Clueless

I have a routinue.  It's a good one, for the most part, although definitely not foolproof. I get up, get the kids ready for school and take them.  When I leave, the two youngest remain with The Hubster.  That way, I can drive the smaller car - his work car - and not have to take the littles out with me.  The Hubster can work out, shower and get ready for work, as well as spend time with them.  It's a pretty good arrangement.  After I drop the kids at their respective schools, I stop and get coffee before returning home. 

Today was just like any other day.  When I arrived back at my house, though, I couldn't believe what I saw.

I tried to open the door, but it was blocked. Hmm.  I shoved, and the chair that was in front of the door gave way.  I hadn't left it there - someone must have moved it, maybe to open the top bolt.  I entered the kitchen and gasped in shock.  Entire cabinets had been upended - there were bowls and lids, cups and papers strewn around the floor.  There were two empty puzzle boxes on the table, with the respective pieces on the floor and in the chairs. 

"EMMA!  RILEY!"  I called.  No, bellowed would be more precise.  I kept walking and found them in the playroom, which had been emptied of toys as well.  All the cabinets were empty, the toy boxes were barren, the doll beds were desolate.  Both girls peeked around the corner at me, dressed in the dress up clothes that were in the box upstairs.  Both also had sippy cups of grape juice, and, when questioned, declared they'd "poured it themselves"!

Making my way back to the kitchen, I saw the open grape juice on the floor - thankfully, in time to avoid tripping over it.  The refrigerator was open as was the freezer.  Questioning as to the whereabouts of The Hubster, I was cheerfully informed, "He's upstairs, in the shower!"

Swell. 

When I barged in, he was singing with gusto and soaping up.  "What do you mean, leaving them alone?" I barked. 

He blinked and looked at me quizzically.  "Well, I told them to behave.  They didn't do that?"

(The man has NINE kids.  He's not a rookie.)

No, they DIDN'T DO that.

Comments

[Heather]

Oh my, men are a rare breed, aren't they? Sometimes, I wonder what breed that is. :) This morning, I was in the shower and hubs was already all dressed and headed downstairs to get himself breakfast. I almost didn't ask but thought better of it. "Are you going to take the kids down with you?" His reply? "OH. Did you want me to?" He was totally serious.

[margalit]

Is it horribly mean of me to say I laughed my ass off at this?

There is something just a slight bit off about a man's brain. They just don't think sometimes. But you love him and he does take you on those wonderful vacations...so you gotta just take the good with the bizarrely insane.

[Kamrin]

I am with Margalit that I felt bad for how funny I thought it was. This happens around here all the time when the man is left in charge. Sigh. They just don't get it. I guess I was just glad that this time it wasn't my house and kids!

[liz]

Gah! Cluestick time!

[CharmingDriver]

Heh, at least he was naked in the shower and not in front of a bay window.

I will never understand how the male mind operates, ever.

[SuburbanOblivion]

*Snort* Yeah, telling them to behave always works. How funny!!

[Rachel]

oh that's funny!

No, telling them to behave never works.

That said, my kids have done a ton of unexpected stuff when I was in the shower or making dinner. eeeep.

I hope he helped you & the girls clean up!

[deborah]

wait, you mean you didn't turn and LEAVE!!

[Rachel]

oh that's funny!

No, telling them to behave never works.

That said, my kids have done a ton of unexpected stuff when I was in the shower or making dinner. eeeep.

I hope he helped you & the girls clean up!

[Karen]

Oh my gosh that is hysterical! Amen on the hubs front though - sheesh. Mine has two and still can't figure out he can't leave the little one alone for 45 minutes while he goes for his sh*t, shower and shave. Men.

[Alley]

hehehehehe - so funny and so true!

I think that there is gene that is missing that will allow fathers to see that logic does not work with children. I often find the RO trying to reason with the boys and although funny can be downright frustrating too!

[Kelly]

To funny, men do not have a clue. They think the house and family just roll along on it's own. They fail to forget that everything rolls along smoothly because of the moms.

[Tammy]

Thank God for moms who have it together because we can't all always rely on the men! When my daughter was younger and I'd have to leave her with my husband I'd cringe every time. He's a very capable guy, but like you all say, they just don't think things through like moms do.
Once, he left our daughter in my uncle's house with my teenage cousin who was cooking mac n cheese while he went to the shop with my uncle. My cousin pulled a chair up to the stove for my dauhter, who later put both hands on the hot burner and ended up in the ER.

[amy]

Classic. I love watching fathers when they are supposed to be watching their own kids...9 times out of 10, the kid ends up crying or falling or doing something crazy all while the dad or dads are RIGHT there. That Y chromosome - ya gotta love it! No wonder the xx is the one who bears the children -- :)

[Woman with Kids]

OHHH, that's all you have to do is tell them to behave? Geez, I completely missed that. I've been doing it the hard way this whole time... *grin*

[super des]

I thought you were going to say your house had been robbed.

I don't know which is worse.

[Brandy]

Good Grief. My Mom used to say that Men are 'wired differently'. Boy, did she have that right!

[Hayes]

Nevermind the borrowing Frank thing. The fun on the vacation is completely voided by the mess. If you were smart, you would have sneaked back out the door, and gone to get more coffee!

[Elizabeth]

I work a full time corporate management position, and my dirty little secret is that I have to plan every day so that I can pick my son up from school, because DH has *forgotten* to pick up the kids on too many occasions (DDs are no longer in care). In fact, if I must be late, I have one of my daughters pick him up. On the very rare occasion DH must pick up, I call him and tell him to leave and then have him call me once said child is in his possession. Do I feel like a nag? Yes! An awful nag! BUT, I prefer that to the call from day care saying that if nobody shows up in 10 more minutes they are calling the cops. He used to have pickup duty once a week on the same day every week and I found out a couple months into it that he was making late payments every single week!! (The kids squealed)

[Tonya]

Very funny, indeed. I only have two kids, but I could see my hubby doing the same.

[Denise]

I can picture the exact look on his face, as he was saying this... only because my own husband has done this same thing many times.

[Joseph Birthisel]

I am that husband. I've done that very thing before. Will we stop doing it? Probably not. In all likelihood we'll just look for more hypnotizing TV. Maybe save a really good Spongebob or Pucca for such moments.