Honesty about Motherhood from me

Feel free to add your own truisms.

You never know how many times you'll say things like Eat over your plate!  and Everyone wears underpants.

You will rejoice if you catch the puke in your hands and it doesn't hit the carpet.

You will never know how one kid can generate SO much dirty laundry.

You will hurt, like never before, if your child is hurt. 

Especially if another of your children hurts a sibling.  How can you hurt so much?

Things like GLASSES and BRACES and MILK and SOCKS become line items on your budget.

You'll never know how you will change.  The mother who was militant about natural birth and cloth diapers can, and will, morph into a person obsessed with a child's Campaign posters.  Change is good. Embrace the change.

You will just KNOW if your kid is faking an illness.  You will become an expert at discovering that the child has a test that same day.

You will never drink so much coffee ever.

You will never have enough money, enough time, or enough patience. You will feel as if you've lost your mind.  You'll wonder, after you've picked up something off the floor for the 1,00th time in a day, why you don't have abs of steel. 

You will leave the house without a change of clothing for your child under five exactly ONCE.  You'll learn your lesson VERY quickly.   You may learn to bring an extra shirt for yourself as well. 

You'll be calm in the ER, dealing with a broken bone, a food allergy exposure, or dehydration. You'll fall to pieces later.

You'll laugh when your child does, cry when your child does, feel excitement and delight on a schedule not your own.

You will be happy, sad, glorified, crabby, delighted, fulfilled, disappointed and thrilled - all in the same day.

Comments

[Jamie @ Blonde Mom Blog]

You will laugh (later) when your kids start fighting exactly one hour into Mother's Day, your old dog pukes at your feet at the breakfast table, and your youngest has a diarrhea episode at lunch.

[Headless Mom]

You will be amazed at the size and amount of the poop that can come out of one child- the one that hardly eats enough to keep a bird alive.

[LizP]

I started reading your blog sometime during my maternity leave and I am de-lurking to laugh :-) Besides our two little ones (almost 3 and 3 months), my husband has two teenagers. I never knew MILK would need to be a budget item! I am allergic and lactose intollerant so I NEVER had milk in my refrigerator. Now we have 2 back-up gallons in the garage refrigerator in addition to the one in the kitchen refrigerator.

For my almost 3 year old it's, "get that out of your mouth!"

[DJ]

You will be completely undeterred by being suddenly and unexpectedly covered by projectile vomit. Your only thought will be: 'Now... where do I start?'...

[Dana]

Very cute post in the spirit of mother's day. :)

[Ruby]

You find yourself saying you would rather clean up vomit than diareah. Or vice versa.

[Ashlee - Mama's Nest]

I LOVE this.

You would never have imagined you'd throw a mock tantrum in the middle of a shopping mall. But you can. And it worked. And hilarity ensued...

[Jennifer]

No one can prepare you for how many times you will say "Chew with your mouth closed!". Also, I always thought I'd be one of those moms who had impeccibly dressed children at all times. Ha ha.

[Jenn]

You are happy when you get sick but your kids don't......they can't handle it as well and act like such babies! :)Hide and seek is an everyday game- every single time my husband or I (although I barely ever leave without them since I am a sahm) comes home, we must "find" our 3 kids. They hide in almost the same spot everytime.

[Beth]

You will appreciate your own mother for doing all of those things for you.
I'm taking care of a friend's two kids (3 mo, 3yrs) while she comes off maternity leave long enough to quit... I just this minute sent my mom an email thanking her for a lifetime of healthy balanced meals, even if it was just a piece of whole wheat toast shoved in my hand on the way out the door in high school.
There is not a single piece of fresh fruit or veg in this house and the toddler gets pop tart, a frosted one, every morning for "breakfast". I can't fathom it. Maybe once in a while, but everyday???
Sooo THANKS AGAIN MOM!!!

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

You will never be in the bathroom all by yourself.

They only THINK you have eyes in the back of your head. In reality they aren't as sneaky as they think they are, and I have ears.

[Jen]

Everyone wears underpants... including Aliens!

http://www.amazon.com/Aliens-Love-Underpants-Claire-Freedman/dp/1416917055/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1211205920&sr=8-1

A brilliant way to get your kids to wear underpants... worked with mine ;)