Mom to the Screaming Masses

The Lush Experience

Many,many thanks to the lovely ladies of Blogalicious, who introduced me to such wonders as pink fizzy Bath Bombs:

Soaps that you cut off in 1/4 pound increments from enormous bars

 

And, last but not least, Happy Pills

The Introspective Insight into My (Admittedly Mostly Insane) Ramblings

I realized something about myself while I was away this week.  I need time alone. 

Wow.  That's not so amazing and introspective, I'm sure. I mean, I've said that many times on this here blog, ranted about the feeling of being trapped and closed in, in need of a change and a break and just TIME OFF.  We all know that feeling.  We ALL have that feeling.  Even those of us who profess to be "So happy!" in their lives - and, believe me, I am happy in my life, do NOT misconstrue this post or shade it with your thoughts, feelings and desires.  I love and adore and, quite frankly, am surprised at how much I missed my family. Just the same, I needed to go away, was torn by the twin desires of responsibility to my family and the need of space for myself for my mental sanity and overwhelmed by the rush I feel as I depart.  It's frighteningly both addictive and powerful, that rush.

Just getting to go to Blogher was a big deal for me.  I go every year, and have already made big plans for next years conference, to be held in NYC.  (Whoot!  My favorite city!)  But it's not so much going FOR the conference as it is to go FOR me.  I'm not sure if that concept makes sense, but I'm going to try to explain it to you, and maybe clear the muddy waters a bit for me.  (I've been thinking a lot this week.)

The first year I went to Blogher, and the second, it was really all about the networking for me.  I brought a fistful of cards and spent lots of time trying to get my blog out!there! and find more!readers! and get myself noticed!known!important!  To BE an A list blogger.  Everyone I met received a card, and I took all the cards I could.  I went back to the room and read other blogs, commenting and trying to squeeze my screamingly square peg self into a very round hole. I checked my stats obsessively that entire first and second conference - were new people reading me?  Was I making a good impression?  Were they going to stay faithful and loyal readers?  Was this my ticket into the BIG TIMES?  I studied writing styles and tried to find the lines of form to copy, certain that if I just found that one thing, that little secret, I'd catapult my way straight to the top.

Overwhelmed

I'm home.  My kids were delighted to see me.  My husband was delighted to see me. I was delighted to see them all.

But, ye cats, people, I'm tired and there is SO much to do.  A giant tornado came through my house, we are out of bread (I ate the last two pieces with peanut butter on them for dinner at midnight last night) and I have work!work!work! ahead of me. Not just housework, but connecting with my kids, laundry, a couple of product reviews (only a couple - like two), laundry, planning a birthday party, schooling stuff for next year, laundry, unpacking swag (yes, I did get stuff, but I swear I didn't grab and run or elbow anyone's baby for it and I wasn't greedy), a broken blender and desktop computer to try to repair, little bodies and big bodies to hug, stories to hear, laundry, picking new eyeglasses for myself...

Wait.  THAT'S what I need to ask you.  Anyone have a great ability to pick wonderful frames?  I have an opportunity to review an eyeglass distributor - and I DESPERATELY need new glasses, as mine are - wait for it - FIFTEEN years old - but I don't know what frames would look good on my face, with it's lack of cheekbones and giant block of squareness.

I MUST thank my husband, who took two days off work during his busiest time of the month to stay home with our kids so that I could leave.  I would be TOTALLY REMISS if I didn't thank my mother, who took five of my kids CAMPING - God love her, she's the only way that my kids will ever get to go camping, I won't be doing it - for three days AND took them to the beach.  I looked online at my bank balance and it appears that my husband and oldest son had a ball of movie watching, pool hall frequenting, and fast food eating.  You'd never know that the morning I left for Chicago, I frantically cooked five pounds of panko crusted baked chicken for them to eat while I was away. 

For the next two days, I'm going to be reflecting on some things I learned about myself while I was away, answers to questions my mind has been pondering, and generally getting all introspective on you.  That's what time away does to me.

What have you been up to?  What did I miss?  Give a sister the scoop!

Captain's Log: Chicago, Day Two and Three

In Bullet points. BTW - did you check out the new video I have up on DietsInReview?  I'm teaching how to make smoothies! Someone has to watch it and tell me if I look stupid - I HATE to watch myself on video.

The Good:

• In the past two days, I've had three chair massages, one hand and arm massage, a facial, two leg and feet massages
• eaten four mini cupcakes
• gotten more swag than I know what to do with - something for each kid is DEFINITELY covered!
• eaten my weight in fruit
• had a wonderful decaf white mocha right before bed
• I have an appointment for a hair and makeup demo
• walked and ran intervals two mornings
• slept deeply and alone
• went to an event at Lush Cosmetics and got introduced to them. If you EVER want to buy me anything - this is where it's at for me.
• I have seen SO MANY friends.  I'm going to post some pics below the fold. This is really where the conference is at for me.  I really enjoy sitting around and talking to my friends at length.
• The Community Keynote was a highlight for me - in particular, I have to single out the two guys who spoke, TW, Issa, Grace and of course, Heather and Catherine.  You can read the posts that they read on the link above or watch the video. Bring your kleenex.  Want to laugh so hard you pee?  Read #10 from Knotty Yarn. Or watch it - it's even better,

The Not So Good:

• That deep sleep is way not enough.  I need a nap.
• The Sheraton Housekeeping department is overwhelmed.  The first day my room wasn't cleaned at all - only the bed was made.  I complained three times and it wasn't cleaned until the NEXT day - at 5 p.m.  I've seen room service trays in the hall for two or three days, the carpet is soaked outside my room, various pieces of dirty cutlery litter the hall along with dropped dirty towels and washcloths.
• I had no internet for the first two days as the front desk informed me that I only to use the wifi - corded was not free.  Only when I complained midnight Thursday to the manager was I told that four rooms on each floor had no wifi due to the location - and one of them was mine.
• I SO MISS the recycle room that we did last year.  It was a tremendous effort, one Adam and I were so glad to do, and it gave everyone a great place to offload unwanted stuff and hunt for needed stuff.  There's no room here - just a table - and I've seen lots of random stuff left laying around.

There's much more, but if I don't shower from my run I'm going to pass out due to my own stink.  More later, and pics below the fold!

Captain's Log: Chicago, Day One

When I arrived at the gate at the airport, I knew I was in for a treat.  There was a GIRLS SOCCER TEAM - approximately 30 girls between the ages of 12 and 16.  We flew all the way to Baltimore - only realy about 45 minutes, but hello, when every dip in the air lends itself to squeals and screams, that teeny tiny baby flight becomes very long indeed.  When we landed in Baltimore, I attempted to find my flight to Chicago. It might have helped me if I'd KNOWN that my flight went to BUFFALO first.Teeny, tiny little detail that I forgot.

The flights went smoothly, though, and I arrived in Chicago on time, with the grand plan that I was not going to take a $40 cab ride or a $18 shuttle ride - but, instead, I decided that the way to go was the $2.25 L.  The elevated train.  Which I've been on exactly once, but I thought to myself, If I can do a flippin' endurance round -I can take the L.  I was nervous, though - and so I asked two extremely nice gentlemen who were on the plane with me if they could direct me.  Not only did Hop and Douglas direct me, they went ON the train with me, AFTER paying my fare.  They decided together that the planned route - Orange line to Red, get off at (something I forgot) wasn't a good plan and so they took me almost all the way on a different route.  They asked for nothing in return - truly, two of the nicest men I've ever met. I definitely don't know if I could have navigated the entire way without them - and I gave them my cards, so I really hope that they read this. 

The Mandatory "I'm Going To Blogher" Post

I'm pedicured, packed, waxed and shampooed.  My house is clean, the laundry is done, the floors are vacuumed. In just a few hours I will climb out of bed, toss on some clothes and get on a plane headed for Chicago.  There I will attend Blogher - an event I look forward to all year.  I see old friends, meet new, and enjoy myself so, so much.  I thought it would be a good idea to follow Denise's lead on Blogher...

One week from now, 07/24/09 - 5:21pm CT, I will be blissfully exhausted and thrilled to have met all of you. I'll have a whole lot of business cards in my pocket and a whole lot of names and faces and phrases jumbled up in my head that I may or may not be able to make sense of once the post conference glow wears off and I'm trying to figure out just which of you said THAT brilliant thing.

On 07/25/09, while basking in the post conference glow, I'll begin to hear stories about amazing women who I did not meet and I'll be sad that I somehow missed your awesomeness in person.

I'll also have a wee bit of regret about not having spent more time with you, and you, and also you. With 1500 people in attendance, I'm not going to have nearly enough time to really get to know anyone.

I know this is how it will go because it is what happened in 2006, 2007, and 2008.

In the aftermath, I will spend days and days surfing links from the business cards I accumulated. I will spend hours and hours trying to find someone whose name I only partially got or whose face I'll recognize when I see it or who had such an interesting story that I wish I'd gotten her name or her card ... but I didn't. I'll search and search and search. Google will get a hard workout, I guarantee it....

What do you say? Help me (and everyone else) get to know you now -- it will help us get to know you during the conference and after we've all gone home, too.

Here's what I had to say - cross posted from Blogher.com.  Will you be there?  Leave me a comment so we can meet up.  I promise that I'll probably forget your name and most certainly have something spilled on my clothes - but I AM friendly. :)

Make Up Your Mind Already, Muriel

One of the "things" about me, the quirks I have, is the ability to make up my mind in an instant.  A split second, if you will.  My husband is the exact opposite.  I get SO annoyed when we go together to buy cards.  He reads CARD after CARD after CARD, and I just want to GO already.  I look at two, pick one, and I'm gone. It's not that I don't care - because I do, very deeply.  I just get very annoyed with the process that it takes to make up your mind. I'm decisive - I know what I want and when I want it.  It is usually a pretty good thing - until it's not.  Occasionally, I've made up my mind too fast and suffered the consequences of my speedy thinking.  Most often, though, I find that my first choice is usually the best one and I rarely second guess myself.

This decision is different.  I'm so afraid of making the wrong choice with regards to the kids and their schools for next year that I almost feel paralyzed with indecision. I've consulted various people, talked my mouth off, looked online and basically, done most of the research that any one person could hope to do. I'm afraid, though, that no matter what I choose, it will be the wrong choice.  I'm afraid that I'm doing my kids a disservice.  I'm afraid that I'm failing them by not being able to provide the schooling choice that we've made since forever, but wondering not so secretly aloud if the choice I made so long ago is still the best one.  I feel extremely guilty that I even have to entertain the thought of taking them out of Catholic school and that I've been somehow unwise with my money, when it is the reality of a shitty economy. Sure, if I didn't have an enormous mortgage I might now be facing this decision, but I still might. As if I'm a failure, as if people will talk.  Well, sure, and hell's bells we ALL know people will talk. People always have something to say - but it's not like I've been irresponsible with my money and blown it all on twinkies and gin and betting on ponies.  (Well,technically it was Ho-Ho's and vodka and playing the lottery - but let's keep that between us, shall we?  Thanx.)

So I'm taking my time.  Looking at every possible situation from every possible angle, creating elaborate pro and con lists for each and every choice.  I do not want to rush this decision - but I'm getting to the point where I'm beginning to go just a tiny bit mad with the continued internal debate. Every morning when I wake up, it's the first thing on my mind.  For that matter, it's what comes to mind when I wake up in the small hours of the night as well.  I've created elaborate pro/con charts and add to them - and erase from them - at least once every day.  No matter who I talk to, everyone has a definite answer.  They should go public, says one corner.  No, no, keep them private cries the other.

In my gut, I really want to keep them private.  But mostly I think that's for my own convenience.  We've been there 12 years, and with a few exceptions, I love every teacher in the school - since many of them read here, rest assured that it's not YOU - it's a different teacher.  Maybe the one you don't like as well. There's no denying that staying where we are has deep benefits to me - everyone knows about the food allergies, the migraines, the SPD, the lack of vocalization, the everything.  I can literally drop off and not look back.

I have to say that I've been very very impressed by the public schools.  I've been all over the elementary in particular and every question, every dilemma has been answered with patience and quiet respect for me and my frightening inability to make.a.decision.already, woman.  I've talked with neighbors who love the schools and learned some really, really good things that calmed my nerves.  PLUS - I realized that a reader here lives literally within a mile AND has a little girl the same age as my Emma - and I've picked her brain and the result was great indeed.  As hard as I try, I can find NOTHING wrong. Except for the amount of work that I'd need to do, the trouble with one child in particular changing schools, and the fact that two kids would, in essence, be repeating a year.  And, once again, it's all about me.

It's almost turned into me vs. my hubby, who is a clear and honest advocate for public.  To give him his due, when we did bills this month, we decided that the end result, the figure left over after we paid everything, would tell us if we could afford to re enroll.  When that figure was way, way, WAY different - he volunteered to get a job at night, stocking shelves.  After he worked a full  14 hour day.  No way in hell.  And we all know that I just about had a nervous breakdown last year, after working out of the home for three years. 

I've got to make a decision, both for my kids sake and for my own.  I have to know where they will be next year so that I can begin to get my mind straight, for if I don't, my mind is going to leave me.  Or my husband might.  And I think I'm almost settled, but still, my brain cries out, What if?

A Scene I Never Imagined

I went into the bookstore with a purpose.  I had to buy a book for my daughter for school.  A summer reading book that is required reading, a book that I read as a high school student and loved, and even read again this past year, because I really liked it - Alas, Babylon.  I went in, walked through the store, found the book, checked out and left.

Did you catch what was missing?

I WENT to the bookstore, WALKED AROUND to get a book for my daughter, and checked out.  I bought nothing for myself. Nothing.  I don't think I've ever done that.  Not a magazine for myself - I ALWAYS do that! - not a cupcake, a paperback novel or a hardcover sales special.

(It helps that I am flat broke and completely unable to buy a new book even if I wanted to - and I most certainly do want to. )

It's the End of The World As We Know It.

For Your Viewing Pleasure

If you are still having trouble viewing this blog correctly - and I sincerely hope that you are not - try updating your browser.  It helped more than a few people with that very trouble. 

I've been dreading this day for months. Months and months, ever since I knew what was in store for me. When you train Muay Thai at the school I do, you test every two months.  Once you attain a certain rank, you have to start endurance rounds against an instructor.  You have a set amount of kicks and knees to get in - during a very small window of time. I knew my time was this month, and I knew that I didn't want to do it.  I was hoping that it would be during the Blogher conference so that I could skip it.  No such luck.  It was this week.  Up until Friday, I wasn't even certain if I'd do it.  It was a nerve wracking decision.

I was afraid.  So, so afraid.  i've seen people end this test with a bloody nose - admittedly, the first endurance round is a bit easier than the later ones, but you don't get a pass.  The instructors go hard on you - and, rightly, for they don't want to just give the test over.  I toyed back and forth, back and forth - should I test?  After all, I was perfectly happy to attain "The DARK SIDE" - so called because once you hit a certain level, you get to train with a dark shirt and with the black belts - the classes are harder and more intense. Once I made the dark side, I was fine.  I know that I'm not ever going to compete - I'm not in class for that. I'm there to keep in shape and have fun - and I LOVE to train.  But the thought of going against an instructor was enough to a) keep me from eating all day and b) make me feel like vomiting through my sweaty, shaky, clammy hands 27 times before it was my turn.

But I'm determined to change. That's what this whole weight loss thing has been about.  Getting into shape, staying in shape, busting the plateaus and getting over and through fears and being a stronger, better, happier person. Not only that, what kind of message would I be sending to my girls if I was too scared to do something that I'd expect them to do?  Not only THAT, but the stupid thing would be hanging over my head until next month, and I'd have to go through the same thing ALL over again.  So I did it.  I put on my big girl panties and did it.  Below is the video, and a bonus video of my Emma, who had her very first test today.

Two notes:  I disappear towards the end.  I didn't leave the floor for a drink - I dropped my hands like an idiot and got knocked down. I really don't think I did well, but I promised someone that I'd share it, and I keep my promises. Also, Emma is introduced as one of the the "Staicer clan" - her instructor says "there's like 8 of them here."  Nope - just four.

Please Help Me

I've had a few reports that the blog is acting all wonky.  I can't seem to get it to reproduce, though.  It's fine for me in Google Chrome, Firefox and IE.  Can you do me a favor?  Can you check in and let me know if a) you are having trouble and b) if so, what browser you are using?

I'd SO appreciate it.

Oh - and I've discovered the new breakfast of champions - 2 handfuls of Generic Spanish label Captain Crunch (don't judge, they were less than 1/2 price!) and three cups of coffee. What did you have for breakfast today?