It Was a HECK of a Wake Up Call

I'm a difficult sleeper. I like it dark, I like it cool, I like it quiet - my husband jokes that I'd sleep well in a cave, and that's not far off. Sleep is hard to come by for me - it takes me a long time to fall asleep. It's a weird quirk that I sleep both heavy - as in, an often drooling mess - and light, as in most any noise will wake me. Then I'm awake, staring into the dark, waiting for sleep to arrive again. I dream crazy scenarios, vivid, full of action sagas that make me wonder where, exactly, my brain has been hanging out.

My husband has none of these troubles. He swears he never dreams, and in more than 20 years together, he has never remembered one single dream. He sleeps anywhere, any time, and in any position. He also snores like a freight train and had developed night twitches.

Tell me THAT'S not a fun way to wake up - when the person sleeping with you has an arm draped over you and suddenly the arm jumps and clenches as if being electrocuted. He's able to sleep through it and I'm jolted awake, heart pounding, sweat pouring, convinced I've just been shocked and death is imminent.

This morning I woke in a panic at 5:47 a.m.  What the hell is in my bed? I thought to myself. What is pinching me? There it goes again! It was my husband, PINCHING my upper inner thigh. I smacked him, and he pinched again, saying sleepily, "The cat is biting me! I've got to get it to stop!"

He was dreaming - the first time I ever remember him dreaming - that a wild kitten was in our house and biting his finger, and he had to pinch it to make it stop biting him. So he kept pinching and pinching and trying to get the kitten to let go of him - only it was MY LEG and not a kitten.

He's on the sofa tonight.

Comments

[jp]

Makes me remember that old episode of Mad About You where Helen Hunt's character is beating the crap out of Paul Reiser's character in her sleep and his resultant less than restful sleep makes them think Paul has a sleep disorder!

My husband also does the full on body-jerk thing too, so I sympathize!

[superpaige]

Oh, so funny. What is it about men? How can they possibly fall asleep so easily and NOT wake up at every tiny sound. I blame the motherhood instincts. I'm like you. If I am woken up in the middle of the night, it takes me FOREVER to fall back asleep.

[liz]

On the couch, indeed!

[Karen]

My husband does stuff like that all the time. He's lucky he hasn't ended up sleeping outside in a tent...

[Jen H]

My husband does this stuff all the time--one time he was pulling my legs to keep me from falling off a "cliff", one time he was pulling "stakes" out of the middle of our bed, another time spiders were falling from the ceiling and he had to get them all (try going back to sleep after that!). My favorite was when he sat on the edge of the bed driving the fire truck. But I don't have sleep problems, and can go right back to sleep after these episodes.

Once you speak to him, he generally wakes up. But I'm waiting for a big face smack one of these days!

[Jodie]

Oh goodness! Thanks for the laughs this morning!

[Therese]

I've actually gotten the face smack when he dreamt he was in a fight and was punching back. At least, that was what he told me! Now he wonders why he isn't allowed on my side of the king size bed.

[elz]

My husband is not that bad, but has occassionally woken me up urgently. Once I'm awake, I realize he's still asleep, and then he promptly falls back to sleep. Me? I'm awake until my blood pressure returns to normal!

[Laura Horner]

If my husband is overtired (which happens alot; his job sometimes he works 30 hours STRAIGHT) he will sit up in bed, eyes wide open, and start talking to me. I hate to admit, given the "nonsense-ness" of his questions, that it always takes me a few beats to realize he's sound asleep. I will gently lay him back down, talking in a soothing voice like he's one of the kids... and he will remember nothing the next day. I have to wonder if this happens when he's in a hotel, and goofy as it sounds I feel bad that I'm not there to "help." LOL

[HolyMama!]

20 years of no dreams, and the one you find out about is a rabid kitten. (that's kinda awesome!)

[Ouida Gabriel]

This is my husband to a T. He asked me the other day how I can dream several dreams in one night when he rarely dreams at all. I believe dreams mean things. I also dream like you do - very real and vivid. Sometimes that means I wake up scared out of my mind but I would rather dream and try to figure it out than not dream at all.

Your post had me laughing hard. I am sorry for your being pitched though. I hope it doesn't bruise.

Ouida Gabriel

[Carmen Staicer]

I already have 4 bruises!!

Best,
Carmen

Sent from my iPhone- please blame auto-correct for and all typos

[Sandra]

like you i am a very light sleeper, but i have no problem falling asleep. i just can't go back to sleep once i wake up, which is almost every night around 2 a.m.

have you tried spongey ear plugs? if not, i highly recommend them. i use them every night. i can't hear the husband snoring or breathing heavy, but i can hear lola when she wakes at night.

[Tish]

At least you get great blogging material. Funny, but if DH is snoring (usually only when he has a cold, thank goodness) or restless to the point that I can't sleep, I get out of our bed and sleep in the guest bed. I like to snuggle, but I need my sleep.

[Jenn E]

Oh love the big twitch. I kick my husband for that one. I'm not nice. Don't wake me up once I'm asleep or I'll never get back to sleep. He has learned after 7 years of marriage its not wise to wake me up for umm "a good time" cause A) he won't get any and b) now I'm gonna be nasty.

But now you do have proof your hubby dreams at least! :-)

[kyooty]

hahha! well at least he doesn't snore.

[addy]

The pinching is a new one. He twitches, talks, and makes weird noises. All while I get to lay there and wonder when I get to go back to sleep. Right there with you!

[Shelly]

My husband is like that. However, he also eats in his sleep, walks down the block in his sleep and will sing and dance in his sleep. The Doctors all think it is sleep apnea. Hmmm...not sure. I just want it to stop since he has taken to rolling up in a ball in our bed and kicking me out of the bed as fast and hard as he can. He also talks in his sleep...strange things come as well as yelling. Sleep apnea..not so sure. I feel for you and hope you are able to get a good night sleep.

[GGroszek]

sure it was a kitten he was looking for? sounds to me like it was a full grown CAT!

[Johnny]

haha yea insomnia is a bitch...sometimes Melatonin and Valerian root helps. Or you could try some meditation videos like this one: http://www.shortform.tv/w/feel_good/chakra-s-meditation-the-third-eye-chakra

[Kim]

Random Internets advice: if he snores a lot, and has big time twitches, and doesn't remember dreams - he could have sleep apnea. My husband never remembered his dreams either, until he had his apnea treated. I don't know if he was just too tired to remember them, or if he never had enough uninterrupted sleep to have long enough ones to remember. His case was pretty severe, though. May not be your husband's issue, but might be worth checking out.