Smitty Doesn't Answer This Phone Anymore

About 6 months ago, I got a new phone number. Almost immediately, the fun began.

A call came in, and since I hadn't given anyone the number, I let it go to voice mail. Curiosity got the best of me when the message indicator popped up, and I listened to the voice mail. It was a female voice, and she was ANGRY.

"Smitty? Smitty, I know you's there. Don't you try 'voiding my calls. You still owe me the CHILD SUPPORT moneys from two months ago. And now I got your number. I'm turning you in!"

I laughed and went on with my day. A little while later, the phone chirped again, and I let it go to voice mail. Listening this time, I heard a(different) female voice. A softer, less stressed speaker left her information

"Smitty? I'm waiting for you, Smitty. Don't disappoint me." Click.

Having both sets of numbers saved on the phone, I briefly toyed with the thought of calling both back and exchanging numbers - but I didn't want to get some poor, unsuspecting guy killed. I let it go.

Even though it flat out killed me.

The phone rang again and again, all for our man Smitty. Once I answered the phone - only once with a number that I didn't recognize. The earful of yelling I received, the accusations that I was covering for "that LYING snake of a man" - pretty much cured me of that.

From then on, I used the caller ID and let any unrecognzied number go right to voice mail.

He owes money to the bank, his car loan is in default, and a pawn shop needs to speak with him DESPERATELY. Messages were left by numerous females, all looking for Smitty. His women ranged in age from young to older, soft spoken to the most harridan of women - many with an ax to grind. Smitty is, apparently, QUITE the player. I probably could have changed the number, but some small, perverse part of me - the part that just canNOT look away from that woman screaming at her man in the Wal-Mart - that part of me was morbidly curious. And very amused.

Lest you think that's all he is, though - he does have a redeeming side. For our Smitty is also an AMAZING Washing Machine Repair person, who is in high demand. I've listened to messages from customers who love the way he repaired the Kenmore, and could he please come and work his magic on the machine again?

I'm curious to know if the washing machine repair story is a front, maybe for yet ANOTHER woman.

But the calls have slowed dramatically, and I guess I'll have to find something else to amuse myself.

Comments

[Debby Pucci]

I enjoyed reading this. That is too funny.
He is something else. Now if it would have been Tiger you could have gotten some good money for those messages!

[Megan]

LOL. When I got a new number a few years ago, I started getting calls from people who were looking for some sort of business in Louisa County that sold boats. I don't even have the same area code as Louisa County. Anyway, a couple of people tried to argue with me when I told them it was the wrong number -- "well, Bob said I could come today and get it! I need to talk to him!"

Your story is better, though. Interesting that Smitty would let his business contacts dry up. You should google the number, too.

[Shelly]

Sounds like the phone calls I have been getting for 'Carlos' for the past 2 years. However, yours are much more interesting!

[Heather Bensel]

I have had my home phone number since 12/99.I regularly get calls for a man like Smitty but his name is Larry Fletcher and he owes money to Amex and runs a mechanical repair business. I still get calls for him, he uses our number when he wants to duck a delivery or a woman. I have had long chats with creditors and short chats with angry women. He actually called here once claiming we had paged him. My husband pointed out we don't know his real number!

[amie]

Could u tell if he can do anything with dishwashers? Mine is still broken & I am willing ot take a chance on Smittys friends following him here if he can just fix the blasted thing.

[charmingbitch]

Once when I got a new number, I got a ton of calls from women, each more desperate than the last, looking for a Michael Hebert (prounounced ay-bare I don't know why I feel that is important but there you go).

I just laughed about those calls but then he started getting messages from creditors. Those I called back because they were relentless. Then came the calls from a variety of Drs offices with detailed instructions about medications, how to prepare for upcoming appointments and procedures. Those too I called back just in case they had an alternate way to contact him. Every time they called I called back and said WRONG NUMBER please take my number out and get his updated information when he comes in.

Finally about a month into this non-sense I changed my outgoing message to say, ''Friends, lovers, creditors and care-takers of Michael Hebert, THIS IS NOT HIS NUMBER. I cannot pay his child support, his credit debt, pass on medical information or make plans for this weekend! DO NOT LEAVE A MESSAGE FOR MR HEBERT!!''

Aaaaaaaaand then the messages became, ''Hey, if you could let Michael know...blah blah blah'' ....?????

I changed my number a month later because: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

[Deborah]

I sympathise, Carmen. Really, I do.

A few years ago, I had my phone number changed because I had started getting VERY dirty phone calls. In detail.

But the creepy thing was I only got them when I left the house. I never got a single call at home. It took over my life for a few weeks, then I ended up at a police station, where they took a statement and advised me to change my number.

NOt a single call since. Touch wood.

HOpe you get it sorted. x

[Marjie]

Maybe you should have looked him up when your "dishwasher" needed some work!

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[Cheryl]

For the first three years we had our phone number we got nasty bill-collecting calls for "Scott and/or Heather". Those we could laugh at and then forget about. The ones that broke my heart were when their little girl's school would call and ask for someone to pick up "Elizabeth" because she was sick. Even though we had our names on our phone message, the school always left a message about how sick she was. I called back THREE times before I could convince them that this was not her home number, and that her parents really needed to teach her the correct home number. Poor kid - she was only in first grade, and I wanted to go and pick her up every time.

[Katherine]

My brother got a number that was previously a funeral home. He got calls for years asking about funeral services!

[Katherine]

Haha love it!! The random phone calls are the best. I get @gmails from people emailing some girl with a similarly spelled Katherine in Boston. Her dad has emailed me twice (Love, Daddy hah!) and finally I had to email him back saying, please double-check the email with your daughter, for goodness sakes!

[Beth]

My number is unlisted, but quite close to the local Kmart number. I constantly get old people asking for the sporting goods department, and, even though I tell them politely, I'm sorry, you misdialed and give them the correct number, they call AGAIN, AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!!! I may or may not have told them to please hold while I connect them, click!

[mm]

The suspicious me thinks that being a repair man is how Smitty meets all these women. Perhaps he is easy on the eyes too! Thankfully I have somebody at home who has been "working his magic on the machine" for 20+ years, wink wink.

[Jenny]

Kills you, don't it? when we moved 6 yrs ago, we bought the house from a guy who owed $$ all over town (so LOTS of mail), and got assigned the phone number of a DIFFERENT guy who owed $$ - am still getting the occasional call for him from the credit agencies!

[Marti]

That is too funny. I think I would have to keep the phone number as well, just to see what would happen next.

[Brandy]

Too funny! We have lived in our home for 5 years and for the first year we received calls almost every day for the family that had had our number before us. Luckily the calls have tapered off and we only get one every couple of months.
When we bought our Daughter her cell phone she was assigned a number that had belonged to someone who owed $$ and was in default and had creditors calling them. My hubs would call each back and let them know they were calling a minor's phone and if they continued he would report them to the police.

[Tiffany Tweedie]

My cellphone number previously belonged to a spanish speaking woman with family in Mexico. I wish I had paid more attention in my college Spanish class so I could tell these people more than "no bueno numero, lo siento!"

And little Aracelli apparently misses a LOT of school.

[Diane]

A similar situation happened to us quite a few years ago (okay, so it was 11 years ago). It was an angry woman who insisted I was covering for some man when I answered the phone. She would yell and curse at me.

Unfortunately, it was our home phone, we did not have caller ID or a cell phone, nor an answering machine ( we were newly married and broke) so I frequently got these calls. I learned to hang up and not answer when immediately called back. But then she started calling IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. Can't tell you how many times I jumped out of bed with my heart pounding thinking my hubby was dead (he worked a night shift delivering pizza, in addition to his "real" job, at the time). It got very old. Luckily, we moved after about four months of that nonsense. If I hadn't known we were moving, I'd have had to change the number.

[Headless Mom]

Bwahahahaha....too bad the calls are slowing down. It could have been a new feature! Smitty's happenings, Smitty's smut, Smitty and his tribe...the possibilities are endless!

[Charlotte]

I forgot my dad changed his cell phone number and called the old number (like a year after the change). From the reaction of the person answering, she was used to getting calls for my dad and had decided to get creative when people called for him.

[Consolata]

Is this true?...........HA HA HA. You must have enjoyed yourself ha. Taking a peek into Smitty sordid womanizing life. Some men are not just all that. Men just have all the fun at our expense.

[Karen from A Glimpse Into My Reveries.com]

That reminds me...when we were first married, we borrowed my grandmother's phone while she was on an extended visit to Italy. We programmed her phone with all our vital numbers and then promptly forgot them. When my Gramma came home we gave her the phone back. In the meantime, my parents moved and got a new phone number. Needless to say when I called home to Mama late one night using our new cheap-o phone, the conversation went something like this...
Recepient: "Hello?" sounding rather sleepy
me: "Mama?"
her: "Yes...?..." sounding confused
me: "My Mama?" sounding confused and doubtful
her: "I don't think so..."
me: "oh dear, that's right. Mama moved, I don't have her new number.."
her: "Your Mama moved and didn't give you her new number?" sounding a bit amused.
After I explained about the new phone and all, she recognized the last name from all the HUNDREDS of phone calls for my youngest brother and sister, she -bless her heart- got up out of bed and went to find the phone number she had finally written down to give to people asking for them!
My family still laughs about "My Mama??..."