Mom to the Screaming Masses

Just pop it back in

Well, let's tally today, shall we?

I didn't have a car accident.  I wasn't diagnosed with cancer, diabetes or another illness.  No one died.  I didn't bounce a check or overdraw my credit card.  We didn't run out of milk or toilet paper or peanut butter and we even have enough bread. 

I did feel a spectacular sense of failure today with regards to one of my precious chi'dren.  It's never a good sign when a teacher comes to you (remember, I work at school) and says, "May I speak with you privately a moment?"  Yeah.  It was excruciating and the further we got into the conversation, the more upset I became. By the end of the day, when I'd spoken with the kid in question, we were both in tears.  Misunderstandings - ah, life. I also had to take part in something that was desperately needed, but made me squirm with discomfort and sadness.  Too much drama for one day made my stomach hurt for much of the day. So many tears; the wearing of makeup today was foolish.

BUT.  I did make a low fat pumpkin pie, so the day was saved by less sugar, lower fat, and the beauty of pumpkin.

But what I really wanted to talk about was my plan for May 16th.

A Meme of some sort

About, oh, a hundred years ago, I was tagged for this meme by Backpacking Dad. Name five classes you wish were taught in school. 

Huh.  I don't know if I can think of a number that high tonight -it's been a really long week.  (I know, it's only Tuesday...)  Today's been a day full of serving lunches, selling t shirts, driving to and from soccer practices, dishes, laundry and more laundry, tantrums and general crankiness.  I'll give it a whirl and see how far I can get.

• How to survive on very little sleep and not be a total bitch to everyone around me
• How to pick the winning lottery numbers - I know that there must be a system somewheres
• How to make cleaning a bathroom FUN and ENJOYABLE and something EVERYONE wants to do!
• How to see the crap that is all over the floor and shoved in the corners and realize that it's ok, you CAN pick it up - you don't need to have grown up female parts to do so
• How to run a 7 minute mile effortlessly

I'm not going to tag anyone, but if you want to play along, leave me a comment.  Even if you only come up with one, what class do you wish it had been?

A Boy and His Car

Once upon a time, there was a boy.  A boy who is just about a man.  That boy forbid his mother to write about him on her personal blog just about a year ago. Knowing that colleges check backgrounds online, and that family members, as well as his teachers and parents of his friends, read her space gave the mother pause, 
and so she agreed with the boy. She didn't write about him out of respect for her son (although that request muted some of her best content).  Months passed.  Many, many months.

The boy had a car.  A 1992 Dodge Stealth, gleaming white.  The boy loved that car.  He cleaned it every day.  The interior looked showroom new. He washed it, buffed it, polished it - he bought a special duster to keep it pristine.

For his birthday, which falls next week, the boy had one request - to enter the Cruisin' Car Show.  He earned the money for his entry fee, and so she acquiesced.    He had entered the same show last year and won second place in his division.  He took his calendar and blocked out how he'd prepare. An entire week devoted to the interior.  Another to the engine.  A third to the underbody and a fourth to the exterior.  When he was finished, he placed signs on the car - "I'm clean for the auto show, please do not drive."

The morning of the show came.  He was up at 6 - very unusual for him.  His parents drove him, one following in a second car - for the boy did not yet have his driver's license and needed an adult to drive with him.  He spent the entire day in the sun, on the warmest day thus far in the year.  He became sunburned on one side of his body.  He inhaled 3500 calories of greasy fast food and patiently answered countless questions from the inquisitive public.

And, once again, he placed second in his division. 

And he gave his mother permission to blog about his victory.  With a picture. 

What happens when you love a book

About, oh, eight years ago, I was a passionate devotee of a discussion board.  I loved this DB.  I made lots of friends on this boards - we traveled together, we talked ever single day, and I know more about them than most of the people in my life today.  I LOVE those women.  I learned so much from them.  They kept me sane, held my hand during various trials, and cheered me on when I ran my first race and lost weight.  I asked them question after question about any topic under the sun. I still read there every day, posting rarely, but still follow the boards.

When my fourth son was born, I needed some new reading material.  I asked, and a few of the women recommended the book Outlander, by Dianna Gabaldon.  Being that it was almost Christmas, my mother asked me what I wanted for my gift.  I said that I had heard about this new series of books, and she agreed to buy them for me.  The ladies on the board talked about the books, raving on the characters and the setting and the incredible greatness of the books.  I couldn't wait to read them.  My mother called me two days before Christmas and told me that she'd gone to get the first book in the set, but she was puzzled that I'd like them.  "They look kind of weird."  she said.  Knowing that the main topic of the story dealt with time travel, I didn't really worry about it and counted on new reading material appearing Christmas day.  Just in time, too - I had nothing to read.

Christmas came, and my mother came over with my gift.  I was ON FIRE to read - I'd heard nothing but raves about these books.  I couldn't WAIT to meet Jamie and Claire and learn all about them. I just about grabbed the package from her and ripped the paper off - to see a SCI -FI book that was definitely NOT the Gabaldon set.  My mom could tell by the look on my face that this wasn't the right book. "I did wonder about it, but you used to read really weird books when you were in high school, so I though that these must be them.  I asked for Outlander (and this one was CALLED Outlander, but it clearly was NOT it - the cover had droids  and mutilated bodies on it) that I just thought this was it."  she said.  She wasn't offended in the least when I told her I'd be taking it back the next day. 

And that was the worst part - it was Christmas day and all of the book stores were closed.  I had to wait until the next day to discover the beauty of Jamie, Claire, Brianna and Roger. 

I've since introduced the series to several people, and 95% of them LOVE it.  In particular, a coworker has started them, and we talk about where she is in the books every day.  She told me last week, "I hate you for starting me on these books.  I love them, and I find myself reading them every waking minute."

I've read the entire series - not yet complete - more than seven times.  My books look like this, held together with rubber bands and duct tape, and I think that's the mark of an awesome book. 
                                                                                                            

Odds and Ends

I had, quite possibly, the worst Church experience ever tonight.  All in an effort to keep me humble.  It was bad enough that the Head Brother, watching me from across the church, was doubled over in hysterics at one point and made an effort to tell me how funny my daughter was - but he was laughing too hard.

Anyone know where to get cute, 100% cotton nightgowns for little girls, preferably spinny ones, without characters on them - but prints are ok - without using my girls non existent college funds?  I'd rather use the Internet than go out anywhere.  I bought a few from Sara's Prints on the clearance page, but need a few more.

My kids have fallen head over heels in love with their Sigg bottles.  They should, for what they cost.  But, GOOD news!  The Biggest Loser people are sending me a new BPA free bottle, to make up for the fact that I threw away my beloved green bottle. 

What style bathing suit are you wearing this summer?  I saw a great one in Women's Health, but can't find it online.  It's by Body Glove.  Coincidentally, I saw a great nightgown in Real Simple, sold at Nordstroms, but can't find it anywhere either.  Maybe I'll just cut out the pictures and wear them on my body. 

Funny movie alert - Sidney White.  Just kookie enough, light enough, fluffy enough.  Kind of silly - no, really silly.  Perfect for me tonight.

Whose bright idea was it to sign up for the Arts Festival and say she'd sell tie dye?  Where did I think I'd pull the time to actually do these shirts from - the air?  Three guesses as to what I'm doing tomorrow.

I STILL HAVE a two day Blogher pass up for sale.  I bought it early bird, so it's $200.  I need to sell it. 

If a camera crew was there

With mad props to the May 2008 issue of Redbook.

First thing in the morning, what television show would your life most resemble?

One of their answers hit close to home for me - The Amazing Race - from the time you get up until the moment they walk into school, it's a race against time.

Actually, that's my entire day.  Or, at least, it was today.  I worked - made 300 sandwiches for tomorrow and served over 400 pieces of pizza - and then the fun started.  One kid was picked up at 2:30, four at 3, one at 4, give the two littles a fast bath and hair washing and toss dinner on the table, one to soccer at 5:30, drop two off at scouts, go back to pick up the soccer star, drop her at home, pick up the one scout, take him home, mad dash for carrots and milk at the grocery, return to school to pick up the older scout, zip through the vitamin shop, and then pass out.

What television show does your life most resemble? 

Father knows best, Leave it to Beaver, Family Feud?  Roseanne, The Brady Bunch, Jon and Kate plus Eight?  Everybody Loves Raymond, I Love Lucy, The Price is Right? 

Mommy Subversion

Over at CityMama , she's got an interesting discussion going on.

What do you do to keep yourself you and not just a Mom?  What actions do you use on a daily or weekly or monthly basis to remember who you were pre kids - in order not to lose yourself?

I know, I know - some of you aren't moms.  Humor me on this. I'll talk about my up and coming new excitement in my life tomorrow, but today, this is what I want to know.

I don't do crafts with my kids.  That's why they love my mom. (Hi, Mom!)

I have a tattoo on my lower back.  A big one.

The Clash, Violent Femmes, The Pogues, Flogging Molly and Blue Man Group have filled large sections of my iPod.

I take martial arts with 20 year old guys.

I read and make them go out to play so I can concentrate.  (Jamie Fraser, sigh...)

I will buy coffee for myself and nothing for them. 

No one sits on my lap when I'm eating.  I feed no one dinner.

I sing at the top of my lungs and dance around as often as possible.

What are your actions that make you you?

Water Bottles and BPA and Me

This weekend, when I was away for my belt test, I was so excited to see a Whole Foods Grocery.  That is SERIOUSLY my favorite store.  I'd love to have one in my area.  In fact, I did a market study on cites with a Whole Foods presence - comparing and contrasting their median incomes, population and growth rates with my city.  I sent it to them two years ago.  Still - nothing.

While I was in there, I saw a display for Sigg water bottles.  I've wanted to get these for a long while now.  See, I'm a bit of a plastic water bottle fanatic.  Ever since The Biggest Loser people sent me water bottles and water filters for a giveaway on The Elff Diet,  I've become obsessed with not using plastic single use bottles.  I use the 32 ounce bottle that they sent me every day, refilling it three times.  My kids each have several water bottles and we always take them wherever we go.  So, I bought a couple, but not nearly enough - those things are really spendy. 

This week, I was stunned to read the newspaper article from the Washington Post, detailing the ban on BPA products.  Reading Blogher today gave me way more information.  Apparently, any water bottles with the #7 on the bottom, as well as #3 and #6, contain BPA, a known carcinogen .  Canada has banned the sale of any water bottles containing this chemical, and Nalgene, maker of the most common reusable water bottle, is moving to recall all of their water bottles.

Did you ever wish that you didn't look into something?

What conversation are you listening to?

While walking one day in Vegas, we met up with the trip organizers.  We've known them for five years - since the first trip.  So, consequently, they remember me when I was heavy. 

We were on our way out of the resort for exercise, and the man of the couple called me over. He told me that he was extremely proud of me for losing "the weight" and we talked for a while about fat discrimination and how it related to a person that we both knew in common.  He asked me if I was going to write a book, and when I told him I was working on it, but that it was uber slow going, he encouraged me to keep it up.  And then he said that I should write a chapter on happiness - for he and his wife has commented, almost the entire trip, at how happy I looked.

Miscellaneous

The Slogan Generator, a little thing I picked up over at Belinda's place, gave me this.

Your Slogan Should Be

Carmen. Uncommonly Made, Uncommonly Good.

Please go over to The Elff Diet and give me a hug.  You'll see why I dearly need it.

And I have a few posts over at Zwaggle.  Share the sugar, babe.