We are ok after the earthquake - I didn't even feel it, but my kids and my husband and mom sure did. We are also prepping for the hurricane to hit this week - and school starts tomorrow. My nerves, they be shot. Several natural disasters and new situations all joining together have sent my anxiety prone kiddo into a tailspin. I see why mothers had cocktails at 5 p.m. years ago. Too bad that went out of fashion.
Weekly reader prompts are at the bottom of this entry...
Weekly reader prompts are at the bottom of this entry...
One of my friends asked this very difficult to answer question of me - How do you find time for yourself, time to write, time for your husband? What have you decided to let go of, and what other things you have focused on. What has being the mother of 6 taught you about yourself? About priorities?
I have had difficulty with trying to find time for myself this summer. During the school year last year, I had a supreme schedule worked out. I wrote every day after I took the kids to school and I went to boxing class at 12. Came home, showered, and got the kids. The evenings were for them and then I got back on the computer, for work or pleasure, after that.
But that is not how the summer went.
I spent the vast majority of the summer doing for the kids and with the kids and it showed in both my body - because I cut my workout time nearly in half - my endurance - because if you don't use it, you lose it - and in my mood - because those endorphin things are NO JOKE.
What works for me is to have a schedule. As much as I rebel against a schedule, I'm all,"Oh, noes! NO ONE is going to tell me WHAT TO DO - not even my own self is gonna make a schedule for me! What if I don't WANT to write at this time, and what if folding wash on a Tuesday doesn't work for me? I'm gonna do WHAT I want, WHEN I want!"
My internal self is apparently a five year old brat.
I need a schedule to get it all done. For example - I write for four places other than this one. I have a spreadsheet/schedule to tell me when I have a post due, what I am to write about, and a column to check off when I get it done. I also have a spreadsheet for payments due - the most aggravating part of freelance work is the follow up for payment. Different places pay at different times, and I have missed payments due to being unable to follow up.
Having spreadsheets seems very grown up to me. And I am so NOT a grown up. I keep waiting for the adult to appear and it just doesn't ever happen.
My husband works a long day. He works many days without a break, and so on the days that he is home, I try, as much as I can, to spend time with him. We struggle because I REALLY want to get away from the entire family - the one that I've spent ever.waking.hour.with for about 20 days in a row - but I always try to make some time to do something together. (My husband is reading this and laughing, but it's true. It might not be exactly the THINGS you want to do, honey, but we DO do things together. PFFFFTTTTT.)
What have I decided to let go of? Comparing myself to others. I just can't do it any more. I also can't wash the clothes, fold them and put them away in the same day. My house is not always clean - but I do try to clean the kitchen before I go to bed. I am very hard on myself, and I'd really love to be able to give that up. I've given up knowing that I'll be the best at Muay Thai boxing - I'll be delighted (and stunned) if I make my black belt in December. I have focused on doing something for myself every day. Read, cruise on the internet, spend time on Pinterest, gossip with friends on the phone, boxing class, going for a run or walk, cooking - every single day, I do at least two of those things. About two years ago, I had what was categorized as a small nervous breakdown, and the counselor that I saw told me that I needed to give more responsiblity to my kids and take more time for myself. It was my homework, if you will - and I take it very seriously. I do not want to be that non stop crying woman every stinkin' day.
Being the mother of six has taught me that I am strong and capable. I have a tremendous capacity to multi task and have a talent for being organized. I am practical and can do more than two things at the same time. I've learned, especially this week, that no one will stand up for my kids like I will - not even my husband, and that's ok. That's my job - and I'm determined to be good at it.
My kids are important to me. My spouse is important to me. My health and my sanity are important to me. But nothing is more important to me than being happy, and so if it doesn't make me happy - I don't do it. I won't be a room mother this year. I won't try any more to do Martha Stewart type crafts, but I will cook more and read more and do the things that make me happy.
Because if I'm not happy, no one is happy.
My husband works a long day. He works many days without a break, and so on the days that he is home, I try, as much as I can, to spend time with him. We struggle because I REALLY want to get away from the entire family - the one that I've spent ever.waking.hour.with for about 20 days in a row - but I always try to make some time to do something together. (My husband is reading this and laughing, but it's true. It might not be exactly the THINGS you want to do, honey, but we DO do things together. PFFFFTTTTT.)
What have I decided to let go of? Comparing myself to others. I just can't do it any more. I also can't wash the clothes, fold them and put them away in the same day. My house is not always clean - but I do try to clean the kitchen before I go to bed. I am very hard on myself, and I'd really love to be able to give that up. I've given up knowing that I'll be the best at Muay Thai boxing - I'll be delighted (and stunned) if I make my black belt in December. I have focused on doing something for myself every day. Read, cruise on the internet, spend time on Pinterest, gossip with friends on the phone, boxing class, going for a run or walk, cooking - every single day, I do at least two of those things. About two years ago, I had what was categorized as a small nervous breakdown, and the counselor that I saw told me that I needed to give more responsiblity to my kids and take more time for myself. It was my homework, if you will - and I take it very seriously. I do not want to be that non stop crying woman every stinkin' day.
Being the mother of six has taught me that I am strong and capable. I have a tremendous capacity to multi task and have a talent for being organized. I am practical and can do more than two things at the same time. I've learned, especially this week, that no one will stand up for my kids like I will - not even my husband, and that's ok. That's my job - and I'm determined to be good at it.
My kids are important to me. My spouse is important to me. My health and my sanity are important to me. But nothing is more important to me than being happy, and so if it doesn't make me happy - I don't do it. I won't be a room mother this year. I won't try any more to do Martha Stewart type crafts, but I will cook more and read more and do the things that make me happy.
Because if I'm not happy, no one is happy.
I was published on Yahoo!Shine yesterday, discussing back to school with peanut allergies. The comments are reallly pretty rude and inflammatory, so don't read them if you are at all easily irritated or can't handle criticism well.
The same article, with a bit more elaboration, is over at Diets In Review - and the bonus is that there are NO! comments there - so it's a more friendly read, to be sure.
Healthier Fast Food Options, for those nights you just can't cook, is up for your enjoyment at Cafe Mom, courtesy of Gatorade.
Supporting Your Friends Through tough Times is also at Cafe Mom, courtesy of Hallmark.
I've given in to a schedule, too. I've learned the hard way that I do much, much better with a highly structured day, and to keep myself from feeling as though I'm running all.day.long., I pad my schedule a little bit. I know it's not going to take me half an hour to clean up my tiny apartment kitchen after supper. But the extra 15 minutes (or however long) I get once I'm done is time I can put my feet up or play "Roar" with my son. It's making me a saner person.... at least for all outward appearances.
Posted by: Nicole | August 24, 2011 at 12:14 AM
I have 6 kids too. Getting myself and my kids to be more structured has been a major downfall for me... and my house. The clutter builds, the chores left undone (again), and here I am (at nearly midnight) still telling my 3 boys to GO TO BED! School starts in 2 days - I think we will all be better off with more structure!! I know they need me to lead the way. I keep saying "Really, I used to be an organized person..." I am determined to get back to being so. I love your blog and hope to start mine soon... then again, child #4 just popped her head in the room.
Posted by: DebB | August 24, 2011 at 01:03 AM
My 3-yo starts school tomorrow and I'm really hoping it would bring some strcture to our otherwise free-wheeling kind of day. I make lots of lists and have attempted schedules but fail to follow along. I like your comment about being happy first. That is key. Also, I know I will not be a Martha Stewart type so I don't even try. ;) boxed cake n brownies work fine for me. Hehe.
Posted by: Sabz | August 24, 2011 at 06:35 AM
Your sister felt the earthquake too. Thought something hit the building.
Posted by: Angela | August 24, 2011 at 09:39 AM
I realized by watching my friends who had kids before me (I'm a late bloomer) that being a "Mommy Martyr" does no one in the family any good, least of all Mom. I decided that I would try not to let that happen to me when I became a mother. Most of the time I succeed but it is hard. If we exhaust ourselves emotionally, mentally, spiritually then we have nothing left to give our kids and spouses.
You outdo me in the organization though. I have got to get myself together with all the work, school, family, Etsy, and my Dad stuff!
Posted by: Elizabeth | August 24, 2011 at 02:48 PM
We are ok after the earthquake - I didn't even feel it, but my kids and my husband and mom sure did. We are also prepping for the hurricane to hit this week - and school starts tomorrow. My nerves,...
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We are ok after the earthquake - I didn't even feel it, but my kids and my husband and mom sure did. We are also prepping for the hurricane to hit this week - and school starts tomorrow. My nerves,...
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We are ok after the earthquake - I didn't even feel it, but my kids and my husband and mom sure did. We are also prepping for the hurricane to hit this week - and school starts tomorrow. My nerves,...
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I'm thinking of you all through the earthquake and forthcoming hurricane...
I know I need to sort out a schedule for myself because I constantly feel disorganised and as if I'm chasing my tail. I know I function better with a regular scedule for everything because I feel in control. I just haven't yet worked out just what that schedule should be!
I loved your paragraph beginning "Being the mother of six has taught me ..." because I know it's easy for you to be self-critical, and I loved hearing you recognise in yourself the wonderful traits that I (and many of your readers) see so often. I'm glad you are trying to carve out just a little bit of time for yourself.
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