Mom to the Screaming Masses

One of the best evenings

along with one of the DUMBEST songs ever written.

That was my Saturday night. 

We went to the Irish pub again, but, instead of the wonderful service we had the first time, we were treated to service from a man who was so slow that I wanted to check for a pulse.  Thirty seven minutes for a sandwich.  Despite this, we will frequent this place again and again - the food is awesome and the atmosphere top notch. The best past of the night was the live music - the guy was great and I knew most of the songs, so I was able to sing along (at top volume - shut UP, it's an Irish pub and it was after 11 at night, so most people weren't even able to understand me.  I know I can't sing, but apparently it doesn't matter at this type of establishment.  Or so I was told.  Personally, I think that they just needed someone to laugh at.)

On the way home, I was still in the singing mood, and so I flipped on the radio.  I surfed the different channels until I came to what is arguably the stupidest song I've ever heard.  "You don't have to say you love me" - Dusty Springfield.  Talk about not having any self esteem - "you don't have to say you love me, just stay close at hand/you don't have to stay forever/I will understand. Believe me, believe me/I can't help but love you/but believe me, I'll never tie you down."

Huh?  What a way to throw yourself at someone. 

It was a GREAT song to sing at full blast with the windows down on the Interstate, though.

(There may or may not have been an Irish coffee involved in this story, but, alas, that element is never necessary for me to sing just like this.)

Why I am officially a fuddy-duddy

I drive a big van.  A 15 passenger van, to be specific.  There's nothing special about my van.  Well, yeah, it has cruise control and we put a dvd player and satellite radio in it, but it's just a standard van. 

Today I went out for an amazing brunch.  I'm part of a taste test for my city newspaper, and we are in the process of finding the best brunch in the area.  Tough life, I know.  We've had some amazing brunches, but I think that today's topped the list.  Oh, my word, did I eat.  And eat some more.  In fact, I didn't feel like eating anything for the rest of the day - that's how much I ate.

When I was ready to leave, The Hubster told me to take his car.  One of the perks of his job is that he gets a company car - any car.  He drives it for 3000 miles and then takes another.  It's a great feature - we pay a minimal amount for him to drive a brand new car.  So when he told me to take his car to brunch, I was excited.

I had no idea what I was getting into. 

Luck o' The Irish

I am SO lucky.

In the past 24 hours, I have received notification that I won the following:

• The Mexican National Lottery
• The Canadian National Lottery
• The Nokia Cell Phone Lottery, just for using my Nokia phone (I use a different carrier)
• The Lottery of England

Don't you wish you were lucky like me?

What is the best thing, seriously, that you have won?

Whatcha doin'?

Quick - tell me a few things you are doing right now.

I am:

• Listening to my kids play outside
• Listening to the toilet run upstairs
• Wondering if I want to replace the flapper, or wait for The Hubster to do it
• Thinking about the two baby gifts I need to order
• Happy it is 70 degrees
• Looking at a pile of laundry
• Debating if I want to go to Stride Rite and buy two of my girls some really cute shoes
• Wondering if anyone will eat the salmon patties I have planned for dinner
• Thinking, why oh why does spring break end in two days?
• Eating vanilla yogurt mixed with dried cherries and red and gold raisins - as well as a small handful of dark chocolate chips
• Realizing that the alligator skin on my legs means I need moisturizer and need it ASAP
• Thinking I should get a haircut before I go to the Johnson and Johnson's Baby Camp next week

Your turn.  Nothing spectacular - just whatever you are doing on this Friday afternoon (or night, or Saturday, whenever you are reading).

There's a Haiku in this somewhere

But I'm too dumb to figure them out.  I always failed that part of English class - the poetry session.

I had a cold sore two weeks ago.

I had a one in a different location last week.

I have a third one today. Yet another spot.

I have tried alum, abreva, l-lysine, campho phenique, blistex, and howling at the moon while wearing boxers.

I've tried to call the dermatologist - who can see me next Wednesday.

The Annual Girlie Bits Checkup

Yes, THAT was today.

I think it's telling that I enjoyed driving to the office, just so I could be a-l-o-n-e.

Usually, when I wait for the midwife or her nurse to appear, I am surrounded by expectant mothers and/or teensy weensy infants, fresh from the oven.  Today was geriatric day; I was the youngest patient.  The view of the future was spectacular and I vowed right then to make sure that I take my calcium every day.  One by one, the ladies were called in and directed to the restroom, and, one by one, each lady paraded by holding her little plastic cup of yellow pee and the wall for balance. She'd toddle away and another would be called.

Finally, it was my turn.  I am happy to say that I was able to aim successfully into the little cup and left the bathroom in better condition than when I arrived - yes, I was a happy cleaner upper while I was there.  I walked back and sat the cup down, and I waved to the midwife, who was chatting with one of the doctors.  She gave me a small wave and then did a classic double take, complete with wide open eyes and a gaping jaw.  She didn't recognize me. 

I guess there's been a dramatic change since last January, when I presented myself at her office one year into a weight loss effort and 45 pounds lighter.  And a certain change from two years and 80 pounds ago, eh? 

Wrapping paper, cards and the like

I was reading Tertia's site today and she posed an interesting question.

Are you a fancy wrapper, complete with bows and ribbons, or do you think wrapping paper is a waste of time? 

What about cards?  Wonderful, thoughtful, save forever, or read and toss in the garbage can?  Meaning, are you sentimental or not? 

Me - um, The Hubster can't stand it - in fact, he jokes that I must be part man.  I hate cards.  I buy them for other people, but never ever save them when people give them to me.  NO, wait, not true - a couple of friends have sent me some screamingly funny ones - the one about the catfight in the grocery store over the purchase of Jello was especially funny.  90% of the cards I get, get tossed. I don't care if you give me a card with my gift.  There, I have just exposed myself for the truly vile, heartless and unfeeling person I am.

No fancy wrapping for me.  I prefer to use a gift bag - so I can toss the gift in and go.  I have friends who wrap things just so, with bows and ribbons and everything, but I'm just not that way.  I've been known to wrap in newspaper before.

You?

Snapshots of Easter - or, Life in Our House

Or, scenes from the day, since I (stupidly) forgot my camera ALL FLIPPIN DAY. 

Also titled, things I'd like to remember about Easter, 2008.

• The way my kids sat right outside my bedroom door, screaming, "Look!  Look at this in my basket!"  while I pulled the covers over my head and tried, in vain, to go back to sleep and, at the same time, reminded myself to count the blessings that are my children.  Even if they are soooo loud.
• My little daughters, in spinny dresses with crinolines, white tights, and sweat jackets on.  Because, really, nothing shouts "It's EASTER!" quite like a sweatshirt and gloves.
• My daughter's innocent "No way, not me" expression when I asked her what happened to the entire basket of chocolate that she had.  And the ring of brown all around her mouth that absolutely did not give her away. 4 pounds of chocolate, 3 cakes, one pie and four bags of chips, demolished, mostly by my family, with a little help from our company.  (The kids ate all of the chocolate.)
• Walking into a packed sanctuary, and looking down the hall to see people in an unending loop.  I have never seen so many people in church in my life. 
• Hearing the priest ask if we'd ever seen The Holy Spirit depicted as a dove.  When we all nodded yes, he said that we could count today as  a miracle, and he pointed to a real dove, nestled in the rafters of the church.  It remained there the entire service.
• Freezing my tookus off - did I mention the cold?
• The complete 180 that my house did - last night it was immaculate, and today, cyclone city.
• Emma stared at my freshly pedicured toes and told me that the color reminded her of something.  "I know!" she finally said.  "It's the same color as the medicine I took when I was sick."  Yes, I have amoxicillin colored toes.

I hope everyone had a peaceful, restful Sunday, and for those of you who celebrate Easter, Happy Easter!

Off to the stores - multiple

Because, um, who's bright idea was it that Easter is in two days?  Isn't it, like, a month away?

The Easter Bunny is not prepared AT ALL in our house.  AT ALL.

And two of my kids have decided that EB is bringing Wii games.  Since when did Easter resemble Christmas and birthdays in terms of gifts?

And, um, what about the two dozen people coming over on Sunday?  Do you think they'd mind a generous buffet spread of apple slices, mayonnaise, shredded cheese and pickles?  Because that's what we have right now.  Oh, and four gallons of milk.  But no eggs - I just scrambled 18 eggs for lunch and we are out again. Gah - all everyone in this house wants to do is eat.

So, Target.  Grocery Store.  Ham store.   Shoe store.  Anywhere else?

Oh, right.  Church yesterday, today, tomorrow and Sunday.  Last night, though, was the best service EVAH, when my four year old yanked off her pink cowboy boots, growled, "I don't like that man!" and tossed her boot in the direction of the priest - and, yes, we were sitting in the front row.  I'm just glad she can't throw farther than about 4 feet - that was humiliating enough.

Good times, y'all, good times indeed.

How truly bizarre

I need to go to the doctor.  I'm not really comfy explaining why, since so many people I know in real life read here - it's not for female trouble, so don't get carried away with your imagination - but for various reasons, I feel like it'd be best to have this situation seen to just a bit urgently.

Also, today was my LAST day of work for ELEVEN days, but 90% of my kids go to school tomorrow, so I decided that I'd try, on Monday, to get an appt for Thursday morning.  I called and spoke to the nurse, who indicated that my primary care doc, Dr X, wasn't going to have any time open but I could either a) come into urgent care and see anyone or b) make an appt with another doc.  Hey, I'm not fussy - make me an appt with Dr W - letter stands for whoever is available - and I'm cool.

Except that I got four messages today, each one more urgent than the last.  "Call the office.  We need to discuss your 8:30 appt with Dr. W."  Alrighty, then.  I called and the nurse reminded me of my appt, and then asked, "You do know that you aren't seeing Dr. X, right?"  I replied that, yes, I do, but I felt like my situation needed to be seen to and, once I explained it, she agreed.  All was well.

Until 4:30, when I got a call from Dr. X's nurse.  "I have been told to fit you in no matter what."  she said.  "You are not to see Dr. W, but you must be fit in around another appointment with Dr. X."