Pain is a bad thing. A bad, bad thing.

Today was the half marathon.

I woke at five.  I was pumped up, keyed up, and ready to go.  I put on my favorite running shirt and The Hubster and I went to the race.  It was amazing -more than 20,000 people, lined up in groups of approximately 1,000, in order to facilitate a wave start.  I was in corral 24, so I was able to watch the first groups start.  The Elite women were so impressive.

I did well in the beginning.  I had lots of energy, lots of drive, and we ROCKED the first three miles, with record breaking (for us, anyway) time. We beat our 5K time.  We realized that we'd come in under 3 hours if we were able to keep up the pace we were at, and felt like that could be a definite possibility. Three hours had been my goal all along.

It was after the third mile that it all went to shit. 

I started noticing a sharp pain in my right knee, on the outside bottom of the kneecap.  I kept on, but slowed up a bit.  At mile 6, I wasn't able to run anymore, but switched up to walking.  The Hubster kept running with short bursts and waiting for me.  The pain was moderate, but not severe.

At mile 8, he ran on ahead.  It was the one hill area, and he was anxious to run it.  He went ahead of me, and as I made it halfway up the hill, the pain suddenly intensified.  I started to cry.  The decline of the hill was worse.  As the miles went on, the pain grew.  At mile 11, I started to cry again.  I cried steadily for 11 and 12, having resorted to limping by this time, at my slowest possible walking time. I doubted that I could finish.  I saw another runner, being transported by the Medic cart, screaming and sobbing as the medics lifted her leg.  I knew how she felt.

The Hubster was worried, and offered to carry me.  Nope.  I wanted to complete this SO badly.  I wanted to do it ON MY OWN.  He offered his arm for me to lean on, but I am stubborn and thick and wanted to do it all by myself.

The crowds cheered and waved signs, shaking bells and whistling.  I could hear the band playing at the finish line.  My knee hurt so badly I couldn't concentrate on anything. At the end, there were cameras galore, taking pictures, and everyone around me who had been walking started to run, so they'd have great pics.  I bit my lips and kept my focus down, so the camera wouldn't catch the tears.  I was upset with myself, disappointed in my time (3:30:15) and worried about my leg.  Crossing the finish line was anticlimatic.

We grabbed a plate of lunch - my wonderful neighbor was works for the group that put on the marathon gave us VIP passes, so we had tortilla wraps, cookies, beer and wine - and an ice bag and wrap for my leg.  I thought maybe, with ice and rest, it'd be ok.  We got on the shuttle back to the car.

And I couldn't get off.  My knee locked and I COULD not bend it.  The pain was excruciating, the tears were pouring, my head was pounding, and so I reluctantly agreed to go to the doctor.

And now I am home, with a torn meniscus, crutches, an orthopedic surgical consult, the knowledge that, had I stopped when it started hurting I wouldn't have done this to myself, the reality that I am probably finished with running, and a finisher's medal.  Ignore the ugly hair and the fact that I look like I weigh 50 pounds more than I do. 

Comments

[Caren Story]

I'm so sorry that happened! What a stinky thing to happen. I hope your knee feels better soon.

[des]

I did that at age forty; ripped my left meniscus, I mean. I played in a recreational soccer league until I ran into one of the other players. I had the surgery and did the rehab afterward (six weeks) which really helped me get mobile again. Now, eight and a half years later, it bothers me a bit (but so does the other knee) and I run treadmill, do kickboxing and walk the dog. I just have to remember to wear good, supportive shoes. Yes, I think you may be right about having to give up the longer runs, but I haven't tried them. I 'm writing because I want to encourage you to hang in there. You don't look fat in your picture and your hair looks fine, and there will be plenty of other activities for you to do. I am really sorry that it happened to you, but you are one very dtermined and motivated lady. You will overcome this, too.

[Heather]

Holy crap girl! You will get through this with gumption! I'm sorry it happened to you and I hope you're better soon!

[MsRebecca]

Jesus I haven't run 8 miles since 11th grade, I'd be lucky if I could even walk that now, I miss my 0% body fat days!Hope you heal quickly!

[amy]

Carmen you still look waaaay hotter on crutches then I'd ever look on a good day. I'm so impressed by your personal journey and I'm sorry it all ended like this today
You take good care of you! Listen to the docs and you'll do it again I just bet on it

[Brandy]

There is no way you could have known. I hope and pray for a quick recovery for you.

[kalisah]

I think you look amazing. I'm so impressed with all you've accomplished!!

[patois]

You look great. And you've done a hell of an achievement.

[Tracy]

Carmen, you look fabulous, and certainly don't look like you have 50 extra lbs anywhere. I hope that your knee can be repaired - whatever happens, do whatever therapy is recommended, and do it diligently. I hope that this is not the end of running for you, as it is apparent that you enjoy it so much.

[CharmingDriver]

First, you surely do not look 50+ lbs larger in that picture, you look great!

Second, stop beating yourself up. The damage, so to speak, is done and you couldn't have known that continuing would mean surgery.

Third, it still may not mean surgery. You're in great shape and not all tears require surgery.

Chin up, athletic mom. Crutches could become the newest must-have accessory for fall and you're ahead of the game. WITH A MEDAL TO BOOT!!

In all seriousness, feel better soon lovely lady.

[Kamrin]

You look fantastic, especially for a woman on crutches! At least you didn't tear your knee up because you sat around and let your joints get bad as you got heavy and then one day "bam!" it was gone. You did it with panache and with inspiration to others! Thanks for ripping your knee up to keep us inspired to stay fit!

[Tricia]

Carmen,
I am so proud of you!
I hate that your first half marathon was not what you expected. Please tell me you will get all better and kick next year's half marathon in the butt!!??
You look great in the photo.

[Nobody]

You look great, and have more heart than most people. A meniscal tear can be locking or non-locking, either way the most that is really caled for is an outpatient 'scope' surgery and then physical therapy. Orthopaedic medicine has come a long way in the last few years and don't be surprized if your bad knee becomes your good one after you begin to heal. Half marathons in the future are not beyond your grasp. Keep the faith in yourself ad you will bounch back...

[chel]

Carmen - just one of your lurkers, I couldn't help but send you some "quick healing" vibes. Take care of ourself, there's lots of people thinking about you.

[Michelle at Scribbit]

Well I think that's absolutely terrific that you did that, I'm so impressed with runners given that I would rather poke myself in the eye with a shrimp fork than run. It's that pain thing you brought up--pain is bad.

[Jo-less]

That's miserable after all that training. Make sure you find yourself a good physio and do the exercises you are given and things will get better so much faster. Good luck!

[Tammy/Photography for Fun]

I'm so sorry you're hurting! I can't believe you finished in that much pain. I'm such a wimp and now you've made me feel an even greater one! You rock! )But not because you made me feel like a wimp. Because you are so NOT one :0)

[heather white]

oh, man, i did that when i was 14. it HURTS. i found that heat was more soothing than cold. 15 years later it doesn't bother me much, except when it rains or i squat while carrying something heavy, like picking up a sippy cup for the 4385th time while holding my two year old. shoes with a good arch support are also a must.

i could never have even trained for a half marathon! you are amazing and an inspiration.

[Kendra]

Oh Carmen! With your deterimation and your love of exercise you will come back better than before. (((Big Hugs))) as you nurse that knee!!

[AJ]

Carmen - so sorry about your injury but I'm sure as everyone else has said, you will be back up and running before you know it. You have so much determination - look what you've done so far! We're all so very impressed. And if you find that running is too painful for you, there's always cycling. But honestly, I was talking to my boyfriend about this last night and he's a distance runner (college scholarship cross country) and said he's had a torn meniscus and while it's painful to go through and takes time to heal, you should be able to run again, no problem (he's also a physical therapist - handy, huh?).

[Stephanie C.]

Congrats on finishing!!!
I had a torn meniscus 3 years ago and finally had laporoscopic surgery done. It's all better now and I barely know I ever had a problem.

[Katie W]

Don't worry too much. Doctors often give you the worst possible prognosis.
Three years ago I badly sprained my ankle, I was told climbing again may be out of the question for a long time, a month later I was back climbing.
My brother tore his cruciate ligament playing rugby, it took investigative surgery to find this, and the tear was tidies up at the same time, a year later he passed the medical to join the RAF as a pilot (he was later let down by not having 20:20 vision)

[amy]

Hey - You did what you thought was right - I guess it is true that pain usually means something, but as you said, we are stubborn. Also you look awesome and I hope that you will be healed soon.

[Anna]

Pants.

What a rubbish thing to have happened - and in your first half marathon... Well done for finishing, despite the pain! I'm sending much healing thoughts your way, and feeling sorry that you have to be on crutches. They are hellish. Hope things improve rapidly.

[Christie]

I am ever so clumsy and have torn the cartilege in both knees. Had surgery on both with a semi easy recovery both times. I ran 3 miles this morning with no pain...except in my tired lungs...I am not a distance runner so I don;t know about another marathon. Best wishes!