Yes, I believe in God.
I know that some of you may not believe me. I've received emails from readers in the past, questioning my faith - or lack thereof. How can someone who believes in God DO the things that you do, say the things that you say, QUESTION as much as you do?
Listen, I will be the first to tell you that I'm not as spiritual as some people I know. Not anywhere as religious as my husband and his father - don't believe in some of the wilder tenents of the faith - but I believe in God. I may not spend hours a day nose deep in a devotional, but I am a firm believer in God.
And today, I felt that God listened to what my heart was crying out for, heard my inner turmoil - and answered.
After one of the most strenuous weeks of my life, which began with one of the top three all time worst arguments I ever had with my husband (in front of my children, mind you), barreled on to the stomach flu, crashed into bill paying with a less than adequate amount of tender, cascaded into surly,smart mouthed and snarly teenagers, pinwheeled into transmission trouble in my van and came to a sliding stop with acres and acres of dishes/laundry and the like - God sent today.
I took boxing class. I worked on a new writing job that I was pleased to be awarded when I spoke up at Blissdom with a beloved friend. I spent two hours reading in my bed, wrapped in a fluffy white robe, sent to me by one of the wonderful sponsors of Blissdom as a Speaker gift as my children rested in their rooms. I ate a cupcake.
Then I curled three sets of hair, helped the girls don fancy dresses and makeup, and drove them to school, where the youngest three girls participated in the yearly tradition of the Daddy Daughter Dance. I realized that, next year, I'm going to work on getting MY DAD to come. I think it'd be fun to attend the dance as a grown up.
(Seeing my 13 year old in a strapless dress almost did me in, though. Especially in the 3 inch heels she wanted to wear - the ones I vetoed.)
No, it was after that I felt God's Grace. I went with the boys to dinner, enjoying pasta and a drink. (Both of which have been VERY rare as I've been delving back into the world of CrossFit.) My boys returned home, and I went to the bookstore. By myself. For two hours.
I picked up book after book until I finally settled on two. I paid with the Groupon I'd had the foresight to purchase last month and the gift cards I'd saved from Christmas. I bought a coffee, and sat in the car for 30 minutes.
I read. I listened to The Beatles. I drank my coffee.
It was, in short, exactly what my scattered and exhausted mind and psyche needed. There was no drama. There was no screaming. There was just - me.
Sounds like it was a wonderful day.
And well-earned.
These days are essential to Mom's well-being, we have to recharge our batteries in ways that work for us, if we are to continue to do for others constantly.
I hope you soon get another day that feeds your soul!
Posted by: Karen @ A Glimpse Into My Reveries.com | February 19, 2011 at 10:10 PM
I love moments like this.
Glad you were able to find the calm in the chaos!
Posted by: Bridget | February 19, 2011 at 11:09 PM
Nice end to a craptastic week!
Posted by: Headless Mom | February 19, 2011 at 11:10 PM
Eh, my aunts are some of the most involved women I have ever seen church-wise and they are funny and irreverent like no one's business, so don't worry about what someone else thinks regarding your faith. Honestly, if you have to contact someone and question that, then maybe you need to take a good long look at yourself.
Seriously, a little break in the midst of the chaos and emotions and what-not can do absolute wonders. It recharges the batteries, so to speak.
Posted by: Nicki | February 20, 2011 at 01:58 AM
Carmen, that sounds perfect :-) I'm very glad you were able to have some moments of peace. I hope the week ahead is kind to you and your family.
Posted by: mimbles | February 20, 2011 at 05:30 AM
WOW. That week was CRAZY!! So glad you found some "me "time....you deserve it. Hang tough. :)
Posted by: sandy | February 20, 2011 at 06:59 AM
Carmen:
I went to 12 years of Catholic School, sent all of my kids to Catholic School, attend mass weekly. But I dont believe everything they tell us either, I dont believe I need to confess my sins to a man, I believe that God and I have a good enough relationship that he knows what I do and he also knows I try.
Sometimes God just pokes us quietly to remind us of the big picture, and then he lets us enjoy what we have. Not a damn thing wrong with it....
Kelly
Posted by: kelly | February 20, 2011 at 11:21 AM
I'm so glad your week went out like a lamb, Carmen. It sounds lovely. And I'm glad that you were able to relax and appreciate the peaceful stuff after the crappy goings-on of earlier. Yay you!
Posted by: Melisa | February 20, 2011 at 12:18 PM
I'm glad you are blessed and able to FEEL and appreciate it and relax into it... sometimes i think God sends me all sorts of what i need for peace but i'm too amped up to accept it. you described a graceful acceptance, and i think you deserve a little credit for that.
Posted by: HolyMama! | February 20, 2011 at 06:07 PM
I love what Kelly had to say above. Ditto as well! I'm happy that you had a great day.
Posted by: maggie | February 20, 2011 at 08:14 PM
Ditto what Kelly said. Having come to the Catholic faith later in life I still have some issues with what they teach. But I had some of the same issues in other churches. I am who I am. God knows my heart. I love my church, not sure I would even be Catholic if I was at a different church.
So glad you got some me time. As mothers that is so important.
Posted by: Karen P | February 20, 2011 at 08:49 PM
Sounds like a perfect day , and much deserved. I thank you for opening your life, thoughts, and feelings up to me and all your other readers. I am just sorry for those people who can' t accept our Individual differences peacefully and respectfully.
Hugs to you my friend!
Posted by: Amie | February 21, 2011 at 09:36 AM
Like my husband says, sometimes you
just need to breathe...
As for faith, I think it is a personal thing between you and God. For me, it comes quite naturally to speak about, however it is not that way with everyone.
We are all different, that's how God made us.
Posted by: Mary @ A Simple Twist of Faith | February 21, 2011 at 12:44 PM
There is a positive in having an argument in front of your kids. They see you can be mad at someone and still stay married, that marriage takes work, that love isn't always rainbows, flowers and chocolates (must remember to send myself flowers). They learn that you can make up!
I'm so happy you had some "down" time for you!
Posted by: kyooty | February 21, 2011 at 04:03 PM
I hide out in my van quite often, I love it.
Posted by: Domestic Extraordinaire | February 21, 2011 at 07:39 PM