Wedding Dress Memories

I'm a participant in the Blogher Book Club's discussion of The Magic Room by Jeffrey Zaslow. I have been compensated for this review, but all thoughts and opinions expressed are all mine.

Despite telling myself it doesn't matter, over the course of time, I still find myself feeling like I missed out when I got married.

We had a very short engagement time - 16 days. Don't ask me why, because I really have no earthly idea. It just seemed like a good idea at the time. We were definitely in love and couldn't imagine not being together, so why wait for a long, drawn out engagement? (He wanted me to say that he was a good catch, but that makes me sound as if I was out hunting for a groom and grabbed whatever I thought was the best choice. Which is not what happened. I wasn't looking to get married. Wasn't searching for someone to "rescue" me. But I fell in love with a good guy.)

In the back of my mind, I thought I had always wanted a long, white fluffy wedding dress, the ubiquitous "bride" dress, but getting married in the living room of the Justice of the Peace with two weeks notice meant that that type of dress was much too fancy and wasn't going to happen.

And so I looked through the JCPenney's catalog for bride dresses, found the one that fit my budget - less than $100 - and ordered it. Three days later, I went and picked it up. Tried it on in the fitting room, under the worst lighting possible, and was done with the dress decision.There was no "Magic Room". No one went with me. My mom and sisters had no input, and I really didn't have time - or money - to find a more elaborate dress. This one would have to do.

It wasn't white. It was ivory, with a satiny sheath and a lacy dress overlay. High neck, long sleeves - perfectly pretty, perfectly acceptable - and perfectly bridely - but so not the dress I'd love to pass down to my daughters.

It sits in my closet. Why? I don't know. Maybe from a misguided thought that if you get rid of the dress, the marriage will follow. Which is, in retrospect, probably one of the silliest thoughts I've ever expressed. I'm not a superstitious or sentimental person, but I can't bring myself to donate it.

Maybe one day I'll find a use for it. It's a perfectly pretty dress. Just not a standard, typical, fluffy white marshamallow of a dress. The wearing of the standard wedding dress doesn't "make" the marriage - as if, by wearing that typical bride dress, one can assure herself of marital success. I have a love of the vintage, and while looking through anniversary announcements for couples married 50, 60 or even 70 years, I'm struck, over and over, by the simple wedding attire that they sported. Few were married in fluffy dresses. Most wore simple, practical and yet pretty outfits that they could wear again. 

I enjoyed reading the varied stories of brides to be, searching for "the" dress, the one that they were convinced could make their wedding dreams come true. I look forward to sharing these memories with my own daughters - I just hope, when the time comes, I can convince them that the super fancy dress doesn't make the marriage. It might make the wedding, but the husband and wife make the marriage.

Comments

[Elizabeth]

I have my mom's wedding dress your girls can borrow. It's very simple but lovely. I just couldn't fit into it when I got married.

My dress is relatively simple as well but sorta poufy in the skirt. It was ivory as well since pure white is not a good color for me. I found a picture of it in a bridal magazine and knew it was what I wanted. My mom and I went to fancy bridal stores but were treated like crap because we didn't have a big budget. A small local special occasion store actually had the dress in stock for me to try on. It didn't fit but I knew it was MY DRESS.

I still have it but no daughters to wear it or my moms.

[Lisa]

I am having a baptismal gown made from my mother's wedding dress. Even though there are no future grandchildren in sight, with six kids (and only one considering the priesthood) I'm optomisitic :)

[addy]

I still have mine too. Don't know why. It is so not my daughter's style. What do you do with these things?

[Jessica]

LOLOLOL You reminded me of my first marriage. I ordered my dress from Penny's as well. I was thin then, and when I ordered the dress, I didn't know about W sizes. I thought that was the waist size!! AHAHAH I ordered a 26W thinking it was for a 26 inch waist!!! I didn't have time to exchange, so I had to have the entire thing altered, basically cut in half and remade. The only thing she could not downsize was the bust! In the pictures it looked like I had HUGE breasts!! I dont have the dress anymore and the marriage went CAPUT but that was funny!! You could always take a piece of your dress to signify the strength of your family unit, and attach it to their dress.

[Therese]

My dress was bought before I was even officially engaged at a store that was going out of business. Got the long white dress and a veil for $25. The dress was a tiny bit tight, but I got it fixed up before we got married two years later. And we are still going strong almost 30 years later!

[Pat]

My Mom saved her wedding dress, which her Mother made, for her daughters--none of us were the same size as Mom or had the same taste.
As only one daughter married, the dress eventually went to some Charity that gave used wedding gowns to those unable to afford new ones. If your daughters don't share your tastes, this might be an option for your dress.

[Brandy]

I had two weddings to my husband. One before a Judge and another before a pastor with the family. For the important one, the first one in front of the Judge I wore one of my Sunday dresses. I no longer have it. For the family I wore a dress that sounds a lot like yours, that I rented. So, I don't have one to pass onto my daughter and yet I, too, hope that she realizes that it's the marriage that matters- not the wedding. And since the hubs and I have been married for almost 19 years I'm thinking the dress truly, truly doesn't matter.

[Carly]

Well my first marriage, was the big fancy "perfect" dress, in a church, big reception, the WHOLE nine yards after dating for 4 years -lasted 2 1/2 years. The second marriage, married in a park, in jeans and a nice white button down I bought at Cato, just a couple close friends, ate at a pizza buffet afterwards, after dating 6 months -- We will celebrate 12 years day after tomorrow!! So the dress, the place, the party HAS NOTHING to do with it!!!! :)

[Karen at A Glimpse Into My Reveries]

Carmen,
Your wedding dress, even if never worn again by a bride still evokes the memories of how you felt that day, doesn't it? And that alone makes it special. Please continue to keep it.

Some day, you will have grandchildren, wouldn't it be wonderful to have some element of Grandma's wedding dress incorporated into the baptismal gown?

I have my bridesmaids' dresses (made by my late Mama) that I intend on using the taffeta and lace for Easter dresses for my some-day granddaughters.

Even if you don't sew yourself, there are wonderfully talented seamstresses just waiting for the chance to make heirloom christening gowns. Myself included!

I wore my mother's wedding gown. I wasn't what I would have picked out but it was very special for me as my Mama loved it so.

[Cheryl]

Oh Carmen - please don't get rid of the dress. One of your daughters may totally surprise you and want to use the dress. It sounds absolutely lovely - my dress was extremely simple too, but oh my - the marriage has been anything but simple. Still going strong after 30 years, and about to enter the "retirement" phase. And...I do love the ideas about the christening gowns. May just do that with mine!!

[kyooty]

I still have my dress too, it's 16.5yrs old now. I will keep it forever even without any boys. The Butt Bow of course makes it!

I shopped for a few months to find it and then had to have it altered to fit.
I didn't realize you JP'ed your wedding.