Dear Children

You know I love you. I love you with my entire life, with every fiber of my being. I endured countless hours of labor to bring you into this world - 44 hours, in the case of one of you! - and I strive, in almost every situation, to do the things that will help you to live a long, happy, healthy life. But, you know, there is always room for improvement in every relationship, and so I present to you a short little list of concessions I need you to make.

• Stop using my razor blades. Just stop it.
• As much as I love to see your sunny faces, when that bathroom door is closed, it STAYS CLOSED. I am proud of your burgeoning efforts to craft a ponytail, and I am sad that you are having relationship issues. When I'm naked for a shower is not the time for encouragement. 
• In the same path, just stop with the "Guess WHAT?!?!?" Three of you say this almost every time you see me. I don't want to Guess. I don't want to play 20 questions. Tell me, already, so we can skip the guessing and get to the good stuff.
• You all have hoodies galore, sweaters and jackets, pullovers and zip fronts. Stop taking mine.
• As much as you hate doing your wash, I hate doing it more.
• If you need me to sign a test, fill out a form or listen to you read - PLEASE try to remember this before 7:37, while we are on the road to school. There's a reason that I always ask you the night before.

This list may be subject to change.

Comments

[Brandy]

I can relate to some of these, but my fourteen year old Daughter is too scared to learn how to shave her legs. *G*

[Headless Mom]

Gah! I know!!!!!

[Tricia]

This post was too funny, and although I don't have older kiddos yet, the way you write makes it so easy to relate to. You have such a fantastic blog, and it is one of those blogs that I love each time I read it.

[kyooty]

I'm not there yet for some of this but the "guess what?" oh yeah

[KG]

LOL
I started answering GUESS WHAT with the most utterly insanely ridiculous things I could come up with. Which made the kids laugh. Which helped lessen my aggravation with having to guess 34635452345273465 things before finally being informed that TIMMY likes Susan & NOT BOBBY.
I just keep repeating my mantra:
"they'll be gone before I know it"
Which really works.
For about 10 minutes lol

[LizP]

Amen sister!

[patois]

It's only too, too, too many years later that I feel guilty for using my dad's razor.

[amie]

I feel guilty for all the stuff of my mother's that I "borrowed". Especially her shoes,jewelry & cosmetics. I strongly suspect my mother is exacting her revenge by encouraging my daughter to take all my stuff.

[Jennifer]

And when the telephone rings instead of staring at it, just pick it up and say "hello".

And stop, please, answering my texts with the letter K.

That's all I'd add:)

[mm]

hahahahaha
My daughter sent me a text this morning to tell me she had left papers in the porch this morning- as in, could her dear mother leave work to pick them up and bring them to her at school. It was a survey the school was doing that I had given permission for. It was on anxiety. Clearly she has none as when she forgets things her mom takes care of it for her.

[MamaCas]

I agree with your list and propose one to add on:

-Please stop re-enacting for me the tv show you're watching. If I wanted to watch it, I would have. I don't need a 9-year-old to stand in front of me for 10 minutes saying, "And then......and then.......and then........."

I love you, but it's annoying.

[Megan]

Well, on the bright side, your kids obviously think your sweatshirts and such are cool, or they wouldn't take them. I wouldn't have been caught dead in my mom's stretch pants and turtlenecks. Have any of them heeded your instructions yet?

[Gusgirl03]

I remember driving my mom crazy with "Can I ask a question?".

[Deborah]

Love this and can identify with ALL of the items! AS someone else said, enjoy your kids while their young. Somedays I need to remind myself of that more than others.

[J. Mark Bangerter]

Hey I just wanted to let you know about a great Free Baby Magazine you should share with your readers. You can check them out here: http://www.freebabymagazine.com.

They are also doing a Top Blogger contest with a grand prize valued at over $300. You can see the details here: http://blog.freebabymagazine.com/2010/02/top-blogs-contest-2010.html

Thanks!!

[kyooty]

girl you've been spammed

[amie]

OMG! I forgot for a blissful moment about "Can I ask you a question?"& "Can I tell you something?".

[UKCraftySal]

Yes to the above, and I'll add: The coat hooks and shoe rack are right by the front door, to make life easy. So you don't need to drop your coat on the floor, and leave your shoes on the carpet RIGHT BY THE FRONT DOOR!!

[FireMom]

I may print this and put it on the fridge. Minus the razor blades. So far... hmm. HA!

[WarsawMommy]

Hee! My little ones are too little for most of these, but I am waiting for the day. Fun!

[Consolata]

Hi Carmen,

This is my first time here, but I love you already. You are so hilarious. You are a strong woman - mother of 6, I hail your courage and strength. I am mother of two young mites [4+ and 2+]and I am almost "giving up" LOL.
I will certainly comeback. Or may I put you on my Google reader so I can follow you posts and on my planned Blog roll [I have been procrastinating about setting one up].
Please take a look and my blog when you find the time and give my your candid opinion.
Best regards,