As Far From Perfect as One Person Could Possibly Be

This past weekend I attended a Muay Thai boxing seminar. It was taught by the head of the Thai Boxing Association of America, the man who brought Thai boxing to America. Ajarn Chai Sirisute. The seminar was about 90% men and about 1 person there was my age or older. It was 6 hours long on Saturday and I left feeling stupid, dumb and slow. I went home and went to bed about as depressed and upset with myself as one person could be.

I've been training Muay Thai for 4 years and in many ways feel as if I've never learned a damn thing.

Sunday was the second day of the seminar. I went to church for Palm Sunday services and then went for the second half of the seminar. I felt equally stupid this day. My form was wrong. Master Chai told me that my shirt was too baggy - he couldn't see my stomach - my chin was too high, my shoulders too stiff, and my hands in the incorrect place for kicks. He was kind, but as the day went on a familiar refrain began to play on that loop through my head. Why am I even trying? Why am I here? I should just go home and spend the day with my husband.HE doesn't mind my form. In fact, he kinda likes it.

At the end of the day, I took my diploma and walked off the mat. I changed back into my church clothes - a black Talbot's Irish Linen sheath dress ($9 at the thrift store!), put my jewelry back on, fluffed out my hair and tried to feel good about myself. I didn't want to get home sweaty and gross and wanted to feel good about myself. I went off the mat and grabbed my beloved 4 inch heels from the enormous pile of sneakers and flip flops that the guys had kicked off. They really looked odd in the pile. I do love me some heels - the shoes I had look like these but in black - the red ones are my next purchase. An older woman was watching the seminar and she said to me, "I've been wondering whose shoes those were! You are like the perfect woman, aren't you? You were killing everyone out there and here you come in the highest heels I've ever seen, walking like you were born in them! Is there anything you can't do?" My girlfriend was there and she piped in with, "No - she does it all. She's like freakin' SuperWoman or something." I was deeply uncomfortable, muttered something about how much I love high heels, and walked off. I really didn't feel like it was me that they were referencing.

Then I went home and read an amazing post this week from Liz. She wrote: Those of us who are visibly busy I think at times give a false impression of togetherness that's rather unfortunate and unattainable. At the end, she asks: Do people think you do it all? What are the things you "do it all-ers" don't do?

I am frequently flummoxed by that comment. I've had many, many people tell me that I do it all. I don't. I really and truly don't. What I DO have are good time management skills, a great deal of practice on how to fake it until I make it, and some great coffee every day. I've been thinking for a long while on this and thought I'd list those things that I DON'T do.

• I do not compost
• Or dry my laundry outside to save money
• I don't garden
• I don't know that I could find the floor in my van
• I don't volunteer to be on any committee at any school
• I know virtually nothing about Congress, politics or the American Electoral process
• I don't get manicures - it chips off when boxing
• I suck at folding wash. In fact, my 16 year old daughter brought a friend over, and while touring the house, she indicated the area where two loads of wash sat. "That's the wash pile. It's always there." It's not always the same pile, but we almost always have wash hanging out there.
• I know virtually nothing about world events.
• I miss an awful lot of sports events, band concerts and such.
• I ate breakfast at 10 today and lunch at 11:30 because I was hungry.
• I do not knit, sew or in any other way create.
• I am most often impatient, intolerant, sarcastic and bitter.
• I don't play with my kids.
• I don't sweep. That's why I have kids.
• The toilets get cleaned when they are gross. Again - that's what the kids are for. They are the ones who make most of the mess.
• I spend too much time on my hair, pedicures, makeup, shaving and clothes. And I'm cool with that.
• No one has a scrapbook or baby book that is more current than 6 years ago.
• I haven't printed a picture in at least two years.
• I love to have people over and I won't apologize for it - but when they come over, they'd better stay OUT of the laundry room and my bedroom
• I don't return phone calls or emails promptly
• I do balance my checkbook every day online, because I am a FREAK about bouncing a check or running out of money - both of which I've done more than once

I love to cook. I love to work out. I love to read. I love to take boxing class, go running and do Cross Fit. I love to talk to people, to be a friend, and create in the kitchen.

Are you a person who people think "Does it all"? What do you NOT do?

Mad, mad, MAD H/T to the stunning Liz Gumbinner of Mom-101. I adore you, Liz.

Comments

[Kenna]

We call that laundry pile "clean clothes mountain." it sounds more like a work of art that way. You should try it. Anyone who says they have it totally together is lying or delusional. We've all got things that fall through the cracks. Some of us are just better at hiding those things.

[kyooty]

No one expects me to DO anything well here.

[Luckyduck]

* I don't eat enough fruit or vegetables. Nope, not enough exercise, either.

* I do NOT wear high heels, unless it's a VERY special occasion.

* I do not give my dogs enough attention.

* I do not function if the alarm goes off before 6 a.m. No amount of coffee can rescue me.

* I do not listen as well as some may think...just know when to give the appropriate "uh huh" or "yeah, I know".

* I do not turn off the water when brushing my teeth.

* Absolutely do NOT like gardening, planting flowers or trees, weeding, pruning, or anything that smacks of having a green thumb

* I do not change the sheets often enough.I do not clean house often enough.

* I do not do enough church activities.

* I do not do well with last minute surprises. The family knows to "put it on the calendar" WAY in advance.

* I don't want to go out after work. I just want to go home.

* I do not have the patience for Walmart. Don't park your damn buggy in the middle of the aisle.

* Never, ever, seem to have the receipt!

* I will not get in the car while the teenager is learning to drive.

* Could not stop eating the candy on the table during the meeting today.

Many more, just don't want to give away all of my secrets!

[mom-101]

God, I don't ever have the receipt either. My accounting department at work realllly hates me for that one. But you know? Eh.

Thanks for this Carmen. I think you're amazing. And I can wait to see you in those heels.

[Megan]

No, I don't do it all, and nobody has ever said that I did. You, though, you really pretty much DO do it all. The things you listed above are window dressing.

I tend to react the same way when I get compliments, but I do feel good about them later. I've gotten a couple lately that really kept me going. But there's also a little voice in my head that thinks, "she must have been joking or just trying to be nice."

[Tara]

I'm a "don't do enough" kinda gal. I need to do more, actually.

[Tammy]

I don't exercise, I try but I don't stick with it. I don't eat many fruits and veggies (unless chocolate counts??) I don't clean house because I just can't keep up with it. So, hubby agreed we can pay someone because we are only home long enough to mess it up and he certainly doesn't want to clean it up. I don't drive the speed limit (I have a lead foot). I am not organized. I can not watch tv without falling asleep. I don't watch news so I am clueless about current events. I'm a firm believer that for those who appear to do it "ALL" something gets neglected. And that's ok. We weren't meant to be able to do it all. We need to be able to lean on others sometimes. :) Carmen, despite your list of "don't do's" I still think you're pretty incredible and you amaze me.

[Mary @ A Simple Twist of Faith]

I "don't" list is about a mile long...

[Christal]

I just learned to knit at 51 (this Jan.) There's plenty of time to do any of those other things that YOU want to do. Right now I'm concentrating on full-time school, full-time work and Taekwondo twice a week. Sleep is optional. School is great (even when I'm moaning about homework) but I'm looking forward to the summer "off."

I like the red pumps (reminds me a little of some of the Jessica Simpson ones).

My martial arts instructor wrote a book with stories he tells to inspire students (some he made up, others that he's heard). One of them is about a fish stone. A farmer is working in a field filled with stones as a rich man comes up and sees one and says I've been looking for this very stone my entire life, may I buy it? Farmer thinks hmm if he's been looking for it his whole life, it's probably worth alot. He tells the rich man to come back the next day and he will sell him the stone. He takes the stone to the blacksmith in the village to see if it's made of some precious metal or of great value. Nothing they could see to indicate its value. They decide to see if something was in the middle making it valuable. They break it open, and out pours water and a fish flops on the ground and dies. The next day the rich man comes back and sees what has happened. He tells the farmer he no longer wants the stone -- it has no worth now. But if the farmer had just left it as it was that he (the rich man) would have polished it day by day, wk by wk, month by month, year by year, until finally the rough edges would have been all buffed off, and the cloudiness would have cleared leaving a clear round stone around the fish swimming inside... A very rare and wonderous thing indeed.

There were multiple meanings to the story, but the one I want to share with you is that your Muay Thai skills are like that fish stone. 4 years is really just a short time ... as the days, weeks, months and years pass you will polish your skills until the things your instructor has spoken to you about become what they are meant to be ... You learn something when you are ready to learn it (no matter how many times you're told). However, when you keep at it you will see that those rough edges start to smooth out and then one day you won't even have to think about what he corrected with you today. If he did not see that you are a good student, he would not give you the correction to become a better student. He saw that you were working hard and was sharing his knowledge so you can become a better student.

Sometimes the competition is with yourself and I would like to help you to stop thinking of yourself negatively and to focus on what you've accomplished in Muy Thai instead of what is left to learn. Enjoy the day, focus on the fact that you were able to attend the seminar, what an honor to be able to attend with such a learned instructor teaching. If you already were perfect, what would be left for him to show you?

Next seminar you will learn something different. Enjoy!

[UKCraftySal]

I don't exercise enough

I only groom the dog when a vet's visit is coming up

I don't vacuum under any furniture...ever

I seldom vacuum at all

I only wash the floors when guests are coming

I take my husband for granted

I take time for my hobby when I should be spending time with my daughter

I only iron when the wardrobe is empty

I can't wear high heels unless I can kick them off immediately under the table

I don't clean the bathrooms until they are foul

I don't weed, or water, or tidy the garden: it's boring

I don't change the bed until I can't bear it any more

I only clean out the car if someone important (ie not family) is going in it

I nag the family about their clutter...and can't throw anything away myself

And I know there must be more!

[Sara]

I like you. There are lots of things I don't do, and lots of things I don't do well, but I seem to give off that impression, too.

[Sandra]

we all have things we aren't good at and shortcomings. we are only human.

i used not get manicures but rather had my nails done every 2 weeks. it became too high maintenance for me, so now i go get gel nail polish put on my nails every 2 or 3 weeks and get a manicure about once per month. this polish is great because it virtually won't chip. i do boot camp 3 to 5 days per week w/ kickboxing thrown in there not to mention i change a hundred diapers per day, so i'm washing my hands ALL day. you should look into gel polish. your toes and hands will both look great. :D

[Deborah]

I think your friend Liz is right, those of us who are visibly busy do give a false impression of togetherness. I think the don't do list has shifted incredibly as my kids have gotten older and I feel like I'm playing catch-up a lot. I'm not really sure I want to list the dont' dos, as it'd be longer than I want to acknowledge!

[Jennifer]

I have never worked out in a gym in my life.

I refuse to chair any committee at school.

I don't sew, craft, knit, scrapbook or make fancy desserts, cookies or appetizers.

I love to cook dinner for my family.

I love doing laundry and vacuuming.

I love cleaning my pool because I'm outside and it's quiet and I get lost in the rhythm of the vacuuming.

I'd rather walk my dogs than watch one of my children play sports.

I love going to daily mass but it's a chore for me to get through Sunday mass. I prefer the no singing/quiet nature of daily mass.

If I can't do it fast, I don't like to do it. I starting doing the gel set nails because I can't stand sitting in a salon waiting for my nails to dry.

I don't coupon for food items. But I'm crazy for those darn Lord & Taylor coupons.

Happy Easter!

[Carolynn Dyer]

Hm, maybe I'm not so far off the mark as I feel. ;-)

[Karen]

Oh boy let's see....

I don't work out regularly
I do compost
I do make nearly all meals from scratch
I do keep up with the laundry (full disclosure, I do have a VERY helpful fiance)
I don't volunteer
I don't call my mother/grandmother enough
I don't spend much time on grooming or looking nice
I coupon/meal plan...and enjoy it.
I don't iron
I don't garden
I leave work at 6 and don't always keep up with my blackberry during "non working hours"

Super-woman I am DEFINITELY not...I like sleep too much to ever even come close.

[Brandy]

I have more "don'ts" than "do's". But, mine are weird.
I don't have enough confidence in myself.
I don't care how I look except that my hair and clothes are neat and clean.
I don't spend money on myself.
I'm not as creative in the kitchen as I used to be.
There are more, but the theme is the same.

[LizP]

Those shoes are hawt! The fact that you can walk in them impresses the hell out of me!

Your friend was edifying you. We should do more of that. We tear ourselves down enough for everyone.

I don't volunteer on any school anything.
I don't decorate our house enough for any holiday (according to my 5 year old son).
I don't keep up with any scrapbook. My wedding one isn't finished and the ones for my kids are barely started (they're 5 & 3). My stepsons will have to rely on their mom for one.
I don't do anything with my hair to make it purty.

But even though I work outside of the home I do a lot and I feel better when I focus on what I do rather than what I don't. We are all awesome women!

[KarenP]

Wow I could not walk in those shoes. I am really good at remembering people..faces,names. But I am horrible with things...finding my keys,scissors,that coupon I had etc. I put something in my hand and by the time I make it downstairs to my car I don't have it in my hand anymore so have to walk through the entire house to find that something. I don't like to garden, I leave that up to my husband. I hate to vacuum. I wash the clothes but don't seem to put them away. If they are folded on the bed my husband will just move them to the chair!

[Katie]

Love the shoes!

I meal plan and cook but I don't ever bake. I refuse to do "Christmas cookies" which my ex-MIL used to pick on me for. Whatever.

I'm a Girl Scout leader but I don't volunteer at church or the kids' schools or for their sports teams.

I don't dress fashionably. I'm not a slob but no one is every going to say "love your outfit!" to me.

I suck at money in a weird way. I'm pretty good at budgeting, frugal to a fault, and excellent at making ends meet but I'm jobless, going into debt with nursing school and okay with my lack of savings. I'm a worry wort's worst nightmare because I don't care. LOL