Teaching Self Confidence and Excellence

I read this in a post this week over at Burgh Baby. In this excellent post, the writer was talking about her own self confidence and conceit.

Apropos of absolutely nothing, I've been reflecting since I returned from Blogher how hard it is for me to accept a compliment.

I have a nasty terrible time accepting anything complimentary that is told to me. As a (bad) example, a girl I train with complimented my toenail polish. Instead of just saying, "Thank you!", I told her that one of the nails had chipped and I filled it in with what I thought was the correct color, but it was actually a different one and so now I had one renegade nail. She just looked at me and I could tell she thought, "Who is this crazy girl and why did she just go into all of that?"

This deficiency was brought home to me at Blogher, when I was asked to meet with many of the sponsors, in order to give a face of the bloggers for many of the sponsors. Lisa Stone, one of the incredibly amazing founders of Blogher, had nothing but praise to bestow on me and I was left wondering, who, exactly, is she speaking of?

Part of the problem, I think, is that when I accept a compliment, I feel as if I'm bragging. Same thing with talking about my strengths. To tell someone your strengths means that you are sure of yourself and confident - and these are skills that aren't often appreciated. In the post I reference above, the writer challenged herself to list 7 things she was good at and then she asked her kid. The results were interesting. The younger the person, the easier it was for the list to be compiled.

My list was tough. I'm good at baking, cooking, reading, writing, boxing. (Reading? Really? That's just a skill. It's not a talent. It's something that everyone can do, but it came in my head, so on the list it went.) It took me only seconds to come up with those 5, but two more, well, that wasn't going to happen. So I dropped it to five. (Wait - let me add in there that I'm stubborn. Which in some cases is a good thing, and in others, well, it can be a very bad thing indeed.)

I noticed something interesting when I asked my kids. The older they were, not only was it harder, (well, except for my overly confident one) but the talents they picked were, in some cases self deprecating. It was illuminating.

Here's what my kids had to say when asked to list their strengths:

Riley: eating macaroni and cheese, helping Mom with the dishes, soccer, running, playdoh playing.

Emma: balancing, reading, math, loving, dancing, soccer - this child could have gone on for an hour but I made her stop. She couldn't pick one to delete and so, after much negotiation, I allowed her to keep six.

Gabriel: building with Legos, reading, spelling, being a friend, getting along with people.

Mackenzie: Making up stories, doing funny accents, soccer, singing, running

Allegra: Doing makeup, doing nails (she IS really good at this, all of her friends have her do theirs, she has brushes that allow her to do designs and everything), doing hair, babysitting, being funny.

Nikolas: being a bum, yard work, drywall/spackle work, eating, being a smart a$$

Does listing your strengths make you a conceited pile of flop? Or does it mean that you are self confident and assured? CAN you list 5 strengths?

Comments

[KG]

Procrastinating
Making excuses
Eating
WASHING laundry (ack @ dry & fold & put away)
Queen of sarcasm

probably not what you had in mind so....

1 People trust me, I'm proud of being honest to a fault

2 I'm the eye of the storm, calm & collected no matter what rages on around me

3 Can be counted on, when it COUNTS. Meet up for chit chat @ Starbucks = FAIL .. but your dog dies, house burns down, kids are sick, lose your job? I'm THERE.

4 Possibly world's best listener, unless it's 40 min past bedtime & you're asking me your 43rd question!!

5 OK four is all I can do because for #5 I just kept thinking I'm pretty humble & it was hard enough discussing the four! This was TOUGH!

I'm thinking the "Real Housewives of Wherever" would have an ENDLESS list of strengths *EYE ROLL*

[Miss Britt]

I'm a good writer.

I'm brave.

I think most things are possible.

I'm really uncomfortable right now...

[Megan]

This is a good post. I struggle with listing my strengths too, because I've never been athletic or a good singer or possessed other easily identifiable talents. Let's see. Writing. Volunteering at animal shelters (is this really a strength?) Cooking...well I enjoy it, that doesn't make me good at it. I can eat!

I feel like my hobbies are not necessarily my strengths. And like you, I have a hard time taking compliments.

Spinning. My figure skating coach said I was a good spinner, but I think she was just being nice.

[Elizabeth]

Sometimes I think it is a female/woman thing - this being difficult to accept a compliment or list our strengths. Men don't (overall)seem to have the same difficulty or second thoughts. I wonder if it's society's conditioning?

I'm amazed frequently at how others view me so differently from myself. A good friend from work chose to give her daughter my name because they wanted her to exhibit my qualities & then listed them! I can't remember what all they said since it was over 2 yrs ago. Ditto when my cousin wanted me to participate in her daughter's Simchat Bat.

Anyway, I have the same problem. My strengths?Um, can I get back with you on that? I can list my faults forever and ever.....

What I am good at:

1. I'm loyal to friends and family.
2. I follow directions well.
3. I'm willing to help out when asked.
4. I can sew, crochet, cross-stitch
5. I'm good at my job.

[Jory Des Jardins]

Oh boy--a toughie. Here we go. What I'm good at:

1. Making people comfortable. I've been told I'm good at this and it feels good to hear.
2. Improvising under pressure.
3. Conversation.
4. Writing--when I can really put some effort into it.
5. Dancing.

That was exhausting ;)

[Burgh Baby]

I had the exact same sort of moment at BlogHer. I was all "Thank you" when complimented by someone I adore, but just HAD to had, "You're a good liar." Why OH WHY do we have to shirk compliments? URGH!

[HolyMama!]

okay, i did it! i didn't let myself stop until i had 7, but then i totally let myself delete them. which is fine because one of them was rather inappropriate and unfit for public declaration even if it is true. ;)

[Mary]

I wonder if it comes with age? I am probably 10 to 15 years older than you and most of your readers, and I am very comfortable listing the things I'm good at. I'm also very comfortable listing my faults, there are a few of those as well. And I love compliments, and just say thank you, even if I secretly think you must be smoking crack to say that! It's only come in my 40s, though. Before that, I was pretty uncomfortable.

[Jenn E]

Understanding others points of view.
Finding the humor in a bad situation.
I was a really good product trainer for the annuity company I worked for.
Standing up for myself.
Driving my husband nuts. ;-)

[J from Ireland]

Mmmm and here was me thinking it was an Irish thing not to be able to accept compliments. I am great at putting myself down in a funny way!!
So here are the things I am good at.
1. Art
2. A good friend
3. Baking
4. Somehow kids love me, kids are drawn to me ( this is a gift, right??)
5. A good listener.
Now if you asked my faults I would have no problem with this.

[~ifer @ The Mind of ~Ifer]

It is a tough thing to do, patting yourself on the back, and recognizing what you are good at... but so important....

1. Listening
2. Being sarcastic
3. Baking
4. Smiling
5. Organizing junk

[Eduard @ People Skills Decoded]

I enjoyed reading this article. It makes a lot of sense.

Confidence is one of my favorite traits, as I believe lack of confidence is one of the easiest ways to sell ourselves short. Confidence is in my view something which essentially comes from the inside. Its a reflection of the beliefs we use to interpret reality.

So confidence can be gained by changing our outer reality, by it is most often gained by changing our inner one.

Cheers,

Eduard

[amie]

I am forcing myself to do this. I think it is a great exercise in self knowledge but hard to put it out there.
1. good at planning/oraganizing events.
2. calm in a crisis
3. able to find humor in life/laugh at myself
4. flexible
5. generous

[Brandy]

I'm not sure I can come up with five, but since I was thinking of Value and what and how we value ourselves the other day, I've already given this a bit of thought.
1. caring, loving
2. good listener
3. polite, sounds stupid to me, but something that seems to be disappearing
4. animal lover, this probably belongs with number 1.
5. Um, yeah. No clue.

[elz]

I don't think it's bragging. I think it's self-aware to know what you are good at and what you need to work on.My top 5 skills are:
1.Persuasion-a job skill as well!
2.Public Speaking
3.Remembering little details
4.Face Painting
5.Finding the perfect gifts