A Reader Asks a Question - Part X

Fyi - I'm really bad at Roman Numerals.

Also known as the final installment. My comments have been low, so I'm guessing that this wasn't an impressive series - although I really enjoyed it tremendously.

This comment was asked anon - What is your policy on commenting on your website? And the Gorgeous Jadine piggybacks with: I wonder about the following with regard to all the bloggers I read (I'm not saying *you* get negative comments, just wondering about if you did...) When you get negative comments, do your feelings get hurt? Do you delete them? Would you rather get negative comments than few comments? Do you like to get negative comments, because they elicit more comments/discussion? I would get my feelings hurt, and I'd have emotional scars forever. I'm not tough enough to blog.

Ah, comments. The gold standard of success for any blogger. I love comments.  LOVE them. The more, the better. And people email me and say that they didn't feel that their comment is important, or that I wouldn't care if they commented. Please. COMMENT AWAY.

But, yes. Negative comments do hurt my feelings. I'm a fragile flower of a human being. Like all people, I want you to AGREE with ME because that means I'm right - and we all know how much I like to be right. Ask my husband. All kidding aside - Negative comments I don't delete, unless they are hurtful to me. There's a difference between I don't agree with you and here's why I feel differently and You are wrong with that reasoning and it's because you are stupid and dumb. A negative comment can elicit discussion and I'm all for that - I just don't like attacks.

But I HATE reading a blog and leaving comment after comment and never ever getting a reply. I try, as much as I can, to email people who leave comments here. I'm not always successful and sometimes comments don't need a reply - but I try. I like to feel as if I have a connection with readers. I know that many, many bloggers don't feel that way - but if I leave comment after comment on a blog and I never ever get an email back - I tend to stop reading that blog. Especially if that blog gets a lot of comments - it makes me fel like my comment doesn't matter. I asked on Twitter recently (follow me @mttsm) and realized I'm in the minority - most people don't expect a reply to a comment. I'd really like to know what you guys think about the matter, though. Am I in the minority? (HA - it's ironic that I'm soliciting your comments ABOUT comments!)

Excellent Erin Flood - who didn't leave an email - asked about my daughter's diagnosis.

My daughter was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder when she was 18 months old. It's on the Autistic Spectrum, but not classified as true autism. We did 2+ years of Occupational Therapy. I took her back for her follow up and she's been classifed as being highly anxious (HAHA - what a surprise! She doesn't talk unless she's really comfortable!) and I'm supposed to take her to rule out manic/depressive because of insane moods swings and tantrums. I haven't done this yet. Mostly because I think now that a diagnosis isn't going to help me all that much. The problems we have are still the same, regardless of what letters she has after her name. I have another kid who has ADD and has started having anxiety attacks, which are so much fun that I canNOT even put into words how much fun they are. Having an "official" diagnosis is good on one hand because you know what's going on - but it's bad because your kid is so much more than that diagnosis.

And, finally - this spam comment pretty much says it all - or all that I'm trying to accomplish here on this site. It's a fitting end to a great series. 

I think authors these days are trying desperately to balance the artistic and the commercial and sometimes that makes for all to easy read.

INDEED. And AMEN.

Comments

[Nicole]

I don't always email when I receive comments, but I do almost always comment back on the post itself. It can help generate conversation in the comments if other readers see my responses, particularly if a question is answered.

[Jen]

I lurve getting emails back from comments I leave. I rarely, if ever, go back to a site to see if the writer commented in the comments.
I also respond to 99% of comments on my site. I used to email back, but then added a plug-in that allows me to answer in the comments and it sends an email to the commenter with my comment.
And I used comment way too many times here.
But I think blogging is a way of communication, and I love the conversations and friendships that blossom there.

[Laura Horner]

I very often start to leave a comment, but then I begin to feel bashful. The little imp in my head likes to say "what you have to say isn't that important, and the blog writer will be wasting her time reading it." That is my vulnerability, and this is the first time I've ever publicly admitted it. I had a blog for awhile, but when I would leave a comment on someone's blog, and leave my URL there WITHOUT a plea in the comment to read my blog, I never had anybody express interest in it, so I gave up. Gave up too quickly, to be honest. I am not sure how this relates to your post, but let's just pretend, mmmkay?

[Headless Mom]

I try to interact with my readers when appropriate but I'm like you: if a blogger never says anything back to me I will quit commenting, and potentially quit reading all together. It doesn't have to be every day or every week but I, personally, don't comment unless I feel strongly about a post, and if I never get feedback from an author then it's proven that I'm not important.

[Mariah]

Personally I love an email response to a comment I leave. I just like that it's acknowledged. Maybe that's unrealistic or insecure of me. I mean, most people, including bloggers and maybe especially bloggers, are busy and have lives and may not be able to email replies for whatever reason. I get that. But even so, it's nice to hear something back. That being said, I never leave comments on blogs that have a bazillion comments already. I really do believe in that case that one more or less comment doesn't mean anything. How many comments can the blogger who receives that many actually read without a staff to help out anyway...never mind respond to?! So this is a long comment to say that yes, I for one, like to receive a reply but I understand that it's not always possible. And...one more thing, I tend to do way more reading that commenting. I must be the original lurker. Even here. I've been commenting more often lately, but that's unusual for me! :-) (Been enjoying this series, btw...not sure you can gauge ppl's enjoyment of something by the volume of comments....maybe my bloggy experience level isn't enough to know about that...)

[addy]

I enjoy the occasional email reply to a comment. It is not imperative but makes the "conversation"/blog feel much friendlier. And probably helps me come back more often. Other than the fact I truly like your blog and am grateful to be invited into your life. My daughter gets panic attacks - oh yay for them ;)

[jp]

Frankly, I was shocked to get an email from you! I have never gotten one from anyone else I have ever commented upon. I didn't realize some bloggers actually take the time.

I agree with the whole diagnosis thing, it doesn't really help you in day-to-day getting through it all. The only thing having the right series of alphabet soup letters attached to your child helps is hopefully getting the help your child needs at school, or at least the understanding by the teacher as to why they are doing "x" at school.

[~ifer]

You are definitely not in the minority in wanting your comments recognized. And believe me, it keeps people coming back to your blog, because I love the fact that I will usually get an email from you after I leave a comment.
I, on the other hand, am horrible about doing that same thing. And I have a small blog with a limited following, so I should be able to respond. And I mean to, but then I get distracted, and then I forget. I need to be more disciplined about that.
I know it makes people feel their comments are important, because I know that's how it makes me feel.

[Erika]

I agree with Laura completely! I never go back to see if my comment was addressed later in the comments. The fact that you emailed me when I left my first comment here has put you at the top of my "blogs to read" list and I always try to comment here now. I pretty much lurk everywhere else. I feel like you are more real, somehow... Some big bloggers never respond to anything, not emails, not comments, and that made me feel like they really do not care about their readers at all except for the paycheck that the readers provide. While that is probably not totally true, it's the impression that I got, and so that is my perception. Thank you for being so involved with your readers, it makes us feel speshul!

[Megan]

For the record, I've enjoyed the series, just haven't read anything (until now) that really inspired me to comment. And that's not to say your answers weren't interesting, but sometimes you write something SO good -- like the recent "It was a DAY" post -- that I just don't have much to say besides "wow, that was great!" And I know you love the "wow, that was great!" comments, but as a writer, I feel like I shouldn't write unless I have something worth writing.

I probably could stand to shut up now.

Anyway, I am glad to read your comment policy. I have to admit I've occasionally disagreed with things you've written but have kept my mouth shut for fear of being slammed, both by you and other commenters. I read some blogs where it's quite clear that if you disagree with the writer, you'll become enemy #1 for the day, no matter how respectful and logical you tried to be. And really, what's the point in having a blog if you aren't open to debate? If you are only interested in affirmation and being told how awesome you are, you probably should call a distant acquaintance who's afraid to disagree with you or your grandmother.

[Megan]

One more thought (sorry, I know double-commenting is a faux pas.) I love that you respond as well. I do not expect a response every time or most of the time, but I do enjoy them. For the most part, it doesn't bother me when I comment on blogs and never get a response. There is one where I feel like the writer and I have a lot in common and could be great friends, but she never responds to my comments. She gets dozens, if not hundreds, per post, so I know it's not practical for her to response, and I know my comments are getting read. But...it would make my day if I felt like she knew me from Adam.

[Nicki]

I read way too many blogs (is there a 12-step for this?), but I don't always comment because I tend to get the new kid in school feeling and talk myself out of saying anything. Having said that, I do believe you are one of the few who actually emails/responds when we comment which is nice.

As for your daughter's diagnoses, I get it. Two of my kids have several labels/diagnoses and it honestly doesn't make a difference, except for the school so we can get extra help sometimes, because at the end of the day we are still dealing with the behaviors and problems that arise. Yay.

[Jennifer Joyner]

I read a lot of blogs but only comment on about half of them. I really don't expect a reply; I assume my comment is being read and considered, or else why would that person have a blog and accept comments? I think your policy is very considerate and thoughtful.

[Dana B]

As a blogger- I too hear you on getting comments. It's nice to get some engagement back from readers beside numbers. It reassures you're being read and enjoyed.

I'd say I don't really need or expect an email reply. I do like when the blog author participates in communication in the comment section on the blog itself if they feel they have something to add. It can keep conversation going and keep things public and transparent.

[Kait]

I hate when bloggers reply to a comment in the comment section of their blog. And, it's silly, but I love that you take the time to email. It feels like you actually care about the opinions expressed by readers.

I need to email you, as an aside, because I had a comment disappear on your last post and I'm not certain if it was error on my part or if it was offensive in some way and you didn't post it. Also my four year old was diagnosed with asthma yesterday and I'm freaking out even though it's mild and seasonal (related to allergies and change in seasons and cold weather apparently...)

Is it weird that I thought of you as someone I could ask about asthma?

[Kait]

I wanted to add that your blog is one of the few that I actually comment on because you DO email back. Even if you don't do it every time you do it enough that I feel like I'm being heard.

[Wendy]

I LOVE getting emails in response to my comments. I don't read a LOT of blogs because I don't have time, but those I do I read faithfully. You are the only one that responds and I love it. It gives your readers a connection to you also.

[Christal]

I agree with the gist of what everyone's said. I really like getting replies by e-mail from you (when you want to reply). But, some days I am also just a lurker. I do want to thank you for taking the time to blog. Reading it is part of my sanity break.

I also appreciate that discussion doesn't always have to agree; people may bring up points that stimulate another tangent of the conversation.

[Lindsey]

I liked this series, just haven't commented because I've been busy. But it's been nice getting to know you more.

I don't tend to comment all that much on blogs I read. And when I do, I never, EVER expect an emailed reply. Perhaps a reply in the comments if it furthers the conversation.

[MamaCas]

If I remember my high school classes correctly, the roman numerals would continue with XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, XIX, XX? Of course, that was about 93 years ago, so my memory might be fuzzy.

I LOVE COMMENTS. As evidenced by one of my recent blog posts. I'd love to figure out how to reply to my comments. I haven't yet wrapped melon around that bit of technology.

[Karen from A Glimpse Into My Reveries]

I love that you send an email in response to my comments. I am always surprized to receive it and amazed that you take the time!
I think it makes me all that more likely to comment again.

[Emily C]

One of the reasons I still pop up here to read your blog is because you DO reply to comments. We may not be intimate friends, but I feel a connection to your family

I've dropped almost every other blog I read that isn't a close friend, family member, or practical information in a field where I need help.

[LizP]

Comments - I don't usually leave them because I read in Google reader (and I'm lazy)and most bloggers I read don't reply to them. Not that I require it but sometimes it is nice. Of all of the blogs I read you were the third blogger to e-mail me on a comment I made. While I don't expect it, it is nice every once in a while to be acknowledged. It sort of makes me think that if I ever showed up in VA (it could happen, I have friends in Alexandria) we could have coffee. :-)

[LisaK]

Even though I don't comment that often, I completely agree with commenter Erika at 9:25am. Thanks Carmen!

[Vicky C]

I don't comment that often b/c I am a bit shy, and always wonder if what I have to say is relevant. Also, when I haven't had time to read, I am playing catchup, and feel weird to comment on something you wrote 2 weeks ago.

I was surprised the first time I received an email from you, I didn't realize that any bloggers did that. I think it's great, but I don't feel like I need an email for every comment. Thanks for your blog!