Questions About Weight Loss

I received this question from a reader in a comment on an unrelated post. I get this question, and many like it, at least three times a week in email, and probably as often in person. So I thought, with your understanding, I'd reference it here, so that everyone would have a place to reflect.

My problem is, though, that when I get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby I always, always get a sugary snack. If there is nothing in the house that's any good, I swear I will eat sugar with a spoon. So bizarre, because during normal waking hours I am pretty good about resisting the urge to binge. I am a solid 40 pounds heavier than I'd like to be, and I mostly blame my middle of the night eating habits and lack of exercise (I have a sedentary job, 3 little kids and NO extra money for a gym membership or any workout gear like SHOES) so all this to say I better not make these but I'd really like to. Off topic, but do you have any advice for me in the weight loss dept? You are pretty much the queen of weight loss as far as I'm concerned... I know motivation is the hardest part, but I feel like I could be motivated if I could just get past these stumbling blocks. What would Carmen do?

So. Let's talk weight loss and exercise.

When I first decided to try to lose weight, it was not my first attempt. It was not my second attempt. It was about my 5th attempt. I'd steadily put on weight after my third, fourth, fifth and sixth child. It was really the last two - the ones that were 15 months apart - that did me in. I also had a really difficult time in that my youngest one was exhibiting symptoms of what ended up being her diagnosis on the autistic spectrum - and I was so stressed and worried about her that I self medicated with brownies, ice cream, french fries, large plates of pasta and a 2 Liter (or more!) of Coke every single day. Not to mention rewarding myself for getting through the day with a stop at Starbucks for coffee - and cookies go really well with coffee, right?

So the upshot was that I needed to lose about, oh, 80 pounds. And I did it. I didn't use Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, Nutri System or any formalized diet plan. I also started exercising. At the beginning, I had grand plans that I was going to go out and run a couple of miles - and the brutal reality was that I couldn't walk around the block without stopping a few times. It was apparent to me, though, that I needed to do *something*. I'd gone from a size 6 when I'd gotten married to a really tight 18. Family members remarked that it was nice not to be the only heavy one. My kids started hearing ugly comments about their fat mother. My husband was embarrassed of me. *I* was embarrassed of me.

So I made some changes.

In times past, I'd tried to make numerous changes all at once. Small wonder that I failed - you canNOT transform your entire life (of what is really comfortable) into a life of what seems to be deprivation and expect it to be a happy place for you. I decided to start to make little teeny tiny changes. One change at a time. I added fruit to each meal. I added veggies to the lunch and dinner meals. I dropped a soda at a time - maybe it was a week before I dropped another. I changed that Venti White Mocha into a skinny. Then a smaller size. Then a different drink - I asked the bariastas what they would recommend.

But above all, I journaled. You cannot make a change to your diet without knowing exactly what you are starting with. I journaled for a week while making no changes, and it was a really good way to see what I needed to fix.Diet is totally and completely 100% king. Most of us eat far too much food - too many calories, too much fat. Take a week and journal it out. Are you drinking wine with every dinner - make sure it's in your journal. And make sure it's the actual amount you are drinking. Let's face it - you are probably pouring too much and it's easy to have a glass that's more than 500 calories. Just in one glass of wine. And realistically, most of us need 1200-1500 calories. Not the 2500 or more that we eat.

But you have to exercise. You have to. And if you ahve no money for a gym membership, or for expensive shoes - you can walk. And if you have little ones - you can walk with them in a stroller. I have sharp memories of walking with Emma and Riley - 1 and 2 at the time - in the stroller - and Riley was SCREAMING. I put in my head phones, gave her a toy and a snack and kept going. If her needs were met, there was no reason for me to stop exercising. It was hard, and it wasn't fun, and there were lots of days I didn't want to.

But endorphins make you feel better, and you get those endorphins with exercise.

This is long enough, and I could go on forever. If I haven't addressed something you are interested in, will you please let me know? I welcome your question and your thoughts.

Comments

[KatieButler]

Carmen, was it more difficult to lose or maintain?

[Kelly H]

Having lost almost 80 lbs myself too (via Weight Watchers) I'd like to add that losing weight means making yourself worth the time and money that is necessary. I think us as mothers tend to put every other person and thing first. And then say there's no time or money left to do what we want or need. Once I made the decision that I was going to lose the weight and I wasn't going to stop until I got there, the weight just started to literally fall off. I talked with my husband about what time of day would work best for me to get my work out in. Some days it's right when I get home from work and other days I get up at 6 am go to the gym & run before I get kids off to school. You find the time your day BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT. Like Carmen said, walking is free and you can do it with your kids. Find a way to make it work. Or, get up before they do and walk or do it after they go to bed and your husband is home. Once you decide you're worth the time, you'll find the time in your day.

Just my 2 cents....

[Annika]

Your reader didn't say whether she is nursing or giving the baby a bottle. I mention this because I learned last time that my body CLINGS to fat while I am nursing. It was only through EXTREME diet and exercise after Sam was mostly weaned that I lost any weight. So she might need to just hang in there a little while until her baby is nursing less. (Of course, if the baby is bottle-fed this is irrelevant, but maybe someone else will relate.)

[Kelly H]

One more thing....

We don't make a ton of money BUT, there are 2 things that I find the money to do: a monthly cleaning lady and a gym membership. We rarely eat out, I buy us all clothes on clearance with a coupon, I grocery shop where I am able to get the best bargain.... all so the budget allows these two things. The gym helps keep me sane and the cleaning lady allows us as a family to spend time together doing things instead of being a slave to cleaning the house. It works for us.

[Jennifer]

Thank you for these tips. I recently lost all my baby weight and am now in "maintaining" mode. The key to losing weight for me was actually making everything from scratch. When you are rolling your own pasta with a hand rolling pin, shredding your own cabbage with a hand grater, and mixing your cookies with an old-fashioned whisk, you burn a TON of calories before you even consume your meal. Not to mention, the fewer preservatives and processing, the easier it is for your body to digest. Who would have thought that making food could be a great form of exercise?

[Rox]

The tip I'll throw out there that I learned from my kids' nutritionist is that any time I'm hungry, I assume that my body is asking for water; hunger often stems from dehydration. If I drink 8-12 ounces of water and am still hungry 20 minutes later, I have a protein with a natural carb -- a tiny handful of almonds with a cutie orange, a small apple with a couple of teaspoons of peanut butter, a string cheese with a dozen baby carrots, a big stalk of celery with a little Laughing Cow cheese. This all involves convincing myself that sugar is not a right, but a treat; and, with training, my body has come to see fruit as a sugary treat (which it really is -- most nutritionists will tell you to avoid OJ because it spikes blood sugar in a negative way!). Yogurt is a great go-to snack, too, for the probiotic benefits it offers plus the calcium, in which most women are too deficient.

Anyway, I think regular exercise in some form is key to sustained weight loss but also to great mental health, but I swear by nutritionists, too -- I have one child who struggles with being on the cusp of overweight, another who's severely underweight, and me, fighting a disease and trying to maximize nutritional benefits. The more I meet with experts and the more I read, the more I feel like sugar has to be curbed as much as possible. And the less I eat it, the more I really enjoy it when I do indulge -- and the more fun I have with alternate sweeteners, like agave.

BTW, Carmen, I always get great ideas when you share posts like this from your insights and from your other readers -- thanks!

[NikkiMoon]

After having my 6th child the switch flipped for me to once and for all lose weight and get fit. I had no time or extra funds so I walked my neighborhood ,calorie counted and practiced portion control all for free at home. That worked to drop 75 of the 130 pounds I have lost thus far. My little kids often have been in the stroller or in the wagon on days where leaving them at home wasn't an option. I say where there's a will there's a way.

[Mary]

I think it was harder to maintain a weight bracket than lose weight.

[Half Hearted Hippie]

Thank you for this! I've lost 30lbs in the last year by gradually improving my eating and exercising habits. And I too have found that journaling is the key. When I got comfortable with my routine and stopped journaling for a few months, my weight loss plateaued. Then at Christmas my new clothes started feeling tight and I realized I was kidding myself about being able to keep on without journaling. I started journaling again in the New Year and I've lost ten pounds since then. I have another 50lbs to go until I reach my goal, but it seems so much more manageable when I keep journaling. Oh, and for exercise on a budget, I strongly recommend checking all those local daily deal sites -- they frequently have incredible deals for a month or two of gym memberships, boot camps, group classes, etc. And many of them have free childcare for certain classes. Try them and you never know what you'll wind up loving. I signed up for Jazzercise even though I was sure I'd feel like a complete dork doing it simply because it was dirt cheap ($40 for two months unlimited). And I absolutely love it. I look forward to it all day.

[Emily C]

I wish I had good advice. I had to just stop buying white sugar for a while, so I wouldn't bake anything with it.

Drink water at night while nursing.

Eat whole grains and protein to keep you full--having played with my diet while nursing I know that not getting enough of either means I wake up STARVING in the middle of the night.

And when you nurse at night, don't turn on the light. Don't change the baby if you don't have to.

Make yourself brush your teeth after you eat, too---or you'll REALLY regret this habit (says mrs. 8 cavities)

Commit to taking your kids outside every day for their health--and then see if you can't run around the playground with them.

Good luck! I'm still hanging on to 25 lbs for my 6-month-old.

[Deborah]

I really love all the good advice. I'm going to hit 40 this year and have decided it's finally time for me to get fit and be healthy. The posters who share their weight loss give me hope. Thanks ladies!

[Erika]

Oh my gosh, Carmen, that's me!! Hee hee! Thank you so much for this. The comments have some great tips also. I *do* just need to suck it up. I can walk on my lunch break (I get an hour) and I need to just keep track of what I am taking in. But you are right about not doing it all at once - and nursing does keep you heavier! Because I work, I really only nurse at night, and even that is getting slowly phased out (baby is 8 months and sleeping longer and longer each night) The kids looove to be outside with me, in fact my husband and I were just talking about buying me a bike since the kids all have one and it would be fun to take a bike ride together on the weekends. Thank you so much!!!

[cold sores on lips]

Her habit is very unusual. She must see a medical personal and seek some advice on losing weights. Doing some diets without doctor advices may harmful to health. She might get sick and may lead to a serious one. A friend of mine experience it before.

[Sabz]

I would just add to get checked for hypothyroidism and insulin-resistence (also called pre-diabetes) Many women have either or both of these conditions, undiagnosed, and have a lot of difficulty losing weight.

It's almost like your body is fighting every time you try to lose weight. But once these medical issues are resolved, your efforts, both diet and exercise, will work a lot better.

[Lesli]

I have a few general things I've always done that helped me lose the weight after each of 3 kids and then largely maintain it. One is to never nibble on the kids' meals or snack leftovers (or when preparing meals, except to taste for seasoning), as I had read before I had my first child that this was a big, yet somewhat sneaky calorie addition to the diets of many Moms. I also drink lots of water, all day, and with meals; besides coffee, that's my drink of choice. (If we're not talking alcoholic drinks, that is. ;)) Fills you up, it's good for you, and it doesn't have all of those extra calories other drinks have, nor does it trigger your sweet tooth like a diet soda or other sweetened drink can. I also make time to often do some physical activity with the kids that fits their abilities/age; walks, tennis, biking, shoveling, stroller walks...there's a big bonus with this too, as it wears them out, so there's less angst at home and it results in easy bedtimes. Also, I've always treated Monday-Friday as the days that I watch more what I eat in little ways...say, I'll have carrots with a veggie sandwich at lunch instead of chips with a beef sandwich. Weekends I let it go more, and it all seems to even out.

[Lesli]

Specific to the midnight sugar cravings....my sister always swore by seedless, frozen grapes for a sweet little snack for herself. Frozen fruit mixes in general are good, especially the melon balls. Yum! Maybe that would do the trick? Not for the younger set, though (choke hazard.)

[Lesli]

Half Hearted Hippie, just noticed that you Jazzercise...me, too! I started just after my 2nd child, and after a while became an instructor. I agree, it's fun!

[Jennifer]

I've been tweaking my diet lately by eliminating bread & carbs in the am. I lost a few pounds and feel much better. I now have a two large egg omelet with feta cheese and black coffee. I can go 6 hours without feeling hungry. For lunch I eat a half of a sandwich or have high fiber soup like lentil or pea. For dinner I have my regular meal.

I read an article in Reader's Digest by this Dr. Taub (or Traub?), it made a lot of sense to me. I've tried to adapt some of his principles and it's worked so far without too much pain. I haven't been hungry.

[Nancy]

Sugar or carbohydrate craving is a response to sleep lack sometimes--just recognizing that when the urge for sugar strikes might help overcome it. Especially in the context of getting up to nurse the baby, when the brain says very cleverly, hey, the baby's snacking, how about me? I definitely agree with the recommendation to start with a drink of water, then a small fruit plus protein type snack if you just have to eat something.