The Story of Dad's Fudge

It was truly a Christmas Miracle.

My dad used to make fudge when I was growing up. It was not like most fudge - it wasn't thick and creamy, but more thin and brittle - although that word doesn't really describe it. It's hard to describe, really. But I remember him making it when I was a kid.

That's not to say that there weren't other, equally memorable, foods that my parents made. I just happen to remember this fudge. My dad had a sweet tooth and this recipe, found on the back of the Hershey's Cocoa can, fit the bill. Containing just a few ingredients that we always had around the house, it was a quick after dinner, not all that often, treat.

My older kids have each had the fudge once, when they spent a week in the summer with my dad and my step mom. Each time one of them went, I told them, Ask Grandpa to make the fudge. Each time they reported back that it was delicious - and they've asked me to make it. But for various reasons I haven't ever done so.

This week I cooked an amazing amount of treats. I made really complicated candies - nougats, brittles, caramels. I made cheese and bolognese, granola and a host of labor intensive goodies. The last item on my list was fudge.

I called my dad yesterday and, coincidentally, he was making the fudge and so he gave me the recipe. Combine 3 cups sugar, 1.5 cups milk and 2/3 cup cocoa in a saucepan. Cook over medium heat until it reaches soft boil stage. Add butter and vanilla and stir and pour in pan. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. I mixed and stirred, and all of a sudden, the mixture COMPLETELY overflowed the pan and filled my stovetop. I cursed and grabbed the pan and cleaned it up, poured out the rest - for it had reached 235 degrees - and went to bed. I was really anticipating THE fudge in the morning.

Except it wasn't fudge, but goo. I fussed and fumed and called my dad, who told me that I hadn't cooked it long enough. I tossed that batch into the trash and tried again. I was DETERMINED to master it, and so I stirred and stirred and watched for the signs my dad had told me - it will bubble high and then decrease, and after it decreases, it boils for a while longer. Drop some of it into a cup of water and when it makes a soft ball and not threads - it's ready. I used my thermometer JUST IN CASE and when it reached 230, I tried it. Not ready. 235 - not ready. At 240, it was ready and I removed the whisk.

Which somehow splashed the boiling liquid onto my hand. I screamed, dropped the whisk and shoved my hand under the faucet - completely forgetting the fudge.

Which in ten seconds burned totally black. And glumped (for there really is no other word) to the bottom of the pan. I was pissed off, out of cocoa, out of sugar, and my favorite IKEA pan was full of scorched on cement. My finger started to blister and I started to tear up.

My husband, ever helpful, told me to give up. I'd never be able to make the fudge, toss the burned pan and just go buy some stupid fudge, already. I stood in my kitchen, tears in my eyes, and wondered how I could make him understand. It wasn't just fudge, it was something that my kids wanted and I wanted. It was a MEMORY, damnit, and I wanted that stupid fudge.

I walked out of the house and went to the store. I grabbed sugar, milk and cocoa. We went to 5 p.m. Mass and when we came home, I tried again. Third time's the charm, I said to myself. Gabe wrapped his arms around my middle as I muttered to myself, You can do it, Mommy. I know you can. You just made a mistake.It's ok, everybody makes mistakes. The song isn't called Nobody makes mistakes, right?

I focused and stirred, concentrating with all my might. I was determined that I wasn't going to screw it up this time. I turned the heat down when it bubbled too high, scraped the sugar mixture down, adjusted the thermometer. I kept a careful eye on the temperature and when it read 240, I performed the water and soft ball test. It didn't work and so I left it to boil a while longer. Five more minutes, five more degrees, and I had a soft ball of fudge. I added the butter, squirted in the vanilla, and whipped the crud out of it until it dulled in color.

And it worked.

We all blissfully munched on the fudge after dinner, and the best thing of all - my kids agreed - IT WAS EXACTLY THE SAME.

Merry, Merry Christmas to you all. I hope you all have a restful, enjoyable day, full of magic, friends, family, no cleaning, and Leg Lamps.

I'll explain the last tomorrow.

Comments

[kyooty]

YAY!!! Merry Christmas. My dad is also an excellent Fudge maker I'm still learning. There is a "feel" to the liquid when it's boiling, eventually you don't need the water :)

[amie]

Merry Christmas! I had a little teary melt down after mass, not fudge, think I am exhausted from making all the magic happen.A little power nap and a lot of caffeine did the trick. Enjoy your family time:)

[jana abney]

That's the same fudge I had to make this year, as my grandmother isn't well. It took me four tries to get it right

[Brandy]

Merry Christmas! I'm so glad you persevered!

[Amy]

How much butter? That recipe sounds challenging but worth it.

[Marjie]

Ha! My dad used to make the same recipe with me growing up. Now he makes it with my kids! Same "drop a ball in water" technique and all! There is nothing as good as my dad's fudge!

[Nicki]

Somehow I feel left out. No one in my family made fudge; we just relied upon others handing out their Christmas goody plates and hoping there was fudge on it. :) Congratulations for conquering it and being able to recreate the memory.

Merry Christmas!

[Michele D]

THAT made me tear up. My dad used to make the exact same fudge. NO one in the family has been able to master it. He passed away 9 years ago and we haven't had it since. Thanks for the memories. It is the best fudge and the consistency is so hard to describe. YUM!

[Michele D]

OH and Merry Christmas!!

[angela]

I remember that fudge. And so much more.

[A Simple Twist of Faith]

It is all about the memory, isn't it?

[Headless Mom]

Yay for family fudge. I'm posting my favorite fudge/candy this week. Watch for it. It's way easier than that one! ;-)

[addy]

Merry Christmas Carmen! Congratulations!!

[Deborah]

Merry Christmas! I'm so glad your fudge turned out. Way to extend the memory! My fudge did not turn out and it made me teary, but I haven't gone back for the second or third attempt. Maybe I'll try it for New Year's Eve?

[Donna]

Well done o determined one! You are a woman after my own heart. Enjoy your time with your very lucky family. Donna from Australia

[Sandra]

3rd times a charm...good thing you're hard headed and determined. LOL

glad it turned out.

[Mrs. Fun]

My husbands grandma would send us peanut butter fudge and it was so creamy and thick. I miss that fudge and wish I had the recipe.
Merry Christmas!!!

[singledad]

Financial help is something that we can all use. It doesn't matter whether you are a single dad (father) or not. When someone thinks of financial help they may think of just asking for a handout. It is so much more than that!

http://www.singledadfinancialhelp.com/

[Pat]

This sounds like the same recipe Dad used every year. Mom would ask (after making 12 kinds of cookies, loafs of bread for the neighbors and 5 types of candy), "Mike, did you make the fudge? Dad would reply,"Do we really need it?"

Mom always made fudge, just not "Dad's fudge." None of us could ever make it right. Dad died this past summer; we didn't have any fudge this year. I'm not sure we'll ever have fudge again.