I couldn't run, jump, keep up with my kids, keep up with the house or life in general. My daughter is 11, and she has been by my side as I lost 130 pounds. Even losing all of that, I'm still obese. The only thing I talk with her about as far as weight and body image is that she needs to make good food choices and exercise if she wants to be healthy. She is going to be a tall, large boned person.....her father is, too. As long as she is healthy and strong, it doesn't matter what the scale says or what size clothes she wears. The reason why I'm still working on my weight is that I'm still obese, and that's not healthy.

We're already having trouble buying clothes where we live. We live overseas and the clothes are made to fit very petite women. Geesh, some of the grown women in this area are shorter and thinner than my 11 year old. People are all shapes and sizes!

[Tammy]

I'm in the minority here but thought I'd put in my 2-cents worth anyway. Exercise, diet and eating right aren't topics I can remember ever being discussed in my family. Not to say they weren't discussed...I just don't remember if they were. I do however remember vividly being a 4th grader and the day came to be weighed for the report cards (remember when they did that?). Anyway, I was 49 lbs in the 4th grade and the teacher had a huge fit and made a big deal about it in front of the whole class. I've never forgotten it and even though I'm thin, have never felt that was a good thing. I've never liked the way I look and to this day people still wonder if I'm anorexic (I'm not!) and comment to me constantly that I look horrible. Until the past couple of years it appeared my daughter was going to be built just like me. I have made it a point since she was young to tell her how great she looks and to tell her how lucky she is that she won't have to worry about her weight. I didn't ever want her to have the poor self image I've always had, that was compounded with what people would just come out and say to me about my weight. It turns out my daughter is not built quite like me, but has a great figure but has never seemed to be bothered by her body image at all. She does eat right and exercise and I have made it a point to talk to her about things I don't remember being discussed growing up.

[Michelle]

I come from a large family--large in size and number--and somehow got the "good" genes where weight isn't a problem for me. BUT, I've watched my sisters struggle with it for so long and ached for them. The hardest part is one of my sisters really wants to get married but others can't see past her exterior. I keep hoping she'll meet a great guy who will be able to see more than just a large woman and see her like we see her.

[rachel]

My mom went on every diet under the sun. And we went along with her - no sugar, no chocolate, etc etc. she was always saying she was fat, and she made me diet when I was in high school (sent me to school with carrot sticks for lunch).

What did I do? I married someone overweight. I do not care at all about body image.

Right now I'm a little annoyed because my awesome metabolism has failed me - no exercise + candy + soda = tight pants. :( so I may try joining my husband on his New Year's diet (South Beach) for a bit. the idea of giving up my candy & soda is upsetting, though. But I'm too cheap to buy new clothes, too.

[Susanne]

My mother never liked the way she looked. As long as I can remember she was on a diet. And even at times where she told me to please eat a little bit more because I was so skinny she also told me that I had a big butt and had to hide it. My sister and I both have been suffering from eating disorders. Oh, and my mother is always extra friendly to me when I'm heavier than she.

I used to think that I would finally stop feeling fat if only I reached a certain number or size. Guess what, every time I reached it I wanted to be even smaller. Until one day I looked in the mirror and saw that it was enough. And going through old pictures I can see that even if I felt fat I never have been. And that in reality every size I have ever been has been okay.

So now I try to make it about feeling healthy and eating with pleasure. I used to have a photo of me up for motivation, saying to myself, "I want to look like that again. I want to fit in a size 38." (That's like a size 6 I guess). Then I realized that the woman in this picture was 10 years younger than me. Duh.

I have to live for now. Not for something in the future. Buy clothes for now, feel as good as I can now. Regardless of weight or size.

[Randa]

My mother was always dieting, and I got the "bad genes" in the family with regards to weight- my sister got the good genes. I've always been conscious of being bigger than everyone else. It's really the bane of my existence! If only I didn't enjoy eating so much. I need to have a taste-bud-ectomy!

[Brandy]

I have always struggled with my weight and I think my MOther was the same way, but we never discussed excercise or eating healthy. She tried all kids of diets, grapefruit, slim fast, etc. All I want is to be healthy. I am overweight, and will probably always be so and I realize this is a touchy subject. I excercise regulary and try to make the right food choices. I promote excercise to my 11 year old Daughter and eating healthy. That's all I can do. I don't like the way I look, but only part of it is weight. I do tell Daughter that others shouldn't be judged by appearance but that our society, even if it is unfair, that happens more often than it should. Mostly, I want my Daughter to have tolerance of others. No matter someones size and in our society, it is a problem.
I don't even know if this makes sense. But, I get your point.

[Nik]

I am the offspring of opposites: my dad is skinny and tends to be more so if he doesn't take care of himself. My mom used to say you could wave food in front of her face and she'd gain weight. They clashed about many things until (thankfully!) their marriage broke up, and appearance was one of their ongoing arguments. So my dad would drink protein shakes, gorge himself, and lift weights; while my mom would diet, do aerobics constantly, and also lift weights. I learned more about how to treat my body from my great-grandmother, because she died of osteoporosis. Now her daughter, my grandmother, has this disease. Because of them, I will never starve myself to lose weight, and I have taken care to create lots of bone density by lifting weights. I also found a man who loves me for who I am and what I do, and likes the way I look all the time. I want to live a long life, free of mental and physical pain of the body.

[Zany Mama]

I think - no, I know - that my mother hated her body the entire time I was growing up because she has always been overweight. And her feelings have definitely filtered down to me. Lots of emphasis was put on my looks/appearance/size because I was small. Add to that the fact that I was a gymnast, and you have a clear recipe for an eating disorder.

I don't have one, fortunately, but this makes me determined not to pass along a poor body image to my child - who is a boy, so it will be a bit different.

Thanks for bringing this up - I need to make sure my head'ss where it needs to be on this one!

[Xenia Katie]

My mom has never been good about taking compliments. She's always been quick to call herself "fat" even when she isn't. I have unfortunately adopted this mindset. And even when I look at pictures of myself and see that I'm not fat (or dog-ugly), it's still the biggest struggle to accept who I am.

I wish that my mom had had a more positive outlook on herself. I don't want to pass that down to my daughter, but I also need to learn that it's okay to try and look nice. Because I do need to feel good about myself in order to project that onto my daughter.

But to be fair, my mom has been a role model for me in her exercise. As a teenager she'd always invite me to go for evening walks with her, and she still walks to this day. Now I've inherited her affinity for walking and I know the importance of exercise.

[Mrs. Flinger]

Great discussion. I've thought of this off and on. LB was just down with her daddy in the garage (where the eliptical trainer and weight set are) and she was so proud that she got to "exercise" too. I want her to participate and be active with us. But there's a fine line between that and trying too hard to be someone I'm not. (Small. Perky boobs. Small. Did I mention the boobs?)

You got me thinking...