Parenting Fail

I should have known that it was a big deal to her when the signs started going up around the house the day before.

There were signs all over the house:

I love 7 year old spelling. I really do.

These appeared as Sunday marched on:

I will confess, though, that I did tell her to correct one tiny little sign:

 

I can't help it. Missing "e"'s kill me.

This was her door:

Yes, my little girls have a doorbell on their door.

She had set up the room the night before. We were not allowed to touch it:

At 1 p.m., the questions began. "Is it close to 3 yet? How much longer?" I told everyone to remember that, at 3, she had a tea party planned. Everyone had to go, I said. She changed her outfit four times, fussed over where everyone would sit and how she'd handle it all. She planned and planned, and watched the clock.I swapped out shorts and tank tops for jeans while I watched football, had people try on last year's pants and located jackets, happy that she was busy and glad to be able to get some work done. People did homework. My husband hung pictures and futzed around repairing the 7 bajillion items that fall apart every week. Nik played Madden. It was, relatively speaking, peaceful.

And I realized, suddenly, that it was 3:22 and I hadn't seen her in a while. She was upstairs, crying.

We'd all forgotten.

I felt like the worst mother in the entire world. I held her and rocked her and tried to cajole her out of her despair. It didn't work. I was silly and goofy. She cried on, all the while breaking my heart into pieces. A tea party was clearly a big deal to her. What kind of a mom sees how excited her child is to do something - and then forgets??

I talked and talked, and slowly she came around. We had our own tea party, just the two of us. She had green beads on each plate, and I put them on and we partied.

Pomagranit strabeary or pomagranit pineapple or plan tea were the offerings

And then I called everyone upstairs and reminded them that there was a party planned.

She sang a special tea party song to us.

Except that she kept forgetting the words

After a while, she forgot all about being sad. Because she only had three places set besides hers, she did the tea party in groups. The first group was just the two of us. The second, Mommy and Daddy - who categorically forbid me to take one photo. (Spoil sport!)

The third sitting was me, with Emma and Allegra.

The fourth, everyone - minus Daddy. I drank a LOT of pretend tea yesterday, and I heard nineteen renditions of the Tea Party Song.

Pinkies up!

The words I told the rest of the family were really to me.

It's not a big deal to you, but it is to her. When you were little, we took time from our day to play with you, and she needs the same attention.

I need to remember that, as busy as I am, soon she won't want to do a tea party. Soon I'll have all the time to myself that I need and I'll wish for a tea party.

I really have no idea what I'm doing at this parenting stuff. Most of the time I can pull out a win at the last minute, but there are times when I'm deeply convinced that I'm failing.

Comments

[Tammy]

It is indeed the little things isn't it? Stop beating yourself up...yes you forgot for a bit and you were late, but when you remembered you went to her right away and didn't blow it off. That's what's important. You made time and you encouraged your family to do the same. What she will remember is that she got to have special tea parties with everyone in the house.

[Headless Mom]

She won't remember that it started late, only that you came.

[Kay]

I love this story. I love it that everyone participated, even in shifts. You did in right.

[Iowamom]

That's adorable! It definitely matters that you were there.......late, that won't matter. :)

[Megan]

That's so sweet! And you are NOT failing. Many moms and siblings would have said "I'm too busy for that. Leave me alone." So what if you were late? You all took time away from your organizing and homework and spent time with her. LOTS of time, from the sound of it. You smiled and laughed with her and took pictures and made her feel special and never suggested that maybe a pretend tea party wasn't your number one way to spend an afternoon. That's awesome. She'll remember all that, not that you were a little late.

[Angela]

I love those sweet pics of Allegra with Riley. Such a beautiful sister bond.

[addy]

She will remember that everyone attended. She will remember the love.
That is the important part.

[Christal]

So, please invite her to a tea party in your bedroom sometime as well. My daughter used to love to go through my jewelry box (which of course had junk from many year's past and things I never ever wore, but that she loved to try on) and scarves/hats are also a big hit. And at one time I had left over gloves of all lengths from dances/proms/&parties of the past... she loved pulling the opera length ones up... (and I've only been to the opera twice and didn't wear opera gloves either time).

Our girl scout troop also used to do a mother daughter tea, with a fashion show put on by the girls who got to go into mom's closet and wear something of hers to the tea party. Moms' brought tea/juice/milk and cookies and watched while daughters sashayed across the school gym stage.

It was great to compare the photos of my 6 yr old daughter wearing a sundress I wore at 19 to photos of her wearing the same dress at 19. (Let's just say I'm not the same size I was at 19 or 29 or 39...etc)

Another thing my mom did that gave us mom & me time was that while she was cleaning her closet (I think it was mostly moving seasonal items in and out) I got to straighten her sewing box up... hooking those tiny threads to the spools of thread and sorting them all by color and putting them back in any way I wanted as I sprawled on her big bed.

LOL as I wrote that I thought about my last foray into thread... I FINALLY (after months of wearing the "new" jeans rolled at the hem) pulled out the denim blue thread, found a needle and hemmed a pair of them. There is still another pair rolled up (and not fashionably at that) waiting to be hemmed along with my new black pants for my Gi.... which hasn't been hemmed because I couldn't find pins to hold the hem in place... so I stapled it... then I got 1 leg hemmed and about 1/4 of the other and ended up sticking it on the top shelf of the closet and just kept on wearing my other pants. Now you know my deep dark secret... I procrastinate at times - mostly about things that have to do with ME!

[Lisa]

I so know the feelings you have! But we pick ourselves up and go on. It looks like a great time was had by all!

[Mary @ A Simple Twist of Faith]

I love the pictures of the girls.

[UKCraftySal]

What I remember at the end of reading this and all the comments, is that everyone, particularly Riley, looks so happy. I only remember afterwards that you felt bad , so I hope your lasting memories are of a sweet occasion. I'm sure Riley's will be.