A Not So Anonymous Note to the Inhabitants of My Domicile

Henceforth, the following shall be rules, mandated by the Upper Most Level of Management:

• Anyone - I'm looking at the oldest man in the house for this one in particular - who wakes up cheerful and happy? You'd better keep that to yourself. I do not appreciate a rousing version of ANY church hymns at 5:15, while you shower, run the bathroom fan, and allow your cell phone alarm to blare.
• The excuse "Well, you need to get up anyway! An hour early just gives you an extra hour to get ready!" may end up getting you shot. And I'm a good shot.
• Those of you who would prefer a particular breakfast - say, no milk in your cereal? You'd better indicate that BEFORE I pour the milk and not demonstrate your displeasure by throwing a bowl of milk and cereal at me. I don't appreciate that.
• We have SHELVES in the garage - individual shelves, even - for your shoes. If I fall over those boats in the slam middle of the hallway again - you'll be shoeless.
• Want and Need are two different concepts. Learn to differentiate between the two.
• I am not psychic.
• Check to be sure you take YOUR lunch and not someone else's.
• By the same token - if you don't like what I pack - remember that you are SUPPOSED TO BE PACKING YOUR OWN. And get to it, already.
• My one abiding joy in life is not washing your nasty clothes. You know where the washer is, and how to use it. Your floor is not the repository for your clothes, and I do not need to spend my days sniffing your clothes to see if they are clean or dirty.
• I like to sleep. Get over it, already. It's not a character flaw.
• Be it also known that I like to work out. A lot. It doesn't mean I don't like YOU, don't want to be WITH you - I like to work out.
• Just because it's your bathroom doesn't give you the right to trash it. Clean it once a week. Or more. But at least once a week.
• It doesn't take breasts and a vagina to unload the dishwasher.
• These rules are subject to change as my mood and mind see fit.

Do any of these rules speak to you? What rules would you add?

Comments

[Pam]

I don't understand eating cereal without milk...which also happens to be the preference of at least half my brood! And, yes, I do forget and though I have never had it thrown on me, I do hear a LOT of complaining!

And the lunch thing- yes, I have also given up making lunches for them when they started bringing home at least half a sandwich uneaten because they "don't like that kind". I also said, fine- make your own!!!

We moms can only handle so much!

[Karen]

To the two males I live with: Yes, I am retired--for health reasons, remember? If I had the health/stamina and energy for a full-time job, I'd still be working/earning my own money. FYI-it takes a heck of a lot more energy to be a fulltime maid and cook than it does to sit behind a desk for nine hours a day and then pick up something ready to eat on the way home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, please pick up the wet bathmat and put it over the tub to dry and close the shower curtain! Put your beer bottles and pop cans in the recycling bin! Put out a little effort, show a little courtesy, huh?

[Karen]

To the two males I live with: Yes, I am retired--for health reasons, remember? If I had the health/stamina and energy to work fulltime, I'd be working and earning my own money. FYI-It takes more energy and strength to be a fulltime maid and cook than it did to sit behind a desk for nine hours a day and pick up something ready to eat on the way home! As long as I am getting this off my chest...pick the wet bathmat and hang it over the tub to dry! Put your beer bottles and pop cans in the recycling bin! Pick up after yourselves!

[Valerie]

The last rule definitely is the most important!

[Lojo]

Funny! In the past I have made and posted my rules. I've had the "Fab Five", the "Elite Eight", and the most recent incarnation is the "Rules for Continuing to Stay Alive in this House". They cover things like, take care of your own dishes. Moms aren't the only ones who can clean a toilet, rinse out the sink or I might slap you, etc. I've done this on and off for years. The only ones who ever noticed were the friends visiting and boyfriends. Scared the crap out of them, but they take care of their dishes! I also went on strike for about a week once. I announced to everyone that I was on strike. No more cooking, picking up after, laundering, etc. They got to the point where my husband led them in negotiations to get me back to work. Somewhat tongue in cheek but I felt I had made my point.

More Recently: for Christmas my lovely husband must have noticed that the threatening rules didn't work, and he gave me a Christmas present that said, "Get a Housecleaner". BEST PRESENT EVER!

[Jennifer]

Wait, did you just say "by the same token" because MY MOM used to say that all the time! Wow, what a blast from the past. Thanks.

[Paige]

Oh, this is a WONDERFUL open letter to members of your family! Certain parts of it totally apply to my family, too.