Houston, We (May) Have a (Slight, Really Itty Bitty Small) Problem

Today was a red letter day for my 12 year old daughter. A day that she's known about, really, since December - but was only able to actually put a specific date on within the past month. It's the day that she was scheduled to fly, all alone, to Texas to visit with my dad, my step mom, and my half sister. FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK.

She was thrilled and excited and not one bit nervous.

Me, on the other hand - well, it's gonna be a VERY long story, and so I'm going to just tuck it under the fold I know, I know - some of you don't like it when I do that, but this is really long and full of info and so there it shall go.

This tale begins with the fact that my daughter did not have a cell phone. And so the mother of a friend gave her an old one that her daughter was no longer using, a Kajeet. The concept, I'll grant you, is pretty cool. Parents can set all kinds of controls as to who can call and who can text, hours and times and you can totally block numbers. It's not so cool, though, the way it's set up, with a parent wallet and a kid wallet and it's just frustrating to add money. But I put on my big girl panties and figured it out.

After a last minute dash to get a photo ID, since no one bothered to inform me that a state issued ID is no longer processed AT the DMV, but it's sent to you within 10 business days.

So in ten days my daughter will be the proud owner of an official state issued ID. When she returns and no longer needs it. <sigh>

So we did a last minute bunch of stuff and I came home to add money to this really complicated phone, and she tried to send a text. (That's all she wanted it for, really - we bought unlimited text and just 60 minutes of talk time.) And it said that the number was blocked and she wasn't able to use the text feature. So while I drove to the airport - in a thunderstorm, mind you - I called and spoke to a person who clearly did not grow up speaking English and decided, just for kicks, to fill his mouth with marbles. He didn't understand why I didn't know the original phone owner's security answer - what is your favorite pets name? is the wrong question for me to try to figure out when she's got a bunch of dogs - but, finally, we were able to make it work.

Twenty minutes later, we were told all parental controls were lifted, she made a call and we arrived at the airport.

I checked her in, and realized mistake #1 - if she was not flying unaccompanied minor - and she wasn't, due to the fact that it cost $100 more - the airline would do nothing. No escort, no help on the flight, and my dad wouldn't be able to meet her at the gate. I had NO idea the size of the airport she's flying to, and therefore, I was sending MAH BAYBEE off into the wild unknown. I've flown into some really big airports and the thought of my kid, no matter how self assured and aware, just coming off a plane and roaming around - well, it sent me into heebie jeebies.

But I didn't have $100 unless I tapped into my Blogher money. And I felt like total and complete shit for even questioning it for one.single.minute - for what kind of parent doesn't just fork over the money to keep her kid safe? But there's no more paydays until Blogher and I'm on a razor thin wire as it is. No one can get sick, no car can break down, no appliance can kick the bucket. And my daughter assured me that she was fine, no problem, she could handle it. But my pulse started kicking up just a bit. The guilt came knocking and I let it in. It made a home in my heart that will never be empty.

So the attendant gave me a security pass and I walked her through security and to the gate, where we encountered yet another problem. The flight attendant saw my kid, but since she wasn't an unaccompanied minor - only she really WAS, except I didn't pay for it - meant that she was hands off. And my dad would not be able to come to the gate, and my daughter was told to "just go to the baggage claim, sweetie - hang around the gate for about 10 minutes and then go to baggage claim and I'm sure your grandpa will find you SOMEHOW." My pulse kicked it up yet another notch.

We went over to one side to text my dad, where we discovered that her phone was unable to send texts - they were BLOCKED thanks to parental controls. AUUGGHHH. A ten minute call later, they were supposedly lifted - only they weren't, she still couldn't send a text and I was encouraged to call!back!tomorrow! and straighten it out. By the same English speaking challenged man.  And I called my dad to tell him that she was basically flying solo with no guidance and really no phone capacity - 

And I was maybe letting my voice get a little panicky -

At which point this guy (who may or may not have been really cute), standing near us, said to me, "I can watch out for her, if you want. I'm a cop."

And I'm so FRICKIN' clueless, so stressed and on overload, that I said, "Sure! That would be AWESOME!"

In retrospect, I want to KILL myself for this. Haven't I read about a million serial killer books, where the murderer turns out to be a cop/minister/teacher? And WHY would I believe this guy? I was so happy to have someone look out for her, though, that I didn't even listen to my inner voice and told my daughter, "Hey, when you get off the plane, if Grandpa isn't there, this guy can show you where the baggage claim is and help you find Grandpa."

All of a sudden, it was time for her to get on the plane and there was no time to do more. I choked up, hugged and kissed her, and she was GONE. As I walked away, I passed the man-who-claimed-to-be-a-cop and thanked him for his offer of help. No problem, I'm happy to be of service if she needs. As I walked away, though, I called my husband - who immediately told me what a crappy idea it was, how did I know he was a cop, I didn't check any ID, and undoubtedly it was going to end very, very badly. As I passed a bathroom, I started to worry. What if the man-who-claimed-to-be-a-cop grabbed her as they deplaned and took her into a bathroom and it "ended badly"?

My pulse jumped YET AGAIN. It promised to be a very, very long three hours - and so I called my girlfriend, and she talked me off the ledge. I think, maybe, if he was a true "bad guy", he wouldn't have offered to help but he would have just listened and then taken advantage of her after you left. He talked to you, he let you see his face - surely he wouldn't have done that if he was a true bad guy???

I was able to laugh at her words and said a prayer that it would all work out. I was so, so worried. And upset with myself, for I'm the ALWAYS cautious person - the one who always worries about serial killers and rapists and murderers and staying safe. I've worked over a BILLION plans in my head for how to get out of tons of stuff and I'm bothered that I was so easily swayed the second that a difficulty appeared.

But. It all ended well. My dad got a gate pass. He met her at the gate. She was thrilled with the plane ride, no one bothered her, she had a snack, and she was so!happy! to be there.

And my pulse calmed.

Comments

[Jodie]

Phew! Huge sigh of relief!! My heart was pounding for you. I am glad everything turned out well and I hope she has a wonderful time!

[Jenn E]

Brave Mama Bear! xoxoxoxox

[kyooty]

WOW! you did really really well!!! I'm still bad at the letting go part

[Liz]

I know this is after-the-fact, but if it's DFW, the baggage claims are right outside the gates, so for some gates you can stand in baggage claim and watch people get off the plane.
I took a Greyhound bus when I was 12 and it missed a connection. I had stops in some sketchy areas, but came out of it okay. People tend to look out for children and keep an eye out for them (and stay off to the side to not invade boundaries until needed).
She's still a kid, but more mature than you think.

[Elizabeth]

Just an FYI - you repeat the process on the return. Your dad can ask at the ticket counter for a gate pass in Houston. You go to the ticket counter, eplain your picking up your 12yr old, & ask for gate pass when she returns.

I'm glad she made it ok. Sorry about the phone issues though.

[UKCraftySal]

I teared up just reading this. You and your daughter are way braver than me!

So glad your faith in human nature was well-placed. We all worry far too much about terrible things that might happen. Although the counter to that is, of course, how can you possibly worry "too much" about your precious, precious child?

Glad you both made it through, and hope she has a ball!

[Caren Story]

Carmen, I totally would be right there with you all along. I'm so glad everything turned out okay in the end.

[Tish]

So glad everything worked out well. I'm the grandma with my 8 yr old grandson visiting from the other coast right now. He was going to fly home alone (the $100 route), but DH decided to reschedule a business trip so that he could fly back with him. I feel much better now.

[Megan]

See, this is why I say your blog is good even though I'm not in that "mommy blogger" demographic...I was on the edge of my seat reading this! Thank goodness your daughter is so confident.

And next time, give her your oldest daughter's phone :)

BTW, what kind of security question is "what is your favorite pet's name?" That's like "who is your favorite child?" to us cat and dog people!

[Wendy]

I am so glad that everything worked out well. I probably would have done the same thing as you. In that.very.moment you were just relieved to have someone watch out for your baby. It is rarely until later that we think of all the what if's. No worries though it went well, she is having a great time I am sure and you don't have to do it again for a whole week. Only this time you will know what to do. Just breathe....

[Karen]

My stepson keeps asking when my daughter can fly alone to visit him in Florida. Even my husband has responded "When she's 30."

Glad things worked out for you.

[maggie]

I was on the edge of my chair reading this! I would have felt the same way and I'm just so happy that it worked out! I hope she has a great week!

[Jennifer]

Let me start by saying - good for you!

My older brother was 13 and my mom sent him from NJ to Anchorage to visit with her sister. He flew alone. When he got to Seattle the connecting flight was cancelled. Some dude took my brother to a motel (thank the Lord he wasn't a serial killer) and put him up for the night and brought him back to the airport the next day.

This was before cell phones, back in the 7os when nobody worried about serial killers, well maybe the Son of Sam was still on my mom's mind.

BTW, the $100 unaccompanied minor is a rip off if you do a direct flight.

[addy]

Oh Carmen - congratulations to you and your brave young girl. It is so tough to let go. You guys did great.