We Only Had $1

This year has been a teeny bit better financially, in much the same way that one might prefer to have, say, ants in their kitchen instead of mice. There's still an overwhelmingly insane amount of juggling, selecting, scrimping and going without. No one goes hungry, no one goes without - but people have had to learn a bit of patience.

You can't get what you want when you want it, is my constant refrain.

When it came time to shop for Christmas, I debuted my "Want, Need, Wear, Read" mantra to my kids and the hubby and I agreed to avoid gifting to each other. There were times, during the past month, when I looked at the list of people to buy for and culled, trying desperately not to feel guilty. I made a lot of stuff at home and hoped that people wouldn't feel like I'd "cheaped" out. I tried, really, really tried, to give gifts that were personal and thoughtful, even if they weren't expensive.

I spent six days making cookies, breads, bath salts, foot soaks, hot cocoa balls, marshmallows, and sugar scrubs for gifts. I boxed and bagged and when that internal, infernal voice whispered, cheapskate! - I pulled an Archie Bunker and told myself to STIFLE.

The four younger kids had the ability to shop at the Santa Bazaar at school, which is a wonderful godsend for us. There are many, many inexpensive items marked well below retail and there's always a section for .25, .50 and $1.

One year one of my kids bragged that with her $10, she bought for the entire family, picked up a couple things for herself, and even bought raffle tickets.

That was the year we all got .25 parachute men. It was a very SPECIAL year.

I know that many parents send their children with larger amounts of money, in some cases as much as $40 - to buy for just two parents and a sibling. My budget allowed for each of the four of them to bring $10. It felt stingy, it felt cheap - but it was the best I could do and I was determined not to apologize. I told them to embrace their creativity and graduated the lists - if you run out of money, drop this name and then this name and I'll take care of it, I told them.

Yesterday, one of my children apologized as each of the gifts purchased were given. "It's nothing spectacular, it's just a little something...", despite the fact that each gift showed a thought and was a reflection of the recepient - lip gloss for a sister, a compact ratchet set for Dad, etc. I pulled Child X over and we talked, and this child felt terrible that there wasn't the ability to buy the expensive gifts dreamt of and Child X felt like a flop at the business of giving.

Christmas isn't about how much you spent on the gifts, it's about spending time together, and your gifts were great - you thought of something personal and reflective of each person. I rubbed shoulders and hugged, thinking that I really should be talking to myself and teaching myself a lesson. You know that I bought you the book Inheritance, right? It's just one book and when I went to the store, I wanted to buy you at least twenty books - but I couldn't afford it and so I tried, I really tried, to pick the one book I knew that you'd enjoy the most.That's the fun part of the holidays - trying to get something personal and show that you thought of the person.

This child is sensitive and easily worries, and so when my mom came over, I shared the tale with her.

She called Child X over to her, and as they sat together on the recliner, she told this story.

Do you remember when you helped me decorate the tree? And I had all of those small ornaments, and you asked me where they came from? Remember the little red reindeer I said came from my brother? The one that came with a little bottle of perfume from when I was a little girl?

When I was growing up, there were 6 kids and our parents and grandparents and for Christmas. We each had $1. $1, to buy nine presents, and so we went to the general store. All of those ornaments that I have on the tree, the ones that I've saved my whole life - they came from my family. My brother bought us all ornaments that year, for ten cents each. I saved it my whole life. There's lots of gifts I've gotten over the years that I don't remember, but I remember the ones from my family when I was small.

My mom didn't grow up with much of anything, but she surely is one smart cookie.  

Happy Holidays to you, and I hope that you are chock a block full of memories that will last a lifetime.  

Comments

[Headless Mom]

What a beautiful story. Yes, the thoughtful gifts are the best!

[Kay]

The story your mother told is the best I have heard. What a special family you have! Happy Holidays!

[Denise]

Beautiful story. I love it. And I'm going to email you privately, a more personal story... but first I need to take a photo to share with the story.

xoxo

[maggie]

Jeez Carmen, starting my morning with tears, wonderful story and thank you for sharing.

[Lisa]

I would rather a handmade gift than anything else! (except a massage of course! :)

[JMB]

That was beautiful! Merry Christmas to you and your family.

[addy]

You and your family always know how to make it specil. Thanks for sharing.

[elz]

That was a wonderful story. You and your mom are smart women! My girls started making gifts for their sister this year, we'll expand it to the rest of the family next year. Even though we have enough right now (KNOCK ON WOOD), I want them to know that gifts made fromt he heart are better than anything bought at the mall.

[Ann]

Carmen, I found your blog through BlogHer/Moms In The Middle group. I love this story and I think you are weaving together special memories as a family. These are the things we'll remember best! Blessings for the new year,
Ann

[Megan]

This is a beautiful post! I too felt guilty this year because I couldn't buy people some of the presents I wanted to, and I'll also confess to occasionally feeling bummed that I don't come from a family that can give ipads or video game systems as gifts. But that's really not what it's about. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

[UKCraftySal]

What a lovely story, and there's an important lesson about the real meaning of Christmas in here too.

I was given several handmade gifts this year, and I treasure them: they take much more thought and effort than a shop-bought one, and I appreciate that thought and effort just as much as the gift itself.

With love to you all for the new year. xxx

[DebB]

Thank you so much for the beautiful story! Your writings are so reassuring as I am experiencing so many similar challenges and internal struggles in raising my family with 6 kids. As my 15 y/o daughter reminded me, I didn't need to feel so bad about not being able to give them more presents for Chanukah - just needed to do something special each night along with lighting the candles, whether it be doing family games together, small presents (even stickers), or going to a Chanukah event.

May you have a very healthy, happy and successful New Year with much joy from your beautiful family!!

[Sharilyn]

Yeah honey, thanks for making me cry. Pure sweetness.

[Crystal]

What a great story! I do the same with the "want, need, wear, read". It's hard to spend a lot when you have 7 kids, but I try to personalize it all as much as I can (favorite colors, characters, etc)

[Angela]

I never knew that story.