Mom to the Screaming Masses

Questions about The Kids

Again with another exciting episode of Ask The Reader! 

Emily asks:  If you knew you'd never see your kids again, what advice would you give them for when they become parents?  Teach their boys to pee sitting down AND aiming down.  ;) To not sweat the small stuff - and most of it - including said peeing mystery - is indeed SMALL stuff.  To talk to their own kids, to laugh with their kids and to always, ALWAYS make time for themselves.

Jodie wants to know:  Which addition to your family was hardest to adjust to? Going from 1 to 2 kids was hard for me but not terrible. I am still trying to adjust to #3, who is 20 months. We are considering a fourth, but I don't want to lose what little mind I have left! Each one was tough in it's own way.  #2 child was allergic to milk, and I was nursing her and ingesting TONS of it, so she literally cried around the clock for six solid months. When I figured it out, she was a different kid.  When #3 was born, the pediatrician told me that my husband and I were moving from man to man defense to zone defense.  That was pretty true.  #4 blended in beautifully, but I wonder if that had more to do with is personality.  He was a very happy, sunny baby who rarely cried and was content for hours on end. #5 and #6 just joined the crowd. SO, overall, to sum up - ha!  I get long winded, don't I? - I'm gonna say either 2 or 3. It's a toss up. :)

What about all of you guys?

The Economy and The Price of Foods

Sylvia wanted to know:  I was wondering if you had changed your grocery shopping habits in light of the...ummm...economy. (If you can even call it that anymore.) I'm pretty sure it's not my imagination and that the price of food has gone through the roof. My husband has been umemployed for a month now and I'm finding it impossible to properly feed my boys. Do you have any special meals that you make that cost almost nothing? I say almost because I have 6 dollars.

Oh, Sylvia, ouch.  I do know of what you mean.  Economy = suck and no money. If you ask my hubby, I'm none so good at the saving money in the grocery store.  I do know that there are many, many people who save a ton of money with coupons, and by playing The Grocery Game, they are able to combine sales and coupons to get many things for free. I'm no that diligent or creative, and see also: am easily bored. I do find that grocery costs have gone through the roof on many things, but, interestingly enough, one of the most expensive stores in our area sells milk for only $2.80 a gallon. 

One thing that I know works is to only buy the things at one store that are the cheapest - if it's milk and bread and sliced turkey, buy only those things and go to another store that sells creamer and toilet paper for less.  I don't do this.  i barely have time to keep us in the necessities. I KNOW I could do better.  I know it. 

If we are tight on money, we eat some of the following:

• pancakes
• cereal - although a few of my kids can eat an entire box in one sitting, so that's not so cost efficient
• bean and cheese tortillas
• spaghetti
• homemade pizza

Can you chip in some advice and meal choices to help Sylvia?

The Pros and Cons of a Big Family

First off, if you haven't yet registered to trade on Zwaggle - why not?  If you use this here handy dandy link, I'm giving each of you extra points from my very own stash - that's how strongly I feel about this company. It's a win-win situation - no money changes hands, and you can get your kids some great new-to-you stuff with speed and ease. Sign up, sign up!  Plus, if you enter using this link, I'm going to give one lucky person a Starbucks gift card.  Couldn't you use a cup of coffee?

WHOA.  Michael Jackson AND Farrah Fawcett?  On the same day?  I know, you guys talked all about this yesterday, so I'm late - I was busy rockin' out all night long to the Greatness Of MJ.  Seriously - I LOVED his music.  The later Michael was just too weird for color tv, but his music was awesome.  The first music video I ever watched was Thriller.  And who among us never had the Farrah Fawcett Stylin' Head?  That was the most awesome thing ever.

Jennifer I asks: Hi Carmen, I'd like to know why you are an advocate of big families -- I'm not judging at all! My question is not intended at all as a commentary or asking you to justify your choices -- I'm just curious. As the soon to be Mama of just one child, I'm wondering about the health and benefits of a large family versus a very small ( one child) family. Although, I'm a single mama, adopting a baby -- I don't know that I'll be able to do more -- but wondering if I "should" -- even though I hate "shoulding" myself!

Huh.  I don't know if I ever said that I was an advocate of big families. I AM an advocate for doing what works for you.  If it's one, none, six or eighteen.  You do what works for you and let me do what works for me. That being said - I do like big families. I can't help it. I grew up in a family with two sisters - who don't speak to me but do read here, so hello to you too - and my mom did day care for anywhere from one to five kids on any given day.  So we had lots of kids around, and I like that.  I didn't set out to have a big family.  When I married my hubby, he had three kids already - some of whom also read here, so hello to you too! - and I thought we'd have one or two more.  He's fifteen years older than me, so we had to factor that in as well.

And then it took an awful long time to get pregnant at first.  We finally figured it out and had one very cute little red haired boy, and then decided to give him a sibling.  The third came by accident, the fourth was planned, and then it just kind of snowballed.

Any Question at All?

There are two FANTASTIC giveaways going on over at DietsInReview.  If you were following my twitter stream - and if you aren't, why not? - you'd have seen this:  Two HOT giveaways! Biggest Loser Prize Pack http://bit.ly/vTh9p or the EA Sports Active for Wii http://bit.ly/18IIqO 

And now, on to the questions.  All of these were asked by the Marvelous, ever faithful Mm:

Any question at all? Wow. The mind boggles. Do you answer all your kids questions truthfully. For instance, when they ask you questions about your youth?

You are killing me.  You expect me to answer THIS truthfully, knowing that many of my kids read here?  OF COURSE I always tell the truth.  (Except when I'm not.  But it's kind of hard to figure out when that is...) Seriously, it depends upon the topic, the kid inquiring, the situation, and the lesson I'd like to impart.

Questions with Answers

Des asks:  How are you and yours doing, Carmen? Is everybody feeling pretty healthy? How is your leg?  which goes along with Young Wife's question:  How are you feeling these days? Are you doing okay after the miscarriage?

Shhhh.  (turning around to make sure the evil eye isn't listening...)

I know better than to say that everyone is healthy.  As soon as I say that, the entire world caves in.  Let's put it this way - I have no NEW medical bills to pay.  I'm still paying off the dermatologist for the melanomas that I've had removed and the physical therapy bill is way up there, but the other medical bills as coming in line.  Asthma usually rears it's nasty head spring and fall, and as long as my runners pretreat before practice, it stays in line in the summer.  My leg feels good.  I started running this week. :)  I did break my toe two weeks ago and that hurts like nobody's business while running, but I'm SO happy to be able to run and take class that I'm just ignoring it.  I've done 4 and 5 miles, running intervals with walking and my leg held up like there was never an injury.  I'm really, really hoping that we have put any and all medical issues behind us.  I finally got a period after the miscarriage, so physically that's hunky dory.  Mentally, I'm still weird about the entire thing, but clarity can't be far around the corner, can it?

Lisa inquires:  How do you tune in to the positive power of small things in your life when you feel that your life is one continuous process of fixing, coping, planning, or cleaning? 

Wait a minute - you mean my life isn't a continuous process of fixing, planning or cleaning?  Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously,  I try to keep myself in balance with computer time, reading every night before I go to bed - I began my re read of the Outlander series, to culminate in the release of the newest book coming out in SEPTEMBER! - and my beloved martial arts classes.  I try, no matter what, to do something for myself every day. I cook a lot, mostly because I like to - it relaxes me.I try to pray before I get up - usually when I'm in a half awake state, trying to see if I can fall back asleep, or when I'm going to sleep. Once a week, I go out with my husband. Even if it's just to get a drink somewhere or go for a walk - we do something together.  He works CRAZY long hours and I badly need the break. I try to laugh with my kids, do something fun with them - mostly the pool - and help them learn to relax as well.

Susan and Kyoot want to know:  What is your family doing this summer?

Relaxing.  We are going NOWHERE.  I really hate travel with my kids.  I'm not the best parent for it - I feel like travel is just me doing my work in another location, and I don't seem to ever get a break.  So we stay home.  I took the kids to Great Wolf Lodge and Busch Gardens, thanks to this blog and the great PR people I've met - so I told the kids that those were their trips. I really feel like I have had a rough year - hosing my leg, quitting my job, money stress, trying to sell the house, the melanoma, the miscarriage - I just need some time that isn't go, go go - and all school year long it's go, go go. We have some really large and tough decisions to make in the next two months, and I want to be able to make those with fresh perspective and not with a speedy, slip shod rush. I plan to take classes, let the kids take classes, and rest by the pool and at the beach.  MY trip - Blogher - is the highlight of my entire summer and I've got that to look forward to.  Basically, we are going to take it easy and spend time not running from school to soccer to games to yadda yadda. 

More answers tomorrow!

How We Spent Father's Day

Also known as Daddy is FUN

Again, Its All About Me

I had a very interesting conversation with my husband the other day.  Apparently, he's been telling people to read my blog, saying that it's all about being a mother and raising kids. 

Except, you know, it's not. Because that's not all I am.  But he, uh, doesn't see it that way.  Which reminded me of something that happened last week.

I went to the fights.  I cannot TELL you how many people were surprised by that.  One older person - not a relative, so rest your protestations - even told me that, as a mother, I had no business being at that type of entertainment, never mind have a drink or three like I did. This person told me that I should stay at home and be happy to be a mom.  I shouldn't take muay thai or capoeira, NEVER should go out, only go to the pool or beach along with my kids - in short, my family should be enough for my fulfillment all the time.  Every minute of every day.

I used to do that.  I lived for my kids, spent every minute with my kids, and did nothing for myself - not even a trip to the grocery store alone or the book store. I showered with an audience, peed with people on my lap or peeking under the door - slept with multiple little bodies crammed around me in the bed. I never ever ever got a break. And I went through a terrible depression and ended up on large amounts of anti depressants, gained a ton of weight and thought very often about driving on the other side of the road into oncoming traffic.  I was very, extremely unhappy for a good long while, but with the help of medication, large amounts of exercise, some really good "discussions" with quality people, and other interventions, I came through with one very valuable piece of knowledge that ultimately helped me more than anything. 

Seating, Burpees, The Sharing of the Bedrooms and a Funny

First up!  Our newest Zwaggle member interviewed me - why not go check out my answers?  Second, have you seen the phenomenal series on Men's Health that has been running this week at DietsInReview?  There are some really great blog posts with some AMAZING weight loss stories.

HelloHeather wants to know: How do you decide who sits where in the van? I was one of five kids, and there were exactly five seats in our van. We would fight and/or sulk so much over the "good" seats, that my mom and step-dad finally settled on us kids drawing lots for seats, each and every time we rode anywhere. We kept five numbered slips of paper in a can in the car, and everybody knew which seat was which number. You drew, and you sat in that seat, and you didn't complain loud enough for Mom to hear. Ah, the sweet family memories...

My kids have assigned seating.  It's a drag for them.  My van is originally a 15 passenger, with three rows of three and the back row of four. We decided to remove one seat, and for a while, it was the back seat. I did this so that I'd have room for groceries, and also because that back seat sits SMACK up against the window, and I was afraid that if I had a car accident, one of my kids would get hurt by smacking their head on the window - none of the seats have headrests - they stop about shoulder level.  But I quickly decided that I didn't like having to walk all the way around the back of the van to put the groceries in, and it was a pain in the butt for the kids to walk ALLL the way around the van to get their school bags.  Not to mention that they were RIGHT behind me fighting all the flippin day. So we took out the seat that is directly behind the drivers row, opening up that big space.  (Everyone who is in the back rides in a belt positioning booster that has a high back, to support their head.) That leaves three rows. Right now, Gabe and Riley are together in the front row.  Mackenzie and Emma are in the second and the back is empty, unless Allegra has a friend riding with us, in which case they sit back there.  Otherwise Allegra rides up front with me. I'm always rotating people around, though - depending upon who isn't getting along with someone else. The ability to get along with your seatmate is apparently an ability that has a short life span and expires very quickly. :)  My kids apparently haven't learned to keep their complaining down so that I can't hear - they are really vocal about it.

Clearly, I Need More Sleep

I bolted upright in bed, jolted awake far too early by an unknown, yet familiar noise. I didn't have my glasses on - kind of hard to sleep in them - so I couldn't see the numbers on the clock, and I reached behind me for my cell phone.  I pulled it from the holder and held it right in front of my eyes, blearily trying to focus, focus, focus.  It was so dark outside, there was no way it could be time to get up.  There was that noise again - what WAS it?

My eyes finally focused.  4:46.  In the morning.  As my brain computed the time, it also placed that noise.  It was giggling.  And it was coming from Emma, and she was downstairs.

This could be bad.

Questions, The Beginning

Really, I love my readers tremendously.  Thank you so much for your kind words and sweet emails.

Now, before my water bottle fills with snot and tears - all together now, euuuwww!  Gross! - let's start with a couple of the questions, shall we?

Karin asks: Do you watch Big Love? How would you like sister wives? (Note: I'm not Mormon or anything—just got sucked into Big Love recently) A few moms I know (also not a mom) have commented that having other women around the house would be so nice. Hard to imagine!  Ah, Karin, you must be a fairly new reader here! I discovered Big Love in January when I was on a blogging trip, and in Feb when I tore my calf muscle and was sidelined for about 10-12 weeks on my booty, I became a Big Love ADDICT. I ADORE this show.  In fact, I've been rewatching a few episodes lately and really can't WAIT for it to return.  Would I want sister wives?  Hmm, yes and no.  The extra hands around would be great, there's no denying that.  I would have trouble with submitting to the first wife - I'm, uh, not the submission type - HA!  Seeing my husband kiss and fondle another woman, and knowing that they were intimate - I dunno if I could do that.  Could you?

Elizabeth asks: How is life today different than you thought "being a grownup" would be?  HAHAHAHA - hell to the yes.  It is so much harder and I am so unprepared.  I keep waiting for the REAL parents to show up.  I never thought I'd get by on so little sleep and have to make so many decisions with so little knowledge and be just flat out RESPONSIBLE for so many things at once. I hate being the one who makes all the decisions, all the choices and has all the responsibilities. I thought that being a grown up meant that I could do what I want, when I want.  And, it does - within reason.  I can skip cleaning the kitchen and take a nap, if I want.  But I have to face the messy kitchen later. Being a grownup means working all the time.  Gabe asked me today what I liked to do. I told him read, nap, talk with friends, train Muay Thai.  He said, "Oh.  I thought you liked to clean.  You do it a lot."