A Reader Asks a Very Heartfelt, and Difficult, Question

To begin with, I owe about one million emails to various people, as well as responses to your lovely comments. I pinky promise that I will reply to you and if I owe you an email, my most abject apologies. I have been running amok all week long, trying to catch up and, instead, falling further and further behind. I'm floundering at, well, pretty much everything. I have faith that I'll find my groove soon. In the mean time, let me direct you a couple of places - I reviewed a wonderful bathing suit with a discount code just for you,  I'm giving away a $50 Visa gift card, I have a new washer and dryer, and there are several new posts up at Diets in Review that are really interesting.

This email came to me last week. I requested the writer's permission to post it here, although I have left her name off. It's a bit long but I think it's important. 

I have thought about writing this email for awhile but knew you were really busy. I feel I have too now because well, I just have to.

I feel this intense desire to learn how to run. I mean really run, like several miles a day. The problem is that I have never seriously run - ever! I know you love to run too.  I am currently at 260 pounds. I want to get healthy and fit. I am not obsessed with getting to a size 8 or 10, even though that would be nice. What I do want is to feel so much better than I do right now. I am constantly in pain. I have shooting pains throughout my body. My heart races and slows down. It hurts sometimes. My back aches so terribly especially when I do the dishes. When I wake up my hips hurt so bad that I sometimes start to cry. My knees hurt if I walk to long or stand too long. I am really flat footed which probably affects my ankles hurting like they do. I have slight scoliosis too which I am sure is exacerbated  because of my weight.  A friend of mine believes I have fibromyalgia but I think that if I could get healthy then perhaps most of these pains would go away. Basically, I feel like I am 70 years old and I am tired of it. I want to get healthy and have said so for several years. I keep making dates but then "start over" again on Monday. Mel from Diet Naked shares her issues. I am a lot like her.

The reason why I am writing you is because 1 - I like you a lot. I think you are honest and that is important to me. 2 - You were quite heavy and figured out how to lose the weight. I know you said you gained a few pounds back but really, that picture you put up of your abs was amazing!!!  I like that you have 6 children too because it throws in the aspect of being so crazy busy that you understand. I homeschool my children so my day is filled with cleaning, teaching, reading and cleaning some more. If I actually get 8 hours of sleep it is because I didn't "do" something on the schedule. You know? Can you share how you started out. I have never been really active. I used to work really hard for a living and I liked that even though I was beat at the end of the day, I felt good and stayed in decent shape. I know you are busy. I know you may not get back to me soon or even ever. If you do have a chance though, please just share some pointers. I don't know where to start. I hurt everywhere in my body and honestly, I can't imagine going on like this another 5 or 10 years. My birthday is August 8th. I will turn 35 this year. I would like that by time I turn 40 to be in fantastic shape. I want to be able to run and dance and do all the things that I KNOW I can do. I just don't know where to start at this point.

Thank you either way, whether you answer or not. Thank you for sharing what you know with us on your blog and for sharing your life.You are a blessing to me. 

First of all, take a breath. Now, wrap your arms around you and give yourself a big hug. That's from me. Be kind to yourself. You are a lovely human being and deserving of the kindness that you would show any other human, and you are worth the time and energy. I promise.

Step one: Get thee to a doctor. Have a check up. You must find out if you have any health complications, if you do indeed have fibromyalgia, if you have diabetes, and if you are healthy enough for exercise. I suspect that you are correct in your assumptions that your weight could be causing your pain. I am NOT a doctor - so please don't take my word as law, but I have a hunch your doctor will agree. Ask your doctor if you need orthotics or other inserts for your shoes, which could help with the pain in your legs. I know that my legs ache at the end of the day if I've spent a large part of it barefoot and in the kitchen. Today, for example, was a big cooking day and I realized at the end that if I was in a cafeteria cooking, I'd have worn supportive shoes. You may need to do that every day.

One of the great things about going to the doctor is that you are going to have a complete baseline photo of your health, so that in a year or two, you have a set of numbers for comparison. It's always nice to have a concrete visual of the work you have done. And you WILL have done work. :)

You may want to run - I want to run. Heck, I really like to run - but I don't do it much anymore. It's hard on my body and so I often walk. Walking is very good for you, and it's easy to begin. Walk around the block until you are tired. Is that one lap? Two? Ten? Every day, add one or two blocks. When you can walk successfully for fifteen minutes, then, if you still want to run, start with a program like Couch to 5K. If you have an iPhone or other Droid phone, you can download the program to help you with it.

One other thing: YOU MUST COME FIRST. I have a sneaking suspicion that you are like many, many moms in that the needs of the family come before your own. Sit your family down and tell them. Let them know that you are not happy with things the way that they are and you need them to change. To change will require their help. And then, every day, at the start of the day, use a PEN to write on your daily list of activities what time and type of exercise you will do. And then DO IT. With no excuses. Susie needs help with multiplication? You make time to help her. You need help with exercise. Make time to help you.

YOU are worth the time and effort.

Pick one area of your diet to change. Either give up soda, add in extra veggies, or eat breakfast. Slowly, over the next couple of weeks, make another change. it takes TIME to make a change permanent in your life - but it can be done.

This has been insanely long, and I have so, so much more to say. Right now, I'm gonna take a break and let my readers chip in, and then revisit it next week.

Readers, your turn. What says the powers of The Internet?

Comments

[Carolyn]

Here's my solution for healthy snacks/more veggies without much prep. I'm a single mom and a teacher so I'm always chasing life. Splurge and buy the hothouse cucumbers that come individually wrapped in plastic - a quick rinse, slice, and you're good to go. Sugar snap peas come in a little plastic bag at my store - a quick rinse and that's it. Lately they have mini sweet peppers - again, just a rinse. Then either use a healthy ranch dressing of your choice or use a packet of dip mix & a healthy sour cream. Tasty with hardly any prep.

[addy]

I agree with all thoughts you shared Carmen. I would only add that you drink more water starting now. It is so very good for your health and you will be amazed at how much better you will feel. Good Luck - please keep us updated on your progress. We will share this journey with you.

[KG]

Oh those first steps are BY FAR the hardest! I managed to get up to 200lbs with my last child. I finally lost 20 of those "extra" lbs & although I have twice that many left to go the DIFFERENCE I felt at 20lbs motivates me to go on. More energy. Feel healthier.

I LOVE Carmens advice to pick ONE area of your diet to change. What a great idea. I did a major overhaul but was able to succeed only because my husband was also eating the same. We did a modified carb diet- essentially cut out all junk food, white breads etc. Changing your eating habits is HUGE. Adding exercise really works wonders.

I had my husband take pictures of me. I hate to say it but I hate the way I look at this weight. (Dont worry, I love myself dearly, but hate the visual reminders of how I've let myself go lol) It's probably the best motivator for me.

Visit the doctor and get GOOD SHOES. Take it slow whatever you start with.

I know many others have much better advice than I. GOOD LUCK, YOU CAN DO IT!!

[Christine X.]

Seriously: buy, read, and LIVE "The Runner's Handbook" by Bob Glover. $12.21 on Amazon, and surely at your local bookstore. It's the classic, and for good reason. Remember how you consulted "what to expect when you're expecting" a million times whilst preggers? This is that book for starting to run.

You will need a sport watch and good shoes. Go to an actual running shoe store. Tell the dude you are ready to start, and they will WATCH YOU RUN A FEW YARDS, OR LOOK AT THE SOLES OF YOUR WORN SHOES OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, AND find the perfect shoe for you. That is their job. Don't feel weird about it, or feel weird about it and do it anyway.

Find someone to commit to the program with you, NOT SOMEONE WHO WILL SABOTAGE YOU OR LET YOU SABOTAGE YOURSELF. Sometimes, friends are not the best choices!

With one foot in front of the other, AND CONSTANCY, you WILL be running a 5k sometime this fall. Really. And, if you keep with it, a 10k by the end of the year. AT LEAST.

If I can, so can YOU! Yes you can! WE are all in this together.

[mm]

This is a very simple trick that I have found helpful. Ladies, and the men who also help around the home. Think about how many hours we spend running around the house- up and down the stairs, running to the kitchen, to the kids rooms, to the laundry, out to the garage, and so on and so on. Now, if you were out on the walking trail, would you be wearing your slippers? Certainly not. Invest in "good" slippers, not the pink frillies that your kids buy you at Christmas, which also have their place. Or even have "indoor sneakers." Running around in bare feet all day doing all this is hard on the feet and thus hard on the legs and the back. Tis a small thing, but it's a good thing.

[Lauren]

I really feel for the writer of that letter. Earlier this year, I reluctantly weighed myself and realized that I was the same weight that I had been on the day I had given birth to my youngest child, 2 and a half years ago! I found a program online, www.livefitrevolution.com, made a commitment, and stuck with it (for once!). I started the program on April 19th, and as of last Monday (I only weigh in on Mondays), I was down forty pounds! The program is free, and very structured nutritionally. Alysia Gadson is the trainer behind the program - she is Shay from The Biggest Loser's kettlebell coach. She is so accessible if you have questions or concerns, and genuinely wants to help. I suggest your writer do the other suggestions (definitely see a doctor, and get GOOD shoes from the running store, and drink lots of water), but maybe also check out LiveFit - it's working for me!

[Jennifer Joyner]

First, I want to say that you were exactly right to contact Carmen about this...she knows so much about exercise and living a healthy life. And reading her post just reiterated that point for me--she knows exactly what advice to give. But I want to reach out to you because I've been exactly where you are. For a long time I was 250, 270, 290. And then I really let things get out of control and I got all the way up to 336. I developed hypertension and Type 2 diabetets. Doctors were threatening to put me on daily insulin shots. I honestly felt like I was going to die. I finally found the answwer that worked for me...and I do believe that there is a different answer for everyone. But I'd be happy to talk to you about it. Email me at jjoyner@wral.com if you feel comfortable. If not, juts know that I wish you well and I hope and pray you find your way to good health and happiness!!

[MitaKay]

Kudos to you for recognizing the need for change! I'm struggling to lose 50lbs and am down 15 so far. I have to say that between Carmen and www.shrinkingjeans.net I finally feel like I have a support system of amazing peope who are either on the same journey or who have been on it and who can relate. Find yourself a support network - it really does make a huge difference. Good luck!

[MamaCas]

I 100% agree with all of the above and I would add a couple of things.

1 - Lower your expectations and set a realistic month-end goal. If your goal is to lose 100 pounds and compete in a triathalon, you'll only become discouraged. How about this....."By the end of this month, I will be down 5 pounds, I will only be drinking water during the day, and I will be able to walk 3 blocks."

2 - Can you get the kids involved? "We've been working on our math for 45 minutes, so now we're going on a 15 minute Mental Health Walk!" They (and you!) need the break to refresh their minds and you need the exercise. No one says you have to dedicate 90 solid minutes a day to exercise. You CAN break it up into 15 minute pieces!

3 - Running is awesome, but probably not a good idea right now. If you push too hard, you could end up with an injury. Can you get a stationery bike? Can you get to a pool? Those are both good exercises that won't put too much extra stress on your body.

4 - Be patient with yourself.

Good luck! We'd all love to hear about your progress.

[angela]

your reader? sounds like me. I'm over 250 lbs now and I'm miserable in pain constantly. I've given up on ever being healthy let alone thin. I wish I had money for a personal trainer!! If you ever decide to go into that line of work, I'd be first in line. You are INSPIRING in every way.

[maggie]

I agree with what has been said above and Carmen's advice is wonderful. Take it one day at a time. Like Carmen I used to run all the time. However, these days I just combine walking with jogging and still feel great. Begin by walking and set small goals for yourself. Also, I feel it is very important to stretch. Especially with the pains that you describe. I think that it is very normal to feel those little pains at the end of a long day, especially as we get older. However, doing some good stretching exercises everyday should help with this, it does for me. Ask your doctor for some good ones for you. You can do this!

[kyooty]

Everystep forward is a step. Little pieces make up the big picture. 5lbs +5lbs and next thing you know it's 15lbs. :)

[A Simple Twist of Faith]

Walking is great place to start. Like Carmen, I LOVE to run, however I cannot run every day. I have injured myself several times and now use an elliptical. I love it, it is parked in front of my TV in the living room and the deal is when I watch TV, I ride the elliptical.

[Brandy]

I totally agree with Carmen. Take a look at your food choices. Add in more veggies and fruits. Don't force yourself to eat salad every single day, you'll grow bored and it's too easy to slip into bad eating habits that way. Good tennies should definitely be a high priority. I made the mistake of trying to save money a few months ago (And I should have known better, but I think it's a Mom thing.) and now have plantar fasciitis. Also, variety-when you work out. Walk one way one day but not the exact same route the next day. And I know this isn't necessary for everyone, but music when you walk, run, work out. It helps life your spirit, distracts from watching a clock and an upbeat tempo helps you walk farther. *G* Best wishes!

[Ouida Gabriel]

I am so glad you shared this as well as the comments. What a great blessing!

Ouida Gabriel

[UKCraftySal]

All the above advice is fantastic.

I would also add that at around 100 lbs overweight, I have found a gentle yoga class amazingly helpful for stretching, posture and relaxation. You don't need to share all the philosophy to benefit from the postures, and it is non-competitive within the class, which isn't always the case in other exercise classes.If a class is difficult with family responsibilities, try a dvd (Amazon as always have a huge selection), or a book. There are also books (and probably dvds) available for yoga for the bigger body eg Big Yoga by Meera Patricia Kerr.

Good luck with your journey. Please let us know how you get on. I for one feel motivated in mine by your honesty and determination.

[Emily C]

I think she should get the kids involved! One of the benefits of homeschooling is the ability to teach the kids everything they need to live happy lives; nutrition and exercise included.

Start by taking short walks with them, or if you have little ones walk around the playground while they play.

I found cutting out all sweet beverages (juice included) made a big difference for me. It may be that there's a habit there she needs to work on that would lower daily caloric intake, like eating all the kid's leftovers.

You could also check out Dr. Fuhrman's Eat to Live, (diseaseproof.com) although that may be difficult to commit to you never really need to count calories.

[Amy W]

From someone who lost 60 pounds taking up running, I know starting small works! Walk, just as Carmen says, small at first. Run as you can (just as Carmen says, you come first...).

I work full time, have a myriad of other responsibilities, and only have 2 kids, but I fit running in when I can. 3 miles here, get up at 5am to get 6 miles in there, I do what I can.

I now have 2 half marathons under my belt and am training for my third half and a full marathon (eek!!). Am I fast? NO FREAKING WAY. I am not even middle of the pack, but I am out there. And you will be too!

[Jodie]

I love all the comments so far. I, too, am working on a big weight loss. I would also love to be a runner. But for now I am walking. I love, love, love to walk. Especially when I get to go alone :) Good luck, and remember, one step at a time!

[kyooty]

I love reading these comments!!! Carmen you have some AWESOME followers.