Mom to the Screaming Masses

Hope

I went to the tailor this past Saturday. Being that it was a Saturday, I was the ninth person in line.

So I had a lot of time to kill. And I sat.

I love to people watch.

I was struck by one thought.

The tailor is Hope.

Memorial Day

Shamelessly stolen from my Facebook friend Christopher Barger:

Revolutionary War: 25,000. War of 1812: ~20,000. Mexican-American War: 13,283. Civil War: ~625,000. Spanish-American War: 2,446. WWI: 116,516. WWII: 405,399. Korea: 53,686. Vietnam: 58,209. Gulf War: 258. Afghanistan: 1,413. Iraq: 4,430. And those are just the "major" wars. In between all the picnics and BBQ today, please remember the millions of lives sacrificed in the service of this nation and its ideals.

I live in a very military area, and I'm surrounded by service members every day, at school, my husband's job and especially the martial arts studio.We live to the sound of jets practicing "touch and go"'s and see ship homecomings almost daily on the television.

I have been very lucky in that, of the many veterans in both my family and my husband's family - we have had no deaths. My father, father in law, brother in law, and uncles were all involved in various branches of the service.

My Grandpa

My Uncle

My Uncle

My dad

To the best of my knowledge, no one was harmed in the fighting of any wars.

We have been blessed. I know.

Today I'm taking my kids to the beach and this afternoon/evening, my neighborhood is holding our annual picnic. It's the most fun of the entire summer - everyone comes out, we congregate in the court and we bbq, drink, eat, play games, toss water balloons, and eat some more. It's a huge amount of fun.

Enjoy your day, and thank a veteran.

- one more day to enter to win a $100 Shutterfly gift card!

 

A Reader Asks a Question, Day 4

I had an article on Camping picked up by Yahoo! Shine. I'd love if you'd take a look!

I also have a new post up at Cafe Mom, Caring for Sports Gear, and another one on a new project for Hallmark, Build Confidence in Your Child's Accomplishments.  You might also be interested in reading The Right Way to Fuel Your Child Athlete at Diets In Review.

It's been a busy week. :)

Now, on to the questions....

Addy wonders: Do you have a favorite recipe for protein shakes? I have searched the internets tried a couple read reviews of others.... nothin' .... just nothin' I want to drink.

What I often do is use V-8 Peach-mango fruit and veggie juice as a base, toss in some frozen strawberries, peaches and mango, add a handful of spinach, some flax seed, some protein powder and some vanilla yogurt. I really like those juices, because you get both fruit and veggies. I've also used the Naked juices, and occasionally the Yoplait or Jamba Juice frozen smoothie mixes. Add spinach to just about anything, because literally up to a cup has no flavor change but gives you tons of good stuff.

I also like milk/carnation instant breakfast/protein/peanut butter.

If you are having trouble, decrease the amount of protein powder/spinach/flax - all are stronger flavors - and then increase them slowly as your tolerance builds.

Time Management

I'm hesitant to write this, because inevitably, when I do, I always get some misguided commenter who feels compelled to point out to me that I'm, actually, not all that - and I don't know it all and I probably shouldn't be spouting off like I do know it all. Let me me clear on this - I don't know it all. I don't. There are many days that I do seem to accomplish a lot, and many days when I just feel like it's a struggle to stand upright and get ANY food into my kids, let alone toss the wash in the machine.

I don't actually think I'm all that good at time management, but lots of people think that I am. It's probably one of the things others comment on the most about me. I think part of it is that I'm blessed with a crazy compulsion to do a million things at once and I also don't ever do anything from start to finish, all the way through in one sitting.

I'm kind of like that dumb Mouse, who is constantly distracted and goes from one thing - to another - to another - and still yet another - without ever finishing what he started off doing. I mean, I do eventually finish, but I wonder sometimes if that's how I can get more stuff done - because I do all of it at.the.same.time.

I don't know if that makes sense.

A Reader Asks a Question, Day 3

Humor me by reading along and commenting as I await the HVAC man. We had an enormous storm on Tuesday night and woke to huge dark wet spots on the ceiling. We lost a lot of roof shingles and I thought for certain it was going to be a roof repair. Nope. It was our A/C unit, located in the attic, spilling copious amounts of water. It's going to be a long, and very warm, night.

Kait inquires: I want to know, as a mom to two going on five kids, what advice you have for moms who are going to have a big family. Also I want to know what kind of vehicle you recommend to seat seven that will also haul groceries. And I want to know what your favorite part of parenthood is - bedtime when they're little? Watching them graduate and slowly leave the nest?

Tucson

Last week, I was in Tucson with my hsuband on a trip that he earned through his efforts at work. It was a tough year for him, economically speaking, and although we've gone on the trip for the past 8 years - we are keeping everything in us crossed that we will be able to go next year.

The yearly trips are amazing. We literally spent $9 on the entire trip.

We slept in. We hiked the Ventana Canyon.

Photo credit: me

We went to a wonderful show in Old Tucson. We danced.

Photo credit: Paul Vasiliades

We ate and ate and ate - I gained 4 pounds. (Ouch. In four days. Double ouch.) Mostly - I just drank, swam, read and enjoyed the heck out of my husband.

I put my husband in jail.

Photo Credit: Paul Vasiliades

We rarely have time together. The few hours he's not working are split between the kids and his elderly dad, his obligations at church with choir and cantoring and landscaping for the prayer garden. It's a rare night that we go to bed at the same time, and equally rare when we wake up together.

Probably TMI, but there you go.

We badly needed to get away and reconnect.

Photo credit: Paul Vasiliades

A Reader Asks a Question, Day 2

Continuing my theme from earlier:

From Jaichh - Do you get a lot of negative comments from people when they find out how many kids you have? Any positive reactions or extra help from folks?

I have just had my fourth child. I could not believe the crazy (and largely negative) things people said to me while I was pregnant!! And also I really struggled with the fact that it was indeed an unplanned pregnancy. I'd had my tubes surgically blocked and had been assured by multiple medical professionals that I could not get pregnant again.

Self Image, Self Esteem and Daughters

Addy - Middle aged (48) and glad to be here. Wife (10 years), mother (21 year old daughter), active - like to work out, enjoy connecting with friends over dinner, enjoy long walks with my husband, long talks with my dad. Yes, I do have a blog. But, I quit updating it months ago because I got mad at it. Yeah well maturity is way overrated.

The greatest joy in my life is being Mom to an amazing young woman. She is a creative soul and a unique
individual. She is also on her own for the first time ever. Those 21 years went way too fast for us.

I remember her as a brand new baby. Cuddly and chipper – ready to explore the world. Then starting school and conquering each new challenge as it arose. Steeling herself for the next one to come to her way. She tried various activities. Some of those she enjoyed for many years and others were not for her. She earned music scholarships her first two years of college which greatly helped with the cost of her higher education. She overcame obstacles as well. Her beloved Papa passed away while she was in grade school. We moved across the country the summer before she started high school. She is a well rounded individual. She has all types of friends. The basement was often full of kids with lots of laughter rushing up the stairs.

Ci-Ci is beautiful. She is strong and athletic, colorful and outgoing, caring and sharing- In all ways a joy. And she is not a size 2. She is not built like a supermodel nor should she be. She made her own prom dress her senior year because the ordeal the previous year trying to find a dress was excruciating. She is majoring in Business with an emphasis in Fashion and Design. In part because her age group and her body type are ignored by all designers. If you look in any glossy magazine out there today you cannot find one photo of a young woman of high school or early college age that is real. They are depicted as rail thin. There are a couple of major manufacturers now trying associate their brand with “real women”. The marketing campaigns are geared for a more realistic body type of older women. I have much to say about those campaigns. Still they do nothing for younger females.

And yet this is where it starts. Our daughters are being shown from a very early age that this is the expectation. When I see these ad layouts and commercials on the TV I swear I just want to bring a plate of sandwiches and some milk and cookies. Really somebody feed these poor girls. We talk about health and fitness here at home. We don’t talk about pants size. I don’t know what size pants she wears actually. Don’t care. She is strong and healthy. She can run circles around most grown men on the basketball court. She is active and loves playing with the little ones at the daycare where she works during the summer. And the kids and their parents love her. With all this amazingness (technical term) you expect Ci-Ci to be in bliss.

She and a friend started going to the gym in her college town a few hours from home. And it is a typical college town with a never ending parade of college friends and roommates. With summer on its way in this hot humid region of the country she wanted to be comfortable in shorts and in a swimsuit. She made some adjustments to her diet and added some structured exercise. Good choices we discussed at length over the phone. Sounded like good decisions to me. Get summer ready to have some outdoor fun. We were doing much the same here at home. More water cuz I don’t pee enough now… a planned exercise routine instead of roaming around the gym looking for something interesting to do. And less ice cream consumed though with summer coming I can’t guarantee that one will last. These were the changes we made here.

So try to imagine the shock and the horror when she was told she was unlovable because she was fat. One person she loved and trusted used those words as they were on their way into the gym. She was devastated. When she relayed this story to me I ran through every emotion I have ever felt. I cried for her. I wanted to throttle the little shit that said those words to my baby. I wanted to hold her forever and ever and make it all go away. And I got angry.

I wanted to know – why would she believe such nonsense? How could she not know she is an amazing and
truly striking individual? When did the voiced opinion of one idiot become that important? Ci-Ci came home for
a long weekend. More tears fell from all of us. Reassurances from her friends and family were offered when she could bring herself to tell the story one more time.

I have spent the last couple of weeks trying to figure it all out. And maybe possibly contemplating inflicting severe bodily injury, maybe….

I started reading through the magazines at the gym. The ones that tout true health and fitness as their “service” and offering to the healthy minded. In every single issue I found recurring themes. Diet for health – exercise for fitness – weight loss for happiness - these were the headliners of every one of them. And the cover photos as well as the photos demonstrating various exercises were no better than the fashion magazines. The difference between these sports models and the super models is muscle tone. That is it. They are still tiny just hard-bodies. So the message is the same only disguised. I spoke with many people about this without breaching Ci-Ci’s privacy. The owner\operator of the gym was in complete agreement. She didn’t get it figured out until she was almost in her 30’s she said. The young are ignored. The most important people for our collective futures are being brainwashed into believing they are inferior and lacking if anyone’s clothing size goes over this number. How did we let this happen?

Ci-Ci is home now for the summer or as long as she wants to be here. She is safe and loved. She has chosen a pants size she wants to strive for this year. We will help her if that is what she wants. As long as it is for her peace of mind and well-being we will all work together for her. Troglodytes be damned.

Talk To Your Kids

An anonymous, yet totally heartfelt post. I know this woman personally, respect and admire her tremendously. Please be kind and respect her feelings as a mother and a woman in the comments.

I waited a long time before uttering a word...to the internet.  Because, well, I had to let the police know sooner.  And because, well, I have a daughter to protect.

It was all based on a crumpled up note.  At first.
But then, the girls gave their story.  And I say 'story' as singular, because it was The Same Story.

(I promised Carmen I wouldn't use profanity in this post.  And that is my challenge. 
But well worth the anonymity.)

The Motherless Mother

Please enjoy this guest post from Lisa, a dedicated - and pretty! - reader.

I often try to convince myself that it’s my turn to be King of the Mountain. It’s my turn to
be in charge, to make decisions, to be Ultimate Ruler. But mostly I just feel alone.

I am a motherless mom.

I want to share my children with my mom. No one loves your children like your mom.
No one loves you like your mom. Yes my husband loves all of us, but he wouldn’t want
to sit and just gaze at the children and marvel at each little toenail. My mother would. I
miss that love.