How Not to Complain

I'm a fan on Facebook of many local businesses. I'm also a big fan of well made cupcakes. On Wednesday, the best cupcake store in the area - my very favorite - put on their Facebook page that they'd made a trial batch of lemon cupcakes with lemond curd and buttercream, and please stop by if you wanted to try.

Oh, yes I planned to do so at once.

Planets aligned and I only had Gabriel with me at this particular time, and he was really interested in tasting the cupcakes, but he was worried about his food allergies. I've encouraged him to be in control of his allergies, being that a) they are his and b) I won't always be there and c) I want him to be more assertive and comfortable talking to adults.

When we walked in, a customer was dealing with the clerk. Before the door even closed, I knew that the customer was upset. She turned to me and said, "I can't believe that a business can make such a mistake." Apparently, she had come in the day before and placed a special order for a dozen cupcakes with a special decoration. The order had been lost and no one could find it. In essence, they'd taken her money and she had nothing to show for it.

Nothing wrong with that. I'd be upset in the same circumstance. Have been, as a matter of fact. It's what happened after that was so telling.

The clerk called the second store - there are two of this particular establishment - and spent more than a few minutes trying to locate the missing cupcakes. She tried very hard, she really did, and she was deeply apologetic. She called the owner and discussed it with her, and the entire time this was happening, my son and I were front and center to a "grown up behaving badly" situation.

The customer was upset. She had every right to be upset. Her special evening, the birthday party that she was on her way to, was not going to be the same without the custom cupcakes. The clerk offered her replacement cupcakes - but they were not the customized cupcakes. She was extremely unhappy with that option. These were SPECIAL cupcakes. She'd ordered them with a certain type of decoration. They were DIFFERENT cupcakes, and she wanted those. No, offering her replacement (standard) cupcakes was not going to suffice. Why couldn't the clerk see that? No, the owner bringing her replacement cupcakes to her party location wasn't going to work, because they weren't going to be the custom ones that she'd paid for. This was a terrible way to do business, she intoned, looking at me for approval.

I didn't give it. My son and I watched, and the drama continued. He really wanted to ask his questions about the allergens and the baking practices, and so he asked if we could wait. And so we did, and we observed.

No. She did not want her money back. No. She did not want to have standard cupcakes brought to her. She wanted what she'd paid for, now, and that was the only thing that'd make her happy. She yelled into the offered phone at the owner, she yelled at the contrite clerk, she asked me if I thought that this was an acceptable way to do business.

At the end, I felt badly for the business. Yes. They'd made a mistake. They went above and beyond to offer appropriate compensation, only to have their (what I felt was overly appropriate) offer thrown in their face. She called her friends who were on their way to the party, complaining about the store, the way it had been handling her issue, and made several threats in escalating volume. While she was doing so, the obviously rattled clerk came over to my son, answered his questions, and sent us on our way with two free cupcakes in an effort to apologize for the delay.

When we left the building, my son wanted to talk about what had happened. Talking it over crystallized a couple of things for me.

• I will never be short with a clerk again. They aren't paid enough.
• I will try to think about what I'm doing, the image I'm representing to my kids and to other people's kids
• I will try, as much as I can, to get over myself. NO party, no cupcakes, no nothing, is important enough that I can demolish another person psyche.
• I emailed the owner of the store to tell her how professionally the clerk handled the situation. I need to do that more often - finding the good in a cranky situation is difficult but necessary. 
• When something doesn't go my way, I need to stop, evaluate, and make the very best of a bad situation without making myself the center of the universe.

I'm curious to know if you've ever been in a similar situation.

Comments

[Shannon]

You are so right and it's AWESOME that you emailed in praise of the clerk. Like I always tell my kids, "It's OK to be angry. It's NOT OK to take it out on someone else."

[Jennifer]

For pete's sake they were just cupcakes! I think she was probably more worried about how she would look without the "perfect" cupcakes.

[Nicole]

What a great teaching moment for your son! It's too bad that people react poorly in those situations. I readily admit that I can overreact sometimes, and I would likely have been upset in the situation (as the customer was), but reading an outsider's perspective can really show you what overreacting *really* accomplishes.

[Jodie in MN]

I think, had I been you, I would have hightailed it out of there asap! Good for you to email the owner and I love your points about the situation, especially what you are teaching children by the way you act. I so often forget that!

[Mandi]

I'm a BIG advocate for good customer service. I think the clerk did a good job in this case. I had a bad experience at a high end nail salon. My husband was in Iraq for my last birthday, so he ordered me a gift card online to get a massage and pedicure. It even said on their website that orders were processed right away. About a week later I went to cash in my card. (my husband's account was hacked the day before, so he cancelled his debit card). Well, appearently my husbands order was not processed right away and they could no longer charge my husbands card because he cancelled it. I ended up having to pay over a hundred bucks for my own birthday present. I was clearly upset with them and they did NOTHING to try to rectify the situation that was their fault. I wrote a letter to the owner. She called me two weeks later and she just said sorry. She didn't try to give me a discount or something free. I will never go back again. Needless to say, the massage was pointless. I was more stressed after leaving.

[Sabz]

Some people feel entitled - and make it a point to rub it in. I have experienced situations when things didn't go according to plan. That's why the word 'alternative' was invented. Yeah sometimes store clerks are rude or unprofessional but many many many times they ate just trying to do their jobs.
How were the cupcakes btw? :)
Have you been to DC Cupcakes? The cult place in Georgetown dc that I'm told has the most amazing cupcakes. My cousin tells me I must go there. They fedex as well. Look em up.

[Sabz]

Or not... :)
http://www.georgetowncupcake.com/

[Brandy]

The customer had a right to be upset.... To a point. Rudeness is not acceptable. Especially when the bakery tried to come up with several different solutions. It seems as though this customer lost all reason and could have used a refresher course in manners. Accidents happen, accept it and move on.

[Evie]

I have not witnessed a scene like that, that I remember anyway.

However, a few months ago I placed an online order with a reputable source and expected to receive my item in about 3 weeks tops. 3 weeks came and went and I then spent a week emailing and calling customer service with NO response. I was beyond frustrated. I was about to ask them to cancel the order when I received a VERY apologetic email from the head of customer service explaining that they had a problem with their fulfillment house and to show how sorry they were I would be fully refunded (my order was $300+) and the order was being 2-dayed. I emailed them back thanking them and letting them know a couple of small things they could have done (like letting me know they were looking into it). Will I do business with this company again? Yes they were genuinely apologetic and I later found out they did take additional steps to make sure my experience doesn't happen to anyone else.
People in customer service are people too and most do the best they can with what they have to work with (things like company policy).

[Headless Mom]

I thought you handled that great and it sounds like Gabe learned a few things too. I love that you emailed the owner-she/he was probably thrilled that someone witnessed the incident and could vouch for the clerk. I know that I've lost my cool before with clerks at a store, but never to that degree. (I'm really making an effort to clean up my act, especially in front of my kids!)

[prettylittlereckless]

I was the manager of a McDonalds and one night this lady insisted our drive-thru caused her flat tire. Honestly, they had ordered 20 double cheese hamburgers. She laid into me yelling for quite some time. Obviously it wasn't our fault about the tire. You can't get a flat in 2mins to go through a DT. She kept harassing me, until I finally had to tell her "the buck stops here. I'm the last person you're going to talk to about this. Now if you can't leave, I'm calling the cops." Yup, the cops were called. I refunded her money for the food and they left. That's one of many stories I had to deal with.

I think everyone should work in some sort of food/retail position. It teaches you a lot about the public.

[Mary @ A Simple Twist of Faith]

I think children learn from the good and the bad things the see...in the end, it was only cupcakes.

[Elizabeth]

I deal with stuff like this all the time in my job with an airline. Some of the time it is our fault but some of the time, it is something we don't control (weather) or the customer's fault. For example they show up at the airport 30mins before their flight and then get mad they don't make the flight. Or book the wrong dates online and notice it 3 months later. I am convinced that some of the bad behavior is because I'm just a voice on the phone. It is amazingly easy to get verbally abusive when you don't have to look at a real live person.

I'm glad you had this teaching moment with Gabe. Thank you for taking the time to praise the good. Sadly that is not very common.

[Katie]

Wow. I don't know if I could have held my tongue with that customer. The older I get, the less I put up with super impolite behavior. And lord, over cupcakes? What's wrong with that woman?

How were the lemon cupcakes? :)

[KarinNH]

I tell my kids that it is easy to be pleasant when everything is going well--the real test of character comes when things aren't.

Unfortunately, I've observed this type of situation more than once. People increasingly seem more entitled and less likely to accept other people's mistakes.

My younger son recently told me that he finds it distressing that when he merely acts like a decent human being in public, he gets praised. Kids are always--always--watching and learning!

[Maureen]

This was such a great post. I agree with everything you said - we do have a right to complain - and it is important to expect appropriate customer service but never to damage another person in the process. We all make mistakes. We never know when we are going to be on the other side of a mistake.

[Angela]

wowsa. that exact same store did the same thing to me - lost my order completely - and I just accepted their replacement offer. It never would have occured to me to scream at anyone!

[Lynn C]

I've *been* in a customer service job. For me, the worst thing was always having to work the holidays - as a "young person with no family" (hello, I have PARENTS, you know?) I was always expected to work both t-giving and christmas. My parents lived over 5 hours away by car, which meant I never, ever got to eat or spend time with them on that day.

And people would come into my shop and be "Oh, I'm SOOOO sorry you have to work on the holidays." NO. You're not. Because if you WERE, you'd have gotten your batteries, milk and cigarettes YESTERDAY like any simple adult who can PLAN AHEAD!

I never, ever shop on holidays if I can possibly help it.

[CM Doran]

Seriously? that women either 1]has had such an easy life that cupcakes can put her over the edge or 2] she was doing too much at that point in time--hard to tell if you don't know her. You and your son handled it well...I'll try to keep perspective with this story in mind...thanks for writing.

[Lindsey]

I'm so glad you emailed about the clerk. I've done that a couple of times, I think it's important to send kudos to people when you know a majority of the emails they receive are from women like the one in the store. Good lesson for your son!

[Deborah]

I work in a service industry and it's hard to be on the receiving end of an irate guest/customer. Kudos to the clerk for keeping it together, and to you for noting her good service and ensuring her boss knew as well!

[Megan]

Good for you for emailing her boss. That lady is a prime example of why the phrase "the customer is always right" is wrong. For heaven's sakes, they were cupcakes. I understand her being upset, but people make mistakes, and the cupcake shop went above and beyond to make up for it. I work in a hospital. When things go wrong there, the consequences are much, much more serious.

I have a feeling the party will be terrible. Not because of the cupcakes, but because that woman will be there.

[Sandra]

wow the customer was just a total bitch. so what if they got your cupcake order wrong. there are way worst things in the world going on right now. with the week i've had, had i been in the presence of this psycho woman i would've probably said something not so nice to her. poor clerk. kudos to you for e-mailing the owner. :-)

[chrissie]

I completely agree with the commenter who stated that everyone should have to work in retail or as waitstaff.

I work in retail pharmacy and believe me, the customer is not always right. If there has been a mistake or a customer is not happy, the way they approach me makes a HUGE difference in the result they get. Blame and accusations get very little. Understanding that we are in fact human will get them a lot further.

[kyooty]

Some times it's hard for people to understand they aren't the only person in the world.