Hypothetically speaking

If you were to see someone do something that you thought could hinder the safety of a child, what would you do?

What if the something you saw scared you badly?  And it was unlike anything you'd ever seen in all your years as a parent?

What is your responsibilty? 

And if you would do nothing, why? 

But what if you were wrong, or got into trouble, or were considered to be making a mountain out of a molehill? 

How far should you take it?

This is all hypothetical, of course.  I'm just curious. 

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Comments

[mothergoosemouse]

Oh, so many dependencies.

But if I was really frightened by it, I don't think I'd be able to hide those feelings - they would show in my face. And I would probably find a way to ask a question or two that might lead to either 1) more information that would assuage my fears; or 2) more information that would validate my fears.

The worst that happens when you ask questions is that you get told to mind your own business. Which is a signal in itself when a child's safety may be at stake.

I'm curious to see what others say too.

[Heather]

Agreeing with Mothergoosemouse to say that if it's someone I know, I would ask enough questions that I'd either a)be satisfied, b) be told to bug off or c) realize that I needed to notify the proper authorities. If it weren't someone I knew, I'd just call the police and report what I saw and let them follow up. But, then I'd worry endlessly if they actually did. Geez Carmen, I'm all worked up for you. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

[Kendra]

Yikes! I'd ask my husband what he thought first because he usually sees things TOTALLY different from me.

But in the end I'm a wimp and would probably live for the rest of my years wondering if I should have done something.

The one time that I was in a situation where I felt the same I was a brand new step-mom of a 7 year old and (long story short) I ended up REALLY CUSSING OUT a day care provider (that never got our $ or kid again. We also called DFS and her liscense was tagged so she got reviewed A LOT. Good!)

I hope things are ok for you and all of yours...!

[Kamrin]

So weird! Just tonight we saw a man yelling "shut the F**k up!" to a little girl (maybe 2 1/2) and the mom. It frightened us so much with all his yelling that folks began to stop and stare. I ran inside the store to see if they had security on staff (they didn't) and hubby called 911. They left before the police got there, and the very large angry man was obviously hyped up on something so that I dare no cross him, though I normally would. I tried to reach the mom to offer her felp to get away, but she too seemed cranked up and kept walking away from people. One can only do so much, but at elase we tried, and now the police have the license plate, car make, and discription of the family. Let's hope it ends well.

[Annika]

It's a really fine line between drive-by parenting assvice and looking out for a child's safety. And I have no idea what I'd do if I felt a situation were the latter.

OK, an example: a man criticized me because my fair-skinned, redhead son was not wearing a hat in the direct sun. I knew he was wearing 50 spf, so I told the man that I am my son's parent, thank you very much, and he could mind his own damn business. So obviously I think that falls into the drive-by assvice category. The man clearly felt differently, as he was really incredibly nasty about the whole thing (I was much more polite than I've described here, really).

So that's what I mean by fine line. This guy apparently thought I was harming my kid. Unfortunately, he also thought he was better qualified to decide how to care for him than I am, and made various assumptions that were not true.

But actual harm? Like hitting, drugs, etc? I have no idea what I'd do. I hope I don't have to find out.

[margalit]

I'd try to assess the situation to see if it was a one time deal and the parent was just being a moron, or if this neglectful parenting was part of a pattern. If it was a pattern, I'd call CPS and the police in a heartbeat. But I'd definately try to find out what was going on before doing so.

[MsShad]

I worked in the child abuse prevention for 8 years. I would definitely step in if there was physical violence. Verbal violence and emotional violence is a bit tricky. I'd say "Is there anything I can do to help?" That takes them off guard, and the abuser will often become overly nice, and confide in you about the darn child/behavior, and you become a "pal" in a sense. Then you can get a clue to the situation and go from there. At the very least, it startles the abuser, and it takes the focus off the child.

I wouldn't interfere unless it was physical, verbal or emotional violence. When in doubt, call the police. That establishes a "record" and you never know if they've been reported before. After being reported 3 times in my state, CPS gets involved. I know in another state, CPS gets involved after the first report.

[meritt]

Without details, I'm not sure. I've been the receiving end of busy bodies much like the previous poster with the spf 50 sunscreen. (Not the same issue but the same idea that you don't REALLY know what the situation is).

[Katie]

I'd stay out of it unless I could get more information to confirm the suspicions.

I had a good friend who went through a month of hell because someone reported her family to the CPS. Turns out the person was trying to report the family camping next to them (my friend's family was even at the movies during the incident the person saw) but the CPS had to follow up and seriously stressed her out for a few weeks. (CPS finally realized the goof and let it go.)

Probably not the best advice but I kinda follow the same rule I tell my kids, "if there is no blood or the house on fire, I don't want to hear about it."

[lyns]

If there was obivious visusual abuse or danger happening I would step in no problem...I would attempt to get the kids in a safe place...using security, the police whatever...

If its like the sunscreen issue...no wouldn't get involved unless asked by the parents for my advise or opinion...

I loved the "Is there anything I can do to help" response...then you can really get a feel for the situation without seeming like you are making a mt. out of nothing (if it is really nothing..) Having lived overseas where people really do believe in the whole village to rasie a child thing its hard sometimes here in the USA to accpet help or be asked...we jump to the defensive or we are afraid to get involved...I'd rather have someone be awful to me than a child...mine or theirs!! xo lyns

[Janelle]

I am a mandated reporter so I HAVE TO report anything I would see as maltreatment to Social Services or the Police. They then screen it out or invetigate further. It isn't my job to make any derterminations, if I have any question I still report it. Sometimes they will keep reports and if another report comes in on the same family, then they will investigate. This applies even when I am not working.

[Renee]

My thought would be 1) go with your gut, better to be safe then sorry 2) if your are wrong most good people would eventually come to realize it was all in the very best interest of the child. I personally would rather be wrong than for something horrible to happen and not have done anything.

[paige]

I'm a teacher, so I'm mandated to report any suspicion of abuse. I've had to do that twice in my career and it was fairly easy to do both times.

I've also stepped in on playgrounds, in stores and on vacation to try to defuse situations with explosive looking adults and scared looking kids. If I have my own kids with me and I'm worried about my safety or theirs, I walk away and call the cops.

If my kids were being threatened or put in a dangerous situation, that's what I would want a bystander to do for them.

[Brandy]

If a child is in danger, then yes, absolutely. Even if it's emotional abuse, then still, yes.

[Phoenix]

Hypothetically speaking, I've called CPS on three people before and the cops on a few others. I figure if you see something that scares you and it's unsafe, you should report it. People don't alot of the time because they think others will...which is why sometimes bad things happen to kids their entire life.

My mom's a therapist and I've been a daycare teacher before and both professions are mandated to report anything harmful against kids.