One Other Resolution

I forgot one very important resolution, probably the most one that I made this year.

I resolve to say No. At least twice as often as I say Yes.

Let me explain.

In years past, whenever I'm asked to do something, my answer is always, "Yes! Absolutely!" I think it's been my default response to avoid making someone unhappy - to make people "like" me. I've learned, though, that this overly positive reply does nothing to make people like you - for they either like you or don't - but does everything to the status of my mental health.

And I've done the breakdown thing.

And I'm not going to do it again.

So, when I was asked to do a favor for someone this week, and it was a favor I really didn't want to do, for it would terribly inconvenience me and cause a metric butt ton of havoc in my life - and I felt myself starting to say "YES!" with a smile on my face - I stopped and bit my tongue.

Hard. It still smarts.

And I made myself take a full 24 hours to consider the query, to talk about it with my husband, to ponder if it would benefit me and to look at it from every single angle. SO NOT my standard M.O., but I'm determined that this year, I will not sacrifice myself to help everyone else out - for, I've seen it clearly this past year, that being overly nice doesn't get you anywhere further than you were if you'd said no.

People take advantage of you.

And it comes at a cost to me and to my family when I do that, so I have turned over a new leaf.

Say "No", say, "Can I think about it and get back to you?", say, "Let me discuss it with my husband".

I will no longer give an immediate "Yes!" when I'm asked to do something, unless it is "Take a nap", "Have wild sex", "Work out more", or "Want to eat nachos?"

I resolve to think before I reply.

And that's going to be HUGE for me.

Comments

[Tracy D]

THAT is a great resolution. Too many Mothers (and women in general) are guilty of saying yes to often. I think it is part of the "super mom" syndrome. I know I have had to really work hard at thinking before replying. Good luck!

[Debby Pucci]

Good for you. It's not easy but I was faced with this years ago on PTA. I always, always said yes and I got burned out. I finally had to learn to say NO. You go girl!

[Ruth]

That's awesome! I may try this one out.

[Jess]

Ohhhh I really like the "Let me discuss it with my husband". I tend to make decisions without his input, and I am sure that doesn't help our communication!

[Beth]

I think you'll find that this is the best resolution you've ever made. I did this a few years ago and have been very happy with the results. As long as people know you'll say yes they will keep asking you no matter how much you have already done!

[mary]

i say no a lot, my family will come first! it gets easier as you say it. Just dont keep talking....like no, I'm sorry but I cant. end of story. No waffling. lol

[Young Wife]

What a great resolution! I'm getting better about not over committing as a result of my husband's chronic illness and my TMJ disorder. Stress makes me so much worse!

[Katherine]

This is a GREAT resolution. So many people have a hard time saying no - me included. I've had people ask for help with their websites - and as much as I would like to, I just don't have the time. I don't have enough time to take care of my own, much less build one for someone else - for free on top of that. So "no" is a GOOD thing. But why do I feel guilty when I say, "I have someone really wonderful you can hire. I wish I could help you, but I just don't have the time."

[Rox]

I am SO with you on this. I've already said NO to re-upping my thankless PTA role for next year -- any volunteering at school has to be something my kids actually SEE. It took me until my health tanked to realize how much I do for others ... and how little of that I got back. Not that I needed much, but still -- it became clear that I wasn't striking a balance, and that's what I'm aiming for this year.

[Sara]

It is so true that the people who ask you to do the most things for them end up screwing you in the end. I feel so free now that I say "let me think about it and get back to you." Or just, "no, I have another comittment at that time." After I turned 40, I realized what true friendship was, and it wasn't doing things for other people just to have them "like" you. I agree with the above poster, all volunteering at school has to be something my children see or can do with me to learn to help contribute to their parochial school. Eliminated alot, and was much, much better for our family.