That's what my husband told me tonight, and that's what I've got to remember.
So far, the trip has been awesome. We drove into Atlanta, spent two days with friends, swam in their pool and had a delicious bbq.
Wait. Let me add this in as a explain-or. I'm not going to use any kids names here, so as to protect the innocent and help me stay alive - I'm really certain you can figure out who is who, but please don't guess, ok?
One of my kiddos had a meltdown of epic proportions that first night. And that second night. Said child wanted to go home, please let me go home, I want my own home.
Um, nope. 11 hours in the car, we are staying. Next day, same thing. It all went smashingly great until it didn't, with said child flipping out again at night.
We got into the van and drove 9 hours today to stay with the beautiful Kalisa, who is an amazing hostess, making all of us feel RIGHT AT HOME. (Interestingly enough, the kid who keeps crying to go home said to me, Well, at least I'm behaving in the car - and they all are - we've had great behavior in the van, really stellar and unheard of and so not what I'd imagined.)
We went for pizza, and one of my kids, the one who can't understand sarcasm, got his/her feelings hurt through absolutely no one's fault, just the way this kid understands is different than others, and then the one who wanted to go home started crying that it was time to go home, please let me go home, I just want my bed and my house...
And, I know. I know that they are out of their comfort zone. I know that this is new to them and we are seeing people who are friends of mine - dear friends, people I love madly - but people that they don't know. They've been brought to a different locale, eating different foods -
and for three of my kids, it's exciting and fun. Those three kids - I think I could drop in each of them in Alaska alone and they'd make their way back to me within two weeks with 15 new friends and $3000. But two of my kids are just wired differently.
NOT bad. Just different. And they are doing the best that they can, with what coping skills that they have and sometimes, all the coping skills in the world don't help with a messed up schedule and being out of their comfort zone.
I'm breathing so much you'd think I was in Lamaze class again.
Sometimes, I wonder what God was doing, when he sent these kids to me. I've never felt so underequipped and underprepared as I have these past few years. I'm trying to do something nice, something good, something to create a good memory for my kids and see some people that I dearly love and it's kind of breaking my heart that two of them are struggling.
And, I'm grown up enough to admit that I badly want to be seen as a good mom and am afraid that I won't be. Which makes me seem self centered and I know it.
Which sucks all the more.