To Sleep, maybe, possibly, sort of

I think that the commenters who said that my inability to sleep had to do with stress were spot on.  Seriously.  I was IN bed at 8 Friday night - sorry, but my son skipped Scouts - he was consoled with a late (to him) watching of Disney Channel's Minutemen.  I took some Tylenol PM, much to my oldest's chagrin (are you using DRUGS, mom?) and was asleep by 8:15. My daughter came in to watch What Not To Wear, and I never even knew it.  I felt somewhat better this weekend, but I can still feel that a nap would be AWESOME.  I'm hopeful that this week will be a bit easier on me.  When I don't have the energy to go running, you know it's a sucky time for me.

What I really wanted to talk about was my kids and sleep.  I read a post over at Arwen's, in which she asked if anyone had a baby that wasn't sleeping through the night by age 15 or so months.  Me, me, me, I shouted at the screen, pulling a Horshack and waving frantically.  None of my kids ever slept.  In fact, it was like clockwork for us - babe would sleep really badly until the age of two, we'd take naps away thinking that'd make the nights go a bit better, I'd fall pregnant, and babe would begin to sleep through the night.  Just in time for me to be unable to sleep due to pregnancy, at a time when I was clearly in NEED of that midday nap.  It was a long, cruel dozen years.  I slept with all my kids, a fact which friends said made the kids want to stay awake, but they slept even worse away from me.

When Riley was diagnosed, one of the areas of concern for us was her sleep.  Or her lack of sleep.  She'd sleep an hour or two at a time, and wake howling.  I'd spend 45 minutes calming her down, only to repeat the scenario multiple times during the night.  She NEVER slept, never napped. We tried all kinds of stuff - lavender, a white noise machine, melatonin, calcium supplements, rescue remedy, warmed flannel sheets, a special blanket, bundling her.  Nothing really helped.  Once we began therapy, I had hopes that she'd sleep, but it was a long 6 months before she did. 

But one night, she slept through the night.  I didn't.  She was three years old.  I woke several times in a panic, thinking I'd heard her. She slept six entire hours.  She still doesn't sleep a lot.  She'll come get in with me around 4 in the morning and futz around, wanting to hold my hand and stroke my hair.  She just doesn't seem to need sleep.She'll do well in the military, I think.

The older ones, though, the ones who I was told would NEVER sleep by themselves because I'd ruined them by cosleeping and not making them learn to sleep - those kids will sleep 12 or more hours at a stretch.  I only wish I could sleep that long!

My mom swears that I took a nap until kindergarten and my sister slept for 12 hours at a time as an infant.  I must have gotten the defective non sleeping kids.  What about you and yours? 

Comments

[alice]

Hi Carmen,

My son had such bad eczema he didn't start sleeping through the night until the age 4. It's been 7 months of sleeping through the night! But I still get up every 3 hours...I'm gradually getting out of this phase, but it definitely increase my levels of fatigue and defeat in the last couple of years. He is such an easy kid in other ways. Since I had kids my husband worked crazy hours and my son didn't start sleeping through the night till recently. My husband also has started to keep reasonable hours. Now weight loss and keeping up a reasonable exercise routine seem possible.

Thanks for sharing...I thought I was the only one.

Alice

[Diane]

My three-year old is up once a night, every night. My 19 month old is rather erratic--some nights, she sleeps through, other nights she's up three times. I just can't predict what the night will bring when we put her to bed. My older two (8 & 9) sleep about 11 hours a night.

[Melanie]

We slept with all our kids. For years, that meant we had 2 toddler beds in our room so our boys could sleep near us, but not in our bed (we moved them into toddler beds at 18m - 2yo from our bed. We moved the toddler beds out a month or so b4 latest child was born) They both sleep in their own rooms now, 10-12 hours a night. We have our 8m daughter with us now - she doesn't sleep through the night, but I don't know how often she wakes since she's with me and breastfeeds at will.

[Annika]

Sam sleeps best if the milk bar (ahem, me) is within inches of his face. I do not sleep at all those nights. He has slept through the night three times -- once when he was very small (I woke up with cantaloupes on my chest), once randomly around a year or so, and Thursday (he was ill with a 103 fever on Friday and hasn't slept AT ALL since). We're trying to cut down the nighttime nursing and hoping to transition him to sleeping in his own bed (which is currently right next to ours) most of the time. My idea of heaven is three decent nights' sleep in a row.

[Denise]

My son didn't sleep from the time I was in labor all night with him till at least 18 months old.. I was about to lose my mind.. in fact I pretty much did.. he is still an insomniac at 6!!

[Anna]

My oldest (5) sleeps well once she gets to sleep, but she doesn't usually offer to go to bed. She takes an occasional nap, if her nighttime has been disturbed somehow. As a baby, she was not cuddly, she had to be ALONE to sleep. At least, once she was in her own room.
The 3yo sleeps well, she puts herself to bed often, and slept just fine as a baby. She is a cuddly one. She always has been.
(Do you hate me yet?)
The youngest (14mo) did NOT sleep well (ha! You knew that was coming.) She is lactose intolerant, and the first four months were torture. She would only sleep if I was holding her and sat perfectly still. After discovering the LI, she sleeps pretty well- usually up once to nurse.
Our newborn sleep situation was half co-sleeping, half sidecar. I wouldn't hesitate to co-sleep, but if I had the chance to move baby to her crib, I did it. The crib is in our room until baby is sleeping through the night fairly often. The middle one co-slept the most, the youngest the least.

Me? I usually sleep well, through the night, but I often go to bed too late. The last few months have been riddled with sick kids and growth spurts (therefore, an extra nursing session!). I have much admiration for moms that do this all.the.time.

[Vanessa]

I don't have kids, but I can say I need my sleep. I have no idea how you do it and admire your strength, patience and ability to stay sane.

[Liz in Seattle]

Both my boys learned to sleep through the night, early. But my (then) 2YO simultaneously gave up naps and his binkie on the first day of homeschool one year. The big kid went up the hill to the public school (he was teetering on the edge anyway), and we dealt with cranky sleep-deprived toddler for quite awhile. Wacky time. But not as wacky as you. Personally, I would have gone off the deep end, and be currently locked up in some nice room somewhere. You rock (and one day, your kids will tell you so).

[Karin]

Neither of my two boys slept through the night until they were 5 years old...and they are 5 1/2 years apart.

From 7-15 months, my oldest only slept 4 hours a night, with two 20-minute naps per day. My husband and I had to sleep in shifts. We all survived, but who knows how!

He is 23 now, but I still don't take sleeping through the night for granted.

[Amy]

We're sleepers here! My oldest slept through the night at around 10 weeks and took naps until last year. She still sleeps well, and will even put herself to bed if she gets tired. My 4yo slept through the night at 8 weeks and gave up naps this year. He stays awake in his bed longer than the others, but he sleeps in until 9 in the morning. My 8 month old sleeps through the night and naps 3 times a day currently.

I really think it is just about the kids themselves. I breastfed all three exclusively and they still slept. I just think it is as individual as the kids themselves. Maggie's best friend (6 1/2)is still up several times a night!

[Jennifer]

Ok, as if God isn't laughing over here. I had all four of my kids on a sleep schedule (day time naps, early bedtime, etc) starting around 8 to 10 wks. I breastfed exclusively for at least 6 mos, did not cosleep after 4 wks or so. I don't know how I did it, if it was me or them, but they were all decent sleepers, save for illness or teething issues. What's the problem, then? It's me. I'm the world's worst sleeper. A pin can drop in the basement and I am up. For some time, I woke up each night at 3:30 and could not fall back asleep until 5ish, only to be up again at 6:30 for the day. My children are older now (my youngest is 5), but I still have sleep issues. Sometimes I take Lunesta or tylenol pm, but often times I just suffer through it. Nobody has it easy, that's for sure.

[Katie]

We are sleepers here so I can't really complain. I did the co-sleeping (and breastfeeding) thing until each was about a year old (although not with the twins, they co-slept together) and the kids gave up naps around age 2 for an 8pm bedtime (7am wake up).

[MelissaS]

We had trouble when DS was an infant, but at 8 months we got a book that helped crack his sleeping schedule. Or I should say, helped us establish a rigorous sleep routine? Either way, it worked and he still naps occasionally at 4yo and sleeps from 7-7 (sometimes 7-6:30)! All of us are bears without adequate sleep :)

[Kendra]

My 8yo never slept as a baby: 20 min sleep 1-2 hrs. awake. So I nursed in bed, co-slept. When 6yo came along I vowed that it would be different. It was until we moved and he decided my bed was better. He loves, no, has an obsession with my hair so when he does crawl in he wraps himself around my head, wraps his hands in my hair, and kicks my back. That makes for GREAT sleep.It is getting better though, I just got 3 nights of no kids-the longest streak since they were born, I think!

[marta]

My oldest boy, 7, would wake up every three hous to nurse til he was 9 mo. He weaned and started sleeping through the night, 10-12 hours. He had a 2-3 hour nap til kindergarten. Now he sleeps from 9 til 8 (schools starts 9 am-ish and we leave a block away).
My middle child, a girl, 5, would wake up every hour or so to nurse til she was 14 mo. She weaned and started sleeping through the night. Until this year she's had 2 hour naps. Now she sleeps from 9 til 8:30, 8:45 (she usually arrives late).
Do you see a pattern here? Sleep schedule, through the night when weaned, co-sleeping only when ill or the odd night.
Now enter child n0 3.
A boy,going on 3, still nursing, will come to our bed, on good nights, at around 3 or 4 and nurse til 6, fussing and generally kicking us. Then he sleeps til the others get up. He takes daily naps that last, at best, 1 1/2 hours. He's currently falling asleep on our knees on the sofa around 10pm. I put him in bed at the same time as the others (they all share a room) but he won't fall asleep, so joins us on the sofa.

The big difference? In my opinion my reluctance in weaning him at 12-18 mo and now being too scared he'll sleep even worse without his meme. The fact he sleeps badly at night makes him sleep badly during the day, not the other way round. On days he doesn't have a nap he'll be even crankier and will need even more nursetime so next day nap will be also shorter and it all enters a loop. I'm really tired and still deciding on when to wean him. He won't take a pacifier (the others didn't, either, but they discovered their thumbs; this one hasn't and, at almost 3, I guess he never will).

Marta from Lisbon

[slackermommy]

I have 4 and slept with all of them until they were 4 months old. They all slept through the night without nursing by 6 months but would wake up several times for a pacifier until they were 10 months old and could put the paci back in themselves. The first three were good nightime sleepers but gave up their naps by 2. The trade off was that they would sleep 12 hours at night. I'm doing my best to get my last who is 2 to keep her nap to at least 3. I need that time to myself!

[Chris]

Our kiddo, almost 3, slept through the night twice so far - once at his first birthday and one other random time. I night-weaned him at 1, but he still wakes up around 3, sometimes earlier. Now it is to go to the bathroom, and for some reason, I have to accompany him and then climb back in his bed with him for the rest of the night...
He also hates to nap. But at least he likes to sleep in and sometimes we don't get up till alomst 8. Ah. (Then of course, we have to rush around trying to get out of the house for school, etc.)

[Sarah L.]

You are making me feel better. I am on child #3 who does not sleep through the night (15 months old). With the older two it was always around 18 months old when I got pregnant that I put my foot down and weaned them and finally got them to sleep through the night. Of course, as Carmen said, then there's the whole pregnant-and-can't-sleep thing to contend with.

Sleep is the great unspoken secret around our house. We've told well-meaning family/friends that "no, we are not sleeping. assume that we are not until we say you otherwise." It's been 5+ years since I slept well. I know I'd be a better, more patient mother if I could just get some decent sleep, but it is my challenge to try not to let that be an excuse for being b*#chy and impatient.

[Elizabeth]

#1 got up to eat every 3 hours until 6 mos (dr. said - she's a big girl, of *course* you need to feed her round the clock) - then at 6 mos they said why are you feeding her round the clock? She's big, she can sleep longer than that.

She didn't though. Cry it out? She'd cry until she vomited and then we'd have to clean that up.

We did "Ferberize" her (5 minutes, then 10, then 15) and it worked every time, lol. That is, it would work, then she'd get an ear infection or something that required more night attention, and lose it. By the time she was 10 she slept 12+ hours when allowed, every time.

#2 slept through at 8 weeks, but the karma came when she gave up naps entirely at the stroke of 2 years old. She goes to bed okay and sleeps through fine now.

#3 was adopted from the opposite side of the world at 4 months and slept beautifully from his first night home (he apparently was awake for 12 hours on the plane). It's a good thing he wasn't first or those other two wouldn't have stood a chance! He has always slept appropriately with an occasional post-nightmare visit at 4 AM. He hates to get up in the morning, though.

[J from Ireland]

Hate to say it but my 4 are and were always good sleepers, each love their sleep, much like their parents. Touching wood, even the baby (3mths) is sleeping through the night! Don't hate me :)

[Miranda Waldrip]

I am right there. My son, Brayden is almost 21 months old and still doesn't sleep through the night. He sleeps in a pack-n-play in my room. He slept in his crib for one whole week about a year ago. He usually falls asleep in the bed with me watching television. He is then transported to the pnp. He usually wakes up around 3am and wants to get in bed with me. I know this is a bad habit but when you are tired yourself you do what you have to. I wish he would sleep in his own room and through the night. People who don't understand laugh at my afternoon naps. When he sleeps I sleep. Judge me all you want. I like my sleep.

[Kristina]

Having 4 children, I have a variety of sleeping situations!!
My best sleeper is definitely son #2. He slept through the night starting at 6 weeks old and now at the age of 9 - when he is tired or ready for bed, he simply goes to sleep. It doesn't matter where we are, what we are doing or if we are home or someone else's house, he will find a spot and go to sleep and must have 11 or more hours of sleep. Son #1 is a NIGHT OWL - he has been since the was born. He got his days and nights mixed up and I don't think he's fully recovered...nor have I. He will be the last one to sleep every night and on New Years Eve will be the last one to bed. He could run on 6 hours of sleep (or probably less)
The last 2 kids (G, B) are normal sleepers...go to be at 9 pm, sleep until 7 am.

Thanks
Kristina
OHIO

[ArdenLynn]

My first didn't sleep thru til she was 15 months old. Sleep isn't optional for me so I figured I had to change things with subsequent babies.
Now, I'm going on baby #8 and all my kids are good sleepers. It just has to be that way. Big family, daddy works a lot and I am human so I need sleep and some time away from children. Plus, we don't see any need to feed a child in the middle of the night past the age of 1.

[Daisy]

I have teens now, but I still remember my son's night terrors when he was just shy of two. No one slept for months. But now -- my kids are "sleep camels" -- they can get through a week of school with hardly any sleep and make up for it on the weekend.

[Kelley]

Well if it is any consolation my Boo is 9 and still barely sleeps.

I need to start a botox and hairdye fund, cause this crap is ageing me fast!!