Families - tell me about yours

While I'm away losing my shirt on the slot machine, please enjoy this guest post by the phenomenal Chantal from Bread Crumbs in the Butter.Who has one of the greatest blog names ever.

Whenever I've done guest posts (all three of them), I've tried to use a common trait between the host blogger and myself as a jumping off point. It makes the post flow and in many cases it's an instant topic.

With Carmen, it's almost too easy.

Kids.

Lots.

Of.

Kids.

Granted, she has more than me, but I'm still one of those Moms you see at the store. You know us. We pull up in massive vehicles and you watch the kids as they climb out like circus clowns out of a Volkswagon. I know you're wondering if they're all ours. Yes. Yes, they are all ours. And we know what causes that.

My kids often ask me if I set out to have a big family and my easy answer is "Yes, of course!", but I honestly can't remember giving it that much thought. Oh sure, at age 12 I had my kids names picked out, and there were three of them, but I also planned to marry Kirk Cameron, live in a mansion and have a recurring role on "The A-Team". That's not really the same though, is it?

The truth is, four kids just sort of happened to us. Our oldest daughter was born and such a joy to take care of, that I immediately wanted to do it again. Even though Daughter Two was a bit of a challenge, I knew pretty quickly that I wanted a third to come about at some point. Things just flowed naturally in that respect. It was right about Daughter Three's first birthday that I asked myself how far I was planning to take this. My husband is an only child so he was simply thrilled with our growing family and had pretty much signed on for as much as I was willing to throw at him. I spent a few days agonizing and wondering if three was it or if we'd see someone else come in to the picture?

Well, agonizing and wondering count for nothing apparently, because I was already pregnant with The Boy. I just didn't know it yet.

When I found out, I was beyond thrilled.

But see, when he was born that following February, an amazing thing happened. I was done. Just like that. I had heard that feeling does tend to present itself and had started to wonder if I would ever feel it, but I did. It was very peaceful and not at all final. I went into planning mode for the rest of our lives. The fun we would have, as loud as it would be.

I haven't been disappointed. This house is amazing. I feel frazzled and demanded upon, but I'm never lonely. I feel scared and overwhelmed, but always supported. I have four little people who love me so unconditionally they take it personally when I'm not either in their presence or sitting at home waiting for it. I'm from a small, not particularly close family, but I've created my own group of people who make up a loud, brash and fantastic world. And it's only going to get better and bigger as we all move on and grow.

It's amazing. My perfect family.

Tell me about yours.

Comments

[LaShawn]

I also had that magically done feeling after the birth of #4. I had only planned to have 2. Four definitely just kinda happened.

[Laura V.]

I am currently 16 weeks pregnant with our #3 and have no idea if we'll have more! I love it though! I don't mind not knowing how I will feel about more children after this one arrives. I feel like God will direct us in what He has planned and if we trust Him, it will all work out. I actually have a post on this very subject that I wrote recently. Have a look if you like: http://mamaisbloggin.blogspot.com/2008/04/are-you-mormon.html

Thanks for a wonderful guest post!

[Petra]

When my husband and I met, he had a vision of a family with two kids (as he had grown up in one) and I favored one with four kids (my family situation growing up). We settled on three, seemed to be the right compromise. But I always thought that, come the time, I'd be able to convince him four would be the way to go.
So kid number one came, a very calm girl, kid number two two years and a month later, an even calmer boy. And then hubby hemmed and haed for a while.
But suddenly on New Year's Eve 1994 he asked if I was ready for number three. Ready??? I was overdue!
And in December of 1995 our youngest, a girl, was born. A feisty one at that, one not to be overlooked. But super sweet, like the other two, she was.
And for about a year, I kept thinking a fourth kid would come at some point. But then I realized (I have health issues too, though those didn't really come into play) I was done!
Now I could give each child the attention they deserved and with a fourth, that attention would be stretched and limited. That "done" feeling is a feeling that can't be explained. It just happens!
I have friends who will forever wish for another child, but not me. I'm done! Weird, huh?
So, when our youngest was two years old, my husband got snipped and that's the end of that. And, though I love taking care of other people's babies, I've not felt even a twinge of remorse, so much for knowing what you want years in advance ;).

[Beth]

When my husband and I got married, he knew I wanted kids. He knew that I wouldn't marry him if we weren't going to have kids. I work with kids, I love working with kids, and I wanted kids to be in my family.

2.5 years ago we had dalton who is a wonderful, fun, FUNNY, and loving boy. He's going to make a wonderful big brother some day.

Hubby says he could be done. He's willing to have one more...and since pregnancy wasn't easy for me, I think we both agree we'll be done after one more.

We also both agree we'll be doing foster care...so the shape and size of my family will forever be changing. I can't wait.

[Kerry]

Let's see. Our firstborn died at 5 months old.

Then we had three children within three years, then another 5 years later. Then a late pregnancy loss, two foster kids, another baby and the loss of the foster children. (We went from 6 to five with a new baby!) We have been waiting to adopt an older child for almost 3 years.

In our house now we have 5 children. I don't feel done, not even close. Just old. I feel old, and sometimes worry that I am too old, but I seriously wonder if I will ever feel "done".

[Jules]

We had planned on 2. We had our son and then 4 years later our daughter. We thought we were done. We were taking precautions but fell into the 1% category and daughter #2 was born 2 years after daughter #1. I switched birth control so that wouldn't happen again but 6 months after daughter #2 was born I was pregnant with daughter #3. Again a statistical anomaly. So after daughter #3 was born we decided to take more permanent measures to stop our family from growing any larger.

I grew up an only child and I am adopted so I felt isolated and like I didn't fit in for most of my life. Now I have the place I was meant to be - with my children - and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

[amy]

Waving to Chantal! Haven't seen you since the aol hb boards waaaay back when...(I was then known as Hugclub)
After 4 we're done too. Terry waitd a year before the finality of the snip. Then a year later I needed a hysterectomy anyway.
My kids are growing, I've returned to work, and I struggle daily with where my relationship with my dh is headed and the evolution of family life with older children vs babies and toddler. This teen stuff is HARD! But we'll find a way. Same as the moment they were born they are still the light and joy of my life (when they are not bickering, sassing, and making a mess anyway)

[Elizabeth]

We have two bio kids and really felt pressure to stop at that point. Years later we adopted one and while my deep hope was to adopt two, we had some financial challenges right after the first was finalized that meant it didn't happen for years, while I read about people who knew they were done and wondered how that felt. I wondered if I was too old and kept meeting people who had or adopted their first at 40. Then, at 42 with a 7-year-old youngest, I thought one more time about adopting another and thought "Oh, good Lord no" and realized that it wasn't a number of kids that told me I was done but a time in my life (note I did not say age). Under different circumstances I would have loved more, but this is it.

[Leigh Anne]

Thank you so much for this post. Your explained the feeling more than I have ever been able to. Growing up I always thought I would have a large family. 5 or 6 was my thought. Then as I got older I thought 2 or 3 would be good. When my daughter was bout 6 months old, I had the feeling you described. My family is complete. Nothing is missing. I hold other people's newborn babies without a single yearning feeling. And i am happy. Now if only my ILs could understand that :)

[Shelly]

I have 4 wonderfully wild boys. Each of those boys was hard to get here, so they mean the world to me even more.
We had secondary infertility after our 1st son. 10yrs later, his brother finally showed up after doing treatments. 17mos later #3 boy showed up and after juggling if we should have more considering #2's severe health issues, we discovered #4 baby was on its way. We hoped for a girl, but cried when we found out it was another boy. I declared to everyone I was finished. 4 boys were enough for me and it has been.

[FishyGirl]

I always wanted 3, DH only wanted two. We had just started to discuss the possibility of 3 when we found out it was a foregone conclusion. When I was PREGNANT with #3, DH started lobbying for #4. I thought he'd lost his ever loving mind. But I kept an open mind, and through a series of events that would make this a blog post instead of a comment, we have 4 now. I'm done have biological children. Adoption? Not now. But maybe later.

(and Carmen's right - you have the BEST blog name ever)

[FishyGirl]

done havING biological children. sheesh.

[Headless Mom]

When we married HD already had HG and we had decided on having 2 more. I had always wanted 3 so that was easy.

But I must say after recently finding Mary at Owlhaven and Jenny at One Thing I've been having the desire for more. HD is older than me so we won't, esp. since he 'took care of that problem.' Realistically I am ok with that, I guess I'm just missing that new baby smell, the cuddling, etc.

[Anna]

My husband and I, when we were first married had decided we'd have at least two.
We have three (5, 3, and 1). When Three was born, I knew I'd want another. Now that she's 17mo, I'm not so sure anymore.
Three children is when I started getting comments about having my hands full. Three is when we didn't fit in a restaurant booth anymore.
Four seems ever so much harder, but I can't quite say no yet, either. I do know, at this point, I'd like to wait a while to have fewer toddlers at once. ;)

[Avery]

Isn't it funny? How we all see the same thing so differently? My husband and I have just the one for now. My parents had nine and I think my mom wishes everyday she could have had more. NINE!! They are shocked by our want to have a small family with two kids. Kudos on following your heart for a "big" family. :D

[Chantal]

I'm just getting a chance to read all of these now and I feel like I missed a great party!

What awesome comments.

And Amy, I can't believe it's you! Where in the world have you been?

Thanks for sharing something that is very, very personal. :)