Frustration

She was so frustrated.

She wanted to be able to wear her hair a particular way and it just wasn't working out.

I watched her struggle in the mirror for a minute and said, "You want some help?"

"NO! I don't want any help! I can do it myself!" she screamed and with a sharp "Augh!" she tossed the hair brush down in frustration. Tears spilled from her eyes. I hung back for a minute, not sure of what to do.

She wants to be grown. She's the littlest, the smallest, the one who sees everyone doing the things that she wants, and it makes her so angry. I can see that in her eyes, in the set of her head and the tautness of her stance. Don't offer to help her - she's NOT a baby. She can do it herself.

Except when she can't. And that angers her.

I touched her shoulder with one hand and smoothed her hair with the other. "It's a difficult thing to be able to do a ponytail," I told her. "It takes a lot of practice."

With tears spilling over her lower lids, her voice broke as she asked,"But why can you do it and not me? Every other girl in this house can do a ponytail and mine are lumpy and bumpy and my hair falls out and it looks tewwible." I bit my lip at the mispronounciation - one of the last "baby" words in her vocabulary - and reassured her,"I've been doing this since I was 8. I've had a lot of practice. Let me help you." This time she accepted.

I smoothed the hair back into a ponytail. She is inordinately bothered by loose hair around her face, and so I grabbed some heat protector spray from my shelf and wet the sides of her hair. A few swipes, a couple of strokes of the brush, and she had a smooth sleek ponytail. I wiped her face and smoothed her shirt. She asked if she could wear some blush and I pulled out the NARS with sparkles. I lightly dusted her cheeks and applied a little lip gloss.

She looked beautiful, like always, and older, as she soon will be.

The music was playing and she held up her arms to me. She's almost too heavy to pick up, but I did so gladly, knowing this to be one of the last times I'd do so. She rested her cheek alongside mine and as we swayed to the music, I looked at her face, a mirror of mine. I don't want her to be sad. I don't want her to be frustrated, or miserable, or upset.

It's hard to be little. It's even more difficult to watch them grow up.

Comments

[becky dunnell]

beautifully written! you are blessed with your children, who are doubly blessed to have YOU (even when they can't see it!!)...

[Bridget]

What a beautiful peek at motherhood and growing up and those two hand-in-hand.

Why do they have to change so quickly? Mine are only 6,4, and 2 and it seems like every day somebody around here gets older, grows up a little more. I know it's clichéd but...time, please slow down.

[Headless Mom]

Sweet Riley. She'll be grown before you (we!) know it. *sigh* Which means mine will be grown too.

[liz]

Beautiful

[mimbles]

Absolutely lovely post Carmen, she's a very lucky not so little girl :-)

[Elizabeth]

Charlie is easily frustrated too when he can't do things. He wants desparately to be considered a Big Kid like his friends at school. They grow up way to quickly!

[Lynn]

I alternate between wanting my little ones to be more grown up so they don't need so much from me and wanting them all to stay little so they will be my precious babies. My youngest is 15 months now (I have 6 kids also) and in that trouble-making stage, but I'm clinging to the remnants of his babyhood, because he's my last one. Thanks for sharing about your kiddos.

[Brandy]

Lovely, truly lovely.

[elz]

What a sweet moment. Good job mama, you made it all better.

[Sandra]

that brought tears to my eyes.

we must relish every moment with our kiddos before we know it they are grown and gone. :-(

[mbillock]

Now I have tears spilling over my lower lids......

[Megan]

Such a sweet memory and so nicely written. And you can tell her I'm 27 and still can't make my ponytails smooth.

[Kait]

You have six kids. Haven't you figured out how to keep them little yet??

My littlest girl, probably the last of the girls if my husband has his way (that's the nice thing about adoption - you can custom order gender!), is turning three on Friday. As I was lamenting that fact my husband thought it fit to remind me that our oldest will be heading to kindergarten in about 8 months.

I hate him a little for that.

[KatieButler]

Your writing is such a gift, Carmen. Lovely.

[addy]

Those sweet moments are the most cherised moments. Hold on to them Carmen and your precious children too.

[KG]

I am quite sure you violated some unwritten rule of blogging where you aren't allowed to make your readers cry twice in the same week.

Wow. That fleeting moment in time, perfectly captured & BEAUTIFULLY written!

Easily goes up there with some of your best writing!

Makes me want to hug her myself- she's precious!

[Rachel]

{sigh}

yes.

hugs.

[Rita Arens]

sniff

[QuatroMama]

Sweet tears of a mother knowing that one day her boys will be too old to hold too...
Beautiful words, Carmen!

[kyooty]

awwwwwwww!! growing up is hard work

[UKCraftySal]

Beautiful writing, Carmen. I have tears in my eyes.

[A Simple Twist of Faith]

They grow up so fast.

[jb]

I echo Megan -- you may certainly inform Riley that I am 25 and have many difficulties in making ponytail with no lumps.

In addition to my lack of skills in the ponytail-making department, I have several pilar cysts on my scalp (one of which protrudes, now, out maybe 1/2 inch), so those make bumps too. I've just taken to wearing a cloth headband over all ponytails. :)

Lumpy ponytail girls gotta stick together, you know.