Tomorrow is the First Day of the Rest of The Year

Check this link out - it's a GREAT interview with Wendy Bazilian chock full of shopping trip tips, with a bonus contest to win a copy of her newest book! There are two copies of the book and very few entries - your odds are great!

It's 10:30 pm as I type this on Sunday night.  The last Sunday night of the summer.  Tomorrow school begins for five of my kids. One kid is going to make the jump to public school this year, and so she will be home for another two weeks.  But, as of Monday morning at 7:45, those enrolled in Catholic school will be out of my home for a blissful 7 hours.  It will be almost quiet.

But, ye cats, people - have we gone through some money this month.  Notebooks, folders, crayons and pencils - those items are on sale quite a bit and can be bought a bit at a time. It's not hard to slip a.25 packet of crayons into the shopping cart. The rest of the items, though - they can be budget breakers.  Folders, copybooks, contact paper to cover the books, scissors, tape that disappears as fast as I buy it - the list goes on and on and on. And, hello - the CALCULATORS that cost $100?? And flash drives in triplicate! Soccer cleats, shin guards, running spikes and the never ending purchase of textbooks.  AND - as evidence of the absolutely STELLAR job that I'm doing - I didn't check the motrin that two of my kids take to school, never mind the benadryl and albuterol inhalers for school and had to make a mad (expensive!) dash to the drugstore at 6 p.m. on a Sunday.  F-U-N times, yo.

What really gets me is the clothing.  Uniforms aren't so bad - I've been lucky enough to have great success at the used sale, be the recipient of hand me downs from other families, and found some great offers at the church thrift store.  Shoes, now - that's a different story. Just try to find chocolate brown or black mary janes or slipons, never mind solid white sneakers. There's really nowhere to buy those things second hand - although, I was able to score two pairs of tie Stride Rites for Gabe for this year and next - for $1. But shoes for six times three pairs a kid gets pretty spendy.

The hardest thing in the entire "back to school" scenario has been my public school girl.

As if you didn't already guess.

The ability to wear anything that she's allowed to - well, that's some pretty heady stuff there after 9 years in a plaid jumper, and it's been a true test of my patience and my nerves.  It's no secret that my husband works in one of the hardest hit industries and our income has been cut nearly in half, and the money - well, it's just not there, and my focus is admittedly not so much on purchasing the seventh pair of skinny leg jeans and more on the sky rocketing electric bill.  She's been babysitting, and took her money and went shopping - and purchased a mini MINI skirt and three tank tops.  To say that I wasn't happy, well that's kind of an understatement.  It's been a heated discussion and it's been a daily one. An aggravating, constant topic. "Why don't we have any money? Why can't I buy new shoes and new jeans? All my friends can!" Those friends don't have a larger than normal size family and a dad who is working as hard as he can and treading water. It's a no win situation, and one that we've talked and talked about until we are blue in the face - but I'm not clear how much is sinking in.

I wish that there was a magic solution to the push-pull of never enough money and kids who want the moon and new cross country trainers.  As well as a solution to the "I want new clothes and I want them now" that struggles with "I'm not comfortable with the clothes that you have picked out."  I can truthfully say that I hate the economy, and I'm sure that my kid feels the same way. 

This post was written (truthfully!) for a Parent Bloggers Network Blog Blast. A winning post will be chosen at random to win a $150 gift card - one that I am sure will be appropriated for jeans and shirts and sneakers and the ever necessary "invisible" sock.  One other lucky blogger will win a Kindle - and we all know how much I'd LOVE a Kindle.

Comments

[becky d.]

do you have any "plato's closet" by you? they are by me in the midwest and are teen thrift stores! from what i know, they only take trendy items that are in good condition...not sure on their prices, though...

[Headless Mom]

I hated the struggle of appropriate clothes for my teen girl. Luckily we have come out on the other side and she has (mostly) learned. Does her new school have a dress code? I know that helped me in the debate-if it was in black and white, there was no question.

Enjoy your (mostly) quiet day tomorrow!

[amie]

Good luck! Hope all goes well for your Catholic schoolers today and the public schooler doesnt drive u bonkers over the next two weeks.

Btw , here is th part I love about my kids Catholic school uniform. The girls wear burgundy socks_ do u know how hard it is to find burgundy socks? You can either order them from the uniform store at ridiculously expensive prices plus shipping or there is ONE store in our town who has them for $4 a pair. So welcome to the Ft knox of socks_ I am back to my school yr routine of guarding these stupid socks, which ushusally end up in th back seat of the car somewhere :(I really want another month of summer .

I really dread the lack of school uniform with my daughter, it will take her 3 hours to get ready in the am. She tried on 3 bathing suits yesterday just to to go to the beach.Whenever something doesn fit or look right she blames me. I am thinking of going to a convent during her high school years( me not her) . I will enjoy the solitude and relative vacation.

[kyooty]

I mean this with the best intentions and I know your kids read here but does your daughter understand taht she's going to school to get an education? Clothes just hve to be on and clean. There are Also HUGE!! rules on what she can and can't wear. I saw some pretty eleborate "can'ts" on a list from another US friend. No straps, no bra straps showing, no underwear showing, (hard to accomplish with a micromini, use those tennis type skirts with the shorts) and that skirts have to be a certain length? as well as shorts? I can only imagine what said child will feel like when marched to the office for inappropriate "wear". Money gone cause once you wear them you can't return them? I hope she has some old woman blouses to cover those tanks?

[mary]

i have 2 teenage daughters. And i dont buy any clothes for them unless it is their bday or cmas and thats what they asked for.
mean! I know. But they buy their own clothes, they both have jobs and gasp take care of them!
I just cant afford to buy them, I also have a pack of kids. PLUS they havent grown, so they dont need clothes! want and need are 2 different things! They have been really good about seeing we have NO INCOME but I know how girls can be.
I find the school supply list a guideline. I have never bought the $100 calculator. I told them to borrow one. (the 2 have graduated so this does work LOL) If its too much money I dont buy it or buy the cheaper version.
the only school clothes I bought were 2 pairs of sneakers for my little ones from famous footwear, I love that place!

[Pat]

As my Mom found out with one of my brothers, it's money thrown down the drain when you try to get by with second-hand shoes from Goodwill or elsewhere. Athlete's Foot fungus and all manner of foot crud can reside in second-hand shoes to be passed on to the unsuspecting next wearer of said shoes. Mom had to take my brother to the doc and rub an expensive cream into his feet for the next two months. Of course, the infested second-hand shoes had to be tossed and a new never-worn pair bought.

[Molly]

Yikes, I need to enjoy the time that my boys are little and aren't aware of all of the things they can ask for!

[Deborah]

Ahhh! Enjoy the silence! I've been totally productive so far this morning and it feels nice to clean the house knowing it will stay clean for 7 hours.

I feel your pain on the school supplies and clothes. My wallet has been screaming for a month or two now. I too have tried to spread out the purchases for my four kids.

[Emily C]

I'm sorry about the struggles with your daughter. I grew up with stringent rules about modesty (never show your shoulders, cleavage, or anything above the knee) and plan on the same for my kids of both genders.

Good luck! And make sure she checks the dress code (which sometimes changes between the time they print the student manual and the day school starts, unfortunately) and adheres to the last letter. Those things can be vicious.

[Starr]

becky d suggested Plato's Closet--Carmen, there IS one here in the Tidewater area, it's in the Lynnhaven North shopping strip, next to Tropical Smoothie Cafe. They don't accept any second hand clothing more than a season or two old, and they only take clothes from the trendy mall shops like Hollister, Pac Sun, etc. Prices are a bit higher than thrift store, but still very reasonable. They also sell purses, belts, sunglasses, and backpacks. Your high school daughter should be able to find some great stuff there! :)

[Dianna]

Gosh, you would think that after catholic school for 9 years and plaid skirts (I was there too...) that she'd know better than to try to buy mini skirts and such. My high school was catholic and had a strict dress code - no jeans, tank tops, etc - so it wasn't like it was a huge change for me though. Now, will she be going to school for 2 weeks after the other kids get out for summer vacation? That will be interesting...as I'm sure the next 2 weeks will be for you. Hey, have her do the laundry and stuff while she's lounging around.

[Young Wife]

Oh, I hope you win the Kindle! I'm glad your daughter is babysitting to buy the clothes she wants, but maybe she should take back the skirt and exchange it for a different one that you both agree on? The economy does stink right now, and I can't imagine trying to explain it to a child. Our problem isn't income, it's our healtcare costs, but it really doesn't matter. The economy just stinks.

[beth]

amie... have you considered dying the socks? That's what my mom did when they changed the uniform when I was in middle school... white socks magically became blue! Maybe start with red ones so they don't fade out as much... of course it means you'll have to wash seperately and/or risk one sneaking in with your whites!!
:)

[elizabeth]

LOL - with kindness, at the comment about kids should know they're at school for the schooling...not looks. It was even this way when I was in school in the mid-70's...even in a Catholic school. Kids still, somehow - wanted to stand out, with shoes, or something in their hair (just girls, then... ;-)) I tell my husband (but it goes in one ear and out the other) how LUCKY he is to have all boys, as (most)girls would want all kinds of accessories PLUS some short outfits, plus a few labels...and all we have (as of yet) is a 13yo boy wanting a labeled shirt or two and some particular jeans, and hubby just thinks it's insane for him to have interest in such inane things. ACK!

Have a blessed school year!!!

[girlsmama]

Modesty. It's a tricky one. I think you should remind her of the stylin' shoes her dad bought and tell her to be grateful for what she does have. :) If only it was so easy right? Luckily the public school my kids are at set a pretty tough dress code. One I appreciate mightily. :) I don't have to be the bad guy.

[Brandy]

I homeschool so I don't have to worry about uniforms or school clothes, however my Daughter does grow fast and I know she'd love to have the newest latest and greatest clothing. She seems to understand that since we're a one income family that isn't going to happen and her brother could care less at this point thank goodness. But, I know what you're talking about. Our microwave just died and can't be fixes, the homeschool curriculum is $1000 (for both kids), there's sparring gear for shotokan, my hubs has no air conditioning in his car AND his car taxes are due in September. So I know of the penny pinching and stretching of budgets. *sigh* I also know of the guilty feeling when you can't afford something your child really wants.

[Nana]

I know nobody likes negative reactions to their posts and I really enjoy reading your blog. I read yours every day and really enjoy hearing about your family but I'm curious. Since your children need so many things and your husband is working so very hard to provide and since all your kids will be in school all day, do you plan to get a job to help out?

[Carmen]

Ah, Nana. I actually had to check and see if you were related to me - since my kids call my mom Nana - but I knew that my mom wouldn't ask such a pointed question.

I do work. I write for two companies part time. That takes a good chunk of my day that my kids are at work, and I'm actively trying to grow that part of my writing resume. I write on this blog. I receive income from that. I am working on a book and have had a proposal accepted and now have to present a rewrite within a set time frame.

The trouble with this post, one that I didn't elaborate on very well, is that my daughter is afflicted with a bad case of the gimmies. She, like many teens today, wants more and more. And, until the recession and economic slowdown, we were living a slightly higher than normal standard - and we all got used to it. She remembers her brother getting things that she's not getting as she starts high school. And with a not quite 50% pay cut over the course of two years - no matter how much money I bring in - it won't bring us to the same standard. It can't. He's been in his field for more than 25 years and has built himself a career - and any job that I start out with won't pay to that same scale. Trust me - we've both looked.

Up until Feb 17 of this year, I did work outside of the home. I'm wondering if you were reading here then, because I had a pretty public nervous breakdown from working what amounted to two part time jobs as well as being the sole parent 85% of the time. I hurt my leg and ended up on bedrest - or, to be exactly correct - sofa rest. While I was on medical leave for that 14 weeks, I was offered the writing job that replaced my salary and in fact, paid a bit more - and I could stay home and be able to actually be present.

Nana, I'm not certain how many children you have, but even if you only have one - which is still awesome in my book, as my best friend has one - you know two very big truths. One: children will never have enough of what they want, and you will will never be able to provide all of it. Ever. And the second truth - sometimes, especially if you have multiple kids, and some of have some different needs, allergies and whatnot - one parent is going to need to be more present. Those three years that I worked - my kids didn't have a parent present. The times that I was home I was exhausted, I didn't cook, I used after care pretty extensively which was to the detriment of my kids, and the entire family was in shambles. We found that we had serious behavior issues surface in two of our kids and could follow them directly back to incidents that occurred in after care. In short, it was harmful to my children. I'm not saying that it's harmful to ALL children - but this particular instance was very bad for my kids.

Nana, my husband is at work more often than not. That's the reality of his chosen profession. But we chose to have a big family, and our kids do need a parent to be there for them. Especially given the fact that I have a child with "issues" and we found that I needed to be more present than I was. Or, at least, one of us needed to be - and it wasn't going to be my husband, unless we wanted to live on the streets.

Nana, I thank you for your question and if I can clarify our family's position further, please do not hesitate to email me again.

[Sylvia]

BEING A MOTHER, ESPECIALLY TO SIX KIDS, IS A JOB!!! In fact, it is several jobs. Are you sure you're a woman Nana? Because you sound like an ignorant man. A man who has either never had children or is not a very present parent.

I only have 3 children but since my husband has been unemployed for 5 months I am finding it very difficult to provide even the basics sometimes. Why don't I work outside the home? Because daycare for an infant and a toddler, neither of whom are potty trained, is ENTIRELY too expensive.

I applaud Carmen's ability to hold everything together so well. It is obvious that her children are happy, healthy, and provided for. I seriously think that a lot of children could benefit from a stay-at-home parent. Sadly, there are many people who don't want to cut costs and do without for the sake of their children. I think children need more than the lastest toys and clothes. For example, healthy food and parents to teach them manners...which seem to be in short supply these days.

[Tina]

You said it. I sound like a broken record saying "sorry, we can't afford that right now". Whats worse then the economy is trying to get the kids to understand and then watch them cry or complain because they can't do or get simple things. Breaks my heart. But it could be worse... so much worse. So I understand.

[Issa]

I feel you on this one, as my freaking seven year old thinks she needs a new outfit every day. I swear these kids. I think the baby-sitting for clothes money is a good thing. Although my mom always made me put half of it aside first. But a mini-skirt? Oh I am no help on that. Do they have convents for teen girls? I think I may go that route. No matter that we aren't religious. :)

@Nana - Just a thought for you to ponder...six kids is a lot of work. Some would say, a full time job. In fact, as a mother to three children, I'd say Carmen is up to her eyeballs in work. It's not nice to assume things about people just because you read their blog. What is shared is generally only a small portion of our reality.

[Elaine]

You know, I'd really like to see this apparently endless list of jobs that only require you to work while the kids are in school. I can't tell you how many times people have asked that once my youngest is in school, if I'll be going back to work full time. The kind of work I do is full time IF you want to get paid. And on what planet is "full time" from 9-3 and you get summers off? Teachers get that deal, but I'd need to go back to school for another degree and then hope to land one that actually paid well. With all the cuts to schools... well, it's kinda a no win situation there.

And while I totally respect those people who do work full time while parenting, I don't feel like putting your kids into the care of others 40+ hours a week is the best solution for everyone.

Just saying.

[Sue @ Laundry for Six]

I have 4 and 3 of them go to Catholic school and EGADS. I love the uniforms, but it can be a lot of cash to outlay at once. We have two pairs of uniform shoes for each and crazy numbers of sweatpants that CANNOT have holes in them, which all of ours did. So I have to buy a whole new supply of those.

But we are not up to the expensive calculator years yet, so that's that to be grateful for.

[Layla]

Could there be a little extra money with her going to public school not the Catholic one? I am not sure if public school is free there like in Australia?
Kind regards,
Layla

[mary]

I respect your decision to quit your job for the betterment of your family, your marriage, and your own sanity.

I wish I have the courage and faith to do the same.