The Pros and Cons of a Big Family

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WHOA.  Michael Jackson AND Farrah Fawcett?  On the same day?  I know, you guys talked all about this yesterday, so I'm late - I was busy rockin' out all night long to the Greatness Of MJ.  Seriously - I LOVED his music.  The later Michael was just too weird for color tv, but his music was awesome.  The first music video I ever watched was Thriller.  And who among us never had the Farrah Fawcett Stylin' Head?  That was the most awesome thing ever.

Jennifer I asks: Hi Carmen, I'd like to know why you are an advocate of big families -- I'm not judging at all! My question is not intended at all as a commentary or asking you to justify your choices -- I'm just curious. As the soon to be Mama of just one child, I'm wondering about the health and benefits of a large family versus a very small ( one child) family. Although, I'm a single mama, adopting a baby -- I don't know that I'll be able to do more -- but wondering if I "should" -- even though I hate "shoulding" myself!

Huh.  I don't know if I ever said that I was an advocate of big families. I AM an advocate for doing what works for you.  If it's one, none, six or eighteen.  You do what works for you and let me do what works for me. That being said - I do like big families. I can't help it. I grew up in a family with two sisters - who don't speak to me but do read here, so hello to you too - and my mom did day care for anywhere from one to five kids on any given day.  So we had lots of kids around, and I like that.  I didn't set out to have a big family.  When I married my hubby, he had three kids already - some of whom also read here, so hello to you too! - and I thought we'd have one or two more.  He's fifteen years older than me, so we had to factor that in as well.

And then it took an awful long time to get pregnant at first.  We finally figured it out and had one very cute little red haired boy, and then decided to give him a sibling.  The third came by accident, the fourth was planned, and then it just kind of snowballed.

The six kids does make us a big family.  At one point I thought for sure we'd have three or four more, but the last one was really really REALLY difficult for me, what with the spectrum stuff and all, and hey, let's face it, I'm closing in on 40 f-a-s-t.  And not that I think 40 is old, because it isn't - but I want to be able to do stuff and go places and I'm really not feeling the maternal pullings and urgings that I once did.  See also: I do love me some sleep.  If it happened, I wouldn't toss myself off the bridge - but I wouldn't be celebrating with a pinata, kwim?

As far as the health and benefits, hmmm.  I dunno if there's any health, necessarily.  They certainly should have stronger immune systems as adults, since they pass so many flippin colds around like water. Benefits?  I do like to lie to myself and say that my kids will have the benefit of a lot of siblings to draw on as they get older - lots of brothers and sisters to call and say, "Whoa.  Did you get a load of the BS Mom was spouting at the dinner table tonight?"  We joke that we had six of them so we can spend two months with each in our old age to comprise the full year.

Seriously.  One thing I like about other big families, and yet never really seem to see in mine, is the spirit of cooperation.  My kids tend to try to take each other down on a moment by moment basis - it's like WWE some days.  Many big families I've seen have a spirit of comradeship that I'd love to purchase and sprinkle on my kids liberally - if it was at all possible.  Well, everyone has to have a goal, right? I have seen GLIMPSES of it - when an older takes a younger for a drive in his car or a bike ride, when an older paints a younger siblings toenails or reads a story.  If one of my youngest wasn't so insanely thickheaded, she'd be a hell of a Muay Thai fighter - she could learn heaps from those that are older than her who train.  She just.knows.BETTER, MOM.  Geesh.

Having a big family means lots of noise, lots of people to talk to, lots of drama and interesting things happening.  It also means a metric butt ton of laundry - seriously, you should see the floor or my laundry room on any given day - and an enormous amount of milk, pancake mix, shampoo, toothpaste and taking a bath with lukewarm water.  It means tripping over hormones every time you turn around and the reality that someone is having a better day than you - and someone else is having a worse day.  It means never any quiet, but it means that you can always find someone to listen to you bitch about how unfair your mom is being, and how you can't wait until you can just MOVE OUT ALREADY. 
It means that just when I think I'm through one phase, there's another kid right behind getting ready to do the same things all over again. It means wearing hand me downs forever, unless you are lucky enough to be the oldest of your gender or the youngest - since the clothes can only last through so many kids, the youngest tends to get new stuff.  It means that there's never ever ever enough money and Mom is usually busy when you need to talk to her - but someone else is always there.

Does that kind of answer what you were asking, Jennifer?

Comments

[Emily]

you make me wish that I was closer to my siblings. There are four of us, but we're so spread out in geography and ages that we don't keep up.

[girlsmama]

Amen Carmen! I hope an pray that my four girls will have each other to rely on, trust, commiserate with, and support each other throughout their lives. In the mean time I'll keep doing the laundry and dishes, they multiply faster than gremlins in a swimming pool.

[Frances]

I have to say that growing up in a big Italian family had its benefits and its draw backs but I loved it anyways. The nieghborhood kids were always at my house because being in my house was the best time they ever had. I loved my family even though they drove me nuts and yes I couldn't wait to move out. Now that we don't live in the same town or state, I miss them even more. I do have a child and she is my only one but as everyone tells me, the Lord gives you only what you can handle. So, Carmen, you are stronger than you think buddy!!!

[A]

for weel. ;-)

[kyoot]

I remember when I only had a brother and sister and asking my parents for "more" because I wanted my kids to have lots of aunts and uncles. Mom did her best and gave us 2 more :0

[Debby Pucci]

I have two adult kids and always wanted to have four. I came from a family of three kids. I think even numbers is good so there isn't a middle child. I was the baby so being spoiled is the best in my opinion! I just want to say thank you for the nice comments on Michael Jackson, I read so many nasty ones, I too was a big fan of the most talented man in our world.

[jb]

I am the oldest of five, and a lot of how you describe your kids sounds like us when we were younger. Now we are 24 [me], 22, 20, 18 and 10--and closer than ever! We taught each other how to pump legs on the swings, ride a bike, swim in the deep end, drive cars, play guitar, etc etc etc. The older we get, the more fun it is to have so many siblings. I hope the same will hold true for your kids.

[Jennifer W.]

yup, totally what I was wondering. I think I had this idea that you set out with a firm intention to have lots of kids. I'm glad I asked :) I love the idea of having a big family and now that I'm on this journey of adopting a baby I'm thinking of everything related to babies and what I ought to do or ought not to do.
Thanks so much for answering! Now I'm off to sign up for Zwaggle!