Travel. It's ALWAYS a Joy

What I want to talk about is, specifically, the PREP for travel.

I always have such high hopes, y'all. And invariably, they get smack dab in the way of reality. But, really,high hopes and dashed reality are the modus operandi of my life.

I think we'd all agree on that, yes?

As is my standard, despite the fact that every.single.year I swear that I WON'T do it - I got a spray tan. And it was pretty good. Except for the fact that she missed under my boobs, under my tush, and I was uneven on my legs. No matter - it happens all the time - so I went back to have it redone. But when they re do it, they spray you all over again, because if not, you'd be uneven. I forgot to request that my PALMS not be sprayed - and so I spent all of Wednesday scrubbing my palms, and by the very nature of the construction of hands, the webbing of my fingers as well. Gabe, ever the diplomat and cognizant of other peoples feelings, said, "Well, it looks good. I just think that next time you should maybe ask your friend not to spray your hands."

Between scrubbing, I cooked a lasagna, 5 dozen chocolate chip cookies, folded 16 loads of wash, laid out the uniforms for the next 2 days of school, set up the guest posts, wrote ahead some stuff for DietsInReview, put together all the pieces of my kids lives (writing schedules, going to the doctor with my son, filling medication, buying posterboard, laying out soccer and muay thai uniforms - basically, my list for the 3 days before my trip began at 74 items and Wednesday had 32 remaining.) So Wednesday was a tad bit busy.

I know that I didn't have to do those things - but I wanted to. I am a Grade A, Number 1, Control Freak of the Highest Magnitude, and I'm ok with it. I know good and well that my mom can handle everything beautifully while I'm gone, but if I can do something to make it easier for her - I will. Plus, I always have that, What if I die? guilt going on.Like if the plane went down, cookies made by mom would make a difference.

But, whatever. I do it every time I travel, and my family just accepts it. It's a quirk of mine.

Packing came at the last minute, literally tossing stuff in Wednesday night. I didn't worry, though, because I am good at packing and can remember everything I need. The alarm went off at 4:30 Thursday morning and I jumped out of bed, despite going to bed at 1, and threw stuff in the suitcase. I made egg sandwiches for me and the Hubster, so that we didn't have to worry about buying something at the hotel, and for my big kids and mom. I made breakfast for everyone else as my hubby showered, I griped at him as he took FOREVER to get ready and come on, We're going to be late! and suddenly it was 5:45 and our plane leaves at 7 and we've gotta leave NOW. Like, maybe, an hour before would have really been better. Can't believe you did this to us. We might miss the plane. We should have left an hour ago.

We tossed the bags into the car and pealed out, and my husband asked me, Do you have everything packed? And of course I got a little annoyed, for, really, I'd been doing this all week and I am the QUEEN of planning and packing. I pride myself on the fact that I never forget anything. I mean, NEVER. And so he asked again as we got on the interstate, Do you have everything you need?  I grumped at him, Do you know everything I've done this week? and also may have said I never forget anything and you do. Maybe stop asking me and start worrying about your packing, because you just tossed a bunch of stuff in when you got out of the shower and I'm sure you forgot at least three things. So, obediently, he began to list his stuff and I listened with half an ear and agreed that, yes, I'd remembered my sneakers and my bathing suit, toothbrush and sandals, soap and razor, yadda yadda. I started thinking about the outfits I'd planned and suddenly, I grabbed my husbands arm.

Stop the car. We've gotta go back. I forgot my Spanx.

So he stopped the car on the side of the interstate while I ran to the trunk to grab the tickets and check our departure time. 7:00, proclaimed the itinerary in bold letters as I glanced at the clock again. 6:15. No. No time to go back, he decreed. You don't need them anyway.

But yes I did, for the dress for the cocktail party was this beauty, and there is no way in God's green earth I'd wear it without Spanx. You can buy them at the airport, he decreed. I looked at him in shock. You can't buy Spanx at the airport! I snorted at the idea. You can buy everything else, but I'd bet my left arm you can't buy Spanx. Fine, he retorted. You can buy them at the Ritz Carlton. I flashed on the price list I'd researched and knew that even if they were sold there, the cost would kill me. No, I'd have to go back. There's just no way. I saved that dress for this trip, I was dying to wear it and we'd just have to go back for the Spanx.

Which explains why I called my daughter at 6:17 and talked her through how to locate said Spanx as my husband called our son and woke him up to drive them to the airport. Which explains how we got to the airport to check in and were told we had just three minutes to get through the check in and the luggage drop off and the gate agent literally grabbed our passports to do it himself.

It explains why I stood at the security by myself, calling my husband every minute. Is he here yet? What about now? As my hubby stood outside, waiting for my son to appear, and gave him $20 to thank him. Which explains how we RAN through security and were the last people to board the plane. And I could not say ONE WORD about the fact that, really, we'd been late due to the incredibly long shower my hubby had taken and how long it took us to get out of the house -

Because I'd forgotten my Spanx.

Comments

[Young Wife]

That dress is adorable! Funny post. "Like if the plane went down, cookies made by mom would make a difference." - Cracked me up!

[Jess]

I bet you looked hot in the dress though huh?????

[KG]

Wow!!!!!! I bet DttSM forgot ALLLLLL about your almost missed flight when he saw you in that lil black number!!

[kalisa]

Must demand photo of you in said dress!

[Mariah]

Yes! We want to see a pic of you in the dress! Especially after all the performance you went through to wear it! :-)

[mm]

Like the above poster said- cookies would make a difference if you died, lol. "I am going to save these cookies because they were the last ones Dear ole Mom ever made."

[amy]

ha ha ha before my trip to cancun I made my dh stop at target to buy me some wanna be spanx because we were sold out of what I needed at my own shop

long live spanx

[Karen]

Here's a trick I learned -- if you get some control-top pantyhose and then cut the legs off around the middle of your thighs, they work just as well as Spanx and are much more comfy....

[kyooty]

oh no!!!

[Tina]

OMG!! That is one of most hysterical things I've heard in a long time!! Your so funny. I think I should get me some spanx after this weeks squeezing into my jeans! Thank you for such a funny post.

[Deborah]

Hope you felt lovely in that beautiful dress!

[Photos by Tammy]

That dress is KILLER! Love it. Pics of you in it post haste girl! :0)

[Jennifer]

You need to publish this!

[UKCraftySal]

I laughed and laughed!! (In a supportive way, you understand!!)

Yes, we need to see a picture of you in The Dress.

[Jordan Retro 5 shoes]

I think this is a great idea! I am in and I will link to it in my next blog entry. I hope that will be before next Sunday! Hope you are having a good weekend!